Punjabi men and mental health

[puzzled]

23 hours ago, dallysingh101 said:

What's the other side of the coin?

That we become emotionally fragile? That we become even more emasculated when the need for men to be solid in the diaspora is stronger than ever. 

It's true that we don't really do 'emotions' in our culture and often family and some community dynamics can sometimes lead you to feel a less than cheerful but if we don't develop our own approaches to dealing with these issues, following certain other models can lock blokes into a perpetual victimhood mentality, which is deadly, not to mention very unSinghlike. 

Its important to create a balance. Raise your sons to be confident in themselves and in their faith. Raise them with strong Sikh values and Sikhi around them. But at the same time raise them in a open environment where they can feel free to approach you when they need to. By constantly comparing your son to other kids, constantly telling them what you expect from them, constantly telling him how his cousins are doing better is when the insecurities start creeping in, that is how Punjabi parents distant their kids from themselves. That's how all the problems start developing. By making it clear to your son that you have high expectations you are basically pushing them away from asking for help when they need to. These crappy parent/son relations start from a young age. 

A man should be strong and confident in himself and in his faith/belief so raise your sons with Sikh values. I believe Sikhi can bring the best out of a man. If you are confident in your faith/belief then you will be a confident man.

I also think its important to raise your sons to be gentlemen! helping others actually gives your confidence. But you need to do that by being an example yourself. 

Getting them involved in martial arts from a young age is a good idea too, its also part of our Sikh heritage 

Create a balance where they are confident in themselves but at the same make sure your not constantly bringing them down by comparing them to other kids. 

I honestly think traditional Punjabi parenting is crap and can be damaging lol 

[puzzled]

14 hours ago, MisterrSingh said:

While what you say is certainly accurate, but it's not as if other communities -- non-indigenous or otherwise -- are thriving as we circle the gutter in this particular context. Male mental health is a vital issue across cultures and races, and those descriptions you used to highlight our problems as a community can equally apply to any other group. It's all there in plain sight, but we tend to prioritise our own problems, and believe that other groups and communities are having a jolly old time of it. I've spent some considerable time in the past year or so getting out of my comfort zone and generally searching out the real world, and I tell you people of all backgrounds are suffering in all manner of ways, and the blame and frustration we attach to what we feel to be uniquely Punjabi traits aren't as specific to us as we might assume. It's all there if you want to look close enough.

Do you think community is outdated? I think it is because as Punjabis we have long moved away from that, we are family and friend orientated but not community. We are only tied together because our ancestors are from the same part of the world, but mindset wise we have long moved away from community. I actually think this false idea of community is damaging.  People are scared of getting judged by a community which actually isn't really there. 

[MisterrSingh]

1 hour ago, puzzled said:

Do you think community is outdated? I think it is because as Punjabis we have long moved away from that, we are family and friend orientated but not community. We are only tied together because our ancestors are from the same part of the world, but mindset wise we have long moved away from community. I actually think this false idea of community is damaging.  People are scared of getting judged by a community which actually isn't really there. 

Definitely, if it was ever something tangible in the first place. Sometimes I feel as if there's an element of our dim-witted people having fallen to self-fulfilling prophecies, not helped by certain sellouts from our own cultures, who in their own selfish desire to curry favour with the ruling establishment, have hobbled together half-truths to create an easily digestible narrative that grossly simplifies and misrepresents what are extremely complex subjects. The phrase, "Asian community" is one such example. But, yes, some of us are terrified of what the community will think, which is hilarious because the community is busy living their own lives on their own terms.

[puzzled]

Honestly speaking i don't give a flying pig about the Punjabis that live down my road, and they don't care about me, never spoken to them, in fact the ones i do say "hello" to i sometimes even cross the road to the other side to avoid saying "hello" to them. Why do i need to say hello to someone simply because they are the ethnicity. Annoying thing is we are bothered about being judged by these people who have absolutely nothing to do with us, our community does nothing apart from drag us and hold us back.