Facial hair job....can I compromise just one thing

[lost girl]

I’m a lost girl lately and would love to know what you all think I should do now. This might turn into a long post so just bear with me…I got too much on my mind and don’t know where to start or how to explain exactly, so here goes nothing…. :

Recently I got into Sikhi and found this was what I had been looking for all this time and I decided that some day soon I’m going to take amrit. Maybe in a year, or two years, or however long the wait is, but eventually I’m going to take that step for sure. There’s no one in my family now who is amritdhari; I thought I’d make myself and my family proud by taking that step to revive something we lost in ourselves. We’ve basically turned into regular Punjabi people who eat meat, drink liquor, talk crap about others, and shave/wax/trim/cut our hair.

We have this impression or mentality that our “look” is important to other people around us. It’s all about making a good impression on other people who see you. If you look good, other people will think good of you. They won’t say “oh she’s got bushy eyebrows” or “she’s got a mustache and a beard…ewww.”

We see facial hair on girls as an abnormal thing that needs to be taken care of by getting a facial job done.

Why you ask? Here is what my family believes:

1. You have to look good….look beautiful. Girls who don’t look good have the most difficult time finding a mate to marry. We have this by experience because some of my cousin sisters aren’t so good looking since they are dark colored. Another cousin had facial hair so she started whatever method to fix that. Soon she started shaving and did this for few years. She was beautiful (light skinned) but because she started shaving it was noticeable. Her parents couldn’t find her any guy so they ended up marrying her to a guy who is dark skinned and doesn’t have a visa either. Then she got a facial job to permanently get rid of her facial hair.

2. Some women get a facial job done and then some time later they take amrit. I don’t know of any specific women like this, but my family does. This solves their problem for the rest of their life and they don’t have to deal with a mustache and beard. I’ve seen some amritdhari women who have mustache/beard…..I don’t understand how they hold out against society.

3. My family strongly believes that a girl with facial hair (and on top of that if she has a dastaar) will have a difficult time getting a job here. When you go in for your interview, if you just don’t look modern you’re likely to not get the job when they have other applicants who do look good according to their standards. Again, its how your face looks that makes you attractive or ugly. Apparently, ladies with facial hair look “paagal” to my mom.

4. My family believes Sikhi is about having love for your Guru and doing naam simran, paath, and all the rest….but it doesn’t mean that you have to live your life through “emotional distress” by letting some hairs grow on your face.

What do I think?

Having grown up in this environment/mentality I too was doing stuff to hair on my face. But then as I got more and more into Sikhi one day I just stopped and decided to not do it again. On three occasions I’ve gotten in a big argument with my mom over my eyebrows. Each time she pulls out her tweezers and says she’ll do it if I don’t want to. Each time she gets <Edited> off with me and says I’m being STUBBORN. She pretty much threatens to not take me places with her because she doesn’t want people to see me like this.

So far I’ve decided that facial hair is the only thing I can compromise. That’s the only thing I can let them win and have their way with. But I refuse to compromise anything else. I’ll wear a dastaar when I’m ready. I’ll quit meat when I’m ready. I’ll take amrit when I’m ready. Everything else I’ll do as my Guru would have wanted….they can only have one win and that’s it.

The only possible way I can justify this facial job is that I do lots of other wrong things too…so what if I get a facial job? It’ll just be another thing to add to the list of gazillions of other bad things I did in my life already. It’s a kurehat for someone who is amritdhari. I’m nothing right now…maybe it doesn’t matter what I do until then….

They can have my face if it’s so damn important to them…but anything else they can’t have. I have to associate with these people for the rest of my life…is there really no space to compromise just one thing? What would you do if you were in my place?

[Jaspaul Singh]

wow..

..bhainji first of all great post and i feel really down right now that parents can do as far as forcnig you into doing something you dont want to eventhough what you stand for is right !

.. i am a male.. so i may not fully understand your reasons and what you should do in your position right now...

..but what i would say and the only thing i will say is that...

..Guru Gobind Singh and Mata Sahib Kaur are your parents.. they have given you the face and challenge to walk head up in society... guru ji has given us to wear the 5 kakkars to wear proudly and not be ashamed of. Guru ji has given us the intelligence after taking amrit and also being brought up with sikhi principles (even if u dont have amrit). And most importantly he has given us KES. Something that makes us really stand out in society. Just imagine those bibis who have facial hair but have the strength to walk head high in society and dont care about what others think about them. I know some and i just have one thing to say .... Dhan Sikhi :cool:

.. bhainji i dont know what you should do but that is your heart to tell you.. but think of what guru ji would say to you in your case. Whenever you are confused about something think that if you were to say your DECISION to GURU SAHIB himself .. what would he say ? Would he agree with you or would he disagree.. and based on that make your decision !

