How To Stop

[HSD1]

Girls nowadays want freedom, they want to have fun, life is hard anyway, working, household chores etc etc... in the end most women share the economic burden of buying a house, buying furniture etc.. and taking care of everyone, but they have to put up with constant crap from everyone. They just don't want it any more. Chrisitans don't bury there daughters alive, they don't have a history and poor record of female abortions, daughter in law abuse etc...

In the end, SIKH girls like every one else, just want to be loved and respected for who they are, no matter where they are in the path. If you want to stop SIkh girls moving away from the path, show them with ACTIONS, that REAL SIKHS DO NOT WANT DROWRY, SHOW them that marrying a SIKH guy they will not be abused by in laws, CELEBRATE the birth of SIKH GIRLS. GO OUT AND STOP MURDERING OF SIKH GIRLS, and do not be too surprised when they find they are educated in Islam, in Christianity. They have strict learning centres, the older women who know the stuff teach the younger girls, no one is left in the dark.

In the end, the basic need to fit in and be accepted, have knowledge and be loved is strong, the Muslims know this, Christians know this, what happened to us Sikhs?

So many truths in the paragraphs above, yet so many sikhs refuse to accept there is a problem until it directly effects them. At that point it's too late to do anything. Rather than doing things to react to what is happening around us, why dont we just do them in the first place - it will work out a lot better in the long run.

[Gupt1984]

VJKK VJKF

Like the previous poster i would like to attempt to offer an explanation for this, even though it seems some have already made up there minds that the main reasons is girls lust and loose morals. Sometimes this is because its better to say that then accept that there is actually a problem amongst us that needs addressing.

Now i know this is not the situation in all cases, and that those girls who are bought up knowing there history on sikhi very rarely stray from it. However, imagine being a child and seeing your family cry when a girl is born in the family, some of you may think this no longer happens, but it does. Where ardas and akhand paths are done asking for a son. Where boys births are celebrated with party's and ladoo's being given out. where when you give birth to a girl, people ring you and offer the condolences, saying hopefully mahraaj will give you a changi cheez next time. Where you see your brothers birthdays celebrated with an akhand path.

Imagine when you see your older sister get married to somone who beats her up and then comes home to your family who tell her they cant help her, it's not there place to intervene. Thats her house now and she is there izzat and she should keep it intact. You would think same is going to happen to me, and im not going to let it.

I have also come across cases of girls who have run away from home because of sexual abuse going on. which they told there mum about but it wasn't dealt with, was told to keep it all hush, otherwise it would be difficult to get you married.

Girls see there brothers being able to go out with friends and hang out, whereas they are told to come straight home and cant go out with there friends.The same brothers openly have girlfriends in front of there sisters, yet tell the sisters they cant even talk to a guy. They are told they cant go away to study, and must study at there local university even if it doesnt offer the course they want to, what does this result in...a feeling of being stifled, and wanting to get out.

When girls see that they are seen as less then there brothers...or they see how girls are mourned, it creates a low self esteem, no confidence. In some situations, you start to yearn that attention your lacking at home from other people, who may not have your best interests at heart, but give you that attention that makes you start to feel good about yourself.

Why dont you hear of boys running away?....why would they?....they have everything they want at home.

Now a solution to this problem i would say is for you to turn around and look at your families and see how the girls are being treated, stand up for your sister, help explain to your parents, that if she is cut some slack now she isnt going to go off the rails. Help awareness and support of domestic violence and sexual abuse needs to be addressed.

Women in our history need to be celebrated, encourage girls to go to sikhi events aimed at girls, few and far between as they may seem. I also believe women need to play a more active role in gurdwaras, a visible role model can make all the difference.

[VanHelsingh]

I appreciate the points made by 2 or 3 members above this post, and whilst there is certainly an element of truth in what is being said, are we really saying that the reason Sikh girls leave the faith and become entangled in relationships with Muslims is because Sikh and Panjabi culture is oppressive and doesn't value the female?

So when a Sikh girl runs off with a Muslim lad, what in the blue hell does Islam offer them? Freedom of choice? A fairer role in society? Get off it.

BTW I'm not defending the practices that occur in our community. I've gone on record on this website about how Panjabi culture has tainted Sikhi over the years. But all I'm reading from people is that girls want parity with the lads - even if that means getting up to the same crap that guys do. Again let me make it clear I believe that Sikhs should be as strict with their male children as they are with the females. I don't like the disgusting attitude amongst our people that boys can do no wrong.

Here's a radical thought: Maybe not every Sikh cares about religion and God? You can pump a person full of stories about shaheeds and Sikh sacrifice and it won't make a difference. What's the solution to that? Beating Sikhi into them? It could work....

[genie]

I think in future these topics should be closed.

Girls run of with who they want to because they are not religious. You will find many a west born pakistani muslim girl married to a west born Sikh guy and having their kids. I personally know a few, you will find non-religious sikh by name punjabi girls run off with all sorts of men. They dont go off because of the guys religion, they go for the guy because of his looks or his personality. More often than not non-religious sikh by name girls these days are very image conscious they will want to go out with a guy who has a certain look or hairstyle. If you wear a turban and have facial hair chances are you will come across as a religious guy and that is what you are keeping the turban for to be religious if you want to mess around with girls, cut your hair and do what you want to do but don't keep a turban and start maligning the image of Sikhs by overtly chasing chicks, going clubs, smoking, drinking, etc.

