Sexual Grooming Methods Revealed

[jkvlondon]

I can appreciate your perspective on this issue, and I agree with you on principle, I genuinely do.

Yet there's something I'm struggling to understand when it comes to the issue you've highlighted above and other areas of life not related to this subject: Basically, how does someone decide, "Okay, leave this to God and let Him decide" and, "I must take action and not be a passive bystander in this situation, because if I don't it will set a precedent that will cause problems in the future."?

In a perfect world we would leave everything to God and stand back and marvel at his all-encompassing justice and fairness, leaving us free not to make those tough decisions. But then that's not how these things work in life, do they? Not taking action at a particular moment could cause regrettable knock on affects years or decades in the future. So, as I said, when to act and when to leave it to God?

at the time I was under the age of 15 so really not an expert on anything so I did as much as I could judging the age group (17-20) and how new to Gursikhi I was . Guru ji has told us to give advice, talk with prem, if they get it fine , else try to be firmer , if they are still fixated on doing wrong , the best you can do is make sure they don't contaminate others with their thinking and be ready to step into action if intervention is necessary . Arguing and fighting with them will be point less.

Now I am older and have kids of that age group I make sure that people know the boundaries between right and wrong before they even get to the point of making those kind of decisions .i.e. we have had talks about relationships, marriage, sex and Sikhi when the boys were very young. Their sister is approaching age where I have already had to talk to her about abuse, but the point is not to paralyse with fear but to give the training what to do in those situations. You have to be aware ALL THE TIME of the changing battlefield that is life . I had to grow up with street smarts because we grew up in a rough neighbourhood , jowl by cheek with aggressive racists, and I have passed on that to my kids because believe me the s@@@ is going to hit the fan and there will be anarchy on the street.

Prewarned is prearmed , those who have failed to get the message re-educate ...

we are supposed to make our best effort to resolve the situation , supposed to give three tries at diplomacy then cut off and go on to defensive mode.

[MisterrSingh]

I understand and I agree. I was angling more towards the whole "condemn vs forgive" scenario.

Let me give you an example. It's true, so it's something I've not made up.

When I was growing up we were close to another Sikh family. They had three kids; the eldest daughter, the middle son, and the youngest daughter. The dad of the family was a kharkoo, lol, proper old school Gursikh, no bull. But he wasn't a bully or anything like that. He just wasn't the kind of guy to be messed with.

The eldest was 16 or so when she gets pregnant by a non-Sikh. This was the kind of thing you'd say would never happen to this family. It was like the most unimaginable thing ever. Completely shocking. The dad wanted to kill the daughter, but he was talked out of it. He then wanted to cut her off for life, no ifs or buts, because he said he had to send a message to his other kids that he would not tolerate this behaviour. Again, he just wasn't allowed to do what he felt was the right thing due to wailing women in his family.

Eventually, the eldest was married off with no real consequences for her mistakes. Sadly, this failure to act gave the middle son and the daughter ideas when they saw how ineffectual their dad was. All fear of him disappeared. The son married an English girl he met at work, whilst the youngest daughter ran off with a black guy.

To this day he says if he would've been allowed to cast out the eldest daughter when he wanted to, his family would not have been destroyed. His inaction basically meant him losing control of the other kids when they realised their father did nothing to punish the eldest daughter.

That's what I mean by "condemn vs forgive." His forgiveness, albeit forced upon by his wife and others, cost him all his children and the perceived reputation and respect he'd built. Had he condemned the eldest and thrown her out as he wanted to, you might argue it would've kept the others in line.

[jkvlondon]

I understand and I agree. I was angling more towards the whole "condemn vs forgive" scenario.

Let me give you an example. It's true, so it's something I've not made up.

When I was growing up we were close to another Sikh family. They had three kids; the eldest daughter, the middle son, and the youngest daughter. The dad of the family was a kharkoo, lol, proper old school Gursikh, no bull. But he wasn't a bully or anything like that. He just wasn't the kind of guy to be messed with.

The eldest was 16 or so when she gets pregnant by a non-Sikh. This was the kind of thing you'd say would never happen to this family. It was like the most unimaginable thing ever. Completely shocking. The dad wanted to kill the daughter, but he was talked out of it. He then wanted to cut her off for life, no ifs or buts, because he said he had to send a message to his other kids that he would not tolerate this behaviour. Again, he just wasn't allowed to do what he felt was the right thing due to wailing women in his family.

Eventually, the eldest was married off with no real consequences for her mistakes. Sadly, this failure to act gave the middle son and the daughter ideas when they saw how ineffectual their dad was. All fear of him disappeared. The son married an English girl he met at work, whilst the youngest daughter ran off with a black guy.

To this day he says if he would've been allowed to cast out the eldest daughter when he wanted to, his family would not have been destroyed. His inaction basically meant him losing control of the other kids when they realised their father did nothing to punish the eldest daughter.

That's what I mean by "condemn vs forgive." His forgiveness, albeit forced upon by his wife and others, cost him all his children and the perceived reputation and respect he'd built. Had he condemned the eldest and thrown her out as he wanted to, you might argue it would've kept the others in line.

But if my folks had done that to me what would you say ? I was the eldest sister of four kids ...true I thought more like a son in protecting my family unit but that I put down to siksha of Gursikhi . I was told I needed to get married right away like I was going to contaminate the rest just like you said but I refused to hoodwink another gursikh by not revealing the truth , but at the same time if you did reveal and then got rejected Indians being major gossipers the news would be spread like wildfire, then that would have similar effect on the family's kids .

In the end the partner I was given in life knew everything and went in with eyes open , we are bringing up the kids in Gursikhi and I am waiting for him to get ready too, My two brothers married into punjabi sikh families , the one just younger than me is keshadaari but not practising khalsa , his wife similar, My youngest brother is gursikh and married into Khalsa parivar , his wife is Dastarwale Singhni and my sister married last to a mona sikh from a different jaat but they seem to be practise gurbani more than my keshadhari bro and his wife. I am married to a gora , who keeps his kesh, eats and lives like us go to gurdwara and would fight for his children's gursikhi without hesitation. So it is not so black and white .

[MisterrSingh]

Hmm... you've given me a fair bit of food for thought, bhenji. Time to chew on it.