.. hope i make sense.. im in class right now should be paying attention but thought helping a bhainji would be more important ..

bhul chuk maph.. :doh:

[Guest Lohgarh Singh]

wjkk wjkf

hanji penji, i think i know what u feel like but definatly not as much, penjis do get noticed more than pajiz on their looks. i myself am male, but ppl say i sound like a girl cz i used to have a light voice, n ppl say i got a womens complextion.

dnt wori penji, i knw uve heard this all b4, but do paath n just acept urself 4 hu u r.

[anjaan]

hey sis, i am going to share what i'm going through i hope it is of some help tp you!

well my folks are Amritdhari so when i decided i wanted to receive Amrit (a few weeks ago) they were totally chuffed

previosuly however i used to wax/shave arms and legs and i would get my face threaded on a regular basis and i had cut hair on my head (i mean even now i can't tie a proper joora on the top of my head when im trying to tie a dastaar because it all falls back down beacuse i had had it layered)

anyways when i first had my hair cut my dad was so upset; i wished he would just have slapped me or something but instead he didn't talk to me for like a whole month because he was too upset and after that i knew never to touch the hair on my head again!

as for the waxing/shaving/threading/plucking i continued and my parents would say dont do it because one day you will want to stop and it will come back thicker and longer and i would laugh and say why on earth would i want to stop?? (not knowing that such an immense and deep longing and love for Sikhi and the wanting to be a Khalsa would develop)

so thankfully i received Amrit this Vaisakhi and i cannot even begin to describe how i feel, i am like totally wowed away by it, its soooooooo amazing! anyway back to the hair thing...

so yeah i have stopped waxing/shaving arms and legs and to be honest they look so much better! so much more natural and its cool because i dont have to waste time removing the hair and hurting myself as for the face - yeah i got hair on my face but im like so what?!

because before it was my choice, by my own will i removed it, no one forced me to, i mean we can say well it was done to conform to societys norms or whatever and yeah maybe it was but it wasnt like someone physically held a wax strip tp my leg and yanked my hair off, i had the choice to stop

now my mom (who has no facial hair, come to think of it no hair on her arms or legs either - a genetic thing i think) said to me oh you should get electrolysis on your face and im like why?!

if my own mom says that to me then im sure people out there think it and im expecting them to say it too

end of that day though when i received Amrit i was there because i wanted to be i wanted to offer my head to Guru ji; the Panj Piareh when giving us the rehat said you cannot remove a single hair on your body, all the way form your toes up to your head,

to me its more important to maintain my rehat than to please society; i said to my mom i'm here to impress Guru ji and God not you and the rest of society, i accept myself, i accept that God's light resides within me, i accept God created me i accept God's will, i hope to live according to that will, i dont care if no one wants to marry me because i have some facial hair, i might die right now, i may die tomorrow or next week, why should i worry about marriage that's a couple of years away, i am living in the here and now and i would rather concentrate on my marriage to God, beauty is not about what you look like its about who you are as a person, what you do, what you say, how you think, im a Sikh woman, i have so much to live for but so much to die for as well, im independent, i can stand on my own two feet, i can think for myself i can act for myself,

i don't need society's blessings when i have Guru ji's, hang on a second isnt it society who has said "don't judge a book by its cover"??? is that then not contradicting?? if i apply for a job i expect to be judged according to my experience and qualifiacations not what i look like, its not me who needs to change but them

also during the sanchaar you are told Guru Gobind Singh ji is your Father and Mata Sahib Kaur is your Mother, the most amazing and beautiful parents who will remain with you forever, i would rather please them!

when i see amritdhari men and women i am so overcome and i feel so happy, they look so beautiful and i feel like hugging them!

so its all about your own mentality, if you have the will to live with your hair then you will find you have the power to face up to the rest of society

i go to uni and 'friends' no longer want to sit with me in lectures or hang out with me because i look different, this makes me stronger more than anything, it makes me laugh, for what i belong to - the Khalsa - is like soooooooooooooo much more important and meaningful! and when you are a part of that nothing can get you down because we belong to God and Guru ji is forever ang sang sahai!

Nari andar sohni mastak mani piaar - (ok my translation may be a bit iffy so please forgive me)she alone is beautiful upon who's head shines the jewel of God's love

also when i recite Gurbani or do naam simran or listen to Kirtan in the car for example it can be like a real warm day outside yet i am so overcome and emotionally touched by the power of Gurbani i get goosebumps and all my hair stands on end and its the most amazing feeling ever, just for that reason its worth keeping your hair but there are scientific reasons behind it too (i will try dig them out)

end of day we cannot choose our family but we can choose how we live our lives

good luck sis i hope you make the right choice according to your own self, not anyone else!

