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14 minutes ago, Guruguruji said:

I just feel so stupid. I don't need professional help because I know what they'll say etc etc. I kind of just want to change my prayers and just beg for death. 

Perfect is the teacher Bhenji. You're just learning hard lessons. It's okay. 

The kind of death you want is the death of your ego, that's suffering. That's okay be jeevan with life.

You've done ardas, the peace comes from accepting Hukam.

The peace comes from Naam Simran and going about your day, cleaning, eating, walking, but always surrendering yourself to Vaheguru. There is nothing to do, but accept. 

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Which sakhia did you read?

 

is this something new as the lockdown with the current corona virus situation is putting a lot of pressure on people? Are you in the UK?

Maybe you just need to step back and have a mental break, go to your parents for the weekend?

 

Hard to advise without knowing more 

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Your a young lady with your whole life ahead of you and you seem to be wasting it waiting for a man who clearly doesn't care!  He sent you divorce papers. 

If i remember correctly your in-laws were horrible to you as well, do you really want to spend your life with these people!?

Your husband seems to be doing whatever his family is telling him to do, he's a pajama no offence. can't make his own decisions. 

You have a lot of patience! coz if i was in your place and my wife was treating me the way he is treating you i would of long told her to do one and go where the sun don't shine and that's me putting it politely! oh she would regret the day she married me she would! if she treated me like that. 

This whole situation is mentally draining you!  which is not healthy.

 

Or maybe I'm wrong   perhaps the older or married members on here can give you advise.

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Guest Staystrongjeets

Stay strong, your going through a difficult time. Hold onto the Gurus helm.

It really is the guys loss, as seems your so committed to it and there hasnt been any attempt on his side. Thats really sad to see.

Sometimes that which we most want isn't given to us, its painful to go through this. Its a hard lesson from our Guru. But know that he is closer to you than you can ever imagine. 

Whilst you want to get away from everything, this isn't always a solution. Being independant has its own challenges.

Maybe find a sister and family you can go stay with for a few weeks and just clear your head. Gurdwaras are opening so hopefully you can connect to the sangat.

Being around family support network is important. You dont need to make any future decisions anytime soon. Work on yourself and sikhi and take time to reflect. 

Our role is to do the right actions and do ardas sincerly and be good sikhs. The outcome of the ardas is never in our hands. Whether what we want is granted or not is really in Gods hands. Really sorry to hear ur pain.

 

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Guest Dukh daroo

If your marriage was perfect would you be remembering God?

The pain of a broken marriage now has you remembering God day and night.

God loves us but no one remembers him in happiness. Sukh of maya makes us blind akirat ghan fools. You haven’t got a good marriage but you still got hundreds of things others don’t have.

Take a pen & paper and make a list of all the blessings you received. A beautiful body - all the limbs you have right? And they function? Being healthy, living in a peaceful country, having a roof over your head, food, clothes, parents, this sangat to guide you. Read the list back and thank God for it. Then ask that where you gave me all this God please help my marriage also.

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Guest Hope

Dear Veerji,

I've been in your place before. There was a lot of pain, confusion, and suffering. 3 things that I did (through kirpa) was practicing the waheguru mantra, listening/reading/reciting bani, and telling myself that "everything you do is good". I did later realize that he was helping me. Furthermore, things got A LOT better. Things will get better for you as well okay! :)

Also if you feel unmotivated to do your bani, just have it playing in the background as you watch tv, play xbox, or eat. I.e. as you do your daily stuff, just bring bani with you has a friend! 

I wish you you the best :)

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55 minutes ago, Guruguruji said:

I get angry with my family and we exchange harsh words. I then feel guilty and I promise myself not to fall in the same trap...but I do, I don't know why I get involved in any arguments and ruin the day for everyone. I just feel like I dig a deeper hole for myself. A horrible memory for people to look back to after this phase in life passes.

I feel angry with guru ji, a supreme power who controls everything and can do anything but is just ignoring me. I always tell myself thats it, waheguru ji knows what my ardas is, I need to relax now but then every time I even look at a photo of guru sahib my heart bleeds n begs. 

My husband has dumped me and has forgotten about me as if I never existed, I've ruined relationships with my family by making them sad, I have no sense of me anymore, I don't want to go out and see people, I'm not allowed to move away.

