Dukhi because of wife

[puzzled]

Marriage is scary

[Guest Guest reality]

deleted.

[Guest Kaur 2]

On 22 June 2018 at 8:49 AM, Prokharkoo84 said:

LOL now fat mummys boy is giving advice on beating wives up hahaha what a soorh. 

Lol why do you two always argue? Its still quite funny though. 

[Guest jigsaw_puzzled_singh]

Quote

The girl i married to dresses inappropriately

Can you send us pictures ? 

Nah but seriously with wife comes much 'sukh' and 'dukh'. You won't know 'dukh' unless you've previously experienced some 'sukh' and you won't deserve 'sukh' unless you've experienced some 'dukh'. The two come as a pair. Embrace them both as great learning experiences.

Now, this :

Quote

gets mad if religious music is on

Picture this scenario: a 'Christian from Kenya marries a 'christian' from England. The 'christian' from Kenya, where Christianity actually means something will assume that the 'christian' from England feels the same. But, as we know, the 'christian' from England will just take his 'christianity' for granted as a reflection of his cultural heritage and will definitely not want to hear 'Jesus' music playing. Same thing for your wife. She's only just moved away from a place (Punjab) where 'Sikhism' is just something in the background that defines her ethnicity and cultural background and it will take her a couple of years in the west to understand and appreciate the spiritual / internal side of Sikhi that we in the west do. Give her time and understanding. It will come.

And finally, this:

Quote

and threatens shes going to do suicide everyday.

Don't worry about that. They do it a lot. Again it's about improving your own knowledge about her...where she comes from etc and thus, with that knowledge, understanding her more. She comes from a place (Punjab) where suicide is used as a way of getting back at people. In Punjab, it is seen not as a crime in itself but as a crime that is perpetrated by another. Thus if someone commits suicide another / others WILL be arrested and go to jail. So you see this changes the psyche of people from Punjab as this thought is imbedded in their minds and it becomes a cultural trait. They don't mean anything serious by it and (probably) aren't actually going to go through with it, but it's just a small everyday way of getting back at people.

 

Brother, marriage is a wonderful thing. It's one great big fun rollercoaster of learning about one another. In these early days, trust me she finds your 'western' ways as unfathomable and peculiar as you find hers. There are fun times ahead for getting to know and understand each other better. Enjoy and embrace.

[Prokharkoo84]

On 6/27/2018 at 6:49 AM, Guest Kaur 2 said:

Lol why do you two always argue? Its still quite funny though. 

because he comes here acting like the jathedar of the forum, talking about goat meat, ruining innocent girls lives and then to top it off, sh!ts himself when i go to meet him, after he has been chatting b*llsh!t on here.

[Guest Obsessed_Troll 84]

Prokarkoo cleary comes across as a deranged an obsessed troll.

I mean who drives from Wales to London asking to meet another Sikh in the toilets at McDonald's?

 

 

 

 

[Guest Kaur 2]

9 hours ago, Prokharkoo84 said:

because he comes here acting like the jathedar of the forum, talking about goat meat, ruining innocent girls lives and then to top it off, sh!ts himself when i go to meet him, after he has been chatting b*llsh!t on here.

Haha lol It makes me laugh when you say soorh.

[Guest Big Jatt]

On ‎6‎/‎17‎/‎2018 at 8:38 AM, Guest Hopeless said:

I will give quick snopsysis, i married a girl from india, and assumed my parents and inlaws would help.

 

The girl i married to dresses inappropriately, gets mad if religious music is on, and threatens shes going to do suicide everyday.

I have been trying hard to make my marriage, but literally feel im confused. The sikh relgion talks of marriage and not divorce. I am so confused because i took anand karaj literally. I truly want to have a family, but am mentally reaching a breaking point.

 

 

Listen mate, you've gotta change your approach on this matter. I'm not gonna judge your wife or you, for that matter. I can see other posters have already made  opinions from what they hear you say. But this is not the right way to handle situations and is just an instinct-ego reaction.

1) you've gotta look at the whole situation by taking a step back. 

Step back, deep breath and approach it fresh from the middle as if you were middle man between a couple.  

Ask yourself first, and then ask her "what have I done to make her wanna dress inappropriately or be "anti" to my beliefs in faith.

