30 Day Going Sober Blog

[sikhni777]

Waheguru is your father and mother tu mera pita tu hau mera mata. You can talk to him anytime. He's always there.

[Guest Be Happy]

DAY 28 - 29/01/2016

Im completing todays blog earlier as ive had a change of plan. I've decided to go on the meal after all last minute. My reason for this is that I need to learn to go out and not drink otherwise my social life is none existent. Im pretty confident that I wont drink, If I wasnt confident, I wouldnt bother going, One of the reasons I changed my mind is another cousin of mine is coming who doesnt drink and I havent seen in years. Hes the only one in the family who doesnt drink but nobody really sees much of him so itll be good to have some company in that sense. The plan is to go for food then go into town. Im probably going to be home early but see how the night ends up. With wahegurus kirpa I will be alright. Im happy to be going out but I dont feel inclined towards drinking at all

Thank you for your suggestions and I will make a choice on what im going to do and keep you all posted

Hi

I think you're doing really well. I completely understand the way you wanted to still go out. When I used to drink, I had the Best times with my friends and cousins. we used to go clubbing, loved dancing, even eating afterwards and hanging out in our flats before and afterwards just laughing and talking- some of the time I was completely drunk and others i wasn't. I used to smoke aswell and have tried drugs. (I'm a female so may have been easier for me to say no than you.)

The trick when u start practicing truth, is not to lose your soul. Meaning don't lose the parts of yourself that feel joy, loves to socialise, talk and laugh. Practicing truth doesnt mean to walk around depressed and dont talk to people who you get along with and love you(regardless of whether they drink or not). Don't isolate yourself, bt at the same time don't hold onto people who are bad to you.

I have a really good friend who has just stopped smoking, but who adores me and respects the fact that I don't drink or smoke, and I still hang out with her and have love for her.

On the other hand I have family members some of whom don't even drink who have abused and harrassed me so much that I have had to completely cut them out of my life for good to preserve my own sanity.

Where I went wrong was that when I stopped drinking, i let all of my friends go, even the ones who treated me like their own sister and loved me, cut ties with my cousins and basically became a social wreck, alone and too afraid to live life and have relationships. I forgot how to be happy and Confident.

When I lost my Confidence, people started to walk all over me, my family saw that I was isolated and harrassed me and even beat me up badly- whereas when I had good friends, they were too scared to becuse they knew I had people who had my back. My large family used to take all of my money and found joy in watching me destroy myself.

Guys started to see I was vulnerable and I also started getting harrassed on the streets. I couldn't drive either and was encouraged not to by negative friends and family because I "couldn't afford it") so I was put in situations where I could easily have been kidnapped or raped late at night.

I would advise u to never let go of your good qualities, and don't isolate yourself.

You can practice Truth and still be Happy, Confident and fun loving, and you are able to Enjoy your Life even more because the dark qualities of drinking alcohol and drugs will no longer be a part of your life.

There are plenty of seva projects going on if you ever feel alone so get involved if you ever feel yourself drowning again- just remember, Be Happy and Enjoy your Life.

[Guest Happy]

Also, keep writing on here if it helps, you're teaching me aswell and you're reminding me of what I went through giving up alcohol and smoking, the family/ cousin pressures to drink etc. I have one amritdhari cousin out of a huge family and bascially everyone else drinks!

[dallysingh101]

DAY 30 - 31/01/2016

Ive just realised I've still got one more day to blog because I started a day late! lol Ill hopefully get on to some wifi in my hotel tomorrow night and get it posted. Today has been a chilling and productive day. I got more sleep than usual last night and I woke up got my cleaning done and had a pretty productive morning in general. I did a few bits around the house which I never wouldve otherwise done. I think I've caught a cold again, it was only at the start of this blog that I was ill and now I've got it again, I might have to go doctors for it.

This afternoon one of my cousins rang me who I don't really see anymore since I stopped drinking and told me to go see him. So i went and we ordered some food and watched a film. He had a few beers but I didnt even think about drinking one bit. I was happy on my soft drinks and eating food. Im proud how far I've come and I hope this continues, Im pretty confident that it will. When I've tried to stop drinking previously I've either done drugs and not drink or just have a party on my last day of not drinking. This time I'm not even thinking about it, I just want to continue this and adopt this as a part of my normal lifestyle. I came home about an hour ago, packed my suitcase showered up and now I just need to shake this cold off. Things at home have been a little better today but thats probably because I haven't been home most of the day and when I was, my family were out

You did it bro. 30 days! lol

And we all shared your journey.

