What to do to have a happy married life

[MisterrSingh]

Even the most ignorant Punjabi man (of the older generations) sees himself as a wise bad-a55, lol. I went to a masause a few months back, and the amount of absolute rollocks I heard from the assembled elder males, was hilarious. A complete disconnection from reality. 

[puzzled]

its as if they let their anger out on their kids 

older punjabis are fcked up in the head    they need to get a grip 

its just leaves so many scars in your head  when they do this 

[Ranjeet01]

2 hours ago, puzzled said:

Yh that makes sense    they beat fear into you in that country.     thats how they are raised   and they do the same with their kids here.

No wonder there are so many damaged people. 

I know of somebody who is counsellor and they told me there is growing number of Punjabis having counselling.

A lot of trauma there. 

[puzzled]

3 minutes ago, Ranjeet01 said:

I know of somebody who is counsellor and they told me there is growing number of Punjabis having counselling.

A lot of trauma there. 

im really not surprised   iv got cousins who were beaten black and blue, cousin who has hole in her head because her mum hit her in the head with her high heel,   punjabi girl on our road has depression because of her dad, another on the road nxt to ours girl had a mental break down because of how her dad treated her and she ended up going in and out of hospital        so many traumatized people because of childhood experiences.  

[puzzled]

my mums fine but my dad has anger issues   it was a lot worse when i was younger and a lot of the time he used to let it out on me. beating, hitting, kicking, grabbing me and shaking me   and i was only 6/7 yrs old     lock me in the garden for hours 

i think he has some mental issues deep down   and a lot of anger        

im sure its trauma from their childhood and then they do the same thing on their kids     

[dallysingh101]

21 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

Even the most ignorant Punjabi man (of the older generations) sees himself as a wise bad-a55, lol. I went to a masause a few months back, and the amount of absolute rollocks I heard from the assembled elder males, was hilarious. A complete disconnection from reality. 

Intelligence (or lack of) plays a big part. 

[dallysingh101]

1 minute ago, puzzled said:

    

im sure its trauma from their childhood and then they do the same thing on their kids     

This can also be exacerbated by the current situation. If there are work problems or health problems or even issues in the relationship with their spouses that they can't speak about (and they aren't exactly known for their communication skills), the feelings of fear, anger, confusion can burst out like that. 

[dallysingh101]

7 minutes ago, puzzled said:

im really not surprised   iv got cousins who were beaten black and blue, cousin who has hole in her head because her mum hit her in the head with her high heel,   punjabi girl on our road has depression because of her dad, another on the road nxt to ours girl had a mental break down because of how her dad treated her and she ended up going in and out of hospital        so many traumatized people because of childhood experiences.  

I watched a recent video by Harjap Bhangal, and he was saying loads of young apnay are in social care because of family issues. Presumably the parents lost the plot? Many apnay and apneean can be intemperate like that. Plus they have no concept of psychology, and the long term damage they can cause.   

[Ranjeet01]

18 minutes ago, puzzled said:

my mums fine but my dad has anger issues   it was a lot worse when i was younger and a lot of the time he used to let it out on me. beating, hitting, kicking, grabbing me and shaking me   and i was only 6/7 yrs old     lock me in the garden for hours 

i think he has some mental issues deep down   and a lot of anger        

im sure its trauma from their childhood and then they do the same thing on their kids     

How did your baba treat your dad?

The level of treatment by the older generation by their parents was far worse.

They were beaten with belts, fists.

Sometimes with past traumas, you can get triggered by certain things and the anger suddenly comes out.

That is a big reason why alcohol is why prevalent in our community. 

A lot of middle aged punjabi men want to kill themselves. They can't just hang themselves,  so they drink themselves to death.

[MisterrSingh]

18 minutes ago, dallysingh101 said:

Intelligence (or lack of) plays a big part. 

To be fair, their objective experiences of the life they've lived and the conclusions they've drawn from those experiences can't really be faulted, but anything outside their immediate sphere of existence, i.e. the wider world beyond their own life and everything that happens in it, is completely skewed. YET they talk as if they have it all figured out, hehe. The most glaring fault I can pinpoint in their perception of reality is the complete ignorance of modern gender dynamics and how this issue in particular affects the younger generations in decisions such as partner selection and marriage. They seem to be under the impression that the females of today are EXACTLY of the same stock, temperament, and demeanour of their wives, which iswrong on so many levels. While I do believe our and younger generations are guilty are over-thinking things and not just biting the bullet on occasions, there's little to no understanding of the incredible shift in social and legislative isshes that definitely impact the covenant between man and wife. These things aren't even a blip on their radar.