I was married already 2 times, is it wrong what i am doing?

[Guest SinghGuest34]

I am a sikh girl and i was married already 2 times. I couldnt stay with my first husband because he abused me and hit me. He was very violent. As you folks know, when someone was already married once, its hard to find a good husband the second time. So i got another time a husband who abused me and also drank much alcohol. I couldnt stay in that family, it was very hard, i got hit every day. Also both didnt loved me. So i am divorced and that too also 2 times already. What do you think? Should i have stayed with him even if they were abusive? Because in sikhi you can marry only once right? Or was it the right thing i did? 

[S1ngh 2,418]

2 hours ago, Guest SinghGuest34 said:

I am a sikh girl and i was married already 2 times. I couldnt stay with my first husband because he abused me and hit me. He was very violent. As you folks know, when someone was already married once, its hard to find a good husband the second time. So i got another time a husband who abused me and also drank much alcohol. I couldnt stay in that family, it was very hard, i got hit every day. Also both didnt loved me. So i am divorced and that too also 2 times already. What do you think? Should i have stayed with him even if they were abusive? Because in sikhi you can marry only once right? Or was it the right thing i did? 

Dear sister, my only suggestion would be to focus on "What is the root cause?". Maybe you should try to focus on the religion aspect of the lifestyle where social evils such as alcohol are strictly forbidden. If you learn more deeply about sikh dharam then you would find a partner of same thinking/ideology. That would be my suggestion.

[savalakhsingh 22]

3 hours ago, Guest SinghGuest34 said:

I am a sikh girl and i was married already 2 times. I couldnt stay with my first husband because he abused me and hit me. He was very violent. As you folks know, when someone was already married once, its hard to find a good husband the second time. So i got another time a husband who abused me and also drank much alcohol. I couldnt stay in that family, it was very hard, i got hit every day. Also both didnt loved me. So i am divorced and that too also 2 times already. What do you think? Should i have stayed with him even if they were abusive? Because in sikhi you can marry only once right? Or was it the right thing i did? 

vjkkvjkf! I am very sorry for what has happened to you, always keeping you in my ardas sister.
Firstly, I agree with S1ngh that it is not right to look for a partner who is not into sikhi - go for a gurmukh. Firstly, find happiness within your own self and focus on your Sikhi, start doing nitnem, ardas and amritvela every day. Then you can start looking for someone who is like you and also does nitnem, and has pakka amritvela. Most likely, that person will be a gurmukh and will follow guru sahib. If you are going for outer appearance then you will never be happy because one day your partner will be old and frail and you will no longer be attracted to him because of his looks. But if you go for his heart and fall in love with him, then no matter how he will look on the outside, his heart will always stay the same.

There are many gurmukhs who don't care about how many divorces you have had, or what your past is, they only care about the future and how you will better their gursikhi jeevan. In Guru Sahib's times, most singhs used to get married to the girls they would rescue (after the girls had taken amrit and become singhnia of course). These girls would be abused and worse by mughals and hindus but the khalsa doesn't care for the past.

Always do ardas before committing to anyone. Talk to a respected elder gursikh wherever you live and im sure they will help you find a gurmukh singh who treats you right and will help you in sikhi as well as gristi.

here read this article which highlights what qualities a gurmukh husband should have:

http://www.gurmatbibek.com/contents.php?id=67

VJKKVJKF! Good luck penji

[puzzled 4,305]

you didn't marry sikhs but punjabis, sikhs dont take intoxicants like alcohol. you should marry a man for his sikhi, marry into a house where there is sikhi, a man who can inspire his kids to become good sikhs. 

in todays age people look at money,property, reputation, appearance when getting married or finding a husband for their daughters, they don't look to see if sikhi exists in him and his house. 

for now i think you should focus on your own sikhi 

im sorry to hear about your situation, i think you did the right thing, iv never been married so have no experience, sorry if i offended anyone ...

