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Atm Machines - Male Vs. Female


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30 facts about Men

1. Why does a man have a clear conscience? Because it's never used.

2. Why are men so happy? Because ignorance is bliss.

3. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a women? Because when it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.

4. If a man and a woman fell off a 10-story building at the same time,who would reach the ground first? The woman, the man would get lost.

5. How are men like commercials? You can't believe a word either one of them says and they both last about 60 seconds.

6. How do men exercise at the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a woman in a bikini.

7. What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted.

8. What's the difference between government bonds and men? Bonds mature.

9. What did God say after creating man? I can do better.

10. What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? a) No mind. b) No business.

11. What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist.

12. If men got pregnant .... Psychiatric Services and serious pain killers would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.

13. Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed.

14. What is gross stupidity? 144 men in one room.

15. How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove.

16. How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable."

17. Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.

18. What does a man consider to be quality time with his wife? Pulling the sheets over her head and saying, "Great chili, Babe!"

19. A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children.

20. What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.

21. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.

22. Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence.

23. How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

24. How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus the clowns don't talk.

25. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

26. What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift? Exchange him.

27. Why do bachelors like smart women? Opposites attract.

28. Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.

29. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

30. What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About Women.

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o no you didin't

- They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense

- It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women..and then he turns them into Wives !!!!

- Q: What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?

A: Magnets have a positive side!

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ohh this is war noww....

-- Why do men have broad shoulders and big foreheads?

When you ask them a question, they shrug their shoulders and say, "I don't know."

When you tell them the answer, they slap their foreheads and say, "Ohhhhhh."

-- What is the difference between men and women?

A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need........

A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need

-- Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?

A mental hospital.

-- What is the difference between garbage and men?

Garbage gets thrown out and stays out!

-- Why are men like strawberries?

Because they take a long time to mature and by the time they do most are rotten.

-- What do UFO's and caring men have in common?

You keep hearing about them but never see any for yourself.

-- How do you confuse a man?

You don't have to - they're born that way

-- What are the three types of men?

The handsome, the caring and the majority

-- What's the difference between a man and a chimpanzee?

One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching himself. The other is a chimpanzee.

-- How do we know men invented maps?

Who else would make an inch into a mile?

-- What's the difference between a man and a messy room?

You can straighten up a messy room.

-- When does a man develop a brain?

The day he gets married.

-- Why did the man sell his water skis?

He couldn't find a lake on a hill.

-- What do you call a caring, considerate and gifted man?

A Myth.

-- Why did God Create man first?

1. Practice makes perfect.

2. There's a frist draft with anything.

3. To see what needed to be fixed and then make the proper changes.

4. First is the worst.........Second is the best!

5. To be funny

-- Woman: "I got a set of golf clubs for my husband"

Friend: "GREAT trade!"

i think thts enough for the day...MUHAHAHA

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ohh this is war noww....

-- Why do men have broad shoulders and big foreheads?

When you ask them a question, they shrug their shoulders and say, "I don't know."

When you tell them the answer, they slap their foreheads and say, "Ohhhhhh."

-- What is the difference between men and women?

A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need........

A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need

-- Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?

A mental hospital.

-- What is the difference between garbage and men?

Garbage gets thrown out and stays out!

-- Why are men like strawberries?

Because they take a long time to mature and by the time they do most are rotten.

-- What do UFO's and caring men have in common?

You keep hearing about them but never see any for yourself.

-- How do you confuse a man?

You don't have to - they're born that way

-- What are the three types of men?

The handsome, the caring and the majority

-- What's the difference between a man and a chimpanzee?

One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching himself. The other is a chimpanzee.

-- How do we know men invented maps?

Who else would make an inch into a mile?

-- What's the difference between a man and a messy room?

You can straighten up a messy room.

-- When does a man develop a brain?

The day he gets married.

-- Why did the man sell his water skis?

He couldn't find a lake on a hill.

-- What do you call a caring, considerate and gifted man?

A Myth.

-- Why did God Create man first?

1. Practice makes perfect.

2. There's a frist draft with anything.

3. To see what needed to be fixed and then make the proper changes.

4. First is the worst.........Second is the best!

5. To be funny

-- Woman: "I got a set of golf clubs for my husband"

Friend: "GREAT trade!"

i think thts enough for the day...MUHAHAHA

LOL.gifLOL.gifLOL.gifLOL.gifLOL.gifLOL.gifLOL.gif

Man that was too fuuny :lol: :|

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what do you say about this one?

Starting the day with a conversation between a wife and a husband who happens to be a software engineer.

Husband :(Returning late from work) "Good Evening Dear, I'm now logged in."

Wife :Have you brought the grocery?

Husband :Bad command or filename.

Wife :But I told you in the morning

Husband :Erroneous syntax. Abort?

