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How To Deal With Alchoholic Fathers


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Sangat Jio,

Waheguru Ki Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh.

I wish I could only say fateh and feel proud, Truth be told I'm a Manmukh, And even though I have the thirst for Naam I am lost.

Even by typing these words I am thinking I do not wish to burden anyone else mind, nor do I want sympathy.

If there's a simple solution please tell me.

Many may have come across alcoholics in their life, but some may not know there are different types.

Since I have been from a young age I have always seen with my eyes my father get drunk and then either resulting in him causing arguments, getting into fights, or injuring himself, either by falling face first on glass, or face being smashed into railings after riding one of them petrol driven scooters.

Gurbani tells us about what alcohol does, but only we are blessed if we understand, how do you transfer that understanding to someone else. I don't think you can.

Anyway never mind about alcoholics, Sangat jio I hope you can help me with my problem of krodh, Many times I have been tested, and I seem to lose.

First the raise in blood pressure, then the temperature rises, resulting in the skin becoming red like fire, ultimately resulting in shakes.

Can anyone please tell me what I can do to wipe the slate clean of my previous karam?

Life would be so much easier if I wasn't so attached to family and I could get away and live with those joint to the Guru's name. Practising the way a true gursikh should live.

Please forgive me

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh.

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aww : ( vahegurooo

best thing to do is jap naam as much as u can. walking, sitting, standing just japp!

and when ur exposed to a diff situation where u know krodh will take over..JAP naam...the more u will the more kirpa will happen by vaheguroo...and soon u will stay calm and peaceful in any situation.

also if u can, deffooo recite sukhmani sahib jee as much as u can...... u'll be fine :)

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i know exactly how you feel...been thru the same situation but after doing the sangat of mahapursh my dad took amrit, its hard to believe how he has changed, from an alocholic to a chardi kala amritdhari singh. Its all Mahraj's kirpa. :BOW:

Do ardas in Mahraj's charan,

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Waheguru ji ka khalsa

Waheguru ji ki fateh

alll i wanna say as above penjiii said do sukhmani sahib paths as much as u can.... or jap naam always... neva lose hope..... do ardas in gurujis charan....

** TU MERO MAER PARBATH SUAAMEE OUTT GAHEE MAI TEREE ||

You are my Sumayr Mountain, O my Lord and Master; I have grasped Your Support.

NAA TUM DOLHO NAA HAM GIRTHAE RAKH LEENEE HAR MAEREE ||1||

You do not shake, and I do not fall. You have preserved my honor. ||1||***

try jap naam always n try to be beloved of guru ji even for an instant n guruji always take care of dere beloveds n make sure u do ur nitnem.... n amritvela is must... i hope u understand wat m tryin to say...

***DUKH TISAI PEH AAKHEHI SUKH JISAI HEE PASS ||3||

Tell your troubles to the One who is the Source of all comfort. ||3||

SO KIU MANAHO VISAAREEAI JAA KEA JEE PARAAN ||

How can you forget the One who created your soul, and the praanaa, the breath of life?***

changa jii guru fateh

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reading this brought a tears to my eyes i am in the same situation with my older brother only have one and his well gone past the achoholic stage i didnt even think of urdas in gurudwara,

can one prayer be so strong? can one person cope without crying? i feel for you wish there was a easy way out yet you can lead a horse to water but can not make it drink....our complete punjabi community is lost when it comes to depression,alcholism,drug addiction these things were not taught in the G.G.S.J and we all have a responsibilty to teach them to our kids youngers..it may well be to late for the older ones who didnt get it drilled into their heads when they were younger..brother think about your wife or wife to be/kids/kids to be/think about your future and try to concentrate on yourself..alchohlics are very selfish they dont care about anybody but there drink..take care.

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It's easy to say but hard to do...

Even Naam is not recited without the Guru's permission...

The best thing to do is "ardaas"...That:

"Maharaj ji please give me the strength to do Sukmaani Sahib even if it means 2 astpadee's a day, even if it means saying waheguru ,for the start, 15 mins, even if means doing jap ji sahib once a day anytime before sleeping, even it means starting off with mool mantar 5 times a day...

But please Maharaj ji after making me do this don't stop me there forever...Promote me to a higher class give me more naam...I'm dieing to get your naam...that's the only thing I want...

The Krodh in me is because I do not recite your naam not because what people around me are doing...because I do not have the strength...please give me that strength...please..."

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iv known a family where the father was a drankarad. he has now passed on.

if theres one thing iv learnt, its this. sukhmani sahib does help. god gives the first push. but, u may say, that this push is no where near for your father to stop.

if he is a regular heavy drinker, from what you have said, it seems to be the case, he is no where near to quiting..

what to do??

there is a filosofy that i go by.

if you cant stop it, substitute it. it= anything...

ill tell you this. try this on for syz!! myt jus fit.. or work...

your father prob goes out and comes back at nyt... when he comes back, let him see you doing your paat..

