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Parent's are setting me back in my Sikhi


Guest khalsasingh101
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Guest khalsasingh101

From a young age I was always active within my Gurdwara commuity, and with Maharaj's kirpa and my Mahapurakh's help, I have been able to retain that and also become Amritdhari. After I became amritdhari, I developed immense love for Maharaj, which my parents were unfamiliar with, and it seems as if whenever I want do to something Sikhi-related, they become reluctant and say 'focus on your exams'. Due to me having GCSE's coming up, I wanted to do a formal ardaas to Maharaj with a granthi and I asked my mom,(after doing around 2 hours of revision), if I could go, She went "whats an ardaas going to do for you, stop with all this nonsense and do revision". Sangat Ji, I need some advice on what I should do to resolve this ongoing conflict.

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lol.  you sound like a very serious youth (i mean that as a compliment- it's good).

you come across as quite intelligent- for example you explained clearly and straightforwardly.  so you are a good communicator.  (compare your post to other posts on here!) 

so just discuss it with them in a reassuring and calm manner.  reassuring means explaining that it does not interfere with or hinder your studies, and that you measure it out (e.g. plan around you revision, so it is in no way neglected).  

look at from their perspective.  suddenly you are acting very different to what they expect.  your beliefs may be a bit more serious.  they are probably worried about the direction your life is going in.  ask they to openly express their worries with you, so you can correct any wrong assumptions/fears they have.

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That’s utter pants. I can’t believe your parents are holding you back. Parents should be guiding their children in Sikhi, and if they are failing in this, they are doing a disservice to Guru Ji. 

Do your own Ardaas. Do it daily, morning and night. If you have prem for Maharaj Ji, He will hear your prayer no matter where you are. 

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Parents do stop you sometimes though. When I first started keeping my hair my dad wasn't that pleased and said I don't have to and said that it's the inside that matters. A then tried started keeping my dhari soon after and he turned around and said that I look like a musla and that i should trim it.   He don't bother me now because he knows I'm really into it,  he's also seen how messed up other peoples kids are turning out so he just let's me be.  

Parents can really become a obstacle sometimes,  "sikhs" themselves are destroying sikhi. 

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Similar problem here where my parents want me to focus more on studies than on sikhi.I can't even do any simran or path when they are around,and when I do it's never aloud and I try my best not be seen doing it in front of them.The problem is they mock me when it's convenient or inflate my ego making harder for me by telling relatives and every other person they can show off to. Another huge issue is that they "don't have time" to take me to the gurdwara,and frankly I don't want to keep constantly depending on them for that for the same reason I can't enjoy simran with them present.Always in katha,I hear that sewa is the grindstone to building the love to further your sikhi and progress,sewa builds sharda,and wipes away so many of your bad karams.Having darshan,doing sewa and having sangat of maharaj on a hopefully daily basis would make life much easier in the war over the mind. That's another very key thing which our youth lack nowadays;that relationship with our guru which lack of makes sikhi harder until your old enough to drive by yourself (once you get your own car and parental approval) to your local gurdwara. I feel like I could've done much much more progress in sikhi within the past 5 years if I could've even spent an hour or 2 at my gurdwara 2-3 times a week. It makes a drastic difference as I am now coming to realize.

As for advice,don't disrespect your parents but present your stance firmly and present your arguments.Don't do whatever typically makes them mad or triggers their attitude like maybe speaking too loud and aggressively or in a certain tone,because you'll probably end up in a worse situation than what you started with.It should be in a way which is calm,orderly but they should know your being serious and they should be listening attentively. I find it concerning that she said: "whats an ardaas going to do for you, stop with all this nonsense and do revision".Only you would know your parents well enough on how you could best respond to that according to how easily they get insulted/offended. You could always do ardaas on your own as already recommended above or convince your parents. The important thing which is key to ardaas is sharda,but I think you already know that. 

