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Abused Friend In Need Of Help


JustME
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1. who cares about how the guy is

2. like karkirpawaheguru said....theres probly 2 sides to the story....so find out wat the other side is all about!!!

dont judge everything based on everything she is saying...crap happens and ppl tend to alter stories to make themselves innocent in tuff situations.

3. do help...but dont get to much spotlight on urself i guess

4. who the hell cares about this family honour bullcrap...thats all indians care about (get a life!)

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For the most part, I think she should try to stay with her family. Running off over a guy is somewhat risky since it rarely if ever works out in the long-run with that guy anyways. Is he worth throwing away her family ties over? Only she knows the answer to that but make sure she thinks that over before taking any drastic step like leaving home.

Is marrying him right now a possibility? How does his family feel and what are his plans?

If possible, she should try to discuss the entire issue with elder Gursikhs who may be able to provide better solutions, including perhaps speaking with her family or intervening in some other way.

The abuse is definately worrisome and she shouldn't have to suffer through it. There's no excuse for this violence. I don't know where you're located, but she could easily access a women's shelter if worse comes to worse -- not the best of all places, but if you need a safe place to go immediately, that's the place. She could access any women's crisis-line to get referrals to nearby shelters or supports. Being in a shelter has the advantage that she can apply for "Special Priority" in housing (how it works in Ontario is that without this Special Priority status, you wait at the end of the list of other millions of ppl waiting for housing, but with the Special Priority status, you get bumped to the top of the list and get the first available units to choose from, so instead of waiting years for a place, you usually wait only 6-10 weeks). So this way, instead of bumming off friends to get by, she can gain some independence and live on her own. Replying on friends to get by, crashing with acquaintances or couch-surfing isn't a good option past the first few days, so if she's going to leave her home, then she should think for the long-term and try to get her own place. Besides the shelter option, most women's shelters also offer "Transitional Supports" for women in the community who are planning to leave abusive situations, so they can also help set you up with safe housing.

If she's got an income, she could try to find a place herself as well, maybe starting with student housing lists so that it's cheaper and she can avoid having to sign any longer-term leases.

She should be prepared for all that comes along with leaving though -- everything from paying the bills herself to the reality of never seeing her family again. It's a tough choice, even in the face of the abuse she's suffering, but make sure she thinks it through with a cool head and doesn't make any drastic decisions in haste or anger etc.

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1. who cares about how the guy is

2. like karkirpawaheguru said....theres probly 2 sides to the story....so find out wat the other side is all about!!!

dont judge everything based on everything she is saying...crap happens and ppl tend to alter stories to make themselves innocent in tuff situations.

3. do help...but dont get to much spotlight on urself i guess

4. who the hell cares about this family honour bullcrap...thats all indians care about (get a life!)

hearye.gif like i said before...well i didnt so am sayin it now...i dnt want people to take my comments PERSONALLY I jus meant that you cant just see one side be like "LETS END THIS RIGHT NOW" - hear it all then do wuteva - second I meant that JustMe shouldnt get involved becuase How does she know that it won't effect her life, I mean being in the culture that we are in, say JustMe does take her mate into her house, our elders dnt take actions lyin down they will make sure EVERYONE HEARS ABOUT IT - JustMe don't deserve no b'ehjthee - if she does help her friend out that means she will be seen as the girl who took her friend in when the girl had come against her familys wishes - all am sayin is whether you believe in family values or not point is not everythin works out as easy as it seems when you wanna help someone - its usually the person outside of the family that gets blamed for the whole situation in the first place.

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1. who cares about how the guy is

2. like karkirpawaheguru said....theres probly 2 sides to the story....so find out wat the other side is all about!!!

dont judge everything based on everything she is saying...crap happens and ppl tend to alter stories to make themselves innocent in tuff situations.

3. do help...but dont get to much spotlight on urself i guess

4. who the hell cares about this family honour bullcrap...thats all indians care about (get a life!)

hearye.gif like i said before...well i didnt so am sayin it now...i dnt want people to take my comments PERSONALLY I jus meant that you cant just see one side be like "LETS END THIS RIGHT NOW" - hear it all then do wuteva - second I meant that JustMe shouldnt get involved becuase How does she know that it won't effect her life, I mean being in the culture that we are in, say JustMe does take her mate into her house, our elders dnt take actions lyin down they will make sure EVERYONE HEARS ABOUT IT - JustMe don't deserve no b'ehjthee - if she does help her friend out that means she will be seen as the girl who took her friend in when the girl had come against her familys wishes - all am sayin is whether you believe in family values or not point is not everythin works out as easy as it seems when you wanna help someone - its usually the person outside of the family that gets blamed for the whole situation in the first place.

again.. ur lookin at the cultural aspect of it... how it cud look like 'beztee' for her and her family, when what she would be doin is a SEVA..?? and SEVA has no boundries... doesn't matter wha other people are gonna tink.. if ur helpin sum1 to get away from bein abused/beaten/injured, then ur doin a good ting... it has nuttin to do wit family values... if, hypotheically speakin, JustME's family was okay wit bringin her friend into their home, then why shud it be an issue? so wha, we're gonna let the girl stay at home and get beat on a weekly basis jus because it might 'look bad'? hah... wha great sevadars we are...

as i said before... it doesn't matter wha the girl did... doesn't matter wha her family's side of the story is... bottom line THEY DO NOT HAVE ANY RIGHT TO ABUSE/BEAT/BATTER HER!!! THE END!!

le's stop lookin through the eyes of our CULTURE and start lookin through the eyes of our SIKHI! --- THE CONCEPT OF SEVA!!

