Keeping Your Kesh Earlier Vs. Later In Life (Want Some Input)

[californiasardar1]

Hi Everyone,

As those of you who've read my thread on marriage might know, in my experience, keeping your kesh can be very challenging nowadays.

I'm someone who has had my kesh intact throughout my entire life. I've always wondered how someone who might have had a different experience (having cut hair and then keeping it starting as a young person, or going back and forth, etc.) might have a different perspective.

I can't speak for people living in Canada or the UK, but at least here in America, growing up with your kesh means that you'll often experience hostile treatment from non-Punjabis who think you are an Islamic terrorist (or, even if they don't think that, often still think you are weird). Sadly, our own community can also be quite ignorant and offensive towards those who keep their kesh, and that makes things much worse. It's easy to grow up feeling like an outcast who doesn't belong anywhere.

I've wondered sometimes if I had grown up with cut hair if I might have developed into a more confident, outgoing person. Perhaps I would not have shied away and kept to myself at times that I did. And maybe I would not walk through life with a chip on my shoulder feeling bitter and angry.

I've thought about the future of our religion and I think as hard as it has been for boys of my generation to keep uncut hair, it will be exponentially harder for boys growing up 20-30 years from now. At least now, most other Sikhs who are monas with cut hair still have grandparents or cousins or someone who keep their kesh. So when they see somebody like me, most of them (but by no means all) think of me as someone from their community. That will not be true in 20-30 years when 95% of Sikhs grow up without being related to anyone with uncut hair. When they see a boy with a pag, they'll think he's some backwards, fundamentalist "other", just like many non-Sikhs today do.

I'm wondering if a more practical path than keeping your kesh from birth and feeling like an outcast your whole life might be starting out with cut hair and keeping it once you've grown up and established yourself. Maybe then, you wouldn't have to deal with such an unsupportive environment as a child, and you could grow up without the same emotional scars. You could develop personality, get married, etc. And then as a mature person who is not in need of belonging, you can embrace the Sikhi saroop.

I realize this is against Sikhi. But a path towards eventually embracing Sikhi is better than nothing. And looking at current trends, considering such an approach may be the best hope for us to find a way for people to eventually embrace Sikhi in large numbers while dealing with the challenges of life in today's world.

Rather than anyone chastising me, I'd appreciate any constructive dialogue. I'm especially interested in hearing from guys who used to have cut hair and how they might have a different view about things.

[Guest gatka ninja]

What if you die before you decide to embrace sikhi saroop later in life?

[californiasardar1]

What if you die before you decide to embrace sikhi saroop later in life?

This is a legitimate concern.

Do you have any other input? Do you keep your kesh, and if so, did you always?

[11Gurus1Jot]

From the day I was born my hair has always been cut. It's only in much later life I kept my Kesh (hair). All through my life I felt like I was just living, and didn't know who I was.

Since keeping my hair I feel I have found myself! Since keeping my hair I have gained loads of time, as shallow or racist people don't talk to me, unless it's necessary. That's saved me loads of very valuable time!! Life is too short to talk to people who you then find out are racist and only talk to you because, "you're not like the rest of them, you're like one of us".

Since keeping my hair genuine good people of all religions and races talk to me more (and I have gained sooo much from that !!!).

I don't fit in with the shallow racist but now fit in with great people from all walks of life and religions - BRILLIANT!

Thank you Guru Ji for giving me this higher level of life - I beg at your door for more !!!

Keeping Kesh does not make you a good or bad person, but it does make you a better Sikh. It just depends what you want.. to stand out amongst thousands, and attract the best of people from all walks of life, or to get 'lost' with those wanting to blend in??

[Kaal]

Regardless of how racist USA citizens are, racism happens everywhere. As long as we are far away from God we will always be racist. The problem here is that you see differences because if you followed Guru Sahib’s teachings you will see God in each and every person, so you will only care about pleasing Vaheguru. You have to understand what society calls backward is wrong; keeping hair is the norm and has been in previous yuga (ages). However, in this Dark Age (kalyug) only one leg of dharma stands, as stated in Gurbani, so people do not possess a Bibek Budh (discriminating intellect between bad and good). As Japji Sahib says ‘Compassion is the father of Dharma’, but the first practice in Dharma is keeping hair. The world is misled. There are enough sheep, so why do you need to add to that?

The problem here is that you do not understand why we are on earth. When you see this world you see a permanent everlasting world. However, Gursikhs around the world see the world according to Gurbani as being a temporary illusion, a dream. When we die we wake up. Why was this world created? To lead an Atheist life or I “believe in God” life? They are both the same, as many people from Muslim, Christian, Sikh, Buddhist etc background claim they believe in God but do not follow their religion. Well according to Gurbani this world, earth, was only created for Dharma to be practiced –

ਤਿਸੁ ਵਿਚਿ ਧਰਤੀ ਥਾਪਿ ਰਖੀ ਧਰਮ ਸਾਲ ॥

in the midst of these, He established the earth as a home for Dharma.

