breaking amrit, but not leaving sikhi entirely

[Guest qmbvxw]

just a little info about me I am a girl and currently i am 17 years old. I took amrit at the age of 13/14. I was going to start 8th grade. 2 years back we went to india and i saw my cousin older than me by 1 year had amrit and his 7 year old sister also had amrit. I wanted to take amrit after seeing them because all the adults were proud of them and I wanted adults to be proud of me as well. Fast forward back into 8th grade my gurudawara was holding amrit sanchaar. I begged my parents to let me take amrit and i desperately wanted to take amrit. Before taking amrit my dad told me I had to start wearing a chuni at home and everywhere so I did. I did not practice doing Nitnem. I only knew of the 5 baanis, but not the other paath i had to do. When i took amrit i felt great and i listened to my nitnem. I am now 17 and I feel more and more detatched to my amrit. I told my older cousins how i am feeling and they said “you were very young and we feel like you rushed it a little” I agree with them. I haven’t done my nitnem at all recently. its been months since i did Paath and i feel like im disrespecting Amrit so much by not doing it. I just cant find the motivation to do it and I feel like I should leave amrit and come back to it when i feel more prepared. I wanna be able to practice my nitnem before i take Amrit again so I feel more prepared. I still love sikhi dont get me wrong, but I feel like it’s so much pressure on me right now and I feel as if i cant make any mistakes without feeling an immense amount of guilt. I would like to take amrit in the future with my husband so that i have a partner to help me and motivate me when I’m not feeling the best. I still want to go to protests and support my religion because i love sikhi i just feel like i need to step away from amrit and come back to it. I am 100% sure i want to come back to Amrit but i just feel like I didn’t take amrit because i loved doing paath and everything, I just did it for more of the attention and wanted to follow my cousins. I still love sikhi, but i want some time to get rid of my young desires. My dad took amrit when he was young and broke it and as an adult he cut his hair and drank alcohol and took amrit again with my mom. I want to tell my parents how I feel but idk how without disappointing them. I feel like my dad will get mad at me but he can’t because he broke it when he was little. Im in a tough spot and i just dont know how to tell my parents. I really need advice.

[S1ngh]

I do not think this is real and purely a fiction. 

[Singh375]

Your mindset is completely wrong, but I don't blame you because most people adopt Sikhi in the wrong way.

Let's start with a question on the point of no motivation to do nitnem. Why do you eat food everyday? You'll say because our body needs it, we can't live without food. Eating food is linked to our survival. And what if you stopped eating, what poor condition would become of your body, and ultimately death? Motivation isn't required for survival activities. Motivation applies only to something which is over and beyond our survival instincts, i.e. something aspirational.

Most people create an image in their mind that Sikhi is _________ . And that they have to try live up to that thing. They 'have' to follow rehit, read the nitnem each day etc. And this makes it a burden. Actually it all ignores one key thing which is HAPPINESS. 

Our soul has been void of it's nourishment for lifetimes. And for the stage our souls are in now, wearing the costume of 5 elements, that nourishment is available to us as dhur ki bani. Yeah I know it's hard, you think what's so special about this bani. Even on here people wrote you don't need to recite gurbani again and again, you just 'apply' it to your life. Actually that gurbani contains atam ras, our true nourishment. But to taste it we must take that shabad and meditate upon it with true love, emotion and patience. 

Then slowly your stage will come, you can't live without doing nitnem and reading gurbani, or rather at that point we can call it 'connecting' with gurbani, because that was our purpose of reading in the first place  Then following Sikhi is a huge joy and bliss, and more intimate feeling too with guru sahib

In practice this is a life long journey - it takes patience, hard work putting in the hours with naam simran, even getting kirpa and losing it and repeat. But then too you have to remember Vaheguru ji's love is unconditional. Logic doesn't apply, that you might be a newcomer and this person has been doing it 20 years etc. His kirpa can fall on any person of his choosing at any time. That's part of the journey too, waiting in his anticipation for kirpa to come.

But in short - nothing guru sahib told us was to make our life difficult, it's for our benefit! 

[Singh375]

7 minutes ago, Singh375 said:

That's part of the journey too, waiting in his anticipation for kirpa to come.

Just to confirm, by waiting daas means waiting sat cross legged in meditation, not waiting as in going about your life without simran and thinking yeah one day I'll take amrit etc. 

[Jacfsing2]

On 6/12/2022 at 8:10 PM, Guest qmbvxw said:

