Would you marry someone whose not virgin?

[Guest love marriage]

 

Agree with your post, I had the same attitude.  Only difference was that I did date my 'now' wife before we got married.    We saw ea ch other for about 18 months and were considered boyfriend-girlfriend. Went to movies, concerts, theatres, parks, days out etc... you know, the usual dating stuff. Never spent a night, never had ANY sexual relations,  we held hands, hugged, kissed and spent most of times discussing what we wanted in life and what we should do as a couple.  The attraction was strong but it also had a divine element. In a way, I used to feel blessed that I know mu potential f uture wife and that she is a strong lover of dharm.   We went to gurdwara together quite often and even arranged for both our families to meet on Sunday afternoon after gurdwara program.    

What used to surprise me was that most people found it difficult to swallow that we never went further than kiss and squeeze., But for us; it was a decision we made from the 1st date and we kept our strict discipline.  Of course, I used to get horny and get the urge in those intimate moments, but we maintained this strictness and control. I honestly can't understand why youngsters find it so difficult to resist ?   neithe r one of us were amritshak in those days but we discussed religion, sikhi and how we would like to be in the future.  The only feeling of conscious guilt was during the first 8/9 months of dating, because it was in secret and hidden from our parents. The first time we both told our parents, we made sure that we expressed our guilt and remorse for doing something behind their backs. This was the only thing I ever felt bad about, I hated the lying that I would tell my parents I was going to so and so with other guys , when in reality I was meeting my partner.      Seriously,...  I don 't think our relationship would have been as strong if either one of us had dated before with someone else or had lost virginity.  The fact that we were both pure and vrigins, made it feel more as if it were meant to be.   The point i'm trying to make is that it's VERY POSSIBLE to date and fall in love with someone without losing your virginity.   We've been married 18 years now and have 2 teenage kids.  Only recently, we explained how our relationship was and how we NEVER messed around and kept our b odies pure.

[puzzled]

16 hours ago, Redoptics said:

Look its simple some Sikhs do not know  the Amritdhari life style, some of us Sikhs grow up westernized and are not introduced to Gurbani, until much later on in life. So we have done and experienced things that make you type of people look down on us. Our spiritual journey is different and we are not all lucky to come from your background.  That does not make us ho€s etc. So please stop with this superiority complex.

It's not a unfortunate way of thinking. Some believe in the sanctity of marriage, maintain themselves and abstain from relationships, if that is their idea of marriage then they have every right in saying they want to marry someone with the same view. Someone who has already slept around can't really think like that about marriage! 

If someones view on marriage and s3x is that s3x is between a married couple then them wanting a virgin partner is not a unfortunate way of thinking, it is their belief on how marriage should be.

In my entire family 60+ people there only is 1 amritdhari person. From every singe cousin of mine I'm the only one who keeps my hair and dhari. But still even when I was 16 years old I looked down at sex before marriage. 

Most my cousins sleep around but I still don't think like them.  

[Redoptics]

5 minutes ago, puzzled said:

It's not a unfortunate way of thinking. Some believe in the sanctity of marriage, maintain themselves and abstain from relationships, if that is their idea of marriage then they have every right in saying they want to marry someone with the same view. 

If someones view on marriage and s3x is that s3x is between a married couple then them wanting a virgin partner is not a unfortunate way of thinking. 

In my entire family 60+ people there only is 1 amritdhari person. From every singe cousin of mine I'm the only one who keeps my hair and dhari. But still even when I was 16 years old I looked down at sex before marriage. 

Most my cousins sleep around but I still don't think like them.  

Were you reading bani at the age of 16 and younger? Where did you get the notion of its not good to have s€x before marriage? Was it inherit thinking on your part? Did you read it somewhere? Did someone explain this to you?

[puzzled]

2 hours ago, Redoptics said:

Were you reading bani at the age of 16 and younger? Where did you get the notion of its not good to have s€x before marriage? Was it inherit thinking on your part? Did you read it somewhere? Did someone explain this to you?

Nope as a teenager i had absolutely no interest in sikhi at all, didn't know anything about it and neither did I care. Used to go gurdwara like 3 times in a year and that too because my parents made me lol

I had a atheist phase and anti khalistani phase lol   I actually used to laugh at sikhi. Used to look at singhs and think there was no need for what they doing.

But I was into Punjabi culture and heritage, was "proud to be Punjabi" lol "proud to be jatt"   listened to Punjabi music etc

But, even after alll that I still knew sleeping around was wrong lol, it just felt wrong. My parents gave me a traditional Punjabi upbringing, no talking to girls etc so maybe thas why 

[Wicked Warrior]

On 1/3/2019 at 9:06 AM, Guest love-marriage said:

Agree with your post, I had the same attitude.  Only difference was that I did date my 'now' wife before we got married.

What used to surprise me was that most people found it difficult to swallow that we never went further than kiss and squeeze.

I hated the lying that I would tell my parents I was going to so and so with other guys, when in reality I was meeting my partner. 

After I was introduced to the woman who would become my wife, I met up with her several times in public places to get to know her a little better. I had a lot of angst about ending up with the “wrong” woman or someone who wasn’t suited to me. There was no physical contact until we had our rokha. After that, my wife made the advances for physical contacts such as hugs (I would only ever hug as I’d hug a relative - side to side). Even then we kept things simple. Yes I had urges. She did too but we kept ourselves chaste as much as possible. 

As for meeting up, I’d always tell my parents where I was and who i was meeting up with and where. This was more so they could contact me in an emergency.

[puzzled]

people are gobsmacked when i tell them that i have never had a GF, its like if your young then society expects you to date and Fck around. even so called "sikhs" are surprised if you tell them that you don't date.

There really are a lot of challenges that you face growing up 

[Wicked Warrior]

A lot of it stems from the Western world. There’s an idea that to be “modern” and “progressive”, we have to throw off the traditions and rules of our ancestors. 

It’s now socially acceptable to go out drinking, clubbing, have sexual partners, to take drugs. To abstain from these things or to follow the traditions is seen as backward and old-fashioned rather than realise why things were done in that way. 

If everyone’s doing it, it must be okay. Our parents’ generation would have had a big role in shaping the current generation in how to act and behave. But I know of Sikh families where the kids would do paath, kirtan, seva when young only to abandon these virtuous actions and instead follow the “modern” lifestyle. 

I consider myself “lucky” that I have had self-restraint in a lot of things (namely the vices above), even though there was ample opportunity for me to indulge, to take drugs, to drink, to have sex etc. 

[Guest GuestSingh]

42 minutes ago, Wicked Warrior said:

Our parents’ generation would have had a big role in shaping the current generation in how to act and behave.

the first rebel/dumb generation with dumber following and dumbest to come...

[Guest guest]

On 1/5/2019 at 11:17 PM, Redoptics said:

Look its simple some Sikhs do not know  the Amritdhari life style, some of us Sikhs grow up westernized and are not introduced to Gurbani, until much later on in life. So we have done and experienced things that make you type of people look down on us. Our spiritual journey is different and we are not all lucky to come from your background.  That does not make us ho€s etc. So please stop with this superiority complex.

people can grow up 'westernised' and still know it's wrong.  it's common sense.

[Guest guest]

11 hours ago, Redoptics said:

Were you reading bani at the age of 16 and younger? Where did you get the notion of its not good to have s€x before marriage? Was it inherit thinking on your part? Did you read it somewhere? Did someone explain this to you?

didn't your heart tell you parents would approve of you having sex at this young age?  and yet you did it?  

*DELETED*

*DELETED*
where did you get the notion that its good to have sex  before marriage?  the media?  tv?