Therefore, by you removing your hair, you are moving backwards. Dharam should be our priority, everything else such as youth, employment, marriage etc are secondary. The secondary only become of value when we are practicing dharam ie japping Naam.

God/Akaal Purakh saw the wrong practices happening in this world, which included the imperfect practices of other religions so he sent Guru Sahib. Here, in Dasam Granth, Guru Gobind Singh Jee writes what Akaal/God ordered Guru Sahib to do -

jwih qhW qY Drmu clwie ] kbuiD krn qy lok htwie ] 29]

jaahi thehaa(n) thai dhharam chalaae || kabudhh karan thae lok hattaae || 29||

Go to the world and promote the Dharma (faith of righteousness). And prevent mankind from wrong practices (like wickedness and depravity)

Gurmat/Sikhi follows practices which are of Truth according to God. So, you should instead be feeling pleased, content and grateful to be on the path of Sikhi.

Gurmat in many shabads emphasises on practicing Sikhi in our youth, here is one -

ਸੁਣਿ ਮਨ ਮਿਤ੍ਰ ਪਿਆਰਿਆ ਮਿਲੁ ਵੇਲਾ ਹੈ ਏਹ ॥

Listen, O my mind, my friend, my darling: now is the time to meet the Lord.

ਜਬ ਲਗੁ ਜੋਬਨਿ ਸਾਸੁ ਹੈ ਤਬ ਲਗੁ ਇਹੁ ਤਨੁ ਦੇਹ ॥

As long as there is youth and breath, give this body to Him.

ਬਿਨੁ ਗੁਣ ਕਾਮਿ ਨ ਆਵਈ ਢਹਿ ਢੇਰੀ ਤਨੁ ਖੇਹ ॥੧॥

Without virtue, it is useless; the body shall crumble into a pile of dust. ||1||

ਮੇਰੇ ਮਨ ਲੈ ਲਾਹਾ ਘਰਿ ਜਾਹਿ ॥

O my mind, earn the profit, before you return home.

ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਨਾਮੁ ਸਲਾਹੀਐ ਹਉਮੈ ਨਿਵਰੀ ਭਾਹਿ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥

The Gurmukh praises the Naam, and the fire of egotism is extinguished. ||1||Pause||

At the time of the Moghul rule in India, the Sikh religion was new and a minority but which slowly grew and increased in number whereas the majority were Hindu and Muslim. Sikhs were clearly different from Muslims and Hindus but still they kept their identity because there identity is a part of Truth, the other is Gur-Shabad (Vaheguru mantar). To keep their dharma, they accepted torture and death instead of accepting an Islamic life for what you stated - ‘you wouldn't have to deal with such an unsupportive environment as a child, and you could grow up without the same emotional scars. You could develop personality, get married, etc’ Muslims offered the Sikhs many women to marry and false personalities.

The best personality is Guru Gobind Singh Jee and his Gursikhs such as Baba Deep Singh, Banda Singh Bahadur, Bhai Taru Singh, Bhai Mani Singh, Baba Harnam Singh, Bhai Sahib Randhir Singh, Sant Jarnail Singh, Shaheed Raghbir Singh, Shaheed Anokh Singh etc.

What personality do you wish to develop adopting a manmukhi lifestyle? Our intellects are low enough but why degrade it further as people are already doing. We should want to elevate it. Gurbani states by continuously singing Vaheguru’s (Gods) Gunns (qualities) and doing Naam Abhiyaas we are filled with his same qualities such as Truth, Compassion, Heroism, Peace, Fearlessness, Love, Beauty, Contentment, Sweet Speech, Leadership, Strength, Man of his word, Power and many more. Only by following Guru Sahib’s Hukams (rehita) are we blessed with such a great personality -

ਮਾਨੈ ਹੁਕਮੁ ਸਭੇ ਗੁਣ ਗਿਆਨ ॥

Accepting the Hukam of the Lord's Command, he is blessed with all virtues and spiritual wisdom.

You need to keep sangat of Gursikhs, so you need to go to Kirtan events such as Ransabayee Kirtan which the Jatha Akhand Kirtani Jatha holds. You will find a lot of young Singhs with beautiful dastars and a flowing beard. Here is the link of their programs - http://www.akj.org/s...php?countryid=5

ਜੋ ਪਰਾਇਓ ਸੋਈ ਅਪਨਾ ॥

That which belongs to another - he claims as his own.

ਜੋ ਤਜਿ ਛੋਡਨ ਤਿਸੁ ਸਿਉ ਮਨੁ ਰਚਨਾ ॥੧॥

That which he must abandon - to that, his mind is attracted. ||1||

ਕਹਹੁ ਗੁਸਾਈ ਮਿਲੀਐ ਕੇਹ ॥

Tell me, how can he meet the Lord of the World?

