Have you ever felt like you have met someone which you met in your past life

[Guest GuestSingh]

14 hours ago, puzzled said:

I feel guilty because at the end of the day he is still my father but I don't feel anything towards him, I don't even call him dad! I can't remember the last time I did, I just go up to him and start talking  never say dad. I don't feel violent towards him but wish he would just go away sometimes, I feel very bad for thinking like this.

I don't know what a father and son relationship is supposed to be like, iv never hugged him, I don't even sit with him, never spoke about how I feel or about issues.  

This is gonna sound really messed up but I sometimes catch myself looking at fathers and sons sitting together at the gurdwara and they look really happy. I don't get jealous but it just ends up catching my eye

Its weird because I just turned 26 last month and I'm an adult but it's like as if deep down I never really moved on.

The idea of having kids is scary because I don't want myself and my kids to have a bad relationship.

A few years back when I was in a very dark place I told him how I feel and he turned around and said, we give you food, shelter and clothes so what's the problem? I just said ok and left it at that.

Iv lost count of the number of times that we've had family, friends, neighbours asking us why he has such a short temper and why he gets angry all the time

He hasn't even got any friends left because he fell out with them all. 

That's what we been putting up with all our life basically 

those last few lines sound just lyk myself some years ago when going thru my own troubles...and my feelings were the same but with both parents...

gonna feel a bit strange writing this on a forum since this is my first time talking about it...hope it helps u and anyone else...

anyway rarely call my own mother 'mom' anymore - conversation just starts casually as with anyone else - a lot of things have been said and done and in my head it still says there's no going back...forgiveness is really hard and one of my biggest weaknesses...not gd for sikhi jeevan yh but working on it atm...

as for my dad, he was always in and out of my lyf growing up - aint seen him for more than 10 years now...never really talked to him about my feelings either since we were never close wen he would bother to stick around...so everything was left bottled up waiting to explode...u say u look at other sons and dads and wish u had the same thing but at least u still see urs - there might be other apne bande out there whove never met their dad at all - and dnt forget about the apnia - this affects them a lot more than it does us...a girl needs their dad, their father...yh its true tht at the same time it may feel better to have no dad at all than one who makes lyf a misery...only u no how u wud really feel about this if ever given the choice between the two....

sometimes we have to put ourselves in their shoes and at least try to imagine and understand wat experiences they had to make them who they r now...so we dnt make the same mistake which as u said worries u....and its gd u feel tht way...

both my dad and nana had very short tempers too but why were they so angry? my dad was violent and an alcoholic...he could look afta himself thru training etc. so being the youngest sibling, tht might suggest he was bullied by family/at school and saw the same violence growing up with no other way to escape and vent (never talked to him about it so this is just guesswork)...and my nana moved to the uk from panjab at a very young age - he wouldve sacrificed his childhood and left all he knew behind for a better lyf, a more prosperous lyf, in the west with my nani...if we think about the long, draining hours spent working in the factory wiv constant racism i.e. gangs of skinheads beatin him up out of nowhere for his paypacket...all to support 6 kids who aint turnin out how he expected or liked due to westernisation etc. plus very little if any support networks/help/counselling for young men struggling - no sikhsangat forums/social media for convenient help/advice at the click of a button in those days...our folk were expected to get on wiv it, work hard, make the marriage and family work and represent the family name with pride...all of thts tough dnt u think? wud u not feel any resentment or bitterness in tht situation? look how most apne are acting today - a lot are outta control - they think they run the household...

ur family circumstances r obviously gonna be different to mine but just wanted to give my perspective cuz it might be something ur dad also feels and relates to but is too proud or mentally conditioned for so long to admit - u know how our folk work...but everyone still has feelings...we all feel the same things and ur dad wont be any different...have u ever considered this may be his way of trying to toughen u up? maybe he wants u to be lyk him in some way, u no lyk father lyk son? he may not say it but tht dont mean he aint thinkin it...just an idea but probably a silly one...and of course we've all gt different personalities etc. where 'one size doesnt fit all' but thts really all our older folk no - it worked for them to a certain extent so why not us? some of our other feelings are 'new age' and have been induced by western lifestyles so we cnt completely blame them for tht since they never experienced it...