just a little info about me I am a girl and currently i am 17 years old. I took amrit at the age of 13/14. I was going to start 8th grade. 2 years back we went to india and i saw my cousin older than me by 1 year had amrit and his 7 year old sister also had amrit. I wanted to take amrit after seeing them because all the adults were proud of them and I wanted adults to be proud of me as well. Fast forward back into 8th grade my gurudawara was holding amrit sanchaar. I begged my parents to let me take amrit and i desperately wanted to take amrit. Before taking amrit my dad told me I had to start wearing a chuni at home and everywhere so I did. I did not practice doing Nitnem. I only knew of the 5 baanis, but not the other paath i had to do. When i took amrit i felt great and i listened to my nitnem. I am now 17 and I feel more and more detatched to my amrit. I told my older cousins how i am feeling and they said “you were very young and we feel like you rushed it a little” I agree with them. I haven’t done my nitnem at all recently. its been months since i did Paath and i feel like im disrespecting Amrit so much by not doing it. I just cant find the motivation to do it and I feel like I should leave amrit and come back to it when i feel more prepared. I wanna be able to practice my nitnem before i take Amrit again so I feel more prepared. I still love sikhi dont get me wrong, but I feel like it’s so much pressure on me right now and I feel as if i cant make any mistakes without feeling an immense amount of guilt. I would like to take amrit in the future with my husband so that i have a partner to help me and motivate me when I’m not feeling the best. I still want to go to protests and support my religion because i love sikhi i just feel like i need to step away from amrit and come back to it. I am 100% sure i want to come back to Amrit but i just feel like I didn’t take amrit because i loved doing paath and everything, I just did it for more of the attention and wanted to follow my cousins. I still love sikhi, but i want some time to get rid of my young desires. My dad took amrit when he was young and broke it and as an adult he cut his hair and drank alcohol and took amrit again with my mom. I want to tell my parents how I feel but idk how without disappointing them. I feel like my dad will get mad at me but he can’t because he broke it when he was little. Im in a tough spot and i just dont know how to tell my parents. I really need advice.

Assuming your story is true, you don't retake Amrit, you go Pesh,(meaning you take a punishment for breaking the rehat), currently you're in this weird limbo where it seems like you want to go do putte kam but also do Paaht on the side. The thing about people who break Amrit is that when they fall and have pyar for Sikhi, they try to prepare themselves to go Pesh as soon as possible, but you here are talking about some future you who might or might not go pesh.

[PuzzledToo]

On 6/13/2022 at 8:10 AM, Guest qmbvxw said:

 I still love sikhi, but i want some time to get rid of my young desires.

The problem with these "young desires" are they amplify if you indulge in them and then it gets very hard to get rid of them and bad habits are formed once started. I hope your desires do not constitute of Alcohol or any intoxicants as that is a 1 way road to lose your Sikhi and self respect, especially with alcohol, when under its influence you lose inhibition and are more easily manipulated by those who have rotten intentions,it should not be touched whether you're Amritdhari or not,Sikh or not. I wish you all the best. try at least doing Japji Sahib daily, keep Mool mantar and Gurmantar in your mind whenever possible. 

[Guest Kaur99]

It's hard to ignore the fact that the prime reason you took amrit was in order to impress your parents. I'm assuming in 3/4 years -somewhere along the way - you tried to keep going but has lost the zest. The motivation should come from within. Someone told me that every person has a unique and a private relationship with God. Maybe forget the physical aspect of it for now. Focus on the spiritual aspect and try to find your connection with God - with baani. Reflect on it and see how you feel. Maybe start with doing path when you afraid or when you are sad or when you are indecisive like now. Get a hukam and reflect on what it means for you. 

If you have lost the internal connection with amrit - external is more or so an identity. Another important fact is - Amrit isn't something you can take or leave whenever you want. It's a commitment and a state of mind. I think you took the step when you were young and in attempt to impress your parents, it became a task for you. 

Now reflect on how important it is for you. Why would you want to come back to it later?  What's stopping you from carrying it now? How it impacts your relationship with God? Your answer should come from within and hence decide the course of your life. 

[Guest qmbvxw]

On 6/15/2022 at 8:50 AM, Jacfsing2 said:

Assuming your story is true, you don't retake Amrit, you go Pesh,(meaning you take a punishment for breaking the rehat), currently you're in this weird limbo where it seems like you want to go do putte kam but also do Paaht on the side. The thing about people who break Amrit is that when they fall and have pyar for Sikhi, they try to prepare themselves to go Pesh as soon as possible, but you here are talking about some future you who might or might not go pesh.

this is real and how i actually feel. And i do want to go pesh but after i feel more prepared and ready to retake Amrit. I feel like when i first took it i took Amrit not realizing the big changes. I want to take amrit possibly with my future husband or by myself whenever i am prepared.

[Guest guest]

On 6/13/2022 at 1:10 AM, Guest qmbvxw said:

, but I feel like it’s so much pressure on me right now and I feel as if i cant make any mistakes without feeling an immense amount of guilt....I still love sikhi, but i want some time to get rid of my young desires.

forgive me if i am wrong, but i think the real reason you want to break it is because you want to get involved in lustful behaviour and drinking alcohol, correct?

but thats not an advisable path for any sikh, keshdhari or not.

better for you to wise up, have an independent mind (not so conformist to stupid people) and protect yourself from "young desires"

trying to call out your parents for saying they broke amrit and drank alcohol as an excuse/justification is a very petty and degraded mindset.

nitnem is too heavy for the average person, i agree, but talk to your parents.  i know someone who is illiterate, she does a mala of Gurmantra instead of nitnem.  maybe you could do the same?

also you can't just waver on commitments due to how you feel, because feelings can be fickle.  thats very immature.

[Guest guest]

i hope you dont feel like this because non-sikh guys have started eyeing you up?

those guys don't care about you, they just want to use you to feel good about themselves (and then dump you).

what kind of creep eyes up a girl from a religious family or fetishes a women from a certain religion?

sneaking around behind your parents back is also not dignified behaviour.