ਜੋ ਬਿਬਰਜਤ ਤਿਸ ਸਿਉ ਨੇਹ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥

That which is forbidden - with that, he is in love. ||1||Pause||

ਝੂਠੁ ਬਾਤ ਸਾ ਸਚੁ ਕਰਿ ਜਾਤੀ ॥

That which is false - he deems as true.

ਸਤਿ ਹੋਵਨੁ ਮਨਿ ਲਗੈ ਨ ਰਾਤੀ ॥੨॥

That which is true - his mind is not attached to that at all. ||2||

ਬਾਵੈ ਮਾਰਗੁ ਟੇਢਾ ਚਲਨਾ ॥

He takes the crooked path of the unrighteous way;

ਸੀਧਾ ਛੋਡਿ ਅਪੂਠਾ ਬੁਨਨਾ ॥੩॥

leaving the straight and narrow path, he weaves his way backwards. ||3||

ਦੁਹਾ ਸਿਰਿਆ ਕਾ ਖਸਮੁ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਸੋਈ ॥

God is the Lord and Master of both worlds.

ਜਿਸੁ ਮੇਲੇ ਨਾਨਕ ਸੋ ਮੁਕਤਾ ਹੋਈ ॥੪॥੨੯॥੯੮॥

He, whom the Lord unites with Himself, O Nanak, is liberated. ||4||29||98||

[JagjeetST]

Amazing Topic! I've done that am 17 currently and I've cut my hair all my life. Growing my hair now and I tie into a joora then tie a Dastaar I love it! Makes me feel proud of Sikhi even more by wearing the Dastaar and remembering Shaheeds.

[Guest MKaur]

I think raising children without their kesh and hoping that they will adopt a dastaar and keep their kesh when they mature is foolish. It's unlikely that they will want to keep their kesh once they get to secondary school etc. Having the Gurus roop is what makes us think and prevents us from doing things like clubbing, drinking etc. Those who don't keep their kesh will know that they can get away with it because they don't look the part.

I know that in the UK, there is a fair amount of racism. People are ignorant and insult dastaar wearing Sikhs to their faces. Either that, or there is a passive aggressive attitude, which I have experienced on too many occasions.

The way I see it, is WE are doing what is natural. We are just maintaining our sareer the way it was given to us by Satguru. The rest of the world is hacking their kesh off and mutilating their bodies. And yet..we find ourselves questioning our actions.

It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.

[11Gurus1Jot]

Amazing Topic! I've done that am 17 currently and I've cut my hair all my life. Growing my hair now and I tie into a joora then tie a Dastaar I love it! Makes me feel proud of Sikhi even more by wearing the Dastaar and remembering Shaheeds.

I wish I done it earlier !! Like when I was just 17 years old like you. If you don't mind me saying, that amazing feeling you are having will only grow the more your adhere to nitnem and keep Sikhi Sangat. When you strive to be a good ambassador for Sikhs to honour your Dastaar/turban, that is when you really start to become successful in all areas of life! Sikhi is an amazing way of life, it benefits both the Sikh, and those around the Sikh - Sarbat da bhala !!

[californiasardar1]

A lot of you have correctly pointed out that racism happens everywhere and is always in issue.

However, what I think is far more difficult to deal with than racism from Americans (or Canadians or Brits or whoever), is prejudice from our own people. People who are Sikhs (in name at least) who are less than respectful towards people who keep their kesh. Most other groups of people who deal with racism can at least get support from their own community. But that's not really the case with our community, and it's probably going to get much worse in the future. I'm talking here about keshdari Sikhs being accepted and supported by monas.

I think it's the discrimination from our own that is most painful and difficult to deal with, and is often the breaking point for young Sikhs who are trying to keep their kesh. When you feel like you can't get support and acceptance anywhere, it's very tough.

[VanHelsingh]

A lot of you have correctly pointed out that racism happens everywhere and is always in issue.

However, what I think is far more difficult to deal with than racism from Americans (or Canadians or Brits or whoever), is prejudice from our own people. People who are Sikhs (in name at least) who are less than respectful towards people who keep their kesh. Most other groups of people who deal with racism can at least get support from their own community. But that's not really the case with our community, and it's probably going to get much worse in the future. I'm talking here about keshdari Sikhs being accepted and supported by monas.

I think it's the discrimination from our own that is most painful and difficult to deal with, and is often the breaking point for young Sikhs who are trying to keep their kesh. When you feel like you can't get support and acceptance anywhere, it's very tough.

This is an issue I've touched on before and is something that also surprises and saddens me quite a bit.

What's changed in the past 20 years or so whereby some cut-hair kids from Sikh background consider Sikh kids with kesh to be an oddity? Lack of education from their parents? It has to be because in the past even those Sikh kids with cut-hair use to defend their brethren with jooreh if the need arose. Now, they're more likely to look on with indifference and even, sometimes, join-in with the taunts.

When this kind of behaviour occurs between children you can put it down to kids being kids. But when adults within the Sikh community do it then what on earth is a person meant to think?