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Rishta problem

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Guest Anonymous

Think you should just forget about her past and go on her characteristics at this moment in time. If you like her and you think she's compatible, you see yourself with her until your last breath then go ahead. 

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Guest Jagsaw_Singh

Never mind the missing older sister. Never mind the overbearing mum. The only real 'warning' sign here is the girl's extreme 'prettyness'. Unless you yourself are also Johnny Depp / David Beckham material her extreme prettyness is going to be a dark cloud hanging over your marriage for ever. Never EVER marry the really pretty ones. A tall girl from a rich family who is also very very pretty wouldn't be marrying you if there wasn't some kind of hidden 'issue' within the family.

And that brings me to my second point.......you said this family ticked all the boxes you had in your check list and one of them was the fact it was a rich family. Why was  'girl must be from a rich family' in your criteria list ?

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53 minutes ago, Ranjeet01 said:

If you don't want the rishta because of these doubts, move on.

There are plenty of other girls.

Are you crazy, bro? She's tall, pretty, educated, AND her family is quite well off. 

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1 hour ago, Jacfsing2 said:

I am, for me it's around noon, (the official time in my area is around 8:00).

Ok, I've always said noon, as in midday 12pm, or so. 

But here's more to add to the confusion:

Is noon a.m. or p.m.? Well, the correct answer may surprise you because it is actually neither. That’s right; technically noon is neither a.m. nor p.m. Although it is common to see noon expressed as 12:00 p.m., it is actually incorrect. So the next time one of your friends sends you an email saying, “Let’s meet at 12:00 p.m. noon for lunch.” you might want to take note."

http://writingexplained.org/noon-am-or-pm

 

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20 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

Are you crazy, bro? She's tall, pretty, educated, AND her family is quite well off. 

Oh darn!

Most blokes would have settled for 1 out the 4.

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1 minute ago, Ranjeet01 said:

Oh darn!

Most blokes would have settled for 1 out the 4.

Wisdom / foresight, humility, and a healthy disposition of mind and body. If a person posseses these qualities they're usually relatively intelligent and decent to look at, unless you've ridiculous demands of aesthetic perfection. Anything else is utterly superfluous and not worth consideration. 

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Guest Jacfsing2
44 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

Are you crazy, bro? She's tall, pretty, educated, AND her family is quite well off. 

Where's the Gurmat aspect? I don't really know what O.P. was honestly looking for when he asked this, was he hoping someone would tell him to go do it? 

On 4/18/2017 at 5:14 PM, Guest Question said:

should we decline the rishta or should I give it the benefit of the doubt and go ahead with the rishta? 

I don't know how much Sikhi matters to you, on a daily basis, but you should wonder, would you actually feel comfortable around these people if in the future they invited you to some family event, would you feel comfortable sitting with them, when they probably aren't very respected. Understand that everyone puts their best foot in, I bet you also hid your true personality as well. Mostly do you trust the girl, forgetting everything that your bias may be, do you feel like this individual girl is worth your entire life? I'm not saying any position for you to take, but if you feel inferior in anyway to her, you are going to be one of them <banned word filter activated> men who bow to their wife at every will, in your own mind you should feel like an equal. (I've seen a lot of these Ghulami husbands in my real life to know that it's just sad.) 

Call me egotistical, but you must believe that you are better than how you already view yourself, cause to be honest you don't seem that confident in decisions you make. But if you are going to ask people on a forum who have no idea who you are, whether you should or shouldn't continue on a Rishta about a girl that neither you nor anyone of us knows, then I would recommend against it. We have enough Punjabi Ghulami husbands, and it's quite embarrassing to say the least.:@Kaurs shouldn't be Ghulamis to their husbands either, but if adjustment is made it should be made.

34 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

unless you've ridiculous demands of aesthetic perfection. Anything else is utterly superfluous and not worth consideration. 

I've seen some teenagers with crazy unrealistic demands, but then they realize they aren't all that great after all. But because Disney or some other emotional porn propaganda brainwashed the kids from a young age, these unrealistic demands haunt them into their adulthood. 

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Guest Vaheguru

Dear OP,

It is very understandable to have such feelings when confronted with such a situation - afterall it IS a massive step to get married. None of us are professional councellors or experienced enough in life to advice you in what to do but as a sister and me trying to imagine if one of my brothers were in such a situation I would ask you to think about the following questions and decide for yourself:

If by accepting this rista do you think you could:

- Get over this unfortunate reality that your 'wife's' sister ran away and not let it get in the way of yours and your wife's happy marriage?

- Would you be prepared to explain this situation to your future children? How would it effect them? 

- Would you constantly doubt your wife or daughter in the future over petty disagreements (every household has arguements over random petty things) and would you constantly rack your brains about this situation?

