Interview Of Sikh Girl Who Used To Have Mulsim Boyfreind

[dalsingh101]

A person can be "good-looking" (in the conventional sense) but still be terribly unhappy within themselves or at a loss spiritually. Usually, such 'deadness' of the soul can be noticed in the eyes or through a drawn-out expression on the face. That's what I meant by "...apparent in a person's eyes and face".

That doesn't stop this society exalting and idolising these people. But yes, sometimes, the society that apparently adores them so much only realsies how seriously awry things are with these people internally when they have topped themselves.

But we are living in a time when maya (illuion) seems unprecedented. When you look at the cornerstone of modern western culture today in the form of these Pop Idol, X Factor programmes (something I don't advise for any longer than is required to fathom their nature!), what you see is hordes who are buying into and wanting to live this life of attention and shallow adulation from the masses. The rise of Jordon in Britain and societies fascination with her, says it all. It's this sort of shallow mentality/aspiration that is taking a hold of people, including many apneean unfortunately.

Sikh culture/thought is a million miles from them and being popular, having a boyfriend etc. is the central plank of their lives it seems. That's not saying we don't have male equivalents either btw.

[VanHelsingh]

Yup, the obsession with celebrity will be the death knell of western society.

Our own people are just confused. They don't know what they want or who they want it from. That's reflected in what they get up to in their lives. Even a brief understanding of the Sikh faith and spirituality as a whole, would go some way to help some youngsters from succumbing to the temptations and lifestyles they inevitably are attracted to.

Blaming jathebandia, splinter groups, internal politics, etc., is all good and well but we don't have to get involved in such distractions. Make a relationship with Waheguru and ignore the rest. Follow the faith, continue to learn and job done. It's a waste of time and superfluous for the common man to get involved in these issues, because no matter which group a person aligns themselves with, you'll invariably be accused of not being a true Sikh by all the others.

[PrabhKaSimran]

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[dalsingh101]

Our own people are just confused. They don't know what they want or who they want it from. That's reflected in what they get up to in their lives. Even a brief understanding of the Sikh faith and spirituality as a whole, would go some way to help some youngsters from succumbing to the temptations and lifestyles they inevitably are attracted to.

Lately I've been thinking that maybe it would be a good idea to expose people to the wider spiritual underpinnings of the faith without even mentioning "Sikhism"?

In the end we only win this battle when an alternative lifestyle option is offered - one that internally resonates with them so they actually WANT to live like that of their own accord. I studied elements of psychology and I know the west uses their understandings of deeply ingrained human instincts to socially engineer society how they want it (usually as a brainless, lust/neurosis driven consuming machine).

Plus it has to be faced. Our social support networks are seriously lame compared to other communities. And like it or not, for hordes of people, the social element of a faith is one of the most important aspects of it. I'm not one of these types myself, but I'm not blind to the fact that most people are.

We need a feeling of family throughout our quom. We need living role models that people can aspire too. We need to relate to people on a spiritual and personal level. We need to provide opportunity and security too. I think Yogi Bhajan did something similar. Plus it's no coincidence that the Khalsa originally grew when there were hardcore morally upright warriors who secured areas and offered people protection (rakhi).

We will never stop people being rebellious or wanting to live other lifestyles. All we should aim to do is minimise how much of this goes on and tolerate the minority that does, with view to integrating them back into the wider community one day. Numbers count in this world. Anyone telling you otherwise is either ignorant or mischievous.

[VanHelsingh]

....Plus it has to be faced. Our social support networks are seriously lame compared to other communities. And like it or not, for hordes of people, the social element of a faith is one of the most important aspects of it. I'm not one of these types myself, but I'm not blind to the fact that most people are.

That's funny (not in a 'ha ha' way) but I've also always considered faith to be a fiercely personal journey. I dislike the overtly social aspects - obviously not referring to the concept of sangat which is integral to Sikhi.

For me, "alone time" contemplating the issues is more appealing than the "hal-chal" of the masses who are all on different wavelengths, sending out their different vibes. It makes me uneasy. I'm probably just weird and its why I avoid mele, nagar kirtans, etc. They do nothing for me.

Peaceful sangat is very rare but it's what I prefer.

[West London Singh]

PLus girls do need to feel physically protected and way too many apnay are raised up to be cowardly office workers these days. It's like our society has devalued personal physical bravery in the modern world because it doesn't help in the corporate world?

This is a SIKH forum.....NOT a HINDU one. No Sikh female NEEDS to be physically protected. Thats one of the reasons we don't get them to tie rakhris around our wrists. They (sikh girls) can do anything and everything we can. Sikhi, and the physical strength it brings, is as much for them as it is for us. I've noticed that among the Sikhs from non-rural backgrounds it is common to believe that Sikhi...and the turban etc is just for the men....with just a peripheral role for women. As long as the man has a pagh and dhari it matters not that is wife resembles a hindu woman. As far as I'm concerned that and only that is the problem. I've been to several gurdwaras and functions in this country belomging to the urban bhatra sikhs of Delhi. In these Gurdwaras and functions they had a physical curtain separating the males from, the females. Complete and utter exclusion of the women. Now tell me......what female on earth, whether sikh or not, is gonna be attracted to that ?

You have reports and memos after reports and memos by authorities such as Hampshire County Council citing the supression of young Sikh females in places like Southampton and Portsmouth(bhatra background from delhi) as far worse than that experienced by muslim females. Not allowed education. Not allowed out. Married at 16. Now tell me....what female of any background is gonna be attracted to that ?