2) you have to be calm and be the one to get the ball rolling.  DO NOT come across as a dictator, do NOT do the " you shouldn't do this... you must do this.. this way is right...  and all that ego 2 ego yapping.    WHY?..... because it will only escalate the matter, and the moment she feels threatened, or that you are pushing your weight on her verbally, .She'll just mentally block you out. She'll just put a up a protective wall inside her mind to keep you out.  The sacred bond between you will weaken at the speed of light and crumble before your eyes.

3) You really gotta swallow your pride and try to learn from this as well as educate her. This life AND KARAMS are all about LESSONS. That's why we are learners. learner=Sikhs.   If you waste your life without having made effort to learn, then you are no better than any other manukh. And neither you or your wife will get any better treatment in the court of God. NEVER judge yourself against another in this world of maya unless you make all the efforts to be a sikh-learner. If you are a true learner sikh, then you will always be HUMBLE.  Leave the judging for God. Neither you or you wife should ever feel better or lower than each other.

Be subtle.    *Tell her that you find that she is belittling her natural beauty by wearing revealing clothes.  *Tell her that you feel affinity and connection to her beauty,  and this feeling comes from Truth. *Truth the satch. *The satch which is Waheguru 

*Tell her that you really want to help her become a better person AND you want her to help you develop into a better person also. You both wanna help improve each other in the eyes of Truth and that it is the truth which joined you in matrimony.

on top of all this make it clear that for many years, you anticipated and was determined to make the best of whoever you were married to.  You promised yourself, [the antarjami(inner knower) inside you], t hat you would NOT divorce or break the vows made in anand karaj.   Make it clear that your conscious is very strong and 'pakka' about this belief. You conscious is very strong about doing whatever it takes to keep the marriage bond.

 

She will eventually waken up. I guarantee you. If you make your attempt and approach to better this situation with True heart and not from ego, then  God will make things happen.   Trust me..   I know a mate who went though same sort of deal as you. He found out that his wife was involved in prostitution back in India. She had been a high class hooker for filthy rich clients.  When my went came to me balling his eyes out, another older friend gave the advice that I'm giving you now.  The reactions he got from others were "slap her up and deport her back" or "get rid of her"      Nevertheless, he swallowed his pride, asked Waheguru for forgiveness for his own paaps and made a new approach with an ego-less attitude.  She did a U-turn. She realized her wrong doing, realized her false desire for money and was extremely remorseful.  Today, the pair of them have developed into mature mother and fathers and live their lives in  very peaceful and righteous way.

I can only explain in a very brief outlined way above. You'll either get it or you wont.   But seriously, give it some thought and use  youw own mind to give explanations to her that will help her make a change.  Believe me, if you put your own Mind in the right place to aim at the right goals, then anything can be achieved in this world.

 

If yo think your not strong enough, then just feed each other a glass of poison.... Top yourselves in the name of truth. Tell her that if you can't be her's, then you would not be anyone else's and would rather die.  See if she does the same?  BTW. remember to have arsenic water in one glass and plain water in the other

 

 

[ipledgeblue]

maybe take her to a sikhi camp and tell her it's an event or fare or something.

 

IF she is new to the UK surely you can convince her?

[Guest Paapiman]

On 6/17/2018 at 11:38 AM, Guest Hopeless said:

I will give quick snopsysis, i married a girl from india, and assumed my parents and inlaws would help.

 

The girl i married to dresses inappropriately, gets mad if religious music is on, and threatens shes going to do suicide everyday.

I have been trying hard to make my marriage, but literally feel im confused. The sikh relgion talks of marriage and not divorce. I am so confused because i took anand karaj literally. I truly want to have a family, but am mentally reaching a breaking point.

 

 

You can get an Akhand Paath (or other types of Paath) done for her. Do ardas to Maharaaj for a happy and a successful marriage.

Try seeking help from a marriage counsellor/psyhotherapist (who specializes in marital issues). It might help. These professionals are trained to tackle problems in a variety of situations and will give you tips, which might assist you in improving your relationship with your wife.

There is a Jaap which you can do. It is mentioned in the Shabad Sidhi granth.

If you join the Sikhawareness forum, you can pm me for another suggestion which might help you (it would be inappropraite to state it on a public forum).

Overall, IMHO, you will have to be patient (for sometime) and keep doing ardas in front of Sri Waheguru jee for her attitude to change.

 

Bhul chuk maaf