do people still get disowned?

[puzzled]

Was just wondering do people still get disowned in Sikh families? My mum said it still happens, people just don't talk about it. Im asking because my cousin sister was disowned around 4 years back because she had problems with alcohol. Her parents just tell everyone that she ran away with a hindu guy!  Im 24 and growing up i used to hear stories of how people get disowned(mostly girls)   The school i went to was mostly paki and i know there were a few kids in our school both indian and paki who had siblings that were disowned mostly because they were with someone of a different religion, but only a few cases.    Just a couple of days back my mother was saying to my sister that if she wants to marry a non sikh then she will have to break all relations with the family, not that my sister will do that, she's a good girl.

Back when we were around 16 i remember another cousin sister of mine was close to getting disowned, the social service got involved but my mum managed to persuade my mama not to disown his daughter and to giver her another chance because she's only a kid, she was around 14 then. 

I guess it comes down to the family! there are liberal sikh families out there who do not mind what their kids do and then there are more strict ones ...

So is it still common?  

[dallysingh101]

45 minutes ago, puzzled said:

Was just wondering do people still get disowned in Sikh families? My mum said it still happens, people just don't talk about it. Im asking because my cousin sister was disowned around 4 years back because she had problems with alcohol. Her parents just tell everyone that she ran away with a hindu guy!  Im 24 and growing up i used to hear stories of how people get disowned(mostly girls)   The school i went to was mostly paki and i know there were a few kids in our school both indian and paki who had siblings that were disowned mostly because they were with someone of a different religion, but only a few cases.    Just a couple of days back my mother was saying to my sister that if she wants to marry a non sikh then she will have to break all relations with the family, not that my sister will do that, she's a good girl.

Back when we were around 16 i remember another cousin sister of mine was close to getting disowned, the social service got involved but my mum managed to persuade my mama not to disown his daughter and to giver her another chance because she's only a kid, she was around 14 then. 

I guess it comes down to the family! there are liberal sikh families out there who do not mind what their kids do and then there are more strict ones ...

So is it still common?  

I think various differences often makes families separate, sometimes for long periods (or even permanently). This stuff continues to happen after marriage even. I've seen umpteen married couples break relations with siblings/parents etc. 

But I'd say that disowning someone young is extremely dangerous. If people feel compelled to go that way, they should make sure they (at least) have other members of the family keeping surreptitious, careful eyes on the errant child. This goes quadruple for girls! 

I seriously believe that we have this very stubborn jumped up streak in many of our people's (Punjab Sikhs) nature, which when young can play havoc with family when a kid thinks they know everything, but in reality is about as clueless and non-streetwise as you can get out there. This is why so many pretty, 'feisty' Sikh girls/women end up getting pimped out. 

On the otherside, some parents are just so unyielding and narrow minded, and struggle so much to have a meaningful deep communicative relationship with their kids, that it's no wonder the kids go half-bonkers. 

To make things more complex, people can have a supporting, liberal  upbringing by their parents, and still go off the reservation and end up in really stupid situations  - despite all of the freedom they've been given. The other more restricted type is more likely to fall in a mess because they are rebelling and are clueless about the real world and all its seedy bits. 

 

[Guest Jacfsing2]

49 minutes ago, puzzled said:

Was just wondering do people still get disowned in Sikh families? My mum said it still happens, people just don't talk about it. Im asking because my cousin sister was disowned around 4 years back because she had problems with alcohol. Her parents just tell everyone that she ran away with a hindu guy!  Im 24 and growing up i used to hear stories of how people get disowned(mostly girls)   The school i went to was mostly paki and i know there were a few kids in our school both indian and paki who had siblings that were disowned mostly because they were with someone of a different religion, but only a few cases.    Just a couple of days back my mother was saying to my sister that if she wants to marry a non sikh then she will have to break all relations with the family, not that my sister will do that, she's a good girl.

Back when we were around 16 i remember another cousin sister of mine was close to getting disowned, the social service got involved but my mum managed to persuade my mama not to disown his daughter and to giver her another chance because she's only a kid, she was around 14 then. 

I guess it comes down to the family! there are liberal sikh families out there who do not mind what their kids do and then there are more strict ones ...

So is it still common?  

I don't know much about the whole reasoning for disowning kids, but people still disown their kids which in some situations means get out of my house, or can be more serious, with contact actually being cut-off, (this is rarer, and most of the time it's just the first one). I am usually not the one to blame fault, but 99% of the time it's usually the parents fault, because we are losing our strictness in Gurmat.