We have, at our fingertips, the one and only major religion in the world that gives complete and utter equality to women. As far as attracted females to the faith is concerned that is our number one selling point. And yet we are stupid enough to let such a thing pass through our fingertips. Not only that....but we then blame the muslim males for the problem !!!

And someone mentioned the Sikh Camps as the answer....to put young girls off the idea of keeping boyfriends etc. Have you all forgotten how the couple that actually run the Sikh Camps and teach our young girls there starred in a BBC documentary last year in which they sat on their marital bed in their PJ's and talked graphicaly about their sex lives.......what they liked to do in bed etc ? Tell me...how are such people gonna put young sikh females off the idea of 'romance' and boyfriends ?

[dalsingh101]

That's funny (not in a 'ha ha' way) but I've also always considered faith to be a fiercely personal journey. I dislike the overtly social aspects - obviously not referring to the concept of sangat which is integral to Sikhi.

I know what you mean. I'm the same. It is a very nijji experience for me too. I think the majority of the spiritual side is a very personal journey, one with your inner being, which in turn alters your perception/relationship with what we can call the external world. The paradox is that (if I am understanding it correctly) all of this is One anyway. Grappling with that and making sense of it seems like half the mystery. lol

For me, "alone time" contemplating the issues is more appealing than the "hal-chal" of the masses who are all on different wavelengths, sending out their different vibes. It makes me uneasy. I'm probably just weird and its why I avoid mele, nagar kirtans, etc. They do nothing for me. :D

I used to love melay and nagar kirtans a few years ago, not so much now. I think a large part of the faith is inward reflection. To me that bit is the most sublime and beautiful. Analysing and reflecting on a good steek, or perusing a quality arth is Sikhi for me. But then again, it's ignorant to perceive wider experience based on one's own perspective. Hell, okay maybe high levels of introspection does make one a bit weird and relatively unsocial. But I just embrace it now. I've socialised enough to last a few lifetimes - that's how I feel now anyways. One thing I will say to you. Sometimes force yourself to go to these (and other) things even if you don't want to. The change is healthy. It doesn't matter if you want to or not. Just do it now and then.

[VanHelsingh]

I used to love melay and nagar kirtans a few years ago, not so much now. I think a large part of the faith is inward reflection. To me that bit is the most sublime and beautiful. Analysing and reflecting on a good steek, or perusing a quality arth is Sikhi for me. But then again, it's ignorant to perceive wider experience based on one's own perspective. Hell, okay maybe high levels of introspection does make one a bit weird and relatively unsocial. But I just embrace it now. I've socialised enough to last a few lifetimes - that's how I feel now anyways. One thing I will say to you. Sometimes force yourself to go to these (and other) things even if you don't want to. The change is healthy. It doesn't matter if you want to or not. Just do it now and then.

For sure. You can't beat gaining some gian from learned Sikhs, gianis, mahapurash, etc. But those opportunities are extremely few and far between. I guess there's a slew of nagar kirtans coming up in the next few weeks (due to Vaisakhi) so I might give them a try this year.

In regards to the topic at hand, I do see people I'd like to help or just have a word with, but being a pretty private guy myself, I just don't know how my words would go down. Would people see me as Sikh trying to help out a fellow Sikh, or a nosey busy-body? I suppose people who really wish to make a difference don't care.

[dalsingh101]

For sure. You can't beat gaining some gian from learned Sikhs, gianis, mahapurash, etc. But those opportunities are extremely few and far between.

I seem to have a natural predilection for absorbing information through printed sources as opposed to auditory (my preferred learning style I guess), so that sort of heavily influences the way I engage with the faith. lol

Todays generation aren't like this. Parchaaraks need to understand and adapt to this. They are doing quite well already with audio mp3s in this respect. But then we have to ask just how 'dumbed down' do we want to get with Sikhi in order to reach the masses of estranged apnay anyway? Going down that root brings about it's own problems.

Am I saying every Sikh needs to be constantly trying to be scholarly? Is this even realistic? What about natural differences in intelligence. We need to get answers to these and many more questions.

[VanHelsingh]

Todays generation aren't like this. Parchaaraks need to understand and adapt to this. They are doing quite well already with audio mp3s in this respect. But then we have to ask just how 'dumbed down' do we want to get with Sikhi in order to reach the masses of estranged apnay anyway? Going down that root brings about it's own problems.

Am I saying every Sikh needs to be constantly trying to be scholarly? Is this even realistic? What about natural differences in intelligence. We need to get answers to these and many more questions.

It's one of many questions I'm not getting answered. The hardliners will say "Don't change a thing for anyone. If they really wish to learn, they must undergo the same procedures and methods that all those who came before have undertaken" and as harsh as this may sound, a part of me agrees. Others might say "We need to adapt according to the target sangat (but NOT distort the original message or compromise the integrity of the source)", and I also agree with this sentiment.

One thing is for sure - sticking our heads in the sand and squabbling amongst each other won't achieve anything. For example, how would you explain to a girl who has gone off with a Muslim that what she has done is wrong, AND why, as a Sikh, she should not have done it? What if her "Sikhness" is non-existent and isn't a factor in her life? Can anything really be done or are WE just prejudiced?

Are you listening Waheguru Ji? We need some help down here, please!!! :D