Wife :What about my new TV?

Husband :Variable not found ...

Wife :At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.

Husband :Sharing Violation. Access denied...

Wife o you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny?

Husband :Too many parameters ...

Wife :It was a great mistake that I married an <banned word filter activated> like you.

Husband :Data type mismatch.

Wife :You are useless.

Husband :It's by Default.

Wife :What about your Salary?

Husband :File in use ... Try after some time.

Wife :What is my value in the family.

Husband :Unknown Virus.

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o no you didin't

- They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense

- It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women..and then he turns them into Wives !!!!

- Q: What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?

A: Magnets have a positive side!

LOL.gifLOL.gif

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what do you say about this one?

Starting the day with a conversation between a wife and a husband who happens to be a software engineer.

Husband :(Returning late from work) "Good Evening Dear, I'm now logged in."

Wife :Have you brought the grocery?

Husband :Bad command or filename.

Wife :But I told you in the morning

Husband :Erroneous syntax. Abort?

Wife :What about my new TV?

Husband :Variable not found ...

Wife :At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.

Husband :Sharing Violation. Access denied...

Wife o you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny?

Husband :Too many parameters ...

Wife :It was a great mistake that I married an <banned word filter activated> like you.

Husband :Data type mismatch.

Wife :You are useless.

Husband :It's by Default.

Wife :What about your Salary?

Husband :File in use ... Try after some time.

Wife :What is my value in the family.

Husband :Unknown Virus.

LOL.gifLOL.gif haha

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-- Q. How do men define a 50-50 relationship?

A. We cook/they eat; we clean/they dirty; we iron/they wrinkle.

-- What should you give a man who has everything?

A. A woman to show him how to work it.

-- Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?

To stop the snoring before it starts.

-- Why are men like laxatives?

They can irritate the <admin-profanity filter activated> out of you.

-- Maturity:

Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults.

Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

i believe the women are winning agn....hehehe

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-- Q. How do men define a 50-50 relationship?

A. We cook/they eat; we clean/they dirty; we iron/they wrinkle.

-- What should you give a man who has everything?

A. A woman to show him how to work it.

-- Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?

To stop the snoring before it starts.

-- Why are men like laxatives?

They can irritate the <admin-profanity filter activated> out of you.

-- Maturity:

Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults.

Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

i believe the women are winning agn....hehehe

bold points : wrong way round, and what school do you go ? haha LOL.gif :lol:

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i believe the women are winning agn....hehehe
dont be so sure bibi rolleyes.gif just because you have a cute lil nephew :wubc: doesn't mean i'll be soft nonono.gif

Understanding a Woman

We need REALLY MEANS I want

You want REALLY MEANS You need

It's your decision REALLY MEANS The correct decision should be obvious by now.

We need to talk REALLY MEANS I need to complain

Do what you want REALLY MEANS You'll pay for this later.

Sure... go ahead REALLY MEANS I don't want you to.

I'm not upset REALLY MEANS Of course I'm upset, you <banned word filter activated>!

You have to learn to communicate. REALLY MEANS Just agree with me.

Do you love me? REALLY MEANS I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? REALLY MEANS I did something you're not going to like.

I'll be ready in a minute. REALLY MEANS Be patient I'll be a while.

Am I a little fat? REALLY MEANS Tell me I'm beautiful.

I'm sorry. REALLY MEANS You'll be sorry.

Do you like this recipe? REALLY MEANS It's easy to fix, so get used to it.

and mod saab, u better not close this thread nonono.gif lol this is fun :lol:

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    • I have had this theory for some while  it is harder to abstain nowadays because we get married so late (into our 30s, or perhaps late twenties at best) back in the day Id be a father by 17 lol  not a excuse, just a interesting thought 
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    • I thought everyone knew I forgot which source, but I read it somewhere as a kid  At the moment, I can only recount bhai jagraj singh of BoS saying this a couples times, somewhere in his panj bania lecture or the japji sahib katha sikhs were asking guru maharaj for a morning bani, so guru maharaj blessed them with japji (I believe some were doing asa di vaar, at least as much was pargat by then, in addition as well but I may be wrong)  the sewa of compiling shabads into a japuji sahib was entrusted to bhai lehna (guru angad) at the time of gurgaddi divas of guru angad dev ji maharaj, he composed the salok to complete japji sahib (as the maha mantar was given by akaal purakh when guru nanak went to sach khand abode of paarbrahm kartar and guru nanak replied with the rest of mool mantar; I dont know some may differ with me and say brahmgyani and mahapursh are always in the STATE of sach khand but you guys get what I am trying to convey)   that is all I can recall for now but I will try to do more khoj onto this topic
    • Speaks about Dasam Duar, Kesh and many other things Gurmat from the American Indian traditiins of the Dine. 
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