System for Anand Karaj or Match Making

[S1ngh 2,271]

Anyone got any good idea on how we can fix the problem of "Not finding the match". Sikhs around the globe may have cultural differences but we all have a common foundation/ground which is our Guru Sahibs teaching. I believe that our community is having hard time in finding the right match. 

My wish is to see a website running a state of art system where it helps our community in a match making or match introduction type of thing. A simple dating script or a website like shaadi.com or sikhmatrimonials.com is not good enough. Good reputable setup solely based on helping our community. Support live agent system to handle queries and privacy protection system etc. 

Any ideas? Is it doable? 

[Jacfsing2 618]

15 minutes ago, S1ngh said:

Anyone got any good idea on how we can fix the problem of "Not finding the match". Sikhs around the globe may have cultural differences but we all have a common foundation/ground which is our Guru Sahibs teaching. I believe that our community is having hard time in finding the right match. 

My wish is to see a website running a state of art system where it helps our community in a match making or match introduction type of thing. A simple dating script or a website like shaadi.com or sikhmatrimonials.com is not good enough. Good reputable setup solely based on helping our community. Support live agent system to handle queries and privacy protection system etc. 

Any ideas? Is it doable? 

You could create a matrimonial section/website here. I think the biggest problem with dating sites especially related to Sikh people is that there isn't much of an actual filter system based on how Sikh someone is.

[MisterrSingh 6,535]

3 hours ago, S1ngh said:

Anyone got any good idea on how we can fix the problem of "Not finding the match". Sikhs around the globe may have cultural differences but we all have a common foundation/ground which is our Guru Sahibs teaching. I believe that our community is having hard time in finding the right match. 

I don't think the problem for us are the tools that are available to facilitate meetings and matches, but it's the differing temperaments, motivations, and mentalities of the people looking for someone. The wider culture and how its impacted people (West, East, or a hybrid of the two) is the barrier that's proving to be an obstacle for finding a partner, not any particular problems with technology.

Ultimately, an app or a program can only work on a narrow utilitarian basis ("Is he/she physically appealing?" "Is he/she comparably educated to my standards?" "Will he/she elevate my social standing or not?" "Is he/she of the same cultural background?"). Current apps already achieve this and a lot more.

The deeper needs and wants of an individual can never be dealt with by something that's installed on a mobile device. And, to be fair, I don't think devoted, religiously-minded people should have such problems seeking a partner marriage because ultimately their needs are quite basic and straightforward IF they adhere to the general framework of their beliefs.

I think you'll find the problem is finding a suitable partner according to a person's expectations of what a wife or husband needs to be in this day and age, and how the culture in which we exist is encouraging the emergence of individuals that are simply not marriage material, which is where we end up with this "marriage-flow" problem, because marriage is a very serious and expensive issue that only the incredibly wealthy or the foolish can leap into without thought. There's too much to lose, especially from a male perspective, in our current climate to just throw caution to the wind.

[Jacfsing2 618]

4 hours ago, MisterrSingh said:

The deeper needs and wants of an individual can never be dealt with by something that's installed on a mobile device. And, to be fair, I don't think devoted, religiously-minded people should have such problems seeking a partner marriage because ultimately their needs are quite basic and straightforward IF they adhere to the general framework of their beliefs.

I think objectively, Sikh men are more religious than Sikh women, and even after that you’re also assuming “religious” people can’t be just like everyone else in terms of looking for extra stuff. I’ve noticed their are a lot of Amritdharis who seem to care about the C-word than we would like to be believe in. 

[MisterrSingh 6,535]

39 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

I think objectively, Sikh men are more religious than Sikh women, and even after that you’re also assuming “religious” people can’t be just like everyone else in terms of looking for extra stuff. I’ve noticed their are a lot of Amritdharis who seem to care about the C-word than we would like to be believe in. 

I'd rather not open that can of worms, but...

That's something everyone knows is top of the list (especialy for our elders) when scouring for a potential partner but we pretend as if that's doesn't apply to us. I've seen and heard otherwise devout baptised Sikhs slip in the simple phrase when speaking to someone about a potential match for their kids, "Apne haun." Just those two words. We all know what they mean when they say "apne." They aren't alluding to excluding a Chinese or a Black Sikh convert, are they, lol? Anyone who thinks people who've taken Amrit and get married happen to magically find someone of the same C-background WITHOUT specifying beforehand is a liar or is in denial.

