30 Day Going Sober Blog

[sikhni777]

After being advised to avoid pubs he felt lonely and felt its a complete waste of time. Remember?

He needs a good telling off...but most important of all its only naam that can save him. Religious concepts are not abstract as he himself admits its backing off from sikhi that drove him there in the first place.

He feels that the way for him is to frequent pubs and just have a meal.... and he won't fall into temptation.

Your advice however mistersingh is smCk bang on the spot but the question is will he take it now without succumbing to loneliness?

[MisterrSingh]

After being advised to avoid pubs he felt lonely and felt its a complete waste of time. Remember?

He needs a good telling off...but most important of all its only naam that can save him. Religious concepts are not abstract as he himself admits its backing off from sikhi that drove him there in the first place.

He feels that the way for him is to frequent pubs and just have a meal.... and he won't fall into temptation.

Your advice however mistersingh is smCk bang on the spot but the question is will he take it now without succumbing to loneliness?

Take up a hobby, a past-time, an individual sport to occupy his mind. Wean him off his dependency on the excessive company of others in an environment that's detrimental to his life goals and objectives. It really isn't that difficult, bhenji, and someone of his apparent level of education shouldn't really have to ask these questions.

Loneliness is a state of mind. Nothing more.

BTW, frequenting pubs for someone who is actively seeking to give up alcohol is as ludicrous as a pyromaniac (someone who has a compulsion to start fires) loitering around a factory that manufactures matches. It's a recipe for disaster.

At this moment in time, OP is relatively young and his health is intact. A few more years and that won't be the case, and he'll go from being a young buck living the life to a sad has-been scrambling around for a drink and a quick fix. Ironically, the cousins and friends he practically lives for will all have settled down by then and be playing happy families as if their 5hit never stank, yet OP will be saddled with various addictions and afflictions, wondering where it all went wrong, giving his mother cause for unnecessary grief. It's a tale that's as old as the hills in Punjabi circles, yet nobody learns. Oh well, the first liver scare or drug-induced heart attack may shake him out of his apathy.

[dallysingh101]

- I BROKE AND HAD A DRINK -

I thought I should come back on here because I find strength from reading peoples advice. Thursday night I went for a meal with my cousins for his birthday and throughout the meal they were drinking and I wasn't. I managed to get through the whole meal without any alcohol and we actually had a good time. Towards the end of the meal, all of my cousins were going home except one who wanted to stay out. I don't know why, but I offered to stay out with him. I still don't understand why I said I would stay out. We went to a few bars and he told me to have a drink and that he wouldnt tell anyone and it would stay between me and him. I've had this sort of offer before off other people but always refused, again I still don't know why but I agreed. I had 2 pints of beer but I didnt enjoy them, I just sat there questioning why I'm doing this and went quiete around my cousin. I didnt want to be out and could've easily gone home then but we didnt. He convinced me to go half half on some coke and that came next. After that I continued drinking and sniffing as if it was another one of my benders. Ive been doing so well and was recovering myself from the financial mess I had put myself in but all it took is one night and I'm back to square one. The money situation is stressing me out more than anything because I was making such good progress and now I'm back where I was. On top of that, I got so bad that I didnt go to work on Friday and my mum won't even look at me or talk to me. The situation at home is horrible, I basically sit in my room to stay out of my mums way, I haven't eaten anything since thursday because I don't even want to go downstairs into the kitchen to make something

I can't tell you how ashamed i feel of myself and I can't believe I snapped. I honestly thought I would be able to make it last. The only thing I can think of as a reason to why I snapped is that I started to move away from sikhi. The 30 day blog I did on here kept me going and I tried to practice the values of sikhi in my life. I started reading more about it and listening to shabads which people had posted when I felt weak. After I stopped posting, I drifted away. I think I was doing so well by keeping up gym and getting myself out the financial mess that I didnt think that I needed sikhi as bad as that sounds.

I need to think of a way to go on from here and find something that will give me hope and strength again so I've decided to continue doing a daily blog on here. Im sorry for all the people who are fed up of reading this but I really think it will keep me going

One thing I want so say is a massive apology to all those who took their time out to help me and write such great advice and had faith in me. Im sorry that I've let you down but I promise I will do whatever I can to get back on track. The only good thing that came out of this whole thing is I realised I don't enjoy drinking or doing drugs at all anymore

I will follow up with a post later this evening to go through how my day has been today

Again, apologies to all the sangat

You're human, you slipped. Learn appropriate lessons from it.

Your social life and past-times are the key to all this.

