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Intercaste Marriage - Jat Sikh Girl Vs Ramgharia Boy


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Ssa g ,

My boyfriend is ramgharia sikh (age 28) and i m jatt sikh ( age 27) and we are in 4 years of relationship. We are very much compatible to each other. He is in india, in IT field earning gud salary. Doesnt eat meat or drink and is in sikhi with beard and kesh.

I m living in canada and i m also in IT field. I have been trying to convince my parents from a long tim now but they are not ready to accept because of caste issue. My parents feel they will be disgraced in society and what people will say that instead of going upward you are letting your daughter mary in a lower caste.

His family is very coperative and have tried every single way to convince my parents. On my parents visit to india they (his family) infact tried to meet and talk to my parents. But all in vain. They than tried to go directly to meet my parents but my parents didnt opn the door.

I tried to convince my parents as well by say just gp and see them once and then make a decision but they arent agreeing to it. Finally i told them that i dont wana live with them, then came back and said ok we will talk to my eldest sis and bro in law who by now have no clue about all this. I know my family and i know its a trap for me. My bro in law is strict and no one likes him in my family but anyway they wana ask him.

On the other side my boy friends family is all set to welcome me and fix my wedding. They have asked their relatives if they have any issue with this matter and plus if i go there without my family supporting me.

I m in this pressure where morally i dont like the idea of eloping and getting married. I always wanted this to happen with my parents consent which doesnt seem to be happening. I told to chose him or ny family. If i chose him i will be happy but my parents may not be able to accept it. If i chose my family, i had to live with regret throughtout my life and it will be too shocking for his family abd relatives who supported me from last 2 yrs.

Can you please help me what should i do. I love my parents and i love him too. He is one of a kind. Please help me as this pressure is killing me day by day.

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@garch Well to me having a bf means i have chosen a partner with whom i m ready to spend rest of my life. I dont see anything wrong or against sikhi.

Caste shouldn't even be an issue ! Parents should be thankful that their child is intending to make a life commitment with a sikh partner, as it could easily have been a muslim, hindu, gora..rastafar

how the heck has she let her parents down? her parents dont care about Sikhi as they believe in the anti-Sikh caste system. her husband to be is a Kesdhari and they haven't done anything before marr

Please tell your parents that their is no caste system in Sikhism. They are following the hindu casteist rituals by their behavior and have no right to play with your life. Seek the blessings of Waheguru and marry that boy. Your parents will soon see the folly of their actions and respect your decision.

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Caste issue a side. . Why get into something that would upset ur folks? Love based on lust is glorified lust. If u are engaging in kaam before marriage please do not use the caste argument to win the battle with ur folks. As a father to daughters its sad to say but u have let ur parents down.

Back to the main point of resolving this self inflictef selfish situation, unless u can see ur parents coming round u have to make a decision on who to choose.

Parents would get my call everyday of the week.

Pray for the clarity to make the best decision.

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OP, have you spoken to your parents and told them that their logic of caste is wrong and if they do not listen

tell them they belong to a low caste and also make them aware of the the fact how Sikhism has lifted their social status from being

downtrodden, oppressed people under the hindu caste system to what they are now.

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Thanks everyone for your positive and negatives comments

Replying to @garch and @jagsawsingh:

I dont think i have committed anything wrong by chosing with whom i should spend rest of my life. This society wont come after those girls and save them who undergo domestic violence. We have to live our whole life with it no matter wat. And at that time some parents may say thats your fate.

I chose my partner may be you can call me shamless but i have given the right to my parents to decide. And i m here discussing this because i still wana have my parents marry me with him with their consent. My dad likes him n his family. He got no other issue other than caste. If there was some other reason than i would have agreed. But just caste isnt wat u luk for while chosing a groom. I have seen cases where even after having a baby kick their wife out of the house, make their wife just a slave. If this is wat we call our culture and for you is pride. Then i m i have right to live and chose.

And by the way if you r sikh i want to ask you why the heck we go to golden temple the bonge was made by ramgharias. Why you go to sikh temple and sit in sangat for langar without knowing the caste of the person sitting beside you. Next time you go to guru ghar make sure to check whether the person who made the langar was of ur caste or from lower caste.

Thanks for your comments.

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To all with positive comments thanks for your support.....

I love my family and i love his family too. I dont wana loose either of them.

I want you guys to give me some ideas how i can convince my family. Dont say run away bcoz thats not wat i m looking for. I need to make my dad understand things from our sikhi, what are gurus wants to teach us. I need examples from our sikh history to state that castism is not a part of sikhisms.

@ghettosikh

You are right. This is what i never understand whats the difference bw the two. Its just a proffesion, isnt it? Who cares wat his dad or families proffession is. I asked my dad same question, but he said theres nothing wrong in the profession its just caste.

I would have agreed to my parents decision if he was from different religion bcz then u have different god religions etc i wud still understand . But here everything is same. On the top of it me and his proff is same.

@jsinghnz

Yes i have spoken to my dad and tried to make him understand with some examples from sikhi. But he is Worried abt society. I dont understand if tomorrow i have some prob in my married life will society come to resolve the issues?

Ppl will talk no matter wat thats their job.

I have cousin who got married to a guy with his parents choice. After having frst kid, my cousin came to know that she is his third wife. And all of his previous wives have kids too.so how society will help my cousin. What was her fault ? And guess wat she hv no place to go, nt even her parents house.

Thats how our society make us to suffer.

Anyways if you guys have any ideas, i would appreciate if you can share with me. ThNkyou everyone.

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Caste issue a side. . Why get into something that would upset ur folks? Love based on lust is glorified lust. If u are engaging in kaam before marriage please do not use the caste argument to win the battle with ur folks. As a father to daughters its sad to say but u have let ur parents down.

Back to the main point of resolving this self inflictef selfish situation, unless u can see ur parents coming round u have to make a decision on who to choose.

Parents would get my call everyday of the week.

Pray for the clarity to make the best decision.

Um what does lust have to do w/anything here?Also, OP isn't in the wrong for choosing who s/he wants to marry. It's the parents' archaic views of marriage at fault here.

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@Kharkusingh you are really funny

haha I take Sikhs parents who refuse marriages because of caste issues/societal values very seriously cuz they need some knowledge dropped on their heads. If you convinced your dad that caste is absolutely non-existent and he agrees but he still worries about society tell him you still have family to resolve your issues in the end. Your dad should know Sikhs don't worry about public's opinion or societal values in the end. The chances if your partner and you are an absolute match there will be slight to none problems in the future. Hope all the best.

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