Punishment methods for kids

[Guest student]

On 5/18/2018 at 3:48 AM, Guest Singh said:

Any guidance in Sikhi about parenting and punishing kids for bad behaviour? How did your parents punish you as child for being bad? Or how do you punish your kids? With strict Punjabi parents, my brother and I always got proper punishments. Normally 5 mins of spanking with a karachi (wooden spoon). Looking back it did hurt but I’m glad my parents did it because it stopped me behaving bad. And I used to behave really bad!

My kids are 8 and 11. I know other options available like grounding or banning TV, but sometimes it’s not enough?

Most probably your kids learned their delinquent behaviour from you as their parent! Children learn to misbehave when they watch their parents misbehaving. Make sure you are not bad mouthing or beating your wife on regular basis. They will learn the same without necessarily displaying what they’ve learnt now for fear of repercussions but they will definitely display it later when they are adults. Domestic violence, alcoholism,  sexual promiscuity/adultery/cheating behind one’s spouse with white blondes/gambling and generally staring at pretty women of other races with very common among Asian/Punjabi Sikh makes. If you enjoyed being  spanked as a kiddo and experienced lots of sexual gratification from being spanked then go ahead with it and carry out spanking your next generation.

[Not2Cool2Argue 505]

My parents just changed the whole atmosphere. We got yelled at and lectured. Then we were doing chores in silence while my mom would recite all the past misdeeds we did. The whole bad mood stayed until our parents forgot. That's why having lots of siblings helped cuz one of them was able to do something to change the subject/mood. 

We didn't dare touch the TV or have fun. It was like when we got in trouble, it was a funeral house. All silent and grim. 

 

[Guest GuestSingh]

Anyone ever squat with arms under legs and holding ears? Maybe it should come back....

[Guest Harj]

On 7/22/2018 at 12:23 AM, GuestSingh said:

Anyone ever squat with arms under legs and holding ears? Maybe it should come back....

Punjabi parents give love and discipline in equal measures

[Guest Sakhee Kaur]

This issue of "punishment" is really important.  I think most of us caregivers (including our parent's generation) completely missed it. What's a better teacher is actually natural consequences that evolve from bad behavior that are greater lessons than any punishment we can give. The kid on the receiving end of the punishment usually ends up thinking that they were unfairly treated and how miserable their life is OR worse: they think that they are worthless and deserved what they received and begin to suffer low self-esteem and from low self-worth as a result. 

 

https://www.sikhfamilylife.com/2018/05/how-to-stop-a-tantrum-and-get-kids-to-listen-a-cheat-sheet/

This post on Sikh Family Life doesn't exactly cover punishments, but does cover what to do to help elicit cooperation while also enhancing skills that every parent wants their children to learn (good decision-making, initiative, critical thinking skills, etc.). Note: the post addresses cooperation with younger children, but the same principles apply with other children, it just looks differently. 

[Guest Harveer]

Guess different things work for different kids. Up to parents to decide how they discipline their kids 

[GuestKaur2 320]

We all been there... 

[mahandulai 39]

On 5/18/2018 at 3:48 AM, Guest Singh said:

Any guidance in Sikhi about parenting and punishing kids for bad behaviour? How did your parents punish you as child for being bad? Or how do you punish your kids? With strict Punjabi parents, my brother and I always got proper punishments. Normally 5 mins of spanking with a karachi (wooden spoon). Looking back it did hurt but I’m glad my parents did it because it stopped me behaving bad. And I used to behave really bad!

My kids are 8 and 11. I know other options available like grounding or banning TV, but sometimes it’s not enough?

bro without going into child abuse.

Just treat them as human beings, who are children just trying to learn, then all comes clear, I would go away from traditional parent behaviour

[Guest Best]

On 19 July 2018 at 1:03 PM, imhosingh said:

If you don't want bad behaviour from your kids, don't feed it with your own bad behaviour. If a kid is having a screaming mental fit, don't shout at them as that just feeds their anger. I'd suggest just walk away nonchalantly like you aren't going to react to such behaviour. The child will run out of steam before you. Do that a few times and they will realise that screaming etc won't get them what they want and that you won't conceed. Do it consistently and you'll be surprised by the results. Yes, It does work, as I do it with my kids. Angry shouty kids most of the time reflect angry shouty parents. I know its hip to see kids as 'equals' to the adults, but if you want a peaceful life you have to let them know who is boss, set boundaries, and that you can't be manipulated by their behaviours.  Oh and don't think this will make them not 'love' you because you aren't caving in, they will still do so (actually even more)

Look at it like energy, if you react to angry energy with 'anger' you feed the anger. The best way to deal with it is to deflect it (not absorb it).

