Jump to content
TinnkerBell

Hard to find Amritdhari girl

Recommended Posts

I am 29 and my family is finding an amritdhari girl for me.As all my family members and relatives are non Amritdharis so we hardly know anyone in gursikhi line. we tried giving ads in newspapers almost 10-15 times. We got almost 60+ responses each time I put matrimonial ad, out of which 98 percent phone calls are those who are not amritdharis. Since I always expected an amritdhari and nitnemi girl as my life partner so I only consider those who are blessed with amrit and the remaining 2-3 percent matches are those who don’t have good education or lacking in height. As a result, after 5 months of continue search- I didn’t find any good rishta. Now my parents are suggesting me to marry a girl who is willing to take amrit, or marry a girl who is vegetarian and slowly she will take amrit and become gursikh      (it doesn’t seems fair to me- I don’t want to force anyone to take amrit and I don’t want Amrit as an agreement for my marriage, I don’t want to marry a nonAmritdhari and than influence her to come to gursikhi, its not right, right?).

On the contrary, some amritdhari matches weren’t interested in me because they want  my all family to be Amritdhari ( None of my family members are gursikh except mom)

Apart from newspaper, I tried shaadi.com, akj.org, bharatmatrimonial.com, jeevansathi.com, and some other matrimonial websites as well. I went to Canada about 7 yrs ago and settled there, Since I spent my childhood and adulthood in Punjab, therefore my mentality,nature, reasoning, thinking and behaviour is developed in a complete different way than CanadianBorns girls. So I don’t want to marry Canadian/US/UK borns girls either.

I am a little disappointed with not finding any suitable match for me and equally  worried for our next generations. Its 2018-it will be hard to find gursikh rishte in next 15-20 years.

☹️

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest deidre

in Canada it depends where about you are. the local gyanee jees at Gurdwara usually good source to get some mentions in. Just mention in passing that if he knows a family with girl looking to marry. because surely enough a girls family looking for same kind of singh would also have mentioned the same.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Why not marry a girl who is a nitnemi and vegetarian?  You would be lucky to even get that 

It's not just singhs but your ordinary decent Punjabi guys are finding it hard to find decent females. My mum's friends from work their sons are in their late 20s and struggling to find decent girls, they tell my mum how the girls that their sons meet a these arranged dates all drink, party and wear short clothes. 

One of our extended family told us how one girl their son met for a potential bride turned up at the date with a bottle of vodka.

One of my mum's friends sons is now 30 and given up as all the girls he met for potential brides they all drank and partied.

Its something many Punjabi guys amritdhari or not are struggling with.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
23 minutes ago, puzzled said:

Why not marry a girl who is a nitnemi and vegetarian?  You would be lucky to even get that 

It's not just singhs but your ordinary decent Punjabi guys are finding it hard to find decent females. My mum's friends from work their sons are in their late 20s and struggling to find decent girls, they tell my mum how the girls that their sons meet a these arranged dates all drink, party and wear short clothes. 

One of our extended family told us how one girl their son met for a potential bride turned up at the date with a bottle of vodka.

One of my mum's friends sons is now 30 and given up as all the girls he met for potential brides they all drank and partied.

Its something many Punjabi guys amritdhari or not are struggling with.

Puzzled bai ji, like i said earlier I am willing to marry an amritdhari only. As I expected it always. Thats why.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
38 minutes ago, TinnkerBell said:

Puzzled bai ji, like i said earlier I am willing to marry an amritdhari only. As I expected it always. Thats why.

Ok veere, maybe marry a amritdhari girl from India?  That would be a good thing from your side to do as well. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
17 minutes ago, puzzled said:

Ok veere, maybe marry a amritdhari girl from India?  That would be a good thing from your side to do as well. 

Hanji veerjee eho try kr rehe han jee

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Singh

It’s definitely a sign of the times.  Before if I was introduced to a girl, the girl would ask where I would like to meet for coffee.  Now the last few I was I introduced to asked which pub/lounge I wanted to meet at for drinks.  I don’t know why these girls would feel comfortable meeting a guy they don’t know for drinks?  A lot of people are having trouble finding a suitable match these days especially if you don’t drink and are vegetarian.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think you need to be realistic. Most Amitdhari girls will belong to families where the whole family will tend to be Amritdhari so they will be concerned about how their Amritdhari daughter will fit in with your family where apart from you and your mother. So looks like you are in a catch 22 situation. As you cannot offer an Amritdhari women a totally Gursikh environment at home then you need to compromise.

You should be prepared to marry a non- Amritdhari who is working towards taking Amrit. You state that it would be unfair but if you work to make your marriage a success then I don't see why if you are not a good husband and your manners and lifestyle are ideal then she would want to take Amrit on her own accord and not feel she is forced to.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
38 minutes ago, proactive said:

I think you need to be realistic. Most Amitdhari girls will belong to families where the whole family will tend to be Amritdhari so they will be concerned about how their Amritdhari daughter will fit in with your family where apart from you and your mother. So looks like you are in a catch 22 situation. As you cannot offer an Amritdhari women a totally Gursikh environment at home then you need to compromise.

