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Wow! This is absolutely terrible! None of it makes sense. The coward should atleast give you a proper explanation. Are you sure he doesn't already have someone on the side?  What kind of people are the family, religious? And the friends who were there? Who the hell videos this situation?
Where did he go when you posted the flowers? 
It seems to me that the inlaws know the truth as to what was going on but felt bad themselves. However it could be that like you said, they made him get married, it wasn’t something he wanted.

I feel very bad for you. I’ve heard two stories like this before, one the guy already had a Caucasian girlfriend on the side, and this poor wife had moved from UK to Canada to find out. The other he one similar was where the man was actually gay. This sort of stuff doesn’t just happen for no reason, no one in their right mind would get married, and ruin their own life and another persons unless it was a reason that was very big to them.  
 

I don’t think he’s going to change his mind or come back if I’m honest. It doesn’t sound like he was inlove with you in the first place and I’m so sorry to have that opinion.


Anxiety is difficult, but it doesn’t make you treat people like this. Also have to think about the cause of the anxiety/depression. Sounds like he is hiding something. Was he ever romantic or all over you? If not, then he’s gay and they all know. 


 

 

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14 hours ago, Guruguruji said:

Waheguru 😔 he was at his grand dad's house as it's near his workplace, tbh they should've sent him back home and told him to take responsibility. They actually fueled the situation with the whole 'pati parmeshwar' notion which I'm not against I adore my husband, after all this is still can put my hand on my heart and say I love him but that doesn't mean the husband has no duty towards the wife. I.e. bhagat kabir jis wife treated him like God and bhagat ji loved his wife so much that today her name is in gurbani.

The family is very religious the grandad is part of a big Sikh organisation in the UK. We're both amritdhari.

Pen ji mistakes happen, people mess up, if my in laws sat there as told me and my husband that we both need to sort this out together and find a way out we probably could've had a strong relationship. Good times don't make a couple unbreakable it is the bad times as you learn to stick together, you learn to give and take. I wouldn't even have minded if they sat be down and gave me a good telling off if I did something wrong, I'm not perfect but I'm ready to learn and improve. 

I've never been in a relationship before so I don't know what love is like... before we were married he sent me some nice gifts on Valentine's day, he used write some cute msgs on the cards etc. He did seem decent, he taught me about guru gobind Singh jis bachan for couples, he explained to me how we're a gift from god to each other and how our laavan are like our amrit sanchaar and should never be broken. My heart still loves him, I do feel deep down he was decent but the fact that he preached all this and his actions have been the total opposite. 

My heart always says that guru sahib wouldn't play around with laavan, I'm sure we were made fo each other but I just don't know what happened. 😥😥 can I ever believe in the power of laavan or ardas again if this marriage ends? I know I sound like a bad Sikh but these r my thoughts right now

If the grandad is okay to talk to then may be ask him or get your parents to ask him what’s going on as you haven’t got an answer for some closure.

I guess all you can do other wise now is do your path and simran, and say everything is up to you to Maharaj. Leave it to him to keep you where he wants.
 

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Hope you are feeling slightly better. 
You’re only really going to step back and stop feeling all these emotions when you let go of the relationship. Let go, and if it’s meant to be you’ll change your feelings and it will work out. But for now you need to tell yourself you don’t want to be with him if he’s like this towards you. Write a gratitude diary every night, note 5 things that you appreciated that happened in that day. Although I would say simran is normally the way forward, I’m assuming thatvyou can’t focus? So maybe some daily positive affirmations will help you?

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Guest AcceptnghisWil
On 7/6/2020 at 1:20 PM, Guruguruji said:

To be honest pen ji this morning I just cried after many days of trying to be strong... nothing was ever in my control, I didn't go searching for the rishta, it literally just turned up - I wasn't even looking to get married yet! Everything happened with maharaj jis agya and both families put guru sahib first. Me and my husband rely on nobody but guru sahib, even when I was begging at husband's door, I could hear him do waheguru in his room. Good or bad we both rely on guru sahib only. 

I did an ardas this morning saying  - Guru Ram Das ji, we're your children, everything happened with your hukam, we got married with your laavan and till the end point we both called out your name. It's Guru sahib's responsibility alone now, I have nothing left to do or say. 

May waheguru ji fulfil my ardas and if he doesn't may he give me the strength to never ask for anything ever again. 

Stay strong, youve been through alot, this is going to be a tough time.

Equally like ur trying hard, he should have sense to approach u. Its not really acceptable when one person is trying and the other is absent. This is a sign of a toxic situation.sorry for saying that. Obviously theres so much we dnt know and only reading between the lines here.

But especially as you come to terms with any outcomes, it will likely be overwhelming for u and initially you will feel much worse when you begin accepting of whats happened. But once u do, then things do get easier. 

Vaheguru is always in control and gives us what we need whether we ask or not. He who created us knows us more than we know ourselves.

However the state of our mind is something we control. Either u suffer in the emotions,stress and worry or you can be strong and use this to find your true self.

Gurbani speaks often about the world, family, kids and spouses being temporary. Only Vaheguru is our true companion. So please dont bank on any human. Also try think about what ur asking. If u go to a king and ask for a penny , similarly when u go to the king of kings do u really want to ask for a worldly thing? 

In either case the sangat prays for you and hope ur sisters wedding goes well.

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On 7/11/2020 at 11:21 AM, Guruguruji said:

Thank you, 

Yeah I used to try do lots of paath but it kinda became really stressful and I was getting agitated so now I do my nitnem and a little extra if I can.