Nice one.

[Guest Jacfsing2]

DAY 30 - 31/01/2016

Ive just realised I've still got one more day to blog because I started a day late! lol Ill hopefully get on to some wifi in my hotel tomorrow night and get it posted. Today has been a chilling and productive day. I got more sleep than usual last night and I woke up got my cleaning done and had a pretty productive morning in general. I did a few bits around the house which I never wouldve otherwise done. I think I've caught a cold again, it was only at the start of this blog that I was ill and now I've got it again, I might have to go doctors for it.

This afternoon one of my cousins rang me who I don't really see anymore since I stopped drinking and told me to go see him. So i went and we ordered some food and watched a film. He had a few beers but I didnt even think about drinking one bit. I was happy on my soft drinks and eating food. Im proud how far I've come and I hope this continues, Im pretty confident that it will. When I've tried to stop drinking previously I've either done drugs and not drink or just have a party on my last day of not drinking. This time I'm not even thinking about it, I just want to continue this and adopt this as a part of my normal lifestyle. I came home about an hour ago, packed my suitcase showered up and now I just need to shake this cold off. Things at home have been a little better today but thats probably because I haven't been home most of the day and when I was, my family were out

30 days! I hope you keep the lifestyle!

[sikhni777]

Hi I have just been reading about our exposure to electromagnetic radiation. It sort of fatigues the body and drives people to look for some sort of relief. I just wanted to say that maybe you need to look into your exposure as it seems like you talk alot on the phone and use computer at work too.

When you were not talking to your friends you seemed to have lesser craving for the products. Worth looking into I would say.

It is a bit worrying about how much our kids are being exposed to this electromagnetic radiation so early in life. Computers and tablets at school all the time. Internet and tablets and games at home. Their brains are so delicate absorbing the magnetism and causing behaviour changes. Take a kid off the computer or tablet and they will be finding any excuse to get back to it.

Overall you have done well for the month. Perhaps aim for the year. Any habit to get deeply ingrained into your daily practice needs the time of an year.

Keep it up.

[Guest Sugar Singh]

Hang in there brother

[sikhni777]

taken from Naamnet 1 1.1 Relax and have drink!

My colleagues at work often go to the pub at lunch time, they asked me but I don't go to places with alcohol. My Sikh friend was going with them and told me to `Relax my principles_it's only a friendly drink'. Strange how the non-sikhs respected my decision, but the Sikh was the one who didn't. So this is what I wrote to him :

You said relax when I said I don't go to where there is alcohol. Shall I tell you a few stories about people who relaxed :

1) My uncle in India used to RELAX with his 'mates', one time him and his mates must have got too relaxed because he either was murdered by his mates who'd got him relaxed so they could get his money, or he had an accident but his mate was so relaxed that he couldn't even think straight enough to give him basic first aid, so he ran away and left him to die.

2) My Uncles in Canada worked day and night to make a hugely successful furniture business, they lived like kings in almost a mansion. But, they liked to RELAX and have a few drinks, turned into an addiction lead to the family business falling apart.

3) My Uncle RELAXED with his mates, then being relaxed he was too macho to be driven home by his friend's wife, so he drive himself and relaxed his way right into the back of a parked car.

4) Another uncle used to RELAX after drinking and beat his wife.

5) Some research was done to show that out of all communities in the UK, the Sikhs are the most addicted to Alcohol - and Guru ji's banned it!

6) People need to make a stand, then things slowly change. Eg so many people have stopped smoking and protested about smoking that we are sitting in a no smoking office, more and more places are becoming non-smoking.. When our boss Jerry presented wine bottles to us, there were 6 people who took it but didn't drink! He came up to me afterwards and apologised for insisting that I take the bottle even when I said I was happy without it. In addition he started thinking about other things he could give as rewards. If I had just RELAXED and taken his wine without saying anything, then nothing would change and I'd be getting wine presented to me for the rest of my days.