[MisterrSingh 6,535]

40 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

I think objectively, Sikh men are more religious than Sikh women

Depends on your definition of religious, and the type of Sikh you have in mind I guess.

[Premi5 2,153]

1 hour ago, Jacfsing2 said:

I think objectively, Sikh men are more religious than Sikh women, and even after that you’re also assuming “religious” people can’t be just like everyone else in terms of looking for extra stuff. I’ve noticed their are a lot of Amritdharis who seem to care about the C-word than we would like to be believe in. 

 

28 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

I'd rather not open that can of worms, but...

That's something everyone knows is top of the list (especialy for our elders) when scouring for a potential partner but we pretend as if that's doesn't apply to us. I've seen and heard otherwise devout baptised Sikhs slip in the simple phrase when speaking to someone about a potential match for their kids, "Apne haun." Just those two words. We all know what they mean when they say "apne." They aren't alluding to excluding a Chinese or a Black Sikh convert, are they, lol? Anyone who thinks people who've taken Amrit and get married happen to magically find someone of the same C-background WITHOUT specifying beforehand is a liar or is in denial.

None of my Amritdhari or non-Amritdhari relatives of my or parents’ generation would consider an out of ‘caste’ marriage .

I doubt many Amritdharis in India marry ‘out’ .

10 hours ago, S1ngh said:

Anyone got any good idea on how we can fix the problem of "Not finding the match". Sikhs around the globe may have cultural differences but we all have a common foundation/ground which is our Guru Sahibs teaching. I believe that our community is having hard time in finding the right match. 

My wish is to see a website running a state of art system where it helps our community in a match making or match introduction type of thing. A simple dating script or a website like shaadi.com or sikhmatrimonials.com is not good enough. Good reputable setup solely based on helping our community. Support live agent system to handle queries and privacy protection system etc. 

Any ideas? Is it doable? 

Word of mouth will probably be sufficient for those who are Amritdhari and have a good sangat

[Jacfsing2 618]

52 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

Depends on your definition of religious, and the type of Sikh you have in mind I guess.

I'm referring to external identity of Sikhs.

[MisterrSingh 6,535]

7 hours ago, Jacfsing2 said:

I think objectively, Sikh men are more religious than Sikh women...

I think women generally behave in an imitative manner whereas men err towards an innovative mindset. Outliers are obviously a reality in both cases but not the norm. If the Singh signals his dedication to his beliefs and his desire to see out his life according to those same beliefs, a Singhni who has no desire to create waves will recognise, admire, and quietly step in-line with her man. If the Singh, however, conveys a scattered, disorganised, or lax attitude to the important things, then his woman will also begin to convey a degree of similar behaviour. All this is only relevant IF both parties are on the same page, i.e. both parties wish to remain married (as opposed to one of them seeking a way out). Of course, we've all heard of instances where an NRI Punjabi guy prone to indulging in partying and drinking culture, etc., got married to a girl from the pind, and through a certain form of positive nagging she made him relinquish his destructive habits. Those women are rare. Nowadays, there's no desire to mould a diamond in the rough, lol. Not that they should, tbf, men should behave like men, not overgrown kids.

[S1ngh 2,271]

Many great responses above ^^ 

It is in waheguru jees hand whether the marriage will prosper or fail. Compatibility between two is also depends on how they think of each other and outside influence does not have any play in it. How they grew from age 1 to 20+ is the time that will decide rest of their life course. 

Does jewish community has something like this as they are also scattered around the globe? In this age, we should have a system which is managed 24/7 by a team of professionals rather than just money making scheme or uploading a dating script and let it run. I like it to be non-profit with strong privacy controls ; like visitors cannot see the image unless they register. Registration will go thru vetting process by professionals manually reaching out to them etc etc. Inactive/dormant profiles gets deleted etc. 

I am willing to donate my money for such project but i believe that such project requires a strong team with same type of thinking. What do you guys think?