I know that I've prayed fully with all my heart and hope in waheguru and majority of the time when I take a hukamnama it's got something like

'all my affairs are resolved'

"...he has blessed me and been merciful"

"...protect and preserve the honor of your servant"

"suffering and pains are dispelled"

-these are from some recent personal hukamnamas I've took so this doesn't make me feel dumb for keeping hope. I try to look at them and remind myself that I need to detach and let waheguru ji play his part I just took a hukamnama now and it's this beautiful message;

https://www.sikhnet.com/hukam/personal/1944

I still pray for my hubby, I still have dreams of him every other day, yes I do feel angry and frustrated at times but then I remind myself that God is working on him and he'll see sense soon. 

It's my sister's wedding in a few weeks and with guru sahibs grace I'm really trying to join in and be excited. I've been helping her buy stuff, organising little house parties etc. Hiding my pain and joining in is so painful for me at times and my wounds haven't healed yet but I can see my parents looking happier which means a lot to me.

I remember watching some YouTube videos of patients who has been told they only had a few weeks to live and they visited amritsar or started doing ardas/simran and they're still living today. Give me hope when I think of it as these people were fully diagnosed and had scientific evidence of their lives ending....  My situation is just a mind game, if waheguru changes my husband's mind that is all that is needed to resolve the situation. Obviously, I have now more self respect and will make it clear to him that I want the commitment I deserve. 

I know I'm taking the harder route and keeping faith but I know waheguru ji will never let it go to waste. 

Please give me positive blessings in form of the sangat so that my ardas can be heard. 🙏

I admire your strength and resolve to fight for what you want 

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On 7/11/2020 at 11:21 AM, Guruguruji said:

majority of the time when I take a hukamnama it's got something like

'all my affairs are resolved'

"...he has blessed me and been merciful"

"...protect and preserve the honor of your servant"

"suffering and pains are dispelled"

-these are from some recent personal hukamnamas I've took so this doesn't make me feel dumb for keeping hope. I try to look at them and remind myself that I need to detach and let waheguru ji play his part I just took a hukamnama now and it's this beautiful message;

https://www.sikhnet.com/hukam/personal/1944

I


It depends on how you read it, it could be all your affairs are resolved, resolution being you aren’t together any more. Just enjoy your sisters wedding and see what the future holds. For now concentrate on you growing and healing from this.

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Guest Gratefulness

You must be grateful for all that you have and work slowly through the sorrow you have gone through.  God will always keep you blessed once you accept this phase of your life.

I want to take a minute and point out how mistaken you are not to seek professional help.  God has instilled great healing powers in the hands of doctors and other professionals to help fellow humans to overcome such instances in life.  
Praying, exercising, taking proper care of your diet, mediation is all necessary but seeking help from an counselor/therapist is a missing piece that a lot of us do not resort to.   I am a young woman in her early 30s with two kids and my parents live with me as well.  I lost my husband a few years ago and I am alive.  My children are alive and thriving by the grace of Waheguruji. We want to have an amazing life because we did not do anything to deserve any sorrow from the universe.  We are positive and because of that we get so much positivity in our lives.  I can say I am so blessed and proud to be in this journey-I can’t even explain how grateful I am for everyone and everything in my life.  I went through a range of emotions when this first happened, however by the grace of a God and a wonderful counselor, I am on the way to a even happier life.   Always be grateful in your prayers and actions because that is the true key to the beautiful life that you will soon have 💕 Please don’t hesitate to ask for help or reach out to any one of us via this forum-we are all in this together! 

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I think you feel that things haven’t worked out so that means Waheguru has not listened. As much as it’s painful for you, a result wouldn’t be Maharaj forcing your husband to be with you if it’s not what is meant to be. Stay strong, you’ve been wired to think marriage is everything, it isn’t. This attachment you have isn’t healthy either. 
Do you do simran?

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Guest Singh
On 7/15/2020 at 9:30 AM, Guruguruji said:

beginning to think a lot of my mind set is flawed....

You’re good person. I read this thread your problem is very different, it’s your husband (and family) disrespecting you and rejected you. Most people wouldn’t stand for this, and I know brothers/cousins would not let the girl get treated like this. 

option 1 is leave him, but you’d rather not

option 2 is marriage resolves, what your praying for. 

This is your life and I’m not interfering, this is just an opinion which might be useful? Try to understand what caused the problem. No offence but maybe it’s your personality, habits or mindset which don’t match him. The man spent his whole life living with parents and a new person walks into the home. That’s a big shock to the system maybe for that whole family. (Still no excuse for disrespecting you). It seems he’s made up his mind he doesn’t want to spend his life with you. I’m sorry that’s a bit harsh of me to say. Because what you’re praying for is someone’s mind to be changed. If you are set on the idea of resolving this I think you need to try and meet him and talk. Even just send a message to arrange that you want a final meet so you can both have some closure to this (that’s your excuse to meet up). If there is no love in that meeting than you are with the wrong person, it happens!

Because honestly he’s probably feeling guilt and missing you now, or he could be in bed right now with another woman (or man). Again I’m sorry that’s harsh but you have to wonder what he’s up to if he’s ignoring you.

I like reading your posts, please don’t take anything I said to heart or get upset. Your faith in god stays with you whatever option you pick. It’s not right to lose faith in God over this. You got the rest of your life ahead 

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