Physical Appearance Of Your Partner [mature Topic]

[Pheena]

The point is that we use our mind to discriminate, to like and dislike, this duality itself is the mind. To get to the root of the issue you have to first deal with the duality of the mind. When there are 2, there will always be a conflict.

Personally, I want to marry someone who I find attractive and who find me attractive. Being attractive to someone is not bad nor is trying to find someone who you are attractive to.

You said you'll marry someone who you find attractive. Does that mean you won't marry a person who is unattractive to you? So am i right in assuming that you are discriminating too? There is duality in your mind aswell?

How would you get married...Through parents/elders or would you find a person yourself? If your parents find a match for you (they find the person attractive and having sikh values) but you dont find her/him attractive, would you say NO to the rishta?? Would you tell them the true reasons for saying NO??

haha Of course there is Duality in my mind, I am no Saint. I didn't claim to be above the mind, the mind influences me towards many things, but as always it is my focus to always contemplate and be aware of this Duality in my Mind.

So I simply used the word attraction and I didn't imply Physical alone, but i guess since your original question was about physical attractions you assumed that I was implying that. That is only half of what I implied. I implied both physical and mental attractions and there isn't a set percentage required for either.

Just because someone might take looks into consideration, does not necessarily mean that is the sole thing that they are looking for. It is no different than the to take into consideration one Financial position. Would you consider them to be materialistic or simply assuring that their partner is able to provide for them? Everyone knows that the Physical youth/beauty does not last, but i think its also important that just because at the time of marriage one person is mental compatible that they will remain so the entire length of marriage. Neither are granted.

So is there a criteria of who is attractive and who isn't? Just because I don't find someone to be physically attractive that doesn't mean no one else will. This is my minds perception of that someone, not a condemnation. I might find someone very attractive who others might consider to be ugly. I'm trying to focus on subjectivity...'beauty is in the eye of the beholder...' that what i find beautiful is beautiful to me. My subjective mind is not the Final judge on what is and isn't beautiful. What I find Ugly today, might become beautiful to the Mind tomorrow.

IF i were to face such a situation, and I didn't find her attractive and I'm assuming you are speaking physically, then I'd say something is wrong with my eyes, not with her looks and besides who am I tell anyone that they are not good looking. But i don't think my mind is that shallow, there is much to a woman than just her looks. There are things that are important to me personally when I take a look at where my life is and where it is heading that far outrank physical appearance.

What do you look for in a woman who you are going to marry if you aren't already?

[JustME]

IF i were to face such a situation, and I didn't find her attractive and I'm assuming you are speaking physically, then I'd say something is wrong with my eyes, not with her looks and besides who am I tell anyone that they are not good looking. But i don't think my mind is that shallow, there is much to a woman than just her looks. There are things that are important to me personally when I take a look at where my life is and where it is heading that far outrank physical appearance.

What do you look for in a woman who you are going to marry if you aren't already?

Pheena veer i like ur way of thinking.............many.......if not ALL are slaves to human nature and lets face it.........in todays age the notion of "the connection of two souls" seems nothing more than a fairy tale................todays external facts are the overruling factors whereby the mind chooses thier would be spouse with either a set criteria of what they expect or go into totally unknowningly simply to "get it over and done with" im not saying there is a right or wrong way of deciding on a spouse but again going back to the origional post..........

im sitting in a room with a prospective spouse and im told that the gentleman has had a stroke a few months back which causes his speech to be slightly slurred and he walks with a limp..................would that effect me? YES at first it would.............but in hidsight i know nothing about this person so simply by judging him on that i have two choices:

1. Abandon the idea of this person as a perspective spouse as the factors are too much for me

2. get to know the person before making a final decision (hes still eats, sleeps, breaths and walks on the same dhartee as me, he has every right to want a normal life just like i do)

i guess its realy easy to say "I want" "i like" this that and whatever..........but try putting urself in that persons shoes................

my perspective bridegroom: "leh i may as well not say anything, 10 girls have already walked out the room just by looking at what gonna change today"

would "we" liked to be judged and to some extent condemned for situations ourside of our control...........do we still not deserve a chance to experience a part of life that all people long for........a companion towalk along this journey of life with..............

i guess all im saying it would take a lot of himmat and courage to step outside the box and look past these circumtances to see the person within..................remember when u are taking ur Lahvah at the Anand Karaj...........it is the process of two souls merging into one..............so to truly appreciate ones spouse (in my opinion) is to try and see the persons soul everything the most disfigured of faces and bodies can shine so beautifully........if only we take to time to step back and see it.........

bhul chuck maaf as these are simply rantings of a worthless manmukh and not aimed to any one person or to make a right/wrong points so agin please forgive my shortcomings

[JustME]

Waheguru Je Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

waheguru graces knowws no bounds after posting the above i came across this and though id share it :lol:

Many of us have probably heard the name of king "Janak". His name is mentioned several times in the SGGS as well. In fact he is called "Gurmukh" in the Gurbani. Anyhow, it is said that once Janak invited all the best scholars of his kingdom to his palace to debate the Truth expounded in the scriptures. One of the great scholars was the father of the sage Ashtavakra. Although the sage Ashatvakra was a young lad then, but he was also a great scholar and a highly evolved soul. As the name implies — Ashta=eight and Vakra= bends — his body was crooked and deformed at eight places. Accordingly, his look and walk was pretty cumbersome.