Personally mate, I think you need to tell a fair bit of your family to go and f**k themselves and stay out of your face.

[MisterrSingh]

Personally mate, I think you need to tell a fair bit of your family to go and f**k themselves and stay out of your face.

I think they're deliberately leading him down a dark path so that he frigs up his life.

He needs to toughen up before it's too late. He's proven he can't change his ways with the softly-softly, supportive, conciliatory approach that many of his brothers and sisters on this site offered him, so the next and only approach for someone like that is to get harsh and get real.

[dallysingh101]

OP, how much are you sniffing and drinking that it's breaking the bank for you in one night???

Bloody hell mate!

[simran345]

- I BROKE AND HAD A DRINK -

I thought I should come back on here because I find strength from reading peoples advice. Thursday night I went for a meal with my cousins for his birthday and throughout the meal they were drinking and I wasn't. I managed to get through the whole meal without any alcohol and we actually had a good time. Towards the end of the meal, all of my cousins were going home except one who wanted to stay out. I don't know why, but I offered to stay out with him. I still don't understand why I said I would stay out. We went to a few bars and he told me to have a drink and that he wouldnt tell anyone and it would stay between me and him. I've had this sort of offer before off other people but always refused, again I still don't know why but I agreed. I had 2 pints of beer but I didnt enjoy them, I just sat there questioning why I'm doing this and went quiete around my cousin. I didnt want to be out and could've easily gone home then but we didnt. He convinced me to go half half on some coke and that came next. After that I continued drinking and sniffing as if it was another one of my benders. Ive been doing so well and was recovering myself from the financial mess I had put myself in but all it took is one night and I'm back to square one. The money situation is stressing me out more than anything because I was making such good progress and now I'm back where I was. On top of that, I got so bad that I didnt go to work on Friday and my mum won't even look at me or talk to me. The situation at home is horrible, I basically sit in my room to stay out of my mums way, I haven't eaten anything since thursday because I don't even want to go downstairs into the kitchen to make something

I can't tell you how ashamed i feel of myself and I can't believe I snapped. I honestly thought I would be able to make it last. The only thing I can think of as a reason to why I snapped is that I started to move away from sikhi. The 30 day blog I did on here kept me going and I tried to practice the values of sikhi in my life. I started reading more about it and listening to shabads which people had posted when I felt weak. After I stopped posting, I drifted away. I think I was doing so well by keeping up gym and getting myself out the financial mess that I didnt think that I needed sikhi as bad as that sounds.

I need to think of a way to go on from here and find something that will give me hope and strength again so I've decided to continue doing a daily blog on here. Im sorry for all the people who are fed up of reading this but I really think it will keep me going

One thing I want so say is a massive apology to all those who took their time out to help me and write such great advice and had faith in me. Im sorry that I've let you down but I promise I will do whatever I can to get back on track. The only good thing that came out of this whole thing is I realised I don't enjoy drinking or doing drugs at all anymore

I will follow up with a post later this evening to go through how my day has been today

Again, apologies to all the sangat

It's good that you feel bad about it. Don't think because you slipped up, that it's ok. I may sound harsh, but Paji its this discipline that is going to help you. You have to not feel sorry for yourself, but admit to God that you messed up and don't hide what you have done, ask for forgiveness from God, not from us or anybody else, as we won't be there when the going gets tough.

I understand you are feeling lonely, but that's no excuse to drink or take drugs. The whole world is lonely, nobody belongs to anybody. Nobody will be there for you in bad times, believe me I should know. You should not feel lonely, as you have a good job, you are in this country which offers so much. I've just been to India, and compared to being there, you are in the best place now. Just imagine if you were there, how would you cope. It's no swarg there, probably living hell, if somebody goes through alcohol and drugs problem there.

You are very lucky to be born in this country, so don't take it for granted, respect what you have, even if it doesn't feel much.

Every soul is here because of their past karam and to jap Naam. You feel lonely now, then what will you feel when the damage of intoxicants will take over your life? God forbid that ever happens, but I know from experience, a member of my family used to drink, I think I told you about it too. And it was very hard to see what they were going through, which also affected tho whole family badly.

Take a grip of yourself, and get up now that you have fallen. You need to respect your soul more, stop hurting it, God gave you it to love yourself and to clean your soul through good actions. Enough is enough now, amli na ban, Kuch nai rakhea is cheeja vich.

If you are depressed, get professional help. MisterrSingh Paji is right, your cousins will get married, have kids, and they won't be there for you. They won't give a c r a p about you and it's your family who will get the mehne, so why are you giving them the chance for that?

