Punjabi men and mental health

[puzzled]

We call our self a community and it may look like one from the outside but with in its noting but hate, judgment, jealousy,  there is nothing community like about our community, its empty and dead 

A community is someone that you can rely on, ask for help, not get judged, where you are encouraged, in our "community" you are judged and pushed down. There really is no community, its all empty.

God knows whats still keeping it all together, whatever it is its on the brink.  

[dallysingh101]

What's the other side of the coin?

That we become emotionally fragile? That we become even more emasculated when the need for men to be solid in the diaspora is stronger than ever. 

It's true that we don't really do 'emotions' in our culture and often family and some community dynamics can sometimes lead you to feel a less than cheerful but if we don't develop our own approaches to dealing with these issues, following certain other models can lock blokes into a perpetual victimhood mentality, which is deadly, not to mention very unSinghlike. 

[Amit12]

  On 12/17/2018 at 10:11 PM, dallysingh101 said:

That we become emotionally fragile? That we become even more emasculated when the need for men to be solid in the diaspora is stronger than ever. 

 

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thats one in a Hundred thousand, a little emotion and self consciousness is never harmful.

[MisterrSingh]

  On 12/17/2018 at 9:33 PM, puzzled said:

We call our self a community and it may look like one from the outside but with in its noting but hate, judgment, jealousy,  there is nothing community like about our community, its empty and dead 

A community is someone that you can rely on, ask for help, not get judged, where you are encouraged, in our "community" you are judged and pushed down. There really is no community, its all empty.

God knows whats still keeping it all together, whatever it is its on the brink.  

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While what you say is certainly accurate, but it's not as if other communities -- non-indigenous or otherwise -- are thriving as we circle the gutter in this particular context. Male mental health is a vital issue across cultures and races, and those descriptions you used to highlight our problems as a community can equally apply to any other group. It's all there in plain sight, but we tend to prioritise our own problems, and believe that other groups and communities are having a jolly old time of it. I've spent some considerable time in the past year or so getting out of my comfort zone and generally searching out the real world, and I tell you people of all backgrounds are suffering in all manner of ways, and the blame and frustration we attach to what we feel to be uniquely Punjabi traits aren't as specific to us as we might assume. It's all there if you want to look close enough.

[dallysingh101]

  On 12/18/2018 at 7:09 AM, MisterrSingh said:

---

 

...it is strength that makes all other values possible. Nothing survives without it. Who knows what delicate wonders have died out of the world, for want of the strength to survive.

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I think this quote sums up the situation quite aptly. 

We have to keep seeking strength when we are down and try and avoid the temptation to be emotionally self-extravagant. Some people get so down over things like career, popularity etc. when I see others who've face seriously challenging situations since childhood still refuse to crumble and feel sorry for themselves. 

[dallysingh101]

  On 12/18/2018 at 5:07 AM, Amit12 said:

thats one in a Hundred thousand, a little emotion and self consciousness is never harmful.

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No it isn't. I'd say it is healthy. But when it dwindles down to perpetual wallowing, then it is destructive. 

[dallysingh101]

  On 12/18/2018 at 7:09 AM, MisterrSingh said:

While what you say is certainly accurate, but it's not as if other communities -- non-indigenous or otherwise -- are thriving as we circle the gutter in this particular context. Male mental health is a vital issue across cultures and races, and those descriptions you used to highlight our problems as a community can equally apply to any other group. It's all there in plain sight, but we tend to prioritise our own problems, and believe that other groups and communities are having a jolly old time of it. I've spent some considerable time in the past year or so getting out of my comfort zone and generally searching out the real world, and I tell you people of all backgrounds are suffering in all manner of ways, and the blame and frustration we attach to what we feel to be uniquely Punjabi traits aren't as specific to us as we might assume. It's all there if you want to look close enough.

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This is true. Others don't necessarily have it so much better than us. 

[mahandulai]

  On 12/16/2018 at 8:57 PM, Punjabiwolves said:

this sums it up well

 

 

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garbage

[mahandulai]

  On 12/16/2018 at 8:35 PM, puzzled said:

On one hand a man is supposed to be a man, meaning show no signs of weakness, express emotions, admit defeat, ask for help, and on the other hand its a fact that ethnic men(black/asian) in the UK are far more less likely to approach a doctor for help with mental health. 

Do you think this problem stems back to how boys are raised? Boys are often told that "big boys don't cry" "stop crying like a girl" etc from a very young age, you often see when little boys get upset, they pull that sad face, get teary eyes but don't let it out. I think males are denied expressing emotions from a very young age. This continues through your teen age years and into your adulthood. When men get upset many will raise their voices, shout, break things and vent their emotions out through anger. I think this is a result of not knowing how else to express their emotions because its denied from a very young age. 

When you come from a cultural background the pressure increases even more. Men are not supposed to show any signs of weakness or defeat, its something that you learn from a very young age. I think parents also expect their sons to be perfect, no flaws. Many men probably find it hard to admit it to themselves that they have issues because they are expected to be perfect. Relationships between sons and parents in our community don't develop to the point where sons can actually approach parents and tell them about issues, this is to do with the fact that parents don't expect that from their sons, what they expect is perfect grades. In our community there are so many expectations from men/sons that it becomes impossible to admit to problems and approach for help

Even the alcohol issues among Punjabi men you can't just dismiss it as a Punjabi cultural thing. 

I believe that this goes all the way back to how parents are raising their boys. 

 

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without getting too moist, this is the best answer on this thread.

 

[mahandulai]

  On 12/16/2018 at 8:35 PM, puzzled said:

On one hand a man is supposed to be a man, meaning show no signs of weakness, express emotions, admit defeat, ask for help, and on the other hand its a fact that ethnic men(black/asian) in the UK are far more less likely to approach a doctor for help with mental health. 

Do you think this problem stems back to how boys are raised? Boys are often told that "big boys don't cry" "stop crying like a girl" etc from a very young age, you often see when little boys get upset, they pull that sad face, get teary eyes but don't let it out. I think males are denied expressing emotions from a very young age. This continues through your teen age years and into your adulthood. When men get upset many will raise their voices, shout, break things and vent their emotions out through anger. I think this is a result of not knowing how else to express their emotions because its denied from a very young age. 

When you come from a cultural background the pressure increases even more. Men are not supposed to show any signs of weakness or defeat, its something that you learn from a very young age. I think parents also expect their sons to be perfect, no flaws. Many men probably find it hard to admit it to themselves that they have issues because they are expected to be perfect. Relationships between sons and parents in our community don't develop to the point where sons can actually approach parents and tell them about issues, this is to do with the fact that parents don't expect that from their sons, what they expect is perfect grades. In our community there are so many expectations from men/sons that it becomes impossible to admit to problems and approach for help

Even the alcohol issues among Punjabi men you can't just dismiss it as a Punjabi cultural thing. 

I believe that this goes all the way back to how parents are raising their boys. 

 

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the thing, is when, you reinforce, carrying on, and perseverance, then, its an overall good parenting style.

Everyone KNOWS, when a man is too weak to carry on, he will do his last resort, and go and ask for help. Otherwise he should be able to carry on. Those that are confused about this, are questions by boys, and women. A REAL MAN, knows where the line is.