We all have stories of the chappal whacks, but if it was so effective why did we get whacked so often? After a while it didn't hurt.

Best post so far.

 

Violence makes for messed up kids. Look at the state of many 25-40 yr old Brit punjabis today. Not to mention that violence is straight up CHILD ABUSE.

As an adult I got beaten up brutally by a male sibling. 

 

The the reaction from all family and cousins bar one, was that it's 'normal' for a male sibling to beat a female sibling. 

As an adult.....

 

Punjabi culture has become pretty whack. Take violence out of the equation all together and chances are these occurrences are less likely to occur and/or be tolerated. 

 

[GuestKaur2 320]

8 hours ago, Guest Best said:

Best post so far.

 

Violence makes for messed up kids. Look at the state of many 25-40 yr old Brit punjabis today. Not to mention that violence is straight up CHILD ABUSE.

As an adult I got beaten up brutally by a male sibling. 

 

The the reaction from all family and cousins bar one, was that it's 'normal' for a male sibling to beat a female sibling. 

As an adult.....

 

Punjabi culture has become pretty whack. Take violence out of the equation all together and chances are these occurrences are less likely to occur and/or be tolerated. 

 

What other methods do you suggest instead?

[Guest ggg]

Did anyone get waterboarded? That stopped any misbehaving when the hi tech trainer didn't work.

I am scared of swimming to this day

[jkvlondon 5,051]

My Dad said one thing which really stuck in my mind 'Kids are trainee adults' ,  when you think this way you will not teach them wrong things, lie to avoid difficult situations, be violent etc you will be focussed on getting the kid to reason it out for him/herself .

with twins I didn't have the luxury of indulging their tantrums ( BTW EVERY kid does this; anyone tells you they never did it, or their kids never did they are straight up lying )they would do the lie down protest   I would calmly walk away and get on with my stuff , a few times and it was over , never to be seen again. Never tolerate violence on siblings , both get sent to naughty corners to think about how bad it is to hurt your sibling. stopped the beatdowns , this was when they were small as they tried again when older We removed their privileges i.e. gaming, once, twice then the aggravation decided the issue for them .

Madam Isher is a challenge now as she has no direct competition for time, resources or toys so am mindful of bratty behaviour when she plays up , she loses her soft toys one by one starting with her favourites . So far she is good with the carrot and stick method of compliance but am moving her away from that model as it will make her mercenary and thus a ish friend/possible target for grooming.

we talk things through generally, with them letting me know what their conclusions are, this gives me insight to their motivations, triggers,and what they learnt possibly the hard way as i tell once, advise a second time then leave it for them to deal with consequences .

when they go through it , they generally realise that my folks were right and I should have listened ...it has meant that the trust stays strong with us, even though they get space to mess up, they know they have back up so they have confidence to grow .

[Guest Battle with kaam]

It really depends on parents approach. My parents only used physical punishment once when I was 14

The drama of my parents getting so mad with the embarrassment and pain of getting a beating was a huge rollercoaster of realising I was doing something really  bad 

Next day dad showed me paath where it says about kaam and how it leads you to hell. He spent ages explaining how kaam is a big test. And he kept motivating me with sakhis of sacrifice next few months

I know lots of boys who start watching that stuff and are addicted to practicing kaam secretly in their bedrooms. Instead with love from parents, paath, seva and simran I moved past this stuff and took amrit age 18

[Koi 287]

Ultimately, you do what you need. If the kid listens with a stern word, then that's all you need to do. If the kid needs all his toys and privileges taken away, then do it. And if the kid still behaves like a little piece of trash, then don't be afraid to go to town on his a**! But only as much as is required, never excessive. 

[Singh1989 171]

Slap on the wrist should suffice and grounded for 2 weekends or 4 weekends etc. At end of punishment make them recite. Sit with them for 5 mins and explain "You're better than wha u done! It about time u grow up!" This part be both sweet n stern. Let them know they can improve in life.