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AjeetSingh2019

Should my wife be saying such things about cookking food , etc ?

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54 minutes ago, AjeetSingh2019 said:

So basically I wasn't expecting a scene in our home today noon but it did happen.

My mom wasn't feeling well today , and the little kid keeps my wife busy other times , but he was sleeping.So my wife made some food. 

When I asked if the food was done, she said "yes, but don't criticize it please . I have been in kitchen for 'n' hours now doing cookking" 

I honestly started losing my temparament . I mean can she not even do this much ! Do I have no right to criticize the food she made. what if its tasteless. I mean my dad has criticized and got dishes made from mom for long.

As I started eating and saying as to why I cannot criticize the food she made. Thats the only thing she handles right now , if at all. My dad said I should not criticize too much and that made me fuming because here's the man who always got things made from mom. So I started shouting on him as well. Mom immediately came to my rescue and started shouting at dad. Then mom's outburst came at my wife saying why she can't handle criticism of food . Then past issues suddenly came into arguments. My wife has a habit of arguing. 

I told her its her duty to make wholesome, tasty food for her husband (me). Thats the least a husband expects from wife. I also said if she can't do that I will start eating in restaurants. All this discussions happened in front of entire family. I was crying a little. 

Honestly though, I deserve good food with a wife. What's wrong in this ? I know toxic feminists will say your housewife isn't a domestic thing, I would like to tell them then I ain't an ATM either. I never b*tched about having to earn for her.

she's trying to say she made an effort to please and that she is feeling fragile, it's hard work looking after and feeding an infant. Try using your superbig akl and trying reading something nonsinister in her words. what about your duties ? you can reel a thousand and one duties for her and rights you have off at the drop of a hat -WHAT ABOUT YOU , WHAT RIGHTS DOES SHE HAVE? doesn't she deserve some understanding, some wiggle room to not be perfect (are you ? no) , this is all new to her and she did not refuse to make food but actually made food for everyone.

again with the threats and nastiness, so insult her efforts instead of helping her gently that's perfect , great job. You were crying ??? what for she made food for you you can give her clues of which sabji/dhals you like , if you like spicy or not etc gently without drama, encourage her with praise for good , not just me me my complaints.  yes you do complain about spending money that's what we hear about all the time .

Maybe she never cooked much in her parents' home , did you ever think about that , that she is refining her skills now. Ask your Mum to help her learn your favourites it will help with their bonding and leave them to it.

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3 minutes ago, jkvlondon said:

she's trying to say she made an effort to please and that she is feeling fragile, it's hard work looking after and feeding an infant. Try using your superbig akl and trying reading something nonsinister in her words. what about your duties ? you can reel a thousand and one duties for her and rights you have off at the drop of a hat -WHAT ABOUT YOU , WHAT RIGHTS DOES SHE HAVE? doesn't she deserve some understanding, some wiggle room to not be perfect (are you ? no) , this is all new to her and she did not refuse to make food but actually made food for everyone.

again with the threats and nastiness, so insult her efforts instead of helping her gently that's perfect , great job. You were crying ??? what for she made food for you you can give her clues of which sabji/dhals you like , if you like spicy or not etc gently without drama, encourage her with praise for good , not just me me my complaints.  yes you do complain about spending money that's what we hear about all the time .

Maybe she never cooked much in her parents' home , did you ever think about that , that she is refining her skills now. Ask your Mum to help her learn your favourites it will help with their bonding and leave them to it.

I knew jasvir kaur virk london will come to her rescue soon. 

PseudoFeminism

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14 minutes ago, AjeetSingh2019 said:

I knew jasvir kaur virk london will come to her rescue soon. 

PseudoFeminism

why are you soooo stupid , this is your partner for life , try making your life work ;unless she is disposable in your eyes now she has given you a child , in that case you are scum .

my masi (mum's bhua's daughter) came to england to be married in the sixties and she had never been taught or rather shown interest in cooking because she grew up with my mum who was the one who did all cooking cleaning etc when they grew up in my great nana ji's home and hostel together. My mum had to explain to her saurey that this was the case and to give her time and to teach her . So no, your picture perfect view of what a bride's skill set is , is  BS . it did not apply in the past and it doesn't apply now . Many women learnt to hone their skills in their own kitchens , but since you've never spent time in one except to  collect your thal  what would you know ?

my own sister was the same , and my cousins too...I used to cook for the family as a teen because my folks  ran a shop so had the skillset but after marriage increased it further into other cuisines as well as gaining more expertise in Indian food .

