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puzzled

Anand Karaj in 1900s

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if only all Anand Karajs were as simple as the ones I witnessed during the eighties at AKJ rehnsabhais

 

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7 minutes ago, jkvlondon said:

if only all Anand Karajs were as simple as the ones I witnessed during the eighties at AKJ rehnsabhais

 

I'd imagine things were done really simple back then, even the reception parties were probably simple. I'v seen some family wedding movies from the 80s and in the reception parties they were eating in those plastic plates and cups lol 

These days they having reception parties in 5* hotels, cruises, wearing diamonds etc  Its mad how out of hand things have gotten!  a lot of these couples also step back and push their parents to the front when it comes to the bills!  stupid ungrateful idiots!!  

My cousin sister got engaged a few years back (they broke up, never got married)  and the engagement party was like in a community center and the food was prepared by those Punjabi ladies that make samosas at home, lol     but my cousin and the guy she was engaged to were happy!  they didn't care!    and its gd they kept it simple because they broke up later anyway. 

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Just now, puzzled said:

I'd imagine things were done really simple back then, even the reception parties were probably simple. I'v seen some family wedding movies from the 80s and in the reception parties they were eating in those plastic plates and cups lol 

These days they having reception parties in 5* hotels, cruises, wearing diamonds etc  Its mad how out of hand things have gotten!  a lot of these couples also step back and push their parents to the front when it comes to the bills!  stupid ungrateful idiots!!  

My cousin sister got engaged a few years back (they broke up, never got married)  and the engagement party was like in a community center and the food was prepared by those Punjabi ladies that make samosas at home, lol     but my cousin and the guy she was engaged to were happy!  they didn't care!    and its gd they kept it simple because they broke up later anyway. 

literally they got up from sangat and were married at amritvela after asa di vaar  , so  much kirpa .. langar then back to their homes . No fanfare even the clothes were normal suits nothing snazzy

funny thing is those show off types are giving money hand over fist to the same musley who want them gone from the earth. Sikhi teaches that the boys family shouldn't improverise the girl's family , get married in the smallest group possible .But these idiots think that one day is so important that they should be poor for the rest of their lives , no doubt they will be divorced over money problems.

we had simple ceremony and then langar after , bidaai from Gurdwara

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1 hour ago, jkvlondon said:

literally they got up from sangat and were married at amritvela after asa di vaar  , so  much kirpa .. langar then back to their homes . No fanfare even the clothes were normal suits nothing snazzy

funny thing is those show off types are giving money hand over fist to the same musley who want them gone from the earth. Sikhi teaches that the boys family shouldn't improverise the girl's family , get married in the smallest group possible .But these idiots think that one day is so important that they should be poor for the rest of their lives , no doubt they will be divorced over money problems.

we had simple ceremony and then langar after , bidaai from Gurdwara

That's how it should be. People are actually taking loans from banks to do their weddings now.

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I never asked my Nana or Nani if they had a Anand Karaj or some other ceremony, its too late now. They got married around 1950/51 , what Nani told us was how from her peke pind to my Nanas house she came sat on a bullock cart 😄   That's how they came those days lol. The Bharat stayed at my Nanis parents house for 3 weeks! that's crazy!   My Nana said while the bharat was still there, the girls from my Nanis pind would joke around and steel his shoes and embarrass him front of everyone by saying silly things LOL   he said boys in those days were really down to earth and didn't get offended or angry quickly like today. 

I don't like going to weddings, haven't been for years, last time i went the bride and groom kissed each other front of everyone which was awkward because i was sitting next to me sister. 

My parents are always like you have to go to weddings otherwise people are going to start saying why doesn't the son ever come, which i don't care lol      I'm not going to some crappy wedding. 

The last one my family went to, my mum came back saying how as the bride was walking in she had little children walking in front of her with flower baskets littering petals onto the floor! the Granthi then did a announcement and said that this is not Gurmat and can the parents of the children pick the litter/petals!  my mum said all the females got angry when the Granthi Singh said that and started muttering stuff. Once the kids mothers picked the litter then the Granthi continued with the ceremony  

The wedding my family went to before that one by mum was saying how the females were really inappropriately dressed and their heads weren't covered properly, chunnis were just hanging off their buns/hair, their heads were uncovered, and the Granthi Singh actually stopped just to tell the women to cover their heads and come dressed appropriately when at the Gurdwara. 

And then my parents wonder why i don't go to weddings. 

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23 minutes ago, puzzled said:

The wedding my family went to before that one by mum was saying how the females were really inappropriately dressed and their heads weren't covered properly, chunnis were just hanging off their buns/hair, their heads were uncovered, and the Granthi Singh actually stopped just to tell the women to cover their heads and come dressed appropriately when at the Gurdwara. 

Yes there are a lot of females now who wear really backless outfits and I literally cannot believe that many brides actually have their midriff on show now- a short top with a lehnga skirt. It baffles me how no one like their mother advises them it’s inappropriate for the Gurdwara. Something needs to be done to teach these people.

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26 minutes ago, puzzled said:

I never asked my Nana or Nani if they had a Anand Karaj or some other ceremony, its too late now. They got married around 1950/51 , what Nani told us was how from her peke pind to my Nanas house she came sat on a bullock cart 😄   That's how they came those days lol. The Bharat stayed at my Nanis parents house for 3 weeks! that's crazy!   My Nana said while the bharat was still there, the girls from my Nanis pind would joke around and steel his shoes and embarrass him front of everyone by saying silly things LOL   he said boys in those days were really down to earth and didn't get offended or angry quickly like today. 

I don't like going to weddings, haven't been for years, last time i went the bride and groom kissed each other front of everyone which was awkward because i was sitting next to me sister. 