Upon learning that his father wasn't doing well in the debate, Ashtavakra decided to go to the king's court to see if he could be of any assistance to his father. As soon as Ashtavakra entered the court, with the exception of his father, everybody else burst into laughter seeing his crooked body and awkward walk. Seeing all of them laughing at him, Ashtavakra also began laughing rowdily. Everybody in the room was surprised to see Ashtavakra laughing so wildly. Janak inquired, " My dear boy, everybody is laughing at your crooked body, but why are you also laughing?". Ashtavakra calmly replied, "I am laughing because the Truth is being debated by this assembly of shoemakers". He continued, "Seeing my deformed body, they laugh at me. They are judging me only by my skin. Therefore, I can only assume they all are leather workers and shoemakers. My body is crooked, but I am not. Look beneath my skin. My True Self is Straight and Pure."

The whole assembly was stunned to hear Ashtavakra's reply. They all realized that although they all were debating the Truth, but they could not see the Truth. Even though they were great scholars, but they could only see the relative truth — they could see only Ashtavakra's body but not his Ttru Self. Whereas the sage Ashtavakra could see within each of them the True Light of the same One Supreme Self, which is the Absolute Truth.

:WW: :WW: :WW:

[Shaheed_Fauja]

As always, thankyou for your valuable post penji :TH:

kar ta kam :lol: pheena is a guy man :T:

O WAHEGUROO!! mawfi

[Medallion Stallion]

That "janak" story was really good :nihungsmile: BUT i dont think people are THAT evolved on the inside appearances mean ALOT to people.........everybody has an idea of their perfect partner and if they meet someone who doesnt fit into that "pefect partner" model that they have in their heads they would not be interested i think........so the best thing to do i think is when you meet someone approach that person with an open mind without any prejudices and u never know what will happen.

[JustME]

That "janak" story was really good :nihungsmile: BUT i dont think people are THAT evolved on the inside appearances mean ALOT to people.........everybody has an idea of their perfect partner and if they meet someone who doesnt fit into that "pefect partner" model that they have in their heads they would not be interested i think

exactly.............shouldntwe be working on our ownjeevans before "we" are even capable of making the decision on what "we" think is a suitable partner....................

........so the best thing to do i think is when you meet someone approach that person with an open mind without any prejudices and u never know what will happen.

easier sed than done veer jee..........the human mind is such that we we take the time to look, prejudices are the first thing we see before the good.............

bhul chuck maafi

[Medallion Stallion]

exactly.............shouldntwe be working on our ownjeevans before "we" are even capable of making the decision on what "we" think is a suitable partner....................

But sorting out your own jeevan could take a very long time :lol:

[Medallion Stallion]

exactly.............shouldntwe be working on our ownjeevans before "we" are even capable of making the decision on what "we" think is a suitable partner....................

But sorting out your own jeevan could take a very long time :lol:

[JustME]

But sorting out your own jeevan could take a very long time :lol:

not neccessarily...............u see we we think of ourselves as "something" this whole "i, we, me my, us, you, them" its nothing.............these are nothing but the mind trying to control the purpose of the soul...........each of us has a soul............immortal.............and that is Waheguru and in the end when u see anything other than god ur living in a illusion.............im probably one of the worst culprits for this but calling urself a gursikh and LIVING the life of a gursikh are two worlds altogther..............

khY nwnku hir ipAwrY jIau guPw AMdir riK kY vwjw pvxu vjwieAw ]38]

kahai naanak har pi-aarai jee-o gufaa andar rakh kai vaajaa pavan vajaa-i-aa. ||38||

Says Nanak, the Lord placed the soul to the cave of the body, and blew the breath of life into the musical instrument of the body. ||38||

eyhu swcw soihlw swcY Gir gwvhu ]

ayhu saachaa sohilaa saachai ghar gaavhu.

Sing this true song of praise in the true home of your soul.

we forget our purpose here...................we are here to live Gods will not our own..............

[Pheena]

.....shouldntwe be working on our ownjeevans before "we" are even capable of making the decision on what "we" think is a suitable partner....................

couldn't have said it better.