if there's one thing learnt so far in lyf its that change is a constant...in other words, a lot of our thoughts, emotions and feelings are gonna change no matter how stubborn we sometimes feel ryt now...ur just a couple of yrs younger than myself but even now my thinking has changed and is still changing...some of it in terms of family relationships ...so time does mellow us out...u sound lyk u just need more tym...tym to process and heal...but lets try to consider all these things mentioned...and dnt forget to let sikhi history make a man outta u brother - cuz a lot of our hardships are nothing compared to wat guruji and their sikhs since have suffered....

sorry if this post rambled on too much and caused any offence.

[puzzled]

17 hours ago, GuestSingh said:

those last few lines sound just lyk myself some years ago when going thru my own troubles...and my feelings were the same but with both parents...

gonna feel a bit strange writing this on a forum since this is my first time talking about it...hope it helps u and anyone else...

anyway rarely call my own mother 'mom' anymore - conversation just starts casually as with anyone else - a lot of things have been said and done and in my head it still says there's no going back...forgiveness is really hard and one of my biggest weaknesses...not gd for sikhi jeevan yh but working on it atm...

as for my dad, he was always in and out of my lyf growing up - aint seen him for more than 10 years now...never really talked to him about my feelings either since we were never close wen he would bother to stick around...so everything was left bottled up waiting to explode...u say u look at other sons and dads and wish u had the same thing but at least u still see urs - there might be other apne bande out there whove never met their dad at all - and dnt forget about the apnia - this affects them a lot more than it does us...a girl needs their dad, their father...yh its true tht at the same time it may feel better to have no dad at all than one who makes lyf a misery...only u no how u wud really feel about this if ever given the choice between the two....

sometimes we have to put ourselves in their shoes and at least try to imagine and understand wat experiences they had to make them who they r now...so we dnt make the same mistake which as u said worries u....and its gd u feel tht way...

both my dad and nana had very short tempers too but why were they so angry? my dad was violent and an alcoholic...he could look afta himself thru training etc. so being the youngest sibling, tht might suggest he was bullied by family/at school and saw the same violence growing up with no other way to escape and vent (never talked to him about it so this is just guesswork)...and my nana moved to the uk from panjab at a very young age - he wouldve sacrificed his childhood and left all he knew behind for a better lyf, a more prosperous lyf, in the west with my nani...if we think about the long, draining hours spent working in the factory wiv constant racism i.e. gangs of skinheads beatin him up out of nowhere for his paypacket...all to support 6 kids who aint turnin out how he expected or liked due to westernisation etc. plus very little if any support networks/help/counselling for young men struggling - no sikhsangat forums/social media for convenient help/advice at the click of a button in those days...our folk were expected to get on wiv it, work hard, make the marriage and family work and represent the family name with pride...all of thts tough dnt u think? wud u not feel any resentment or bitterness in tht situation? look how most apne are acting today - a lot are outta control - they think they run the household...

ur family circumstances r obviously gonna be different to mine but just wanted to give my perspective cuz it might be something ur dad also feels and relates to but is too proud or mentally conditioned for so long to admit - u know how our folk work...but everyone still has feelings...we all feel the same things and ur dad wont be any different...have u ever considered this may be his way of trying to toughen u up? maybe he wants u to be lyk him in some way, u no lyk father lyk son? he may not say it but tht dont mean he aint thinkin it...just an idea but probably a silly one...and of course we've all gt different personalities etc. where 'one size doesnt fit all' but thts really all our older folk no - it worked for them to a certain extent so why not us? some of our other feelings are 'new age' and have been induced by western lifestyles so we cnt completely blame them for tht since they never experienced it...

if there's one thing learnt so far in lyf its that change is a constant...in other words, a lot of our thoughts, emotions and feelings are gonna change no matter how stubborn we sometimes feel ryt now...ur just a couple of yrs younger than myself but even now my thinking has changed and is still changing...some of it in terms of family relationships ...so time does mellow us out...u sound lyk u just need more tym...tym to process and heal...but lets try to consider all these things mentioned...and dnt forget to let sikhi history make a man outta u brother - cuz a lot of our hardships are nothing compared to wat guruji and their sikhs since have suffered....

sorry if this post rambled on too much and caused any offence.