>> paat isnt majic, just like amrit aint majic.<< roti, aint gona come flying from the clouds..

we must puk, (make) the roti..

a FIZIKAL intermediate..

the effectof the sukhmani sahib and paat in general will take effect, but a fizikal intermediate is needed..

oviously, your father MAY disturb you, but you just sit there. keep your dhiaan at one place.. dont let it move.. v imprtnt....

your father may shout, or even get fizikal... keep satkaar of your gutka sahib, but dont stop saying it out loud.. keep doing it out loud.

if your father is like most ppl that get drunk, it sticks for a few weeks to a few months, and then they get sober.

when he gets sober, the assar of the paat,hopefully will taek effect. you father may start to drink less as he may realise that he will be disturbing you.. whether he is relegious or not, he should respect what your doing as, he does what he wants,so can you... i.e. paat.

keep paat in the house ongoing.. do toonf in the house (dhoop!) and amrit da chitta... make it a peaceful abode.. soif he does make kalesh, he will realise it him self..and may start doing it less.. may not stop, but in due time..

btw, this change, if you do decide to take on bord what im saying, may tkae himback and he may do summing like hit the toonf dawn. or suming.. but dont stop. u want to change somones life.. its not easy. and it dont come about jus lyk that. u know this oviously..

ask for seva from your father. a massarge. breakfast..

how you want him to be, treat him like that..

and wen you make his food, do naam simran and chaupi sahib...

keep that spiritual syd in him looking at the lyt. his aatma will look. he may not want to show it.. but it will look. it will play on his mind, and thats what you want it to do .. to make him start thinging at least.

be the change you want to see in the world.. sggs says this.. first inside, then it will shine outsyd. so,make it shine. make your house shine! and maybe, guru willing, he will start to shine better than he is shining now. if its in his karam to go thru this, and for u to gothrough this, then so be it.. but, rip the karam with naam!!!! make yur own karam! guru willing!! :) thats the kharag to use!!!

forgive my mistakes.. if iv sounded bit upfront..

waheguru ji ka khalsa khalsa ji, gurfateh!

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Guest Southall Singh

Your father sounds like a typical punjab. Your right it is a test which everyone goes through it, it things from our past life which we have done and now we have to pay for it or maybe at a young age which catches up. All i can say be strong, have faith in waheguru and past his test.

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Anyway never mind about alcoholics, Sangat jio I hope you can help me with my problem of krodh, Many times I have been tested, and I seem to lose.

First the raise in blood pressure, then the temperature rises, resulting in the skin becoming red like fire, ultimately resulting in shakes.

Can anyone please tell me what I can do to wipe the slate clean of my previous karam?

krod.... its simple.... see god in the other person..

how??

take (mentaly and maybe fizikaly aswell) take a step bak..

see him as a jot of god.

see that he has been corrupted, through no falt of his own.

then only do whats nessasory.. neutrilise the situation.become lower..

the mun hates that!!

forget you logic. bring gurmat..

its dam hard.but it can be done..

start praktising with random little things you dont like.. like...umm... when people take their shoes in the langar hall..

the sin is rong.. not the person.

see god inm all.. its hard, but doable..

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"our complete punjabi community is lost when it comes to depression,alcholism,drug addiction these things were not taught in the G.G.S.J"

please do serious vichaar before making such bold statements. If SGGSJ doesn't teach aout these things then guru sahib is not pooran. its 1430 angs of pure waste of time. pooran means no shortcomings. guru shaib teached us how to live here and now. its called dhur ki baani. why, because its eternal truth, truth which is not timebound or bound to any caste creed or religion. it is relevant now, yesterday, tomorrow:

AAD SACH, JUGAAD SACH,M HAIBHI SACH, NANAK HOSEE BHI SACH||

Gurbaani is dedicated to the beauty of this human life. its infinite potential. why, because we are all an embodiment of the divine. we are children of the one. if we actually did vichaar on gurbaani rather than just reading it, "paath parriya" or the famous, "paath kita" we would realize that there is no aspect of our lives which guru sahib forgot to tell us about.

if we read gurbaani and do vichaar, we will never be surprised in life. you think guru sahib never encountered drunks? depressed souls? you think people whose daughters were being sold for a couple rupees in ghazni weren't depressed? you think you wouldn't be depressed if you had a garland of your kids' body parts put around your neck? how did guru sahib deal with losing his four children? how did banda singh bahadur deal with his child's heart being ripped out in front of his eyes?

how did bhai taru singh deal with being scalped? how did siksh deal with all of this?

that big granth with 1430 angs isn't for show. even though we like to treat it like an idol, it actually is alive. the message is alive. how? read it. do vichaar.

gurbaani tells us about how precious this life is. countless examples are given. and if we actually made that message a part of our lives, we wouldn't pour poison(alcohol) or any drug into our bodies, which is a temple, in which our aatma resides.

mwns jnmu Amolku pwieE ibrQw kwih gvwvau ]1] rhwau ] (219-15, gauVI, mÚ 9)

maanas janam amolak paa-i-o birthaa kaahi gavaava-o. ||1|| rahaa-o.

You have obtained the priceless jewel of this human life; why are you uselessly wasting it? ||1||Pause||

my family has an alcohol problem. big time. i try to explain to them the best i can. they don't listen. what should i do? question guru sahib? no, change yourself. if it doesn't change them still, then so be it. that's life. you can't expect everyone to get it.

so be happy. do your best. always be in chardi kala. never let anyone break your spirit. and most important of all, never doubt guru sahib.

peace.

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