My parents are always like you have to go to weddings otherwise people are going to start saying why doesn't the son ever come, which i don't care lol      I'm not going to some crappy wedding. 

The last one my family went to, my mum came back saying how as the bride was walking in she had little children walking in front of her with flower baskets littering petals onto the floor! the Granthi then did a announcement and said that this is not Gurmat and can the parents of the children pick the litter/petals!  my mum said all the females got angry when the Granthi Singh said that and started muttering stuff. Once the kids mothers picked the litter then the Granthi continued with the ceremony  

The wedding my family went to before that one by mum was saying how the females were really inappropriately dressed and their heads weren't covered properly, chunnis were just hanging off their buns/hair, their heads were uncovered, and the Granthi Singh actually stopped just to tell the women to cover their heads and come dressed appropriately when at the Gurdwara. 

And then my parents wonder why i don't go to weddings. 

I really think that it needs to be spelt out before what is acceptable in an Anand Karaj. 

If our lot want to be goreh then at least they could follow suit and have a rehearsal so at least know what an Anand Karaj entails. 

The gurdwara could even charge for this rehearsal since they love making money.

I got a better idea, for every putthah kam that the guests do like not wear proper attire or the chunni fall off the bun or round of applause,  the gurdwara should fine the families by taking half the shugun money. 

That would make them behave better and act more respectfully. 

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OP - a beautiful article!

On the topic of interfaith marriages, I have never understood why the Sikh person would make their non-Sikh partner go through a ceremony that they do not understand, believe in or respect. What must the non-Sikh person think of it all? To them, it must seem like a pointless charade that they partake in just for the sake of it. 

It is my understanding that interfaith marriages almost always take place by conducting two ceremonies, one for each faith. Strangely, one ceremony is not considered to be enough. As if, it is not altogether binding and they require another to be actually married. If this is the case, then which ceremony do they consider to hold more weight? I would have thought that any sensible person would ask themselves these questions before going taking part in two very different ceremonies. It does not seem to be the case these days, though. Also, I can not even think of the costs involved, one couple paying for two weddings. These people have too much money, or perhaps I am too poor, not sure which (probably the latter). 

Also, what is happening with interfaith Anand Karajs at the moment? I am not up the date with the news. Are the Gurudwaras still allowing them, or are they completely banned now? 

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The one thing that really gets to me about people's behaviour during an Anand Karaj is the complete lack of solemnity for as long as they're in the diwaan hall. There's no hushed voices or even an attempt at some semblance of humility. They talk as loudly as if they're standing or sitting in any old communal setting.

The focus of the attendees is entirely on the bride and groom, which may sound silly, but I remember when Guru Granth Sahib Ji was the focal point of an Anand Karaj. Even Sehajdhari couples seemed to understand the gravity of that moment back in the day, but couples today swan into the hall as if they demand to be the centre of attention. I'm not an old fogey (yet) but I can only guess that the parents themselves have no idea of the behavioural standards expected in that particular scenario. It's like watching the gradual degradation of something precious and good. It's sad because some of us can still vividly recall a period when it wasn't like what it's become, and strangely it wasn't so long ago when that standard was mainstream. What's happened to us?

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The whole wedding process seems to be getting longer and longer with added western ceremonies. It seems to be getting out of hand for the average modest income household. The roka, then engagement (why have two ceremonies which serve the same function?), pre wedding shoots, mayian, jagoo, mehndi, Anand Karaj, bidhai/doli, reception, post wedding travel......it's a complete waste of resources and added burden for struggling families. Each function is gets more elaborate and expensive in an attempt to stand out. A nice wedding can be accomplished with half of these ceremonies if you still prefer the cultural style, or even minimalist if you go the Gursikhi way. 

 

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9 hours ago, DoabeyWali said:

Also, what is happening with interfaith Anand Karajs at the moment? I am not up the date with the news. Are the Gurudwaras still allowing them, or are they completely banned now? 

Most of them in the UK dont, but there are a few that do interfaith anand karaj like 6am in the  morning or on week days so no one finds out. 

 

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10 hours ago, learningkaur said:

Yes there are a lot of females now who wear really backless outfits and I literally cannot believe that many brides actually have their midriff on show now- a short top with a lehnga skirt. It baffles me how no one like their mother advises them it’s inappropriate for the Gurdwara. Something needs to be done to teach these people.

Yeah its not acceptable. I mean if guru nanak ji was actually sitting there in physical form would they still dress like that? I hope not! 

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10 hours ago, MisterrSingh said:

There's no hushed voices or even an attempt at some semblance of humility. They talk as loudly as if they're standing or sitting in any old communal setting

I see that every sunday when people have akhand paats, people book akhand paat but then don't sit down and listen, then what's the point?  The men sit along the perimeter with legs stretched, chatting away and the women do the same on the other side of the hall. Funny thing is when their kids run around screaming they be like "Symran, darling, shhh people are praying"  and then they turn around and start chatting.

The only people paying attention are normally the outsiders not the actual family that booked the paat. 

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14 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

I was invited to a Sukhmani Sahib paat at the Gurdwara a couple of years back for the first time in ages, and I was blown away by the total shambles of the sangat assembled. Full-blown conversations on both sides; people playing with phones and watching football highlights; kids running around like it was daycare, etc. I was disgusted. I got up to tell the stage secretary to make a polite announcement to inform the sangat to keep it down and have some respect, which he did, but that lasted for barely 5 minutes. Pathetic.

This was me at the end: 

😁👌

There is a infantileness about our people. 

They seem to be into their extended adolesence even into their thirties and forties. 

This is the age to take on more responsibility and to show more maturity but they expect their parents in their 60's and 70's to do all the mature stuff.

Normally, there is a right of passage but it does not seem to be there.

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