You should be prepared to marry a non- Amritdhari who is working towards taking Amrit. You state that it would be unfair but if you work to make your marriage a success then I don't see why if you are not a good husband and your manners and lifestyle are ideal then she would want to take Amrit on her own accord and not feel she is forced to.

Veerji thats the problem. All the phone calls we receive- everyone says out daughter is willing to take amrit. I have about 250+ proposals from these kind. Now how can I know if a girl is really attached to guru sahib and really willing to take amrit, or she just want to get marry to a Canadian rishta.

veerji I have seen these cases, we received quite a few picture of some girls with Gatra and kirpan, parents told us on phone that she is amritdhari but when we actually  went there to check references, we found her parents were lying.  Thats the issue as I don’t want to get involve in a problematic marriage.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
17 hours ago, TinnkerBell said:

We got almost 60+ responses each time I put matrimonial ad, out of which 98 percent phone calls are those who are not amritdharis.

Did you specify in the ad "amritdhari girl required"? If not, why did you waste those people's time?

17 hours ago, TinnkerBell said:

so I only consider those who are blessed with amrit and the remaining 2-3 percent matches are those who don’t have good education or lacking in height.

You're going to have to compromise somewhere.

Who cares about education? In the 1950s men (executives and doctors) used to marry non-college educated secretaries and such. What exactly are you going to have your wife do that she needs a PhD? Earn good money, and your wife won't have to.

Height? Again, who cares? There are plenty of short girls who are good looking and have a good personality.

Just ask yourself what you want in life.

Also, try marriage bureaus in India. There are some Sikh oriented ones.

  • Sad 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Would it be acceptable to propose that you would move out with your wife after marriage so you could both live in a completely gursikh environment? It may allay the fears of those who wish their daughters to be married into gursikh households. 

Otherwise you will need to narrow down what is essential and what is “negotiable”. You may be happier with a gursikh girl who is slightly shorter than you wanted as opposed to a reasonable height girl who is non-gursikh. 

  • Sad 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/9/2018 at 2:19 PM, TinnkerBell said:

I am 29 and my family is finding an amritdhari girl for me.As all my family members and relatives are non Amritdharis so we hardly know anyone in gursikhi line. we tried giving ads in newspapers almost 10-15 times. We got almost 60+ responses each time I put matrimonial ad, out of which 98 percent phone calls are those who are not amritdharis. Since I always expected an amritdhari and nitnemi girl as my life partner so I only consider those who are blessed with amrit and the remaining 2-3 percent matches are those who don’t have good education or lacking in height. As a result, after 5 months of continue search- I didn’t find any good rishta. Now my parents are suggesting me to marry a girl who is willing to take amrit, or marry a girl who is vegetarian and slowly she will take amrit and become gursikh      (it doesn’t seems fair to me- I don’t want to force anyone to take amrit and I don’t want Amrit as an agreement for my marriage, I don’t want to marry a nonAmritdhari and than influence her to come to gursikhi, its not right, right?).

On the contrary, some amritdhari matches weren’t interested in me because they want  my all family to be Amritdhari ( None of my family members are gursikh except mom)

Apart from newspaper, I tried shaadi.com, akj.org, bharatmatrimonial.com, jeevansathi.com, and some other matrimonial websites as well. I went to Canada about 7 yrs ago and settled there, Since I spent my childhood and adulthood in Punjab, therefore my mentality,nature, reasoning, thinking and behaviour is developed in a complete different way than CanadianBorns girls. So I don’t want to marry Canadian/US/UK borns girls either.

I am a little disappointed with not finding any suitable match for me and equally  worried for our next generations. Its 2018-it will be hard to find gursikh rishte in next 15-20 years.

☹️

This is the exact case that I had too (not for myself personally but a family member). He found an amritdhari girl but she was without keski - there will have to be small compromises somewhere.

I don't want this to be the case for me too so here's what I suggest (and what I am planning to do myself):

In your area (or in your country), familiarise yourself with gursikhs, attend smagams, etc. Make gursikh friends. Then, ask your friends or an elder trusted gursikh to find a suitable match for you in India or wherever you want.

I personally don't want someone from India as I grew up in UK. Not that I have anything against Punjabi amritdhari girls but it's for the same reason you said - our mentality is different.

But most importantly, remember, only Guru Sahib is the one who can do sanjog. Constant ardas is a must. Without ardas, nothing can be achieved.

Good luck bro!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your content will need to be approved by a moderator

Guest
You are commenting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...



×

Important Information

Terms of Use