Getting influenced by words..

[kaur 54]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa..waheguru jee kee fateh..

Sangat ji I have some concerns regarding our social lives.. Some kathas and sants talk about being alone is good and then I think about this Ghrist Jeevan.

Sometimes we have to sit with a group of people who are talking in general and then end up gossiping and criticizing others.

I know it is wrong and when I tell them as a joke that we should gossip less, I get the answers back like oh this is the reality..this is how people are.. we are just telling the truth..

So I have few questions in my mind.. 

First of all.. When someone call himself/herself spiritual.. can they still be rude? Can they still insult you in front of others to prove you wrong? Can they still criticize( commenting on others' upbringing) ?

What I understood..that once your heart is pure..you actions are simply sweet.. but then these days..everyone goes..oh be careful from those who are sweet talkers.. those who are little rude..they have good hearts..

My second question and really important for me to know is if I sit with someone(elders.....from family) who talks bad about anyone or gossip.. will it effect my karams too? What to do when you have no choice? Sometimes, they complain and expect you to get involved .. anytime I don't answer, I get to hear oh I am not being respectful..I am being ignorant...especially in the family..it is really hard...

Please advice how to handle this situation..

Waheguru JI

[Shaheed4life 400]

1 hour ago, kaur said:

Waheguru ji ka khalsa..waheguru jee kee fateh..

Sangat ji I have some concerns regarding our social lives.. Some kathas and sants talk about being alone is good and then I think about this Ghrist Jeevan.

Sometimes we have to sit with a group of people who are talking in general and then end up gossiping and criticizing others.

I know it is wrong and when I tell them as a joke that we should gossip less, I get the answers back like oh this is the reality..this is how people are.. we are just telling the truth..

So I have few questions in my mind.. 

First of all.. When someone call himself/herself spiritual.. can they still be rude? Can they still insult you in front of others to prove you wrong? Can they still criticize( commenting on others' upbringing) ?

What I understood..that once your heart is pure..you actions are simply sweet.. but then these days..everyone goes..oh be careful from those who are sweet talkers.. those who are little rude..they have good hearts..

My second question and really important for me to know is if I sit with someone(elders.....from family) who talks bad about anyone or gossip.. will it effect my karams too? What to do when you have no choice? Sometimes, they complain and expect you to get involved .. anytime I don't answer, I get to hear oh I am not being respectful..I am being ignorant...especially in the family..it is really hard...

Please advice how to handle this situation..

Waheguru JI

Vaheguru ji ka khalsa Vaheguru ji ki fateh 

If a person is truly spiritual he would not talk rudely.As we are supposed to talk sweetly(Mitha Bolna).They would not insult someone and they would not criticize.If something is wrong they would give constructive feedback. If you sit with people but don't do it then your Karam will not be affected.But if you decide to insult someone and do nindiya than yes.If your family is in Sikhi then advice them politely that we should not be criticising anyone and quote Gurbani.For example.

Ik Noor Te Sabh Jag Upjaya Kaun Bhale Kaun Mandhe

From this Shabad you can explain to them that we are all souls on a journey to experience and meet Vaheguru Ji.We are all in this together.We should not be criticising anyone.

Apologies if I got the shabad wrong.

Bhul Chuk Maf

[GurjantGnostic 580]

Not saying something can also incur Karam. 

[kaur 54]

2 hours ago, Shaheed4life said:

Vaheguru ji ka khalsa Vaheguru ji ki fateh 

If a person is truly spiritual he would not talk rudely.As we are supposed to talk sweetly(Mitha Bolna).They would not insult someone and they would not criticize.If something is wrong they would give constructive feedback. If you sit with people but don't do it then your Karam will not be affected.But if you decide to insult someone and do nindiya than yes.If your family is in Sikhi then advice them politely that we should not be criticising anyone and quote Gurbani.For example.

Ik Noor Te Sabh Jag Upjaya Kaun Bhale Kaun Mandhe

From this Shabad you can explain to them that we are all souls on a journey to experience and meet Vaheguru Ji.We are all in this together.We should not be criticising anyone.

Apologies if I got the shabad wrong.

Bhul Chuk Maf

Shaheed ji.. Thanks a lot for your feedback..I appreciate all your helpful comments on my posts..

