Is It Okay To Have Kaami Thoughts/Act On Kaami Thoughts Towards Wife

[Guest singh]

Something popped up in my mind not long ago. I was wondering about how people say that if your having really bad kaami thoughts/lustful thoughts etc that you need to get married. So is it okay to have these kaami thoughts for your wife? is it okay to act on these thoughts, i mean is that why people say to get married... does it make it okay? I know it might sound silly. but i just wanted an answer

thanks

[gurdssingh]

It normal to have these thoughts. I mean not like being a total pervert that is wrong. But lets face facts sexual desire / needs are just a natural way orf life without it would equal the end of human life.

[Wales85]

better than norma... its a good thing to be attracted to your wife. Sex is designed by God, and its a good thing.

[Only five]

No thoughts of Kaam are good. It does not matter who they are for. There is a way to balance kaam and turn it into positive thoughts. Sri Guru Teg Bahudar Sahib ji told Sri Guru Gobind Singh Sahib ji to love his wife and no other women. The word lust (to indulge in it when with his wife) does not come in Sri Guru Teg Bahudar Sahib ji's words when he was giving these words to Sri Guru Gobind SIngh Sahib ji.

[Singh559]

I think the best thought is, to not only be physically connected, but have a strong spiritual connection with your spouse.

[Wales85]

Desiring your wife is healthy and normal. It is also part of your duty as her husband. Do not feel bad about this. No guilt necessary. All things in moderation seems the key. I also agree with Singh.

[Only five]

Here is a shabad from Sri Sukhmani Sahib ji that clearly gives the answer.

This Shabad is by Guru Arjan Dev Ji in Raag Gauree on Pannaa 274

AstpdI ]

asattapadhee ||

Ashtapadee:

imiQAw nwhI rsnw prs ]

mithhiaa naahee rasanaa paras ||

One whose tongue does not touch falsehood;

mn mih pRIiq inrMjn drs ]

man mehi preeth nira(n)jan dharas ||

whose mind is filled with love for the Blessed Vision of the Pure Lord,

pr iqRA rUpu n pyKY nyqR ]

par thria roop n paekhai naethr ||

whose eyes do not gaze upon the beauty of others' wives,

swD kI thl sMqsMig hyq ]

saadhh kee ttehal sa(n)thasa(n)g haeth ||

who serves the Holy and loves the Saints' Congregation,

krn n sunY kwhU kI inMdw ]

karan n sunai kaahoo kee ni(n)dhaa ||

whose ears do not listen to slander against anyone,

sB qy jwnY Awps kau mMdw ]

sabh thae jaanai aapas ko ma(n)dhaa ||

who deems himself to be the worst of all,

gur pRswid ibiKAw prhrY ]

gur prasaadh bikhiaa pareharai ||

who, by Guru's Grace, renounces corruption,

mn kI bwsnw mn qy trY ]

man kee baasanaa man thae ttarai ||

who banishes the mind's evil desires from his mind,

ieMdRI ijq pMc doK qy rhq ]

ei(n)dhree jith pa(n)ch dhokh thae rehath ||

who conquers his sexual instincts and is free of the five sinful passions

nwnk koit mDy ko AYsw Aprs ]1]

naanak kott madhhae ko aisaa aparas ||1||

- O Nanak, among millions, there is scarcely one such 'touch-nothing Saint'. ||1||

In the above, Guru Sahib speaks about conquering this so called normal and natural desire (kaam). But Guru Sahib does not stop there. He goes further and says free yourself of the five passions(includes kaam). Only thing natural and normal in this world is to recite the Lords name. You could say kaam is covered three times in this one shabad and then twice in one tuk. Kaam although we all are full of it, is not to be treated lightly and say i can use it here and not other places. Read Gurbani on what Maharaj says about attachment to your wife. Loving your wife is what Maharaj tells us and no where in Gurbani does Maharaj tell us kaam is okay toward anyone.

[mohinder pal]

THe Above line is also mentioning that Such Person is One in Milions who conquers 5 evils. just imagine 0.1% truth from 99.9% Lie

[SHOGUN ASSASON]

This is what I think.

You should control lustful thoughts even for your wife. Your pursuing a discipline.

For instance lets say you were separated from her on a business trip and there was other women there then your thoughts may lead you astray.

This discipline has to be pursued even in marriage. You never know what circumstances may arise which will test you.

[Only five]

THe Above line is also mentioning that Such Person is One in Milions who conquers 5 evils. just imagine 0.1% truth from 99.9% Lie

And your point is. This topic is on kaam and the above Shabad presents what a Sikh must do. The last line of the shabad is saying that it is difficult to reach this state, but not impossible. And if your a Sikh of the Guru then the last line should tell you it is difficult path and not tell you to give up and follow the mind. The last line truly distinguishes the true beloved Sikhs of the Guru from the fake. There is a line drawn, take a pick on which side you want to be on.

Peoples insecurity and doubts really kill them on following Gurmat.