The Turban and beard mean `No Drink Zone', it means people shouldn't even have to ask if I drink or not. It means they should know that offering a Sikh of Guru Gobind Singh Jee drink is like swearing at his mother.

I don't hate anyone or look down at anyone, God is everywhere and in everyone, but my actions are important. If I go to nightclubs and pubs, wining and dining then I am saying even though I don't drink I think these places are OK. These places don't agree with Sikhi I can't agree with them either.

I went to nightclubs a few times at university, I saw this really tall Sikh with an uncut beard and turban. He stood out from the crowd, I thought what the hell is he doing here, this is no place to bring the Guru's turban and beard. Then I thought hold on - what the hell am I doing here!

I went to a pub after a course, during the course lectures people have self-control and discipline (like Khalsa), at the pub their dirty desires come up, they talk dirty, one man kissed all the girls goodbye - & cuddled one of them half to death. She's got a boyfriend but she didn't mind kissing someone else, and he didn't care as long as he was getting his lustful satisifaction'. They had no honour, no dignity. And all I got was a head full of dirty thoughts, a coat full of smoke smell and the feeling I'd wasted my time.

I used to feel guilty about saying I don't go to the pub and used to go out of politeness to my work mates. But then this white girl didn't go either and she told people straight, she didn't even like wasting time at lunchtime talking aimlessly to people. She was training for the great Britain Olympic rowing team, she had a set diet, she was very organised and no-one was going to mess her dreams up. I thought that's right, she knows she wants: a gold medal, and she's 100% committed to getting it. I too know where I'm going - -right into Guru Nanak ji's laps, and no-one is going to steal my time or my principles. The world can hate me or love me but I've given my head to Guru ji and I'm not stepping off this path. My stand is solid. - My path is set. And by Gur Prasad may I have no regrets.

Millions and millions of people come and go, I'm taking a big gamble and following Guru Nanak's shabad Guru path to the letter.

So people can relax if they want and they'll get what they want deep down, but the Khalsa will never relax until they've won the ultimate Gold medal - a place at Vaahi-guroo Jee's feet and by Gur prasad we will win.

[sikhni777]

Don't beat yourself up. Keeping up with Sikhi is not easy. That is why it is stated to be the route which is thinner than a hair and sharper than the edge of a sword to travel on. So far you have nearly managed a month on your own - its nearly the 27th.

The most important thing is that you have realised a basic truth, which can be learnt only through experience. When you go back to your old ways after time off - you will realise that there is no pleasure in them. However you need to start moving forwards or else you will always just remain there.

The lesson which you have learnt is one which we keep on going through time and again through our life. For instance you are doing very well in keeping up your prayers until something minor changes in your routine and until something drastic happens to you - you simply don't realise that your routine is not there any more.

Naam is pure because we keep sinning. This is one of the shabads which was written by Ravidas Ji.

[MisterrSingh]

Your life revolves too heavily around socialising. Getting out and about and meeting people is essential, but even some goreh who shun the vices of alcohol aren't couped up inside; they just ensure their circle of friends - or in your case, your extended family - are the kind of people that are conducive to the kind of clean-living lifestyle they wish to lead. If they don't respect that, then you cut them out of your life. Yes, you read that right. When others only think of what's best for themselves and their lives, why are you so afraid of causing offense?

The way I see it is that you want to break free from destructive habits, but you don't have the courage to speak up against those who lead you by the hand to the very environment you shouldn't be frequenting when you're trying to make such a huge lifestyle change, at least not at this early stage of trying to turn things around.

Also, the bibiya on this site congratulating you for failure are not the voices you need to listen to. There is nothing honourable in failure. Encouragement is vital, but it's clear as day your will to resist those temptations, that are destroying your life, is as fragile as a frayed thread. A cousin gives you a call and you run off to his side like an attention-starved puppy.

You have to draw a line in the sand and decide how you want to exist. There is no honour in trying and failing each time. Blogs, etc, are a waste of time if the advice being given is discarded at a moment's notice during a time of weakness.

Those of you coddling him and throwing around abstract religious concepts need to have a word with yourself. Now is not the time for such things when he can't even resist a drink.

Time to grow up.