[Jacfsing2 618]

55 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

I think women generally behave in an imitative manner whereas men err towards an innovative mindset. Outliers are obviously a reality in both cases but not the norm. If the Singh signals his dedication to his beliefs and his desire to see out his life according to those same beliefs, a Singhni who has no desire to create waves will recognise, admire, and quietly step in-line with her man. If the Singh, however, conveys a scattered, disorganised, or lax attitude to the important things, then his woman will also begin to convey a degree of similar behaviour. All this is only relevant IF both parties are on the same page. Of course, we've all heard of instances where an NRI Punjabi guy prone to indulging in partying and drinking culture, etc., got married to a girl from the pind, and through a certain form of positive nagging she made him relinquish his destructive habits. Those women are rare. Nowadays, there's no desire to mould a diamond in the rough, lol. Not that they should, tbf, men should behave like men, not overgrown kids.

So women are more likely to change than men from a marriage? 

[MisterrSingh 6,535]

12 minutes ago, Jacfsing2 said:

So women are more likely to change than men from a marriage? 

Adapt is the more accurate term. Change is vague and could mean anything.

And you're looking at it from the wrong perspective, almost as if marriage is a transformative experience for all parties. I gave you one particular example that perhaps no longer applies to the current generations of Sikhs.

[jkvlondon 6,320]

4 hours ago, S1ngh said:

Many great responses above ^^ 

It is in waheguru jees hand whether the marriage will prosper or fail. Compatibility between two is also depends on how they think of each other and outside influence does not have any play in it. How they grew from age 1 to 20+ is the time that will decide rest of their life course. 

Does jewish community has something like this as they are also scattered around the globe? In this age, we should have a system which is managed 24/7 by a team of professionals rather than just money making scheme or uploading a dating script and let it run. I like it to be non-profit with strong privacy controls ; like visitors cannot see the image unless they register. Registration will go thru vetting process by professionals manually reaching out to them etc etc. Inactive/dormant profiles gets deleted etc. 

I am willing to donate my money for such project but i believe that such project requires a strong team with same type of thinking. What do you guys think?

jewish people have matchmakers both in orthodox and liberal circles but of course these days they have loads of 'love' marriages . Most are run ith some sort of kickback either in terms of higher reputation/respect or money.

[jkvlondon 6,320]

4 hours ago, MisterrSingh said:

I think women geerally behave in an imitative manner whereas men err towards an innovative mindset. Outliers are obviously a reality in both cases but not the norm. If the Singh signals his dedication to his beliefs and his desire to see out his life according to those same beliefs, a Singhni who has no desire to create waves will recognise, admire, and quietly step in-line with her man. If the Singh, however, conveys a scattered, disorganised, or lax attitude to the important things, then his woman will also begin to convey a degree of similar behaviour. All this is only relevant IF both parties are on the same page, i.e. both parties wish to remain married (as opposed to one of them seeking a way out). Of course, we've all heard of instances where an NRI Punjabi guy prone to indulging in partying and drinking culture, etc., got married to a girl from the pind, and through a certain form of positive nagging she made him relinquish his destructive habits. Those women are rare. Nowadays, there's no desire to mould a diamond in the rough, lol. Not that they should, tbf, men should behave like men, not overgrown kids.

don't know if I can agree totally with the female bashing here , I have known many bibian who were more devout than their men and their attitude and bhagti lead to Guru ji opening up their mens eyes to sikhi and amrit jeevan. The problem is now bibian can choose to remove themselves from destructive unsikh households (frankly what the H did the parents do , by not making sure it was a good household??) because the previous stigma of divorce is considered much less and sufferable than not being able to live their life in a sikh way.

[Jacfsing2 618]

9 minutes ago, jkvlondon said:

don't know if I can agree totally with the female bashing here , I have known many bibian who were more devout than their men and their attitude and bhagti lead to Guru ji opening up their mens eyes to sikhi and amrit jeevan. The problem is now bibian can choose to remove themselves from destructive unsikh households (frankly what the H did the parents do , by not making sure it was a good household??) because the previous stigma of divorce is considered much less and sufferable than not being able to live their life in a sikh way.

A woman or man shouldn’t marry someone who’s religiousness is too much or too little for them to deal with. A proper Nihang Singh wouldn’t really be compatible with a regular Dil Saaf party girl.