[dallysingh101 7,289]

5 hours ago, Guest SinghGuest34 said:

I am a sikh girl and i was married already 2 times. I couldnt stay with my first husband because he abused me and hit me. He was very violent. As you folks know, when someone was already married once, its hard to find a good husband the second time. So i got another time a husband who abused me and also drank much alcohol. I couldnt stay in that family, it was very hard, i got hit every day. Also both didnt loved me. So i am divorced and that too also 2 times already. What do you think? Should i have stayed with him even if they were abusive? Because in sikhi you can marry only once right? Or was it the right thing i did? 

Did you have any kids with them? It can make a big difference. 

More puzzling than that is why you are choosing abusive partners repeatedly? 

[Singh1989 714]

See? I didn't read anyone's comments and I can imagine the replies "Go for a Sikh guy." "Find a Nitnemi dude..." Yes do go for someone who don't consume alc. During meetings BEFORE marriage put forward your demands that sumone who don't touch alc and wha they can do for you in a relationship. OH! N you'll find plenty of kind hearted, gentlemen moneh/ atheist... Equally you'll find plenty of krodhi, abusive n tight arsed Amritdharis.

If you truly are a Sikh then make sure the guy don't even touch alc and has Sikhi ideologies. Whomever it may be.

[puzzled 4,305]

59 minutes ago, Singh1989 said:

See? I didn't read anyone's comments and I can imagine the replies "Go for a Sikh guy." "Find a Nitnemi dude..." Yes do go for someone who don't consume alc. During meetings BEFORE marriage put forward your demands that sumone who don't touch alc and wha they can do for you in a relationship. OH! N you'll find plenty of kind hearted, gentlemen moneh/ atheist... Equally you'll find plenty of krodhi, abusive n tight arsed Amritdharis.

If you truly are a Sikh then make sure the guy don't even touch alc and has Sikhi ideologies. Whomever it may be.

What's wrong with people saying find a nitnemi sikh ?

Before anything else she should concentrate on herself and her sikhi. Deep down she would know what's best for her 

[puzzled 4,305]

You've done nothing wrong by divorcing them, have faith in waheguru and ask for guidance, if you ask from your heart waheguru will show you the way. 

[Guest Singh]

Sister, I don’t think you are doing anything wrong.  It’s just our Karams of this life and our past lives.  As much as people think we choose our partners, we actually don’t.  We end up marrying whoever we are meant to marry.  Forget about the past and focus on the present.  Ask maharaj for help and focus on yourself and your spiritual journey.  Don’t be in a rush to get into another relationship.  The advice to marry a Gursikh is great, but the reality is that many people look like Gursikh but they actually aren’t.  Leave it in gods hand to resolve your issue.  We reap what we sow.  So focus on sowing good deeds. 

[mahandulai 52]

On 12/2/2018 at 7:22 AM, Guest SinghGuest34 said:

I am a sikh girl and i was married already 2 times. I couldnt stay with my first husband because he abused me and hit me. He was very violent. As you folks know, when someone was already married once, its hard to find a good husband the second time. So i got another time a husband who abused me and also drank much alcohol. I couldnt stay in that family, it was very hard, i got hit every day. Also both didnt loved me. So i am divorced and that too also 2 times already. What do you think? Should i have stayed with him even if they were abusive? Because in sikhi you can marry only once right? Or was it the right thing i did? 

DELETED.

[Guest Sat]

On 12/2/2018 at 6:22 PM, Guest SinghGuest34 said:

I am a sikh girl and i was married already 2 times. I couldnt stay with my first husband because he abused me and hit me. He was very violent. As you folks know, when someone was already married once, its hard to find a good husband the second time. So i got another time a husband who abused me and also drank much alcohol. I couldnt stay in that family, it was very hard, i got hit every day. Also both didnt loved me. So i am divorced and that too also 2 times already. What do you think? Should i have stayed with him even if they were abusive? Because in sikhi you can marry only once right? Or was it the right thing i did? 

This is a silly question. 

 

Do you think God wants you to stay with an abuser and waste your precious jewel of a life being abused and tormented? 

 

Good you left. Now get up and move on with your life and don't look back. Be happy and live life. Get therapy and next time find a guy who loves and respects you mutually.