Girls What Do You Think?

[Guest Akirtghan]

ive never ever heard of the boy going to live with the wifes family

thats called being a ghar jawai, its discouraged in our culture

[Guest Guest]

I'd personally would wanna live in my own house or just to stay in the in-laws house for awhile, with the intention of moving out.

If people did impose on my freedom or space too much, that would really stress me out and i would probably leave, or make the search for a new house the priority.

I find guys who live at home with their parents are fairly useless - like they may be in their 30's but still cannot look after themselves - like they cannot feed themselves or wash their own clothes etc. I would find it difficult to respect that person as a "man", as its more the behaviour of a child.

If the wife is ill or something, its then the husbands MOTHER that has to look after her, like feed her etc - which to me, is just ridiculous! It should be the husband who looks after the wife.

Also, there is normally pressure on the new couple to produce a baby fairly quickly - i have seen this happen time and time again.

Also, i do not think women are treated equally in these households - they do all the housework, whilst the guys do nothing.

Who would want a man like that? Yeah, he may be nice etc, but these types of guys, practically tend to be useless and give extra burden of work to their wives, who mostly tend to be younger than the husband. Also, there is sometimes emphasis on men looking for educated, modern women (like they dont want a pindu or something). So, they get someone, educated, with a good job but then that woman goes home to a household where her spirit is caged.

Of course not all families are like this, but mostly mothers-in-laws always seem to treat daughters-in-laws badly - like, their cooking isnt good enough, their cleaning isnt good enough etc. It is rare to find a nice mother-in-law.

Even my own sister-in-law said her life was better before marriage. She loves my brother, but is tired of living in the family home because my mum always gives her pressure. My buv is a cool guy but cos he lives at home he leaves all the housework to my mum and his wife, so i believe he does not treat her equally. He is lovely, but i do see him as a child rather than a "man", even though he is now a father.

Asain families tend to let guys have it easy and girls, to have more burden. Its just a fact. I see this everywhere - my own family, cousins, friends, in the UK and in India.

And also, why does the girl have to get to know the mans family by having to live with them? Why cant the man also get to know the girls family in this way? It is all one sided.

Most of the time, there is no equality in Sikh families - even those that practise Sikhi. The set up between a Sikh family and a Muslim family are not that different...

[Guest Guest]

ive never ever heard of the boy going to live with the wifes family

thats called being a ghar jawai, its discouraged in our culture

Why is that?

[malkeet]

I'd personally would wanna live in my own house or just to stay in the in-laws house for awhile, with the intention of moving out.

If people did impose on my freedom or space too much, that would really stress me out and i would probably leave, or make the search for a new house the priority.

I find guys who live at home with their parents are fairly useless - like they may be in their 30's but still cannot look after themselves - like they cannot feed themselves or wash their own clothes etc. I would find it difficult to respect that person as a "man", as its more the behaviour of a child.

If the wife is ill or something, its then the husbands MOTHER that has to look after her, like feed her etc - which to me, is just ridiculous! It should be the husband who looks after the wife.

Also, there is normally pressure on the new couple to produce a baby fairly quickly - i have seen this happen time and time again.

Also, i do not think women are treated equally in these households - they do all the housework, whilst the guys do nothing.

Who would want a man like that? Yeah, he may be nice etc, but these types of guys, practically tend to be useless and give extra burden of work to their wives, who mostly tend to be younger than the husband. Also, there is sometimes emphasis on men looking for educated, modern women (like they dont want a pindu or something). So, they get someone, educated, with a good job but then that woman goes home to a household where her spirit is caged.

Of course not all families are like this, but mostly mothers-in-laws always seem to treat daughters-in-laws badly - like, their cooking isnt good enough, their cleaning isnt good enough etc. It is rare to find a nice mother-in-law.

Even my own sister-in-law said her life was better before marriage. She loves my brother, but is tired of living in the family home because my mum always gives her pressure. My buv is a cool guy but cos he lives at home he leaves all the housework to my mum and his wife, so i believe he does not treat her equally. He is lovely, but i do see him as a child rather than a "man", even though he is now a father.