It's saddening because everyone wants the panth to be better or they want someone else to come along and make it more chardikala but that enthusiasm usually disappears when it means that their own children have to make sacrifices for that to happen.Just keep going,don't be afraid to let go and fall into maharaj's lap,hopefully maharaj keeps you on this path,and hopefully it takes you to great heights.    

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On 4/21/2019 at 6:51 AM, Guest khalsasingh101 said:

From a young age I was always active within my Gurdwara commuity, and with Maharaj's kirpa and my Mahapurakh's help, I have been able to retain that and also become Amritdhari. After I became amritdhari, I developed immense love for Maharaj, which my parents were unfamiliar with, and it seems as if whenever I want do to something Sikhi-related, they become reluctant and say 'focus on your exams'. Due to me having GCSE's coming up, I wanted to do a formal ardaas to Maharaj with a granthi and I asked my mom,(after doing around 2 hours of revision), if I could go, She went "whats an ardaas going to do for you, stop with all this nonsense and do revision". Sangat Ji, I need some advice on what I should do to resolve this ongoing conflict.

You should have had a discussion with them when u became amritdhari. But u can have it now. Tell them as you know i am an amridhari and that means i have obligations to fulfill. I have to do certain things now that I have enrolled into the True Gurus school. 

If u dont like it or agree with it, I am sorry, but I cant go back now. Its too late i have already given my word and my head. 

But i do understand that you would have concerns. I promise not to do anything without informing u first. I always give importance to studying. But for now, sikhi is my passion, could i please indulge in it? Other kids play video games, go partying, i would like to be able to

  1. . If your parents say we dont have time to take u to gurudwara or we can say whatever we want. Then accept it and bargain with them. Like please just once a week and I will

Ofc as ur parents, they have the final say. Accept it with humility and grace and maybe try later or do ardaas abt this and leave it in wahegurus hands. 

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Guest khalsasingh101

It's not as if they dont like me being a gursikh... I still manage to go gurdwara 4-5 times a week and perform kirtan. I think they are scared that I will dedicate my whole life to sikhi, and forget about education,family,etc. For example, my thaye da munda,(first cousin), is who inspired me to become a gursikh, he does seva, kirtan, rauls, you name it everyday at the gurdwara and my parents frequently say "tu odhe vangu bann jna,(you will become like him). He truely has Maharaj's kirpa and has alot of sharda for our mahapurakh, hence why he has become an IT specialist, but still my parents don't seem to understand that along with sikhi, worldy desires will chase you...:(

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On 4/21/2019 at 4:51 PM, Guest khalsasingh101 said:

From a young age I was always active within my Gurdwara commuity, and with Maharaj's kirpa and my Mahapurakh's help, I have been able to retain that and also become Amritdhari. After I became amritdhari, I developed immense love for Maharaj, which my parents were unfamiliar with, and it seems as if whenever I want do to something Sikhi-related, they become reluctant and say 'focus on your exams'. Due to me having GCSE's coming up, I wanted to do a formal ardaas to Maharaj with a granthi and I asked my mom,(after doing around 2 hours of revision), if I could go, She went "whats an ardaas going to do for you, stop with all this nonsense and do revision". Sangat Ji, I need some advice on what I should do to resolve this ongoing conflict.

Do what you want. Go to the Gurdwarta alone and do ardas or get an ardas done, it's the same. It being done for u and you doing it yourself. 

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On 4/21/2019 at 2:51 PM, Guest khalsasingh101 said:

 I wanted to do a formal ardaas to Maharaj with a granthi and I asked my mom,(after doing around 2 hours of revision), if I could go, She went "whats an ardaas going to do for you, stop with all this nonsense and do revision". Sangat Ji, I need some advice on what I should do to resolve this ongoing conflict.

If you cannot reach a gurdwara, you can instead do ardaas to shastar as well. Remember as a Singh, shastar is also our pir and we do matha tek to shashatr.

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