Not eating isn't going to make things better, but worse, you have to keep your strength up to live, and to clear your mind from negativity, guide it to goodness. You have to not want to drink yourself, it's got to come from inside you. No matter what we say on here, doesn't make a difference, unless from deep inside your soul you are ready for that change.

You think temptation is easy to control, but you got to be harder with your Mann (mind). If one give the Mann is bit of freedom, then it will run like a horse into hell. Hold onto the reigns, otherwise you are going to hurt yourself more, after falling off.

And what the hell you doing near pubs, obviously you will get tempted. Keep away from pubs, that will help you.

[sikhni777]

Actually he has received ALL the advice for him to change. What he now needs to go and do is put it into practice. Naamnet is highly recommended for him where he will have to commit to 20 minutes of simran and report to a high avasta Gursikh everyday.

How many times has he bothered approaching the Guradwara and yet he wants Sikhi ?

Sikhi is working for it, not getting others to do the hard work for you and then rolling it down the hill and coming back asking for more. If he reads his own blog daily, he will get all the advice all over again. We have our own shortcomings to work on too.

[MisterrSingh]

The reactions from yesterday have nothing, or very little, to do with Gursikhi, or being raised in a religious environment, etc. It's to do with discipline; something that applies to all human beings regardless of race, religion and their level of adherence.

You're avoiding the central issue (your lack of self control and flimsy mental resilience) and twisting the issue to make it seem like a religious issue between practising and non-practicising Sikhs. That's completely disingenuous and false.

You've proven yourself unworthy of the kindness and support offered by the people (not me) who were with you during those 30 days. You wasted their time and now that you've fallen into bad habits again, it's suddenly THEIR fault when they express their disappointment?

Again, don't make this into a religious issue because it isn't. If you don't believe me, approach a white, atheist, disciplined non-drinker with their head screwed on correctly and you'll get pretty much the same reaction. Where does that leave your theory about practising Sikhs pushing others away?

I'm done with this thread.

[simran345]

Paji, no you haven't offended anybody on here. You only offended yourself by not being strong enough for refusing that drink. But that doesn't mean people hate you for it or are judging you.

It's because we care that we've been a bit harsh.

I'm sure everybody that has commented has your best interests at heart. You should not think of it as a discouragement but in fact look at it from a different perspective as constructive criticism which is to help you, not to belittle you.

I may have sounded harsh, or may have been better with my words, but sorry that's just the way I am, I say it as it is. It's not to put you down, but just think if it as a sister advising her brother when he's upset.

You should carry on with your blog, not stop it. Because not only will it help you, but also many others. Everybody is not Gursikh/Amritdhari on here, so you are not alone.

Many probably have their own problems, but we are here to help each other, not to push you away.

So please don't stop blogging if you benefit from it. This is probably the best place to write your feelings and what you are going through.

I think some of us were just sad to hear a fellow brother going through a bad time. And I apologise if it wasn't what you expected to hear. not everybody on here have Gursikh company. There are those that go through same as what you go through or have been, and I haven't done a course in counselling, so my words may not be as expected.

I told you it's not going to happen overnight and you will get episodes of all sorts and different reactions. But that's the journey of it all, going through. Don't let that discourage you from your goal.

You have been very honest and brave in what you are going through, which a lot of people do not have the strength to do. Be happy, and now start again, and you will do better.

Ok you messed up one day, let that be a reminder for your future progress. And don't dwell on it now, carry on as normal. Don't put a barrier up either against people that have kind of 'told you off'. I have my own sins to deal with, but also where I feel I can be of help I try to.

You have to also be able to not take things sensitively. I've had loads of things said to me by few people in here when I first came that I didn't want to hear. But I tried not to let that get to me and took the advice I could relate to.

I find that I take away the advice that will help and not let the bits that don't to affect me. As each person is different, obviously you will not get the same advise. People have different ways of helping, it may not be what we want to hear but to understand that they are human too.

Anyways whatever you decide to do, wish you all the best and may Waheguru bless you.

But still don't get put off and hope to see you on here again.

[sikhni777]

Until you seriously start naam simran....you will keep slipping. Your blog should now focus on what steps you are deciding to take into sikhi. No one directly told you to stop blogging. Its time to put into action all the advise people have given you.

Everyone on here is all for your support.

The source of all your failures is your amazing ability to place a stumbling block before you yourself fall over it and then blame the block. That is called mun mat... not gur mat. Get rid of that and you have amazing potential. If you put all that effort into naam simran you may be the person advising us lost souls and not vice versa.