Asain families tend to let guys have it easy and girls, to have more burden. Its just a fact. I see this everywhere - my own family, cousins, friends, in the UK and in India.

And also, why does the girl have to get to know the mans family by having to live with them? Why cant the man also get to know the girls family in this way? It is all one sided.

Most of the time, there is no equality in Sikh families - even those that practise Sikhi. The set up between a Sikh family and a Muslim family are not that different...

its more of a cultural thing as to why the woman does the cooking, and house work. In india the men would be the ones working on the farm doing all the hard labour, and the women would be back at the house doing all the cooking and cleaning and looking after the family. It is unfortunate that a lot of the older generation retain this culture/traditions in this country. Even in english society this was the norm. Times are changing, a lot of men enjoy cooking and helping out with house work, my dad helps out a lot. My pabi was never pressured or anything and really enjoyed living with us. you just have to try to find a more westernised family i guess.

im a bit unsure why u made that last point about the sikh and muslim family set up. and i dont know anything about muslim family life to make a fair comparison

fateh

[Guest Akirtghan]

ive never ever heard of the boy going to live with the wifes family

thats called being a ghar jawai, its discouraged in our culture

Why is that?

hey dont shoot the messenger :wub: , i duno the answer :D

[Guest Guest]

its more of a cultural thing as to why the woman does the cooking, and house work. In india the men would be the ones working on the farm doing all the hard labour, and the women would be back at the house doing all the cooking and cleaning and looking after the family. It is unfortunate that a lot of the older generation retain this culture/traditions in this country. Even in english society this was the norm. Times are changing, a lot of men enjoy cooking and helping out with house work, my dad helps out a lot. My pabi was never pressured or anything and really enjoyed living with us. you just have to try to find a more westernised family i guess.

im a bit unsure why u made that last point about the sikh and muslim family set up. and i dont know anything about muslim family life to make a fair comparison

fateh

Hi Malkeet,

I made that point about there seems to be not much of a difference between Sikh and Muslim families cos, Muslim families believe domestic duties are the work of females, it says that in the Quaran and Sikh families are supposed to believe that men and women are equal, the only one above a man or a woman is God - and that is the only hierachy.

Im not having a go at Muslim families cos i can see where they are coming from and i accept their beliefs that are written in the Quaran etc and so it makes sense to me about their family set up. However, in a Sikh family, a different set of beliefs are taught to their children - but the family set up tends to be the same, which (to me) is illogical. Shouldnt then, everyone should chip in?

Also, i understand about in India men did farming mostly and women did mostly domestic chores - which i agree with cos they are both working, doing their bit. What i dont agree with is if a woman has a job etc, BUT still has to do everything else - she is then doing more than the guys and thats pretty out of order (i think)

Im glad your pabi was never pressurised and enjoyed living with you! I hope i can find a loving family like yours to join!

Im not saying living with in-laws will always be a bad expereince, but from what i can see of other peoples expereinces, your kind of family is hard to find and it is more likely that girls will find themselves in an old-fashioned thinking family - even if the guy they marry (like my bro), is a decent sort.

Im pretty educated and i love my job, so i would be looking for a family that accepts that i have a job and would encourage their son to help with the household chores, cos i know i would get tired if i was expected to do it all the time etc and that is mostly the reason why i would opt to live in my own place - cos id like to do things when i am ready to do them, not at the timetable of the in-laws (ie, housework, babies etc) and i like to have my space also.

But of course, i would be supportive of my in-laws etc, like i wouldnt just move out and then never speak to them again. I would still have a relationship with them...

[kds1980]

ive never ever heard of the boy going to live with the wifes family

thats called being a ghar jawai, its discouraged in our culture

Why is that?

The position of ghar jawai is no less than a dog in indian society.

[Super_Singhni]

really tho...who cares if culture discourages..do whatever makes you happy...and if thats staying at home with the kids or whatever while your wife works....go for it!

allow the norm! :wub:

[Guest Akirtghan]

^^ this bibi makes sense :wub:

[B4ND4]

Didn't one of the Guru Ji's stay with their in-laws? I can't remember who though.. Was it Guru Ram Dass Ji?

ps: this staying with the hubby's family is more of a cultural thgy.