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divorce and guilt!


Guest feeling-very-sad

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Guest feeling-very-sad

I am a 38 year old amritdhari male.

My life was going fine but few years back I suffered from psychotic depression and started taking anti psychotic medicine daily which made me lazy and started sleeping 9 hours a day and couldn't get up at amritvela.

Than I got married and didn't tell my wife about my illness and medicine.

Finally she got to know about my mental illness and told me that I cheated her. Some time back, we got divorced.

At present I feel sad and guilty that I shud hv told her about my illness.

I feel like I will be punished by God and hv to come again in reincarnation.

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I'd suggest: you own your own mistake - which you seem to be doing. 

Start fixing yourself up and slowly getting off the 'Jack and Jills' (medication pills) if possible. 

If you didn't have kids, be thankful. Once you're in a better place, you can maybe look for someone new - don't make the same mistake again, and be honest (gradually - don't start talking about your mental health issues on the first few meetings!)

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Guest Truth

First of all I’m sorry to hear about your mental health, after a lot of research it shows that many mental illnesses are rooted from childhood traumas which haven’t been attended to. 
 

This happened to me many many years ago. My ex hid his mental health from me and in matter of fact his parents tried to push the blame on me so that they could ‘justify it’ in the eyes of relatives and my ex wasn’t willing to change a single thing for our relationship. I  21 and from India so I was naive and put up with everything, not speaking up in fear. That was the worst mistake I made as there was no boundaries and neither did my ex realise/accept what he was doing wrong. One day they just threw me out like a piece of scrap meat.... today I’m happily married with twins and although my husband has shown me some tough times, neither of us  have given up ... today our love stands strong and we have another baby on the way.

for you I suggest that you take responsibility for yourself. You’re parents are going to get old one day, your siblings/cousins will soon all be married. Think carefully what do you want in the future? Divorcing and getting rid of someone by blaming them for your problems is easy. At the end of the day, your own internal problems will still be there until you step up and do something active to change it. 

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Guest feeling-very-sad
12 hours ago, MisterrSingh said:

How do Punjabis manage to make themselves the victims of a situation while simultaneously kicking the actual victim to the curb? Absolute scum.

I did not understand what u meant.

plz explain.

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1 hour ago, intrigued said:

I think he is referring to your wife saying you cheated her because you didn't tell her about your mental health (making herself the victim) and divorcing you (kicking you (the victim) to the curb)

she is right that he should have been honest from the outset , I've seen girls getting married to guys who they thought were normal but were actually raging alcoholics or druggies and their folks thought because of Bollywood movies that marriage and responsibility would somehow fix it up . It is a crime to do that either way around, there have been guys who thought they were getting married to nice girls but found out they were sluts or alkies/druggies . 
Nobody has any business taking on more than they can handle  and that was the only fault of this guy after the omission of truth /lie about his health. Was this girl at fault Yes because she should have tried to work it out  before abandoning him but we do not know what her folks and his folks said or did to her  to make her  make that choice.

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Guest guest

its fine to feel bad, it shows your heart is pure.  but punishing yourself is a sin.  God has given you a life to live- instead of thinking you will be punished by God, think that you from here on you will be helped by God.  forgot about punishments etc let God take care of that.

if you are still in contact with her and she isn't remarried, you can write her a letter of apology saying you know it was wrong now.  however if she is married don't do it as it would be inappropriate.  just draw a line over the past and start fresh.  

dont worry too much.  as time goes on she will come to understand and forgive you.

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7 hours ago, intrigued said:

I think he is referring to your wife saying you cheated her because you didn't tell her about your mental health (making herself the victim) and divorcing you (kicking you (the victim) to the curb)

I think that's bollox. If someone started a relationship with me based on hiding the truth - I'd subsequently suspect their agenda. 

If YOU had a daughter this happened to, you'd be in your rights to start head kicking over it.  

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5 hours ago, dallysingh101 said:

I think that's bollox. If someone started a relationship with me based on hiding the truth - I'd subsequently suspect their agenda. 

If YOU had a daughter this happened to, you'd be in your rights to start head kicking over it.  

I hear you bro. 

At the same time, you know what we don't know? What secrets she brought to the table. 

It has to be awkward marrying someone you haven't known long. I mean I'd probably lead with my ugly traits too and see how they land, but I get why Veer Ji didn't lead with that himself. 

Regardless of opening up later, I think it proper he be supported. Anand Karaj is like easy on easy off? Or it's committed?

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On 3/7/2021 at 4:02 PM, Guest feeling-very-sad said:

I am a 38 year old amritdhari male.

My life was going fine but few years back I suffered from psychotic depression and started taking anti psychotic medicine daily which made me lazy and started sleeping 9 hours a day and couldn't get up at amritvela.

Than I got married and didn't tell my wife about my illness and medicine.

Finally she got to know about my mental illness and told me that I cheated her. Some time back, we got divorced.

At present I feel sad and guilty that I shud hv told her about my illness.

I feel like I will be punished by God and hv to come again in reincarnation.

So far the other posters for the most part have given you crap advice.

I think you have understood the consequences of your actions.

That is first and foremost the most important thing.

You have acknowledged your mistake. 

The next step is that you have to start over.

Take it one step at a time.

It seems that the medication has messed about with your dopamine and seratonin levels. 

You will need to get the right kind of medical advice because if these drugs are impacting you then they are not doing you any good.

The next step is to get the right kind of counselling and therapy to get to the underlying causes. 

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2 hours ago, Suchi said:

No-one can really know what is going on in a relationship without knowing both sides of the story and the part played by the families. In the old days many men lied to secure a good partner in the knowledge the girl would just have to put up with it as she had no support for the dreaded D word or a way to find someone new. These days that is not the case.

Marriage isn't a licence to a free pass for all manner of indiscretions. It's a two way commitment based on shared values.  When one party breaches these, the other has to decide on what they are able to deal with and accept. 

I don't think Veer Ji used any passes for all manners of indiscretion did he? Can you list them?

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Here let me put it this way. Years after being married to man, a woman who was at first too scared or emotionally insecure about something tramautizing in her past and finally shares it and the man leaves her flat?

What are people gonna say about that dude?

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