I agree with you.  I do feel like I am changing with time, I'm involved with sikhi now so I don't really look for support or answers from anywhere else or from anyone else.  When I'm sad I don't  need to tell anyone because I have waheguru to share things with    I only ask waheguru when I need anything 

This has really changed the way I think and I don't hold a grudge against anyone. I don't get upset over my dad because it's not worth it    waheguru is the bigger picture.   

I occupy my mind with sikhi.

Yes my relationship with my dad is not an emotional one and it probably never will be and I have bad memories which sometimes come back into mind but this time all my focus is on waheguru so everything else seems small in comparison. 

Sikhi gives everything that is missing.

 

Me and my dad are the complete opposite he is short tempered I on the other hand am very layed back and chilled, I never get angry, everyone always tells me how I am smiling all the time lol   we are like fire and water. 

I would never treat my wife the way he treated my mum.  This might sound weird but marriage for me is gonna be like compensation for what my mother never had! I need to do that. Even when I was a teenager and as young as 14 I used to think that I need to get married and treat my wife the way my dad should of treated my mum so my mum can see it and be happy. Its just something that I need to do. My marriage is gonna be something which my mum never got so I need to do that. I don't know if the makes sense  but its been in the back of my mind since I was a young teen ager. 

My focus for the last few years has been on sikhi and I want to better myself. I actually stopped trimming my dhari several months back and now it's really growing out   and it feels really good to have a dhari lol  i feel more postive happy and confident than ever before. I feel like I have come one more step closer. 

 

 

[Guest GuestSingh]

2 hours ago, puzzled said:

I agree with you.  I do feel like I am changing with time, I'm involved with sikhi now so I don't really look for support or answers from anywhere else or from anyone else.  When I'm sad I don't  need to tell anyone because I have waheguru to share things with    I only ask waheguru when I need anything 

This has really changed the way I think and I don't hold a grudge against anyone. I don't get upset over my dad because it's not worth it    waheguru is the bigger picture.   

I occupy my mind with sikhi.

Yes my relationship with my dad is not an emotional one and it probably never will be and I have bad memories which sometimes come back into mind but this time all my focus is on waheguru so everything else seems small in comparison. 

Sikhi gives everything that is missing.

 

Me and my dad are the complete opposite he is short tempered I on the other hand am very layed back and chilled, I never get angry, everyone always tells me how I am smiling all the time lol   we are like fire and water. 

I would never treat my wife the way he treated my mum.  This might sound weird but marriage for me is gonna be like compensation for what my mother never had! I need to do that. Even when I was a teenager and as young as 14 I used to think that I need to get married and treat my wife the way my dad should of treated my mum so my mum can see it and be happy. Its just something that I need to do. My marriage is gonna be something which my mum never got so I need to do that. I don't know if the makes sense  but its been in the back of my mind since I was a young teen ager. 

My focus for the last few years has been on sikhi and I want to better myself. I actually stopped trimming my dhari several months back and now it's really growing out   and it feels really good to have a dhari lol  i feel more postive happy and confident than ever before. I feel like I have come one more step closer. 

 

 

yh it makes sense and gd on u for wanting to do tht for ur mom completely understand why u wud feel tht way...and those small steps tend to be the hardest but most worthwhile in the end...keeping it going is even tougher...

[puzzled]

20 hours ago, GuestSingh said:

yh it makes sense and gd on u for wanting to do tht for ur mom completely understand why u wud feel tht way...and those small steps tend to be the hardest but most worthwhile in the end...keeping it going is even tougher...

I'm lucky my father is not an alcoholic, it must of been very hard growing up with your dad. I have alcoholics in my family and even spending a weekend with them is tough stuff!    in someways i guess i am lucky that my dad was always there, he kept me in check, at least my fear in him kept me on track. 

you sound like a good guy, many Punjabi guys who grow up with alcoholic fathers end up going wrong themselves, iv seen in with my cousins and other people. 

sikhi can be tough and challenging sometimes, but when i feel like im slipping i ask guru ji for direction. Sikhi has become my purpose, guide and support, so im never letting go of that