[MisterrSingh]

I use to assume disowning a family member was behaviour that was exclusive to Punjabis. I realise now that there's no community that doesn't do it. Whites, Mediterraneans, Africans, Non-Indian Asians; they ALL do it for various reasons. 

[Big_Tera]

4 hours ago, puzzled said:

Was just wondering do people still get disowned in Sikh families? My mum said it still happens, people just don't talk about it. Im asking because my cousin sister was disowned around 4 years back because she had problems with alcohol. Her parents just tell everyone that she ran away with a hindu guy!  Im 24 and growing up i used to hear stories of how people get disowned(mostly girls)   The school i went to was mostly paki and i know there were a few kids in our school both indian and paki who had siblings that were disowned mostly because they were with someone of a different religion, but only a few cases.    Just a couple of days back my mother was saying to my sister that if she wants to marry a non sikh then she will have to break all relations with the family, not that my sister will do that, she's a good girl.

Back when we were around 16 i remember another cousin sister of mine was close to getting disowned, the social service got involved but my mum managed to persuade my mama not to disown his daughter and to giver her another chance because she's only a kid, she was around 14 then. 

I guess it comes down to the family! there are liberal sikh families out there who do not mind what their kids do and then there are more strict ones ...

So is it still common?  

I think I would like to disown this thread. 

jeez. What a silly question and thread. 

[singhbj singh]

This trend is more prevalent in UK compared to Canada, US, Australia so on.

It is one method to threat & punish disobedient kids.

If you look closely middle class families are cool with empowering kids giving freedom to choose.

Whereas parents brought up in low & high class environment are mostly control freaks when it comes to kids n decision making.

[ghettosikh]

disowning your kids over drinking and drugs is something i am very against. These ppl need help and disowning them and leaving them to the streets is just awful. I knew one punjabi girl since I'd say Junior high she was always very respectful but you could tell she's the type to fall in peer pressure. In high school days she was quite attractive and had alot going for her i remember but alcohol and cocaine ultimately became her downfall. Her parents found her doing lines in her room or something and they kicked her out. Last I ever heard of her was that she roams around downtown and goes to homeless shelters and is on even harder drugs. It's a real shame these ppl need their families support to tackle issues like drugs not fend for themselves

[dallysingh101]

20 hours ago, ghettosikh said:

disowning your kids over drinking and drugs is something i am very against. These ppl need help and disowning them and leaving them to the streets is just awful. I knew one punjabi girl since I'd say Junior high she was always very respectful but you could tell she's the type to fall in peer pressure. In high school days she was quite attractive and had alot going for her i remember but alcohol and cocaine ultimately became her downfall. Her parents found her doing lines in her room or something and they kicked her out. Last I ever heard of her was that she roams around downtown and goes to homeless shelters and is on even harder drugs. It's a real shame these ppl need their families support to tackle issues like drugs not fend for themselves

I think these issues need to be treated like medical or psychological issues rather than some wanton disregard for self-discipline and an insult to your parents. 

When I was growing up, weed or hashish was the most popular drug available (outside of alcohol). These days, the share amount of class A (namely coke and smack) floating around is ridiculous. You get a youngster on this gear (especially one with family issues, or self-confidence issues) it's usually game over - and let's be frank (in the UK at least) there are plenty of nonSikhs who love corrupting Sikh youngsters like that - but before we jump on that, you've also got unscrupulous apnay that will sell it to young girls and boys too. 

We need a more holistic approach to dealing with this as a community when it involves youngsters. I think disowning (especially with girls) is only leaving the kids to the wolves. We need secure rehab units for them perhaps. 

[Guest Yes it happens]

Yes it still happens, it happened to me...

[Guest Kaur]

I’ve been disowned few years back when I was in my late 30’s. My mother has always from heart never loved me, few relatives from my mums side told me how she reacted when I was born and ever since has neglected and I have felt she has treated me very harshly from my other siblings. I didn’t have the best of childhood but still see the positive side to it. My mum has always been blaming me for things when things weren’t going right in the family. I’ve always tried to be there for them when they’ve needed me but I’ve been treated like an option all the time. When I had my daughter she was reluctant to help always moaning about why can’t someone else help I.e my husbands family which they did but nothing was never enough. She even wanted money off me for looking after my kids if I left them at her house when I went to work and this never happened with my other siblings. In the end I gave up work. A lot has happened overtime and it started getting bad where we decided to stop talking. I knew she hated me but she took that out on my kids and husband too. Cut a long story short she still to this day tells my siblings to have nothing to do with me.