I think you have such an inferiority complex because of your hidden world you pour all that scorn and spite out on the females in your life because they are easy targets- grow up 

 

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23 minutes ago, AjeetSingh2019 said:

I knew jasvir kaur virk london will come to her rescue soon. 

PseudoFeminism

Bro that isn't feminism. Nor pseudo feminism. That's some advice, spoken nicely, to help you see things from your wife's point of view, maybe help you be less abusive and self entitled and grow up. 

Like bro...you acted like a baby, then cried like a baby because your wife was worried her hard work might not please you?  You still didn't say if the food was even good. 

Like.. she's already accommodated your sexuality in a big way, she doesn't need two infants. She needs a man yes, but a gurmukh not a manmukh baby bruh. 

 

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1 hour ago, AjeetSingh2019 said:

So basically I wasn't expecting a scene in our home today noon but it did happen.

My mom wasn't feeling well today , and the little kid keeps my wife busy other times , but he was sleeping.So my wife made some food. 

When I asked if the food was done, she said "yes, but don't criticize it please . I have been in kitchen for 'n' hours now doing cookking" 

I honestly started losing my temparament . I mean can she not even do this much ! Do I have no right to criticize the food she made. what if its tasteless. I mean my dad has criticized and got dishes made from mom for long.

As I started eating and saying as to why I cannot criticize the food she made. Thats the only thing she handles right now , if at all. My dad said I should not criticize too much and that made me fuming because here's the man who always got things made from mom. So I started shouting on him as well. Mom immediately came to my rescue and started shouting at dad. Then mom's outburst came at my wife saying why she can't handle criticism of food . Then past issues suddenly came into arguments. My wife has a habit of arguing. 

I told her its her duty to make wholesome, tasty food for her husband (me). Thats the least a husband expects from wife. I also said if she can't do that I will start eating in restaurants. All this discussions happened in front of entire family. I was crying a little. 

Honestly though, I deserve good food with a wife. What's wrong in this ? I know toxic feminists will say your housewife isn't a domestic thing, I would like to tell them then I ain't an ATM either. I never b*tched about having to earn for her.

Alot of negativity and fighting from wife's can actually stem from other issues. Ie she may feel like she is an outsider. She resents the fact that she gets alot of criticism from her in-laws. 

Basically she is taking out all her anger and emotions out on you. She knows she can't do it to anyone else. So your the only guy where she gets to vent some Steem. 

Issues

She sounds like she is very touchy and easily angered by the slightest negative comment. 

If you tell her she is not doing something right she takes it as a personal attack. When she should just do what your family does. Ie a certain way of cooking. Or a certain way of cleaning. She needs to adjust to your household ways. 

Sadly alot of women from back home are quite stubborn and want to do things their way. And if you ask nicely if they can change their methods. They get aggressive won't corporate like a reasonable person. 

Many also talk in a disrespectful way. I don't know if this is a cultural thing. But many women from back home are are plains rude. 

 

 

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8 minutes ago, Big_Tera said:

She sounds like she is very touchy and easily angered by the slightest negative comment. 

I agree with the overall sentiment in general, but that describes ajeet here. 

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how are you managing to live with her? i thought you didn't like women,  has she not picked this up 

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8 hours ago, AjeetSingh2019 said:

So basically I wasn't expecting a scene in our home today noon but it did happen.

My mom wasn't feeling well today , and the little kid keeps my wife busy other times , but he was sleeping.So my wife made some food. 

When I asked if the food was done, she said "yes, but don't criticize it please . I have been in kitchen for 'n' hours now doing cookking" 

I honestly started losing my temparament . I mean can she not even do this much ! Do I have no right to criticize the food she made. what if its tasteless. I mean my dad has criticized and got dishes made from mom for long.

As I started eating and saying as to why I cannot criticize the food she made. Thats the only thing she handles right now , if at all. My dad said I should not criticize too much and that made me fuming because here's the man who always got things made from mom. So I started shouting on him as well. Mom immediately came to my rescue and started shouting at dad. Then mom's outburst came at my wife saying why she can't handle criticism of food . Then past issues suddenly came into arguments. My wife has a habit of arguing. 

I told her its her duty to make wholesome, tasty food for her husband (me). Thats the least a husband expects from wife. I also said if she can't do that I will start eating in restaurants. All this discussions happened in front of entire family. I was crying a little. 