If I was in your position I will be honest I would say sorry to Vaheguru and do Ardaas and obviously say sorry to the family but I would NOT accept this rista. You need to look at your goals/priorities in life - what do you want? Would this unfortunate reality effect your goal/priority. My personal priority was (before marriage) and now is (married) to have a Gursikh husband with Gursikh kids and a happy Gursikh family that I could love and serve. Vaheguru's blessings I got that but if I had been offered a rista such as this I am being honest I would refuse it simply because it would effect my life goal/priority....

May Vaheguru bless you and your family with a perfect rista and of course may Vaheguru bless this girl and her family with the perfect rista.

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1 hour ago, kalyugi said:

wow, how do you know this brother ? This is a realization that a person has once he personally experienced it.  Because this is so true and I personally experienced it. My partner was very docile, submissive, apologetic, but once the marriage happened I found out her really personality lol. Very outspoken and tongue sharp like a knife. I had always wanted a partner who was sweet spoken, i guess destiny had some other plans for me.

Thats the only thing my brain hijacked on hormones saw before marriage lol. So true man so true. 

If a girl is super cute that mostly trumps many other aspects. Hormones are crazy.

I've seen too many good men seduced by their own ridiculous foolishness. Singhs and non-Singhs and even non-Sikhs. The signs are always there unless the other person in question has Sir. Laurence Olivier levels of acting ability. Unfortunately, guys switch off that part of their brain that makes them aware of such signals, and they... well i don't know what they're thinking, but I'm guessing a few of the 5 vices are involved, lol.

Also, guys, for the love of God don't punch above your weight. You're asking for a hell of a lot of hassle if you're demanding supermodel-esque good looks whilst you yourself are barely human to look at. This realisation comes with cruel and stark introspection. If you can't be honest with yourself and judge your own value, then you're going to spend your entire life deluding yourself and paying for the consequences.

If you're a 6 or 7 in looks, don't reach for a girl who's a 9 or a 9.5. She's well aware of her intrinsic value in terms of her looks AND she's also hyper aware that you aren't in her league. Don't let the ego that comes with having a successful career and the associated material benefits lead you into thinking you'll be able to "handle" a modern, high maintenance woman, secular or religious. You won't. Only if you're stupendously wealthy might you be able to get away with it, but even then you're skating on thin ice.

Don't blame the women when things go south. In nearly every single instance the warning signs were always there, and therefore a way out was always possible, but the ego and arrogance of our guys overpowered all sense of reason and moderation. 

 

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Guest Jacfsing2
1 hour ago, kalyugi said:

bro how do you know people have pure hearts ? you can never be so sure, you are not antarjami. dont underestimate yourself ever.

It's not a me underestimating myself, but more on me being better myself. My own grandparents were the type to do Paht whenever they could without thinking or focusing on much else. Compared to people like them, I'm just mister Paapi. My goal is improvement, I may never reach their level of Gursikhi, but hopefully better than what I am now. (And I'm not just saying some wishful thoughts, they were Gursikhs which you don't find on a daily basis).

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Guest Jacfsing2
14 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

I've seen too many good men seduced by their own ridiculous foolishness. Singhs and non-Singhs and even non-Sikhs. The signs are always there unless the other person in question has Sir. Laurence Olivier levels of acting ability. Unfortunately, guys switch off that part of their brain that makes them aware of such signals, and they... well i don't know what they're thinking, but I'm guessing a few of the 5 vices are involved, lol.

Also, guys, for the love of God don't punch above your weight. You're asking for a hell of a lot of hassle if you're demanding supermodel-esque good looks whilst you yourself are barely human to look at. This realisation comes with cruel and stark introspection. If you can't be honest with yourself and judge your own value, then you're going to spend your entire life deluding yourself and paying for the consequences.

If you're a 6 or 7 in looks, don't reach for a girl who's a 9 or a 9.5. She's well aware of her intrinsic value in terms of her looks AND she's also hyper aware that you aren't in her league. Don't let the ego that comes with having a successful career and the associated material benefits lead you into thinking you'll be able to "handle" a modern, high maintenance woman, secular or religious. You won't. Only if you're stupendously wealthy might you be able to get away with it, but even then you're skating on thin ice.

Don't blame the women when things go south. In nearly every single instance the warning signs were always there, and therefore a way out was always possible, but the ego and arrogance of our guys overpowered all sense of reason and moderation. 

I kind off blame these seduction artists which makes such statements. (I've seen some of these click-baits as pop-ups on my computer). Is it possible for a person to marry someone better-looking and make it work out, yes, but usually the other, (better-looking), person has some problems among themselves which makes them settle down with the other person, or the less attractive person, has some unique gift, (and I'm not talking about seduction tricks), which lets them marry the better-looking person.

(In our Punjabi Maat, too much emphasis is placed on whether you are fair-skinned or dark-skinned, never understood why it has so much value that a 1 in the fair-skinned department is somehow worth more than a 10 in the dark-skinned department?😒)

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