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puzzled

What's the right thing to do in this situation

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Theres a older Sikh lady who lives down the road from us. She's around 76 years old and came to this country as a very young lady when they used to come in ships. 

Her life is quite sad. At her age she is still working, main reason being because her son who is around 50 years old is on drugs and drinks a lot too. This lady works at the same place as my mother. When my mother asked her at work why she is still working and that she should be retired and relaxing, the lady started crying and told my mum how her son is heavily dependant on drugs and alcohol, and that if she does not give him money to buy the drugs he will die. She said whatever he is he is still her son, she said how can she let her own son die, when she can actually work and give him money. She actually sees not giving him money as killing her own son.

She said she has sent him rehab so many times over the decades and spent so much money on treatment but he just doesnt stop. So this Bibi in her 70s is working full time to keep her son alive so he can buy his drugs. 

I often see this man rummaging through public bins looking for cigarettes and picking cigarettes from the streets. Hes been wearing the same Jean's, jacket and shoes for years. 

Is she as a mother and a Sikh doing the right thing? Working so she can give him the money that he needs to buy the stuff that he is so dependent on? What would be the right thing to do in this situation? Two options in this situation, either she let's go and let's him die, or she continues working.

 

I am not judging this Bibi at all, my heart goes out to her and all the parents in her situation. Its heartbreaking stuff. Shes a amritdhari lady, I saw her the other day she was cleaning her front drive with a broom and hose pipe, was really sad seeing her ... 

So my question is what would you do in this situation? Give up? Or continue working in your 70s?  What would you as a Sikh do in this situation? Would your decision as a parent be different to your decision as a Sikh? 

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Wow.

Maybe she should try and send her son to the gurdwara and Khalsa camps, or something like that.

Does she have any other family?

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What she means by 

2 hours ago, Kaurr said:

Wow.

Maybe she should try and send her son to the gurdwara and Khalsa camps, or something like that.

Does she have any other family?

When she says she is giving money to him to buy drugs to stay alive, it’s because he is so dependant that withdrawing cold turkey could cause his death. I don’t think someone like that is ready for camp’s unfortunately.
 

There must be a free support service for people this dependent? I can understand her dilemma. 

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4 hours ago, puzzled said:

I am not judging this Bibi at all, my heart goes out to her and all the parents in her situation. Its heartbreaking stuff. Shes a amritdhari lady, I saw her the other day she was cleaning her front drive with a broom and hose pipe, was really sad seeing her ... 

How does your heart go out to her? By standing and watching her and not providing a helping hand?  Your thought process: "How sad she is cleaning her front driveway by herself in her old age of 70 years old.  I feel so bad for her, why doesn't her son see his mother is struggling.  Well my heart goes out to her.  I'm go inside and relax on the couch."  You don't feel bad for her.  If you did.  That lazy hand would have stopped typing and started giving her a hand even when she refuses help in cleaning the driveway.  Gurbani teaches compassion in action.  Where was your compassion.   Did you lose it why you were cursing God on the other thread?  

Yes I'm being very blunt here because this is the reality you fantasy Sikhs are too lazy to act on.  Get the head out of the fantasy and step into reality.  The reality is to pay attention to the shabad guru while doing simran.  Looking at the helpless and using the shabad guru to gain strength and act in compassion.  And not to listen to sounds while doing simran.

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8 hours ago, Singh375 said:

I think this case needs referring to a Charity. Maybe Shere Punjab? I seen some posts before they helped young men with rehabilitation

This, definitely this

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3 hours ago, Akalifauj said:

How does your heart go out to her? By standing and watching her and not providing a helping hand?  Your thought process: "How sad she is cleaning her front driveway by herself in her old age of 70 years old.  I feel so bad for her, why doesn't her son see his mother is struggling.  Well my heart goes out to her.  I'm go inside and relax on the couch."  You don't feel bad for her.  If you did.  That lazy hand would have stopped typing and started giving her a hand even when she refuses help in cleaning the driveway.  Gurbani teaches compassion in action.  Where was your compassion.   Did you lose it why you were cursing God on the other thread?  

Yes I'm being very blunt here because this is the reality you fantasy Sikhs are too lazy to act on.  Get the head out of the fantasy and step into reality.  The reality is to pay attention to the shabad guru while doing simran.  Looking at the helpless and using the shabad guru to gain strength and act in compassion.  And not to listen to sounds while doing simran.

Easy there big man. Sometimes people don't necessarily know how to help. Instead of poking holes, why not give suggestions?

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Sikh helpline or sikh recovery network would be good places to start. However, there are no quick fixes, and an important thing to delve into would be why the son became a user of drugs in the first place and continues to do so. Unless those things are also addressed then substance abusers tend to go back to drugs once they have done rehab (once heard someone say that happy people who are at peace with themselves don't need drugs).

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She does have other family around her and in the area, but they seem to have given up on him coz hes been like that for so long. But shes obviously his mother ...

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On 9/2/2020 at 12:24 AM, Koi said:

Easy there big man. Sometimes people don't necessarily know how to help. Instead of poking holes, why not give suggestions?

No holes were poken.  I provided the vision for him to see the holes in his thought process

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