Honestly though, I deserve good food with a wife. What's wrong in this ? I know toxic feminists will say your housewife isn't a domestic thing, I would like to tell them then I ain't an ATM either. I never b*tched about having to earn for her.

Couple of things:

Never, ever criticise the chef, simple, you'll end up with food poisoning, just sayin....

Grow up, you had an Anand Karaj, have it explained to you, it's not about marrying a woman and she becomes your slave, it's deeper than that.

Earning money doesn't make you the boss of the house, running the house make's you the boss of the house, raising the kids makes you the boss of the house, your a cog in that machine, if your always going to moan like a pre-pubescent teenager then your your own worst enemy, again, grow up.

Lastly, your a parent now, everything you do is an example to your child, so yeah stop coming online and moaning about how bad your life is when the world has slightly bigger problems at the moment and grow up.

 

 

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 Sat Sri Akal all

I just bumped into this thread and read your post @AjeetSingh2019 Singh ji you may be a wonderful son to your parents but not a good husband for sure. Girls see us man as their hero's ( at least that's what they have asked for) but they didn't get in your case.

She put all her trust in you to tell you in the kitchen itself so that you don't criticize her in front of your parents and you broke it in a moment. Is that why she left all her 'world' and followed you to your house?? 

Trust me man, I have been happily married 15 years now and I cook for my wife at times. Whatever I may cook ( initially, I didn't know how to- so they were major disasters) she never said a word wrong even if it's crap.. anyway ...                                                    Have you heard the sakhi of Bibi Rajni who's father was Ahankari and got her married to a ' kori' cos she said ki oh Waheguru da ditta khaandi hai?? You sound like that hankari Raja - I earn for her. "Am I an ATM?" BRO it's. Their 'kismat' that we earn. Waheguru ji's kirpa. 

You have a big time ego. Work upon it. They are our soulmates - put yourself into her shoes. You are still with both your parents. She has left them for u. I was like you when I got married - we had a typical arrange marriage. I noticed as I treated her so did my parents. I have seen my parents treat her badly, keeping her away from ' our' home issues and taunting on her parents- but when I started taking her side and putting myself in her shoes - ( as I got to know her- I started loving her) they loosened up. 

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The OP has exposed some good points, that today's modern feminist would never agree with. Unfortunately we have come to such a low point in our community that asking for just the basics from a women is considered subjecting them to slavery. A mothers/wife's first duty is to provide nourishment. That's why they are born to provide milk to their offspring and not the father. Now just because they are a little stressed with dealing babies why does that have to effect the way they cook. How hard is it to make a simple sabji taste good, especially when they live with the same person for many years and know their needs. We want to promote Dietary Vivek; how will our panth to follow rehit if  their mother/wife can't provide them with simple tasty food. This will lead them to wanting to eat from restaurants and away from Sikhi.

Just whatever you do, make sure you do it with Pyaar. If you have to get a little upset that is fine but don't do it with anger in your heart rather as a way for her to take you seriously. Tell her how important her duty is and explain how stressed you yourself are with work or other worldly duties. If they still don't understand then do Ardas until Guru Sahib gives her the ability to perform her household duties diligently

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Punjabi women collapsed long back.  No one takes them seriously nomore,  and we all know what men of other communities think of them. 

Only matter of time when we gnna see lots of men starting to marry outside the community   dnt blame them. 

 

 

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38 minutes ago, TatKhalsaa said:

The OP has exposed some good points, that today's modern feminist would never agree with. Unfortunately we have come to such a low point in our community that asking for just the basics from a women is considered subjecting them to slavery. A mothers/wife's first duty is to provide nourishment. That's why they are born to provide milk to their offspring and not the father. Now just because they are a little stressed with dealing babies why does that have to effect the way they cook. How hard is it to make a simple sabji taste good, especially when they live with the same person for many years and know their needs. We want to promote Dietary Vivek; how will our panth to follow rehit if  their mother/wife can't provide them with simple tasty food. This will lead them to wanting to eat from restaurants and away from Sikhi.

Just whatever you do, make sure you do it with Pyaar. If you have to get a little upset that is fine but don't do it with anger in your heart rather as a way for her to take you seriously. Tell her how important her duty is and explain how stressed you yourself are with work or other worldly duties. If they still don't understand then do Ardas until Guru Sahib gives her the ability to perform her household duties diligently

Good points, but his wife cooked bro. 

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