[H4RPAL]

hey sis, i am going to share what i'm going through i hope it is of some help tp you!

well my folks are Amritdhari so when i decided i wanted to receive Amrit (a few weeks ago) they were totally chuffed

previosuly however i used to wax/shave arms and legs and i would get my face threaded on a regular basis and i had cut hair on my head (i mean even now i can't tie a proper joora on the top of my head when im trying to tie a dastaar because it all falls back down beacuse i had had it layered)

anyways when i first had my hair cut my dad was so upset; i wished he would just have slapped me or something but instead he didn't talk to me for like a whole month because he was too upset and after that i knew never to touch the hair on my head again!

as for the waxing/shaving/threading/plucking i continued and my parents would say dont do it because one day you will want to stop and it will come back thicker and longer and i would laugh and say why on earth would i want to stop?? (not knowing that such an immense and deep longing and love for Sikhi and the wanting to be a Khalsa would develop)

so thankfully i received Amrit this Vaisakhi and i cannot even begin to describe how i feel, i am like totally wowed away by it, its soooooooo amazing! anyway back to the hair thing...

so yeah i have stopped waxing/shaving arms and legs and to be honest they look so much better! so much more natural and its cool because i dont have to waste time removing the hair and hurting myself as for the face - yeah i got hair on my face but im like so what?!

because before it was my choice, by my own will i removed it, no one forced me to, i mean we can say well it was done to conform to societys norms or whatever and yeah maybe it was but it wasnt like someone physically held a wax strip tp my leg and yanked my hair off, i had the choice to stop

now my mom (who has no facial hair, come to think of it no hair on her arms or legs either - a genetic thing i think) said to me oh you should get electrolysis on your face and im like why?!

if my own mom says that to me then im sure people out there think it and im expecting them to say it too

end of that day though when i received Amrit i was there because i wanted to be i wanted to offer my head to Guru ji; the Panj Piareh when giving us the rehat said you cannot remove a single hair on your body, all the way form your toes up to your head,

to me its more important to maintain my rehat than to please society; i said to my mom i'm here to impress Guru ji and God not you and the rest of society, i accept myself, i accept that God's light resides within me, i accept God created me i accept God's will, i hope to live according to that will, i dont care if no one wants to marry me because i have some facial hair, i might die right now, i may die tomorrow or next week, why should i worry about marriage that's a couple of years away, i am living in the here and now and i would rather concentrate on my marriage to God, beauty is not about what you look like its about who you are as a person, what you do, what you say, how you think, im a Sikh woman, i have so much to live for but so much to die for as well, im independent, i can stand on my own two feet, i can think for myself i can act for myself,

i don't need society's blessings when i have Guru ji's, hang on a second isnt it society who has said "don't judge a book by its cover"??? is that then not contradicting?? if i apply for a job i expect to be judged according to my experience and qualifiacations not what i look like, its not me who needs to change but them

also during the sanchaar you are told Guru Gobind Singh ji is your Father and Mata Sahib Kaur is your Mother, the most amazing and beautiful parents who will remain with you forever, i would rather please them!

when i see amritdhari men and women i am so overcome and i feel so happy, they look so beautiful and i feel like hugging them!

so its all about your own mentality, if you have the will to live with your hair then you will find you have the power to face up to the rest of society

i go to uni and 'friends' no longer want to sit with me in lectures or hang out with me because i look different, this makes me stronger more than anything, it makes me laugh, for what i belong to - the Khalsa - is like soooooooooooooo much more important and meaningful! and when you are a part of that nothing can get you down because we belong to God and Guru ji is forever ang sang sahai!

Nari andar sohni mastak mani piaar - (ok my translation may be a bit iffy so please forgive me)she alone is beautiful upon who's head shines the jewel of God's love

also when i recite Gurbani or do naam simran or listen to Kirtan in the car for example it can be like a real warm day outside yet i am so overcome and emotionally touched by the power of Gurbani i get goosebumps and all my hair stands on end and its the most amazing feeling ever, just for that reason its worth keeping your hair but there are scientific reasons behind it too (i will try dig them out)

end of day we cannot choose our family but we can choose how we live our lives

good luck sis i hope you make the right choice according to your own self, not anyone else!

97306[/snapback]

Amazing post- I see you're as inspiring as ever!

[Harmeet Singh]

Hey that came out of heart bhenji

Bhenji you are right why work for someone who doesn't care about work ethic but rathe worry about how we look from outside?

BTW I think it is myth that shaving grows more hair afterwards.

Anyway

Nari andar sohni mastak mani piaar

If you could give me the Hawala of it i.e. Reference.