 

Try to think 1 year from now you will be in a better place. Just cry it out and then pick yourself up. You have to be strong. Think to yourself I’m not wasting one more tear on this person - I’m not wasting room in my mind on this person who I am no longer going to be married to. If he wants a divorce then just give it to him now. Sometimes doors close for better ones to open. You probably had some past life issue you had to go through with him. Count yourself lucky you haven’t wasted more years with him. There’s people out there with kids who are in this situation who have to be single parents. I’m assuming you haven’t got any with this guy- you are lucky you haven’t. 
 

You are a woman you can’t say you are not allowed to move out- it’s your life. Get a job and move out or stay there and just keep listening to path or inspiration sikh talks on YouTube or something. Go for a jog. Do what you need to keep yourself busy. 

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On the bases of two posts above instead of trying to save your marriage or thinking of future or praying to god to come and help you out. Put all this energy is understanding anger and controlling it. Anger is child of EGO. Stop expecting praises from everyone around and focus on doings things you like.

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To the Original Poster

Did you leave your husband or did he leave you?  Do you have kids?

If you have kids then you must make contact with him and communicate with each other without the influence of others.  You must compromise and be accountable for your own mistakes - your husband must also display accountability and compromise.

Im sure with some initiative from you both you can make things work, you need to put your family aside and he must put his family aside and concentrate on your marriage and children alone.  That is the only unit you need to keep happy.

All the best

Mann

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Guest True
On 6/21/2020 at 10:23 PM, GurjantGnostic said:

Perfect is the teacher Bhenji. You're just learning hard lessons. It's okay. 

The kind of death you want is the death of your ego, that's suffering. That's okay be jeevan with life.

You've done ardas, the peace comes from accepting Hukam.

The peace comes from Naam Simran and going about your day, cleaning, eating, walking, but always surrendering yourself to Vaheguru. There is nothing to do, but accept. 

Good post

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14 hours ago, Guruguruji said:

I get angry with my family and we exchange harsh words. I then feel guilty and I promise myself not to fall in the same trap...but I do, I don't know why I get involved in any arguments and ruin the day for everyone. I just feel like I dig a deeper hole for myself. A horrible memory for people to look back to after this phase in life passes.

I feel angry with guru ji, a supreme power who controls everything and can do anything but is just ignoring me. I always tell myself thats it, waheguru ji knows what my ardas is, I need to relax now but then every time I even look at a photo of guru sahib my heart bleeds n begs. 

My husband has dumped me and has forgotten about me as if I never existed, I've ruined relationships with my family by making them sad, I have no sense of me anymore, I don't want to go out and see people, I'm not allowed to move away.

 

Bhenji All I want to say is that why are ninding at Waheguru. I will just leave this Gurbani Quote for you.

Capture.PNG

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15 hours ago, Guruguruji said:

I get angry with my family and we exchange harsh words. I then feel guilty and I promise myself not to fall in the same trap...but I do, I don't know why I get involved in any arguments and ruin the day for everyone. I just feel like I dig a deeper hole for myself. A horrible memory for people to look back to after this phase in life passes.

I feel angry with guru ji, a supreme power who controls everything and can do anything but is just ignoring me. I always tell myself thats it, waheguru ji knows what my ardas is, I need to relax now but then every time I even look at a photo of guru sahib my heart bleeds n begs. 

My husband has dumped me and has forgotten about me as if I never existed, I've ruined relationships with my family by making them sad, I have no sense of me anymore, I don't want to go out and see people, I'm not allowed to move away.

 

The strong usually prey on the weak in life. This truth will manifest in many areas of your life.

Wanting things to go a certain way does not get you any where. What you lack is strength. This you need to ask for from Guruji. Don't expect things to turn out in your favor. Life doesn't work like that.

This strength is what will help you get through this and many other obstacles you may face in life.

Since we don't know enough about your life bhenji, most people will give generic advice. Try to see what you need to do to win over your in-laws or husband. Some concrete steps you can take. If they have ill-intentions and don't want you, then you need to be courageous enough to get your parents help to resolve this. If they have no intention to ever resolve this, then you know what step you need to take. Move on in life.

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