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1. who cares about how the guy is

2. like karkirpawaheguru said....theres probly 2 sides to the story....so find out wat the other side is all about!!!

dont judge everything based on everything she is saying...crap happens and ppl tend to alter stories to make themselves innocent in tuff situations.

3. do help...but dont get to much spotlight on urself i guess

4. who the hell cares about this family honour bullcrap...thats all indians care about (get a life!)

hearye.gif like i said before...well i didnt so am sayin it now...i dnt want people to take my comments PERSONALLY I jus meant that you cant just see one side be like "LETS END THIS RIGHT NOW" - hear it all then do wuteva - second I meant that JustMe shouldnt get involved becuase How does she know that it won't effect her life, I mean being in the culture that we are in, say JustMe does take her mate into her house, our elders dnt take actions lyin down they will make sure EVERYONE HEARS ABOUT IT - JustMe don't deserve no b'ehjthee - if she does help her friend out that means she will be seen as the girl who took her friend in when the girl had come against her familys wishes - all am sayin is whether you believe in family values or not point is not everythin works out as easy as it seems when you wanna help someone - its usually the person outside of the family that gets blamed for the whole situation in the first place.

again.. ur lookin at the cultural aspect of it... how it cud look like 'beztee' for her and her family, when what she would be doin is a SEVA..?? and SEVA has no boundries... doesn't matter wha other people are gonna tink.. if ur helpin sum1 to get away from bein abused/beaten/injured, then ur doin a good ting... it has nuttin to do wit family values... if, hypotheically speakin, JustME's family was okay wit bringin her friend into their home, then why shud it be an issue? so wha, we're gonna let the girl stay at home and get beat on a weekly basis jus because it might 'look bad'? hah... wha great sevadars we are...

as i said before... it doesn't matter wha the girl did... doesn't matter wha her family's side of the story is... bottom line THEY DO NOT HAVE ANY RIGHT TO ABUSE/BEAT/BATTER HER!!! THE END!!

le's stop lookin through the eyes of our CULTURE and start lookin through the eyes of our SIKHI! --- THE CONCEPT OF SEVA!!

Fully agree with Heera paaji, it hits u in the gut wen u here bout a bibi bein hurt.........i duno how people can treat their sisters like that i always thought women had a high status in sikhi but in punjabi culture they are at the bottom......we say others try to harm our bibis' but sometimes we do the most damage to ourselves!!!!!!!!all this converesion stories get blown way outta proportion. if a bibi gets converted then let her go, unelss it was forced of course (DONT START THIS INTO A CONVERSION TOPIC)

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regardless of wha the 'other side' of the story is.. that does NOT give her brothers and father and mother ANY RIGHT to abuse her emotionally and physically.....

when i'm saying find out both sides of the story, that also means mayb shes lieing about herself getting beat all the time or w/e.

people start acting/thinking out of their normal mind when there in tuff situatiuons so they might make stupid decisions etc....thats why im saying b open and listen to all sides....ppl cud make things up to make others feel sorry 4 them and wat not man...i dunno...ANYTHINGS POSSIBLE

take drastic actions after finding out what the whole story is about and not just half....or else u will help things get worse,

until then, keep her is a safe place

i'm just shooting out possibilities.

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thats true but if justme thinks shes a good enough friend to trust, to be honest if any of my sisters told me this, id be down there in a shot i would never think my friend was telling me lies of any kind! we should get involved i think this is the same kind of situatin as the sprak hill camp, so what if her parents kno shes with you, they cant do anything, and they wont make a big scene because these sound like the type of parents that are scred of what the locals think!

i hope this sitaution gets better!

bhul chuk maf :wub:

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Such a Familar story! :wub:

Right, if she needs to get out and her family is Psycho then she needs to leave the City she resides in atleast, Get her to contact Karma Nirvana (Derby/Stoke..Number 01332 604098)...they can provide shelter for her, if not any womens Refuge will do but desi ones are better cos they know how to handle such situations. Once she is there she has to lie low for atleast a year (2 years if family are really psycho). She dont need money to go to a womens Refuge, they will help her there financially/educationally/Mentally, but make plans so that the refuge knows she's coming cos sometimes these places are pretty full.

Here's the webpage for womens Refuge, they have a help-line also.

http://www.refuge.org.uk/

Is she is gonna do this its gonna be hard, espically if she has a psycho family trying to track her down but she has to be strong

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