[gupt_paapi]

FATEH ji

well im the hairiest person in my family and every "frend" in ym boy skool tld me 2 shave my darhi. well i had a darhi form yr 9 (age 13 onwards) n now being 16 i got lyk 10 cm of darhi from chin n im luving it . b4 every1 was lyk "eeeww" now i get so much respect. even gorre lyk it! its different. SInghs amogst the world is lyk gems amogst stones. u get loadsa stones but only a few gems. Every1 see a gangsta as a blakc person who raps and smokes n dat. But in my eyes, atrue gangsta is the kinda wid full gorwn darhi n big pagh! WAH!! WAH sikhi saroop!! Dhan Hai Waheguru Whio gave up this image. THe image of Himself is us!

And guru Gobind Singh Ji sed: "Whoever dusnt have hair + shashters is a bakri!" (soz if i translated it rong plz feel free 2 correct me )

anyways khalsa ji, just wanna say u so strong! n i admre u 4 dat. o yeh dat reminds me this gorri in my biology class sed she admires me for my faith to my religion wen she saw my sikhi saroop. and as i work in hospital elderly ward voluintarily, this gorri bibi (abt 80-90) commented dat she lyked my facial hair. These kidna things relly put my spirits high! Waheguru Gave Us Such a GIft!!!!

ANd those who want 2 "blend in" with white people orblack people. Well 1 comment: try changing ur colour ofskin. u cant! u stil gna get racism even if u cut ur hair 2 grade 1 n wear gorre clothes and act lyk 1. trust me ent it better if u get racism 4 wot u relly r? insted of a wannabe? Ent it better 2 get a racist comment abt summing u can stand up for, insted of NOTHING?? Hope u get wot i min.

Damn this post is long!! sorry saadh sangat jiii

WAHEGURU

also when i recite Gurbani or do naam simran or listen to Kirtan in the car for example it can be like a real warm day outside yet i am so overcome and emotionally touched by the power of Gurbani i get goosebumps and all my hair stands on end and its the most amazing feeling ever

Penji i get that feeling toooo No jokes! wenever i lisun 2 jaikaras dats wen i get them. sumtyms can feel goosbumps on my jaw as well lol. its a gr8 feeling lyk sum surge of feeling filling my soul n mind n body!

Hope u lot ent fallen asleweep ji

bhul chuk maaf ima moorakh veer samajke maaf karnaa

FATEH!!

[rKr]

Anjaan Penji

WOW

I'm a sacrifice to Khalsa's like YOU!

WOW

(Every hair on my body stood reading your post - WOW!)

[smartsingh24]

What common society, and by common i mean non-sikh, regard as beauty is temporary. If you really want beauty, you take a look at the people taking amrit next amrit sanchaar. You'll see the familiar twinkle in their eyes from a 10 yr old or a 50 yr old. Other people say beauty is temporary. Well, their kind of beauty is temporary. But then you look at a true singh or kaur, and you can see truth in all of it's light, glory, and beauty.

[Singh132]

Bhain jee,

I am not even going to try and tell you that I understand what bibis with facial hair go through. It must be so difficult. That having been said, I have to also say that the bibis that impress me most are those that go through with that battle and don't give in to the pressure. How beloved must Sikhi be to them that they are willing to go into such looks-conscious society with a face that looks so different and in the eyes of others, "scarred"? There must be something in them that chose Sikhi over the world. The facial hair to others maybe a negative and unsightly, but to Gursikhs, (and I have talked to chardi kala gursikhs about this), it is a sign of the love they feel for their Guru.

Anythign I say is so completely inadequate. But I feel that if someone removes their hair, they are trying to cheat Guru Sahib. What will we accomplish by removing the hair? Job, marriage, etc? I have faith that all these worldly things are in the hands of my Guru. I can't turn my back on him and hope to do better than he would have done for me if I had obeyed him. I think I would feel more secure about these things holding his hand than if I let it go and try to secure them for myself.

non-Sikh family and Sikhi: That's another topic I'm all to familliar with. When I first took amrit, I made a lot of compromises. And every compromise weakened my Sikhi and strengthened my family's resolve that this was a phase and they could make me change still. When I took my stands and refused to budge, they stopped trying to make me and today they too have a lot of respect for Sikhi and are slowly changing themselves.

Overall, I just want to say that I feel so much respect and admiration when I see a bibi with facial hair. She has made her choice in life. She's not on the fence, she has decided that she's with Guru Sahib. And what kind of a father would let his children suffer and live deprived lives? It was my job to surrender to him, and I think its his job to do the rest. He promised he would and if I can't believe his promise, who can I trust in this world? I just need the faith to believe.

So what would I do? I would hope I would have enough trust and faith in my Guru that I would surrender to his will fully. I would see this for the test it is, and I wouldn't let my Guru down. And the world could think what it wants...