Dealing with an angry wife

[dallysingh101]

1 hour ago, MisterrSingh said:

Not at all. Didn't his sass expect a visit from the couple? I'm suggesting he take a short break with his wife to the in-laws. Enjoy the break, see the sights, etc. Before departure, he should tell the missus she can stay at her pekhe for a few weeks if she likes. She won't say no. She'll jump at the opportunity. Ajeet should play it chilled, relaxed, and agreeable while in Punjab. He returns to Mumbai, and then he should wait for the inevitable phone call asking him when he'll be arriving to take his missus home. Checkmate. Don't threaten her, don't verbally abuse, heck, don't even lose your temper. Just explain she needs to get her head out of her behind and start behaving herself or she can stay at her parents' indefinitely. This little play requires nerves of steel. If he blinks, he'll lose. If he sees it through to the end, she'll get the message. Job done. No drama, no jaloos, etc.

I like that strategic thinking....hehehehe

 

Ain't it a shame that two adults can't just talk it our rationally though.... which I know is neigh on impossible between genders in our community. It's still a shame though. 

Women...Venus, Men mars and all that.....

 

[dallysingh101]

2 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

1. the girl is here alone - which will make her defensive

2. she comes from struggle, whereas you come from relative ease - so envy could be an issue also inferiority complex kicks up

3. She may not understand English language fluently or culture (quietness, polite, considerate etc) so feels ill equipped to deal with real world around her.

4. If her posessions are gifts , it is a mistake to just up and convert them , there may have been a sentimental meaning attached to them . Let her decide what she wants to do with them rather than dictating to her.

just ease her into life here by explaining stuff to her , it will be hard no doubt since events have made her cagey but try to hang in there . My bhabhi had similar attitude , very suspicious of everyone's motives for treating her well  , and giving her gifts , talking to her nicely and yes we never asked for daaj or gifts . It was her SIL who trained her to hate her MIL SIL BIL as supposedly we are out to get her . Punjabiyat is such a trap for intelligence , they all end up duffers believing superstitious nonsense

We need to hear and factor in this type of stuff too.

[MisterrSingh]

On 5/11/2019 at 5:58 PM, Ranjeet01 said:

I deplore the dowry system but I wonder if these kind of families sense weakness when a dowry is not demanded from them.

This is exactly what it is. How can you win? Take dowry, and you're a villain, greedy, anti-Sikh, etc. Don't take the dowry, and the bride's family consider the groom and his family to be an easy touch, which then causes the bride to resent the groom for not bleeding her parents dry, and gives rise to niggling issues between various parties. Do people enjoy a boot on their neck, lol?

[Ranjeet01]

8 hours ago, MisterrSingh said:

This is exactly what it is. How can you win? Take dowry, and you're a villain, greedy, anti-Sikh, etc. Don't take the dowry, and the bride's family consider the groom and his family to be an easy touch, which then causes the bride to resent the groom for not bleeding her parents dry, and gives rise to niggling issues between various parties. Do people enjoy a boot on their neck, lol?

It seems to be that in Punjabi society there is no room to be virtuous. 

They seem to side with evil because it is seen as strength.

Strength over there is conflated with fear.

There is a Machiavellian saying " if there is choice between being loved or feared it is better to be feared"

Like all things Sikh, the correct course of action is to take a middle path.

That is not to take dowry and be fair but if they step out of line, make sure they understand the consequences of their actions.

[MisterrSingh]

4 minutes ago, Ranjeet01 said:

It seems to be that in Punjabi society there is no room to be virtuous. 

They seem to side with evil because it is seen as strength.

Strength over there is conflated with fear.

There is a Machiavellian saying " if there is choice between being loved or feared it is better to be feared"

Paradoxically, the rabble then flock to holy men who are, to all intents and purposes, docile, spiritual and virtuous. What's the draw of such men if the negative characteristics the public seek in the average man are seen as positives in someone apparently religious? Lol, what a confused bunch.

[puzzled]

The Punjabi way of life is shaitani and hera pheri. That's seen as the best way to attain what you want. 

Tbh it's not just punjabis and Indians from back home that are vicious and behave like that. It's people from a lot of 3rd world countries behave like that.

There's this paki guy that lives down my road he used to be in the same school as me. He went pakiland fell in love with a local pind di kudi. Got married to her and then got her a visa so she moved to the UK.  After a few months of being here. While he was out she called the police and said he is abusing her. Police arrested him and took him to the station. They then checked her body and she didnt have a single scratch, they then realsed her husband and when he came home all the gold from the house and several £1000s was all missing!   She never came back home and legged it.  It turned out she already had a lover from the pind in the UK! 

Be careful of these people. 

It's not just southasian culture. My Jamaican friend said that the women fresh from Jamaica are like leeches. They use British Jamaican men for £££ and try to control them. She said they have a bad rep in their community.  She say they call them something like  boatmen   LMAO 

But yeah 

[dallysingh101]

3 hours ago, MisterrSingh said:

Paradoxically, the rabble then flock to holy men who are, to all intents and purposes, docile, spiritual and virtuous. What's the draw of such men if the negative characteristics the public seek in the average man are seen as positives in someone apparently religious? Lol, what a confused bunch.

I think they may be doing this to cover up their true nature, but using the holy man like a ...err...handbag?

[dallysingh101]

3 hours ago, MisterrSingh said:

Paradoxically, the rabble then flock to holy men who are, to all intents and purposes, docile, spiritual and virtuous. What's the draw of such men if the negative characteristics the public seek in the average man are seen as positives in someone apparently religious? Lol, what a confused bunch.

I think they may be doing this to cover up their true nature, but using the holy man like a ...err...handbag?

[Preeet]

On 5/11/2019 at 9:43 AM, MisterrSingh said:

Shouldn't have sold her rings, bro, regardless of whether they were melted and repurposed as a chain. Those were "hers." These small-minded third worlders don't need an excuse to cultivate grudges and create problems. You just gave her a gold-plated excuse to cause trouble and escalate every tiny issue into something bigger.

Take the holiday to Punjab and take her with you. Let her stay for a few weeks or even a few months but you return after a few days. Don't call her. I mean it. See what happens.

Vaheguru ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru ji Ki Fateh

I think they meant that her mom sold her own rings to make her a chain.. Not selling her bahus rings.

[Guest jigsaw_puzzled_singh]

Can't believe everyone here is giving advice to the male starter of this thread about dealing with a 'bad and angry wife' when it was in fact him that ruined the poor girl's life by not telling her she was marrying a man who is actually homosexual and doesn't like women.  Angry ??.....man, I'd be effing livid if I was her !!