What we should be concentrating on is raising standard of Sikh males and females who are firm in their faith and will not stray given how much temptation there is out there to do so. Females of all faiths are preyed upon day in day out by all kinds of men so they have got it harder to shake off unwarranted attention but if females within our community are taught at early age to look out for signs of grooming by non-sikh men for them to stray then they are better aware of whats going on and the motives of these guys. Many girls now are not marriage material because of having relations outside the faith, so have become tainted goods... this is one of the consequences they should know comes with eloping with non-sikhs good luck to them if that is the choice they made but it was entirely their choice and so must bare the consequences. Just educate your sisters at early age about their responsibilities to the family, faith and community the rest leave it in the hands of Waheguru.

[dalsingh101]

Here's a radical thought: Maybe not every Sikh cares about religion and God? You can pump a person full of stories about shaheeds and Sikh sacrifice and it won't make a difference. What's the solution to that? Beating Sikhi into them?

I think that's an important consideration that is often overlooked.

I think the key to this particular issue is to make sure such people don't end up (wittingly or unwittingly) actively anti-Sikh. You can see this in some people who feel they have been 'rigorously compelled' into the faith (especially girls). They then equate it with oppression. Sometimes they become embittered to an extent that they go out and paint the community negatively to anyone who will listen. This coupled with an ongoing attempt to portray other communities as 'lesser' by certain powerful whites mean that such people can also end up with a media 'megaphone'. Jasvinder Sanghera is an example of this. Others just tow the line to keep the 'strict' family happy and get up to an inordinate amount of gundh behind their backs (at college/uni/work).

We know from our bani that the faith resonates with Sikhs when God blesses them in this way. Sure families should do everything to teach the children growing up in an engaging way, but ultimately, there is an element of nadar (or grace) involved with someone attaching to the faith. Trying to force this just doesn't work and can lead to resentment which comes out in different ways. One being that people perceive other ways of life in a more positive way than their own inherited one, which in turn may make them more prone to convert or live a seedy double life.

Again, the issue is a complex one that defies simple solutions, so we need to target the issue from multiple angles simultaneously and resist conceptualising it in very simple, linear terms.

When we have people born in the faith who simply aren't interested in practicing to any extent, maybe we need to show tolerance and understanding, because they will still be our brothers, sisters, daughters etc? I don't know if roundly condemning them and turning your back on them is a good idea?

Sorry for rambling on.

[VanHelsingh]

We know from our bani that the faith resonates with Sikhs when God blesses them in this way.

That's the one! With his mehr, he can turn a cynical, embittered individual into one of his most loyal sevaks in the blink of an eye.

We must also make that first step towards Him. Sadly many of our people are stepping back from God rather than stepping forward.

[Ek0sikh]

people are getting more and more advanced and this is one of the results.....multiculturalism being promoted through families.

simple rules(even though they seem to be harsh but will have long term consequences)

--- always speak and teach punjabi (read and write) to your kids (at home no english please)--- i'm ashamed how even amritdhari singhs prefer to talk in english than punjabi.

---take them back to punjab whenever possible and let them see our culture from very close (not just cities but pinds)

---carry forward the religious tradition of NOT cutting hair both for ladies and gents in your family (girls who won't see turbans in the family are highly likely to find a boy who doesn't like turbans)

i have seen girls who are brought up in certain environment would NEVER think of doing this. it is just the families who are getting more modern in theri thinking and outlook would see this and honestly speaking some of them don't even object to the girls choosing a gora/kala/muslim/jew boy. they don't care--too advanced!

[dalsingh101]

In the last 3/4 years I've met about 4 girls from Sikh backgrounds who've told me that their father has explicitly told them they can marry who they want as long as they are looked after.

When quizzed, they normally cite some instances of other female members of their family (usually older sisters) being on the receiving end of physical abuse at the hands of a Sikh partner as the cause for the liberalisation in the family. This liberalisation spans from complete freedom to choosing a partner from any race, religion, nationality, to one where other castes are now accepted.

Make of it what you will?

Again, the message I'm trying to convey is that it is a multiple complex of things that causes elopement and choosing nonSikh partners. It is not one or two simple reasons. Sometimes girls don't have to experience anything negative and have really supportive and love filled upbringings but still choose a nonSikh.

[VanHelsingh]

---take them back to punjab whenever possible and let them see our culture from very close (not just cities but pinds)

Our culture? The proliferation of alcohol in the majority of families back home? Sikh youths (not necessarily in saroop) swapping syringes and heroin spoons? A gradually increasing majority who shun keeping kes? Girls eyeing up every boy that walks past them? Boys trying their chance with any girl who bites - even female relatives of similar age? I don't think so. Going to Panjab to gawp at a Gurudwara in the hope that it will somehow instigate a profound spiritual awakening isn't going to help anyone.

Expecting to be brought closer to your roots by visiting Panjab is NOT the thing to do in order to connect with our shared heritage and the positive aspects of our culture. If anything, visiting Panjab and discovering what's really happening there willl put most people off. I'm speaking from experience so trust me. By all means take a tour of the holy shrines and Gurudwaras, and take time to learn about their histories. But don't expect any pearls of wisdom from the population. They are a lost people.

It's a shame when I wonder how such a hallowed and sacred land, birthplace to so many great men and women of the past is now populated by some of the most despicable and Godless people on this earth.

[Ek0sikh]

Kaljugi ji all those things happen here as well and very openly. we don't have pubs or nude dance bars in punjab. why are some people so scared of even going to punjab? TOUR is not an option bhai sahib. Try and live there to seek true values (not just exploring the negatives which exist everywhere). have you visited Pingalwara? have you visited any village where joint families still exist who work hard in fields and still instill those values of sikhi in their kids?

we are not punjab TOURISTS but in real terms TOURISTS here in UK.