Punishment methods for kids

[Guest Gagan]

As a kid I only got beat on bottom when I did something real bad, like getting excluded for fighting at school .

Otherwise my parents used to pull my ears hard when I misbehaved.

Only you can decide what’s best for your kids! Even if you beat them its out of love to stop them behaving bad next time. 

[Guest Guest12344]

My parents use to use the count down method. They would also use to put me in bathroom with the lights off! LOL I use to get so scared and then I restrained from misbehaving.  

[puzzled]

I think giving them a slap or smack with a chapal is ok now and then but not always!  My dad used to have serious anger issues and he used to get it out on me! It was really bad! I would never treat my own kid like that ! I'm in my 20s now and still remember it like it was yesterday.  So it's important not to get to hard on them! Especially if you can't control your anger.  

[imhosingh]

If you don't want bad behaviour from your kids, don't feed it with your own bad behaviour. If a kid is having a screaming mental fit, don't shout at them as that just feeds their anger. I'd suggest just walk away nonchalantly like you aren't going to react to such behaviour. The child will run out of steam before you. Do that a few times and they will realise that screaming etc won't get them what they want and that you won't conceed. Do it consistently and you'll be surprised by the results. Yes, It does work, as I do it with my kids. Angry shouty kids most of the time reflect angry shouty parents. I know its hip to see kids as 'equals' to the adults, but if you want a peaceful life you have to let them know who is boss, set boundaries, and that you can't be manipulated by their behaviours.  Oh and don't think this will make them not 'love' you because you aren't caving in, they will still do so (actually even more)

Look at it like energy, if you react to angry energy with 'anger' you feed the anger. The best way to deal with it is to deflect it (not absorb it).

We all have stories of the chappal whacks, but if it was so effective why did we get whacked so often? After a while it didn't hurt.

[Guest jigsaw_puzzled_singh]

1 hour ago, imhosingh said:

If you don't want bad behaviour from your kids, don't feed it with your own bad behaviour. If a kid is having a screaming mental fit, don't shout at them as that just feeds their anger. I'd suggest just walk away nonchalantly like you aren't going to react to such behaviour. The child will run out of steam before you. Do that a few times and they will realise that screaming etc won't get them what they want and that you won't conceed. Do it consistently and you'll be surprised by the results. Yes, It does work, as I do it with my kids. Angry shouty kids most of the time reflect angry shouty parents. I know its hip to see kids as 'equals' to the adults, but if you want a peaceful life you have to let them know who is boss, set boundaries, and that you can't be manipulated by their behaviours.  Oh and don't think this will make them not 'love' you because you aren't caving in, they will still do so (actually even more)

Look at it like energy, if you react to angry energy with 'anger' you feed the anger. The best way to deal with it is to deflect it (not absorb it).

We all have stories of the chappal whacks, but if it was so effective why did we get whacked so often? After a while it didn't hurt.

Good points. You know, I am usually very reluctant to draw anyone's attention towards any research studies, especially Psychology - and in this case child psychology - studies because something like 95% of such published studies around the world use 'white Europeans' as their subject matter and so their 'white centric' findings are usually pretty much irrelevant to our culture. As such, I'm always seeking information away from this euro-centric bullc*ap and sometimes you really do find what you are looking for in the most unexpected of places. In terms of how to raise a child....a GOOD, OBEDIENT, WELL-BEHAVED child, I think we all need to learn from the Mayan people native to Central America, mostly Guatemala. Their children are extraordinarily good and studies have show that the reason for this is the way the parents get the kids involved at an early age. From an early age, when a child sees his or her mother cooking or father working, the child naturally wants to join in. Here in the west, mother will say no because it's dangerous or there'll be a mess made in the kitchen and father will also make excuses - usually on 'elf and safety' grounds and say no. In Mayan culture however, parents understand that more than anything else in the world - i.e. more than fun, toys and play - the child really desires to be helpful and do what mummy and daddy are doing. Instead of saying 'no' the Mayans actively look at the child and say "come child.....come help" and never ever shout of chastise when things get broken or go wrong. The result is the most well behaved, happy and helpful children in the world.

[Guest student]

On 5/18/2018 at 3:48 AM, Guest Singh said:

Any guidance in Sikhi about parenting and punishing kids for bad behaviour? How did your parents punish you as child for being bad? Or how do you punish your kids? With strict Punjabi parents, my brother and I always got proper punishments. Normally 5 mins of spanking with a karachi (wooden spoon). Looking back it did hurt but I’m glad my parents did it because it stopped me behaving bad. And I used to behave really bad!

My kids are 8 and 11. I know other options available like grounding or banning TV, but sometimes it’s not enough?

Most probably your kids learned their delinquent behaviour from you as their parent! Children learn to misbehave when they watch their parents misbehaving. Make sure you are not bad mouthing or beating your wife on regular basis. They will learn the same without necessarily displaying what they’ve learnt now for fear of repercussions but they will definitely display it later when they are adults. Domestic violence, alcoholism,  sexual promiscuity/adultery/cheating behind one’s spouse with white blondes/gambling and generally staring at pretty women of other races with very common among Asian/Punjabi Sikh makes. If you enjoyed being  spanked as a kiddo and experienced lots of sexual gratification from being spanked then go ahead with it and carry out spanking your next generation.

[Not2Cool2Argue]

My parents just changed the whole atmosphere. We got yelled at and lectured. Then we were doing chores in silence while my mom would recite all the past misdeeds we did. The whole bad mood stayed until our parents forgot. That's why having lots of siblings helped cuz one of them was able to do something to change the subject/mood. 

We didn't dare touch the TV or have fun. It was like when we got in trouble, it was a funeral house. All silent and grim. 

 

[Guest GuestSingh]

Anyone ever squat with arms under legs and holding ears? Maybe it should come back....

[Guest Harj]

On 7/22/2018 at 12:23 AM, GuestSingh said:

Anyone ever squat with arms under legs and holding ears? Maybe it should come back....

Punjabi parents give love and discipline in equal measures

[Guest Sakhee Kaur]

This issue of "punishment" is really important.  I think most of us caregivers (including our parent's generation) completely missed it. What's a better teacher is actually natural consequences that evolve from bad behavior that are greater lessons than any punishment we can give. The kid on the receiving end of the punishment usually ends up thinking that they were unfairly treated and how miserable their life is OR worse: they think that they are worthless and deserved what they received and begin to suffer low self-esteem and from low self-worth as a result. 

 

https://www.sikhfamilylife.com/2018/05/how-to-stop-a-tantrum-and-get-kids-to-listen-a-cheat-sheet/

This post on Sikh Family Life doesn't exactly cover punishments, but does cover what to do to help elicit cooperation while also enhancing skills that every parent wants their children to learn (good decision-making, initiative, critical thinking skills, etc.). Note: the post addresses cooperation with younger children, but the same principles apply with other children, it just looks differently.