I have tried nicely telling them not to get involved in slandering others but it seems it doesn't work for too long..and so many times I have started doing with them and enjoying it too but realizing later what I have done  Still I try to control myself...

What I meant by asking if it will effect my karams.. even though I won't say anything but listening and kind of agreeing with them ( that is what they expect) will also make some bad karams? In a way, I am there to listen and that is why they talk about things..

And how can we handle if someone is not being responsible. My brother got married recently and is kind of taking advantage of his in laws as they are polite Gursikhs. It is my duty to remind him about his role but while talking with his mother in law.. I had to listen all the things he is doing while staying at their place.. and I had to agree with her regarding his bad habits... I was telling her some stories about him.. so that they can try to fix things.... Is this also Nindeya?

How can we point at a problem.. to fix it  without making any karam? I do read in Gurbani how our Gurus say just don't get too attached and accept Waheguru's Hukam..

Sometimes I just wonder if Waheguru's hukam is for me to stay quiet or do something about it.. 

Thanks a lot for the beautiful lines of one of my favorite shabads.. 

Awal Allah Noor Upayeya.. Kudrat key sab bandey

 

[jkvlondon 5,296]

1 hour ago, kaur said:

Shaheed ji.. Thanks a lot for your feedback..I appreciate all your helpful comments on my posts..

I have tried nicely telling them not to get involved in slandering others but it seems it doesn't work for too long..and so many times I have started doing with them and enjoying it too but realizing later what I have done  Still I try to control myself...

What I meant by asking if it will effect my karams.. even though I won't say anything but listening and kind of agreeing with them ( that is what they expect) will also make some bad karams? In a way, I am there to listen and that is why they talk about things..

And how can we handle if someone is not being responsible. My brother got married recently and is kind of taking advantage of his in laws as they are polite Gursikhs. It is my duty to remind him about his role but while talking with his mother in law.. I had to listen all the things he is doing while staying at their place.. and I had to agree with her regarding his bad habits... I was telling her some stories about him.. so that they can try to fix things.... Is this also Nindeya?

How can we point at a problem.. to fix it  without making any karam? I do read in Gurbani how our Gurus say just don't get too attached and accept Waheguru's Hukam..

Sometimes I just wonder if Waheguru's hukam is for me to stay quiet or do something about it.. 

Thanks a lot for the beautiful lines of one of my favorite shabads.. 

Awal Allah Noor Upayeya.. Kudrat key sab bandey

 

when you know certain people hve a tendency to go there into nindya and chugli stop staying in their company as much as possible , even 'run away' as Gurbani advises excuse yourself and go into another room  if they will not listen to your reminder .

As for your brother if you are elder pull rank and tell him he is not doing right according to sikhi , to make his in-laws feel disrespected/ misused , it will make his wife feel upset too  eventually , which is not good for their future happiness.  If your masi ji (his saas) is telling you something she wants help with , fine do your duty and help but do not say anything which could undermine him with them .

[kaur 54]

17 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

when you know certain people hve a tendency to go there into nindya and chugli stop staying in their company as much as possible , even 'run away' as Gurbani advises excuse yourself and go into another room  if they will not listen to your reminder .

As for your brother if you are elder pull rank and tell him he is not doing right according to sikhi , to make his in-laws feel disrespected/ misused , it will make his wife feel upset too  eventually , which is not good for their future happiness.  If your masi ji (his saas) is telling you something she wants help with , fine do your duty and help but do not say anything which could undermine him with them .

JKVLondon .. Thanks for the reply... This is what I try to do, just leaving the group to save myself from Nindeya as much as I can.. however it is not always that easy.. 

Yes, I am older than my brother and I have made the arrangements so he can leave from his in laws finally... Anytime I try to explain, he ignores me..won't look at me.. and will start looking at his phone.. and obviously I get mad and can't control my temper then

I don't want to be rude but any time I try to tell him  that it is not very nice and right what he does..he laughs at me and tells me '' don't put others down to feel any better'' even though this is not my goal. All I want is him to be responsible for the sake of his wife and his future.. 

I have given him cash several times... big amounts.. even I let him use my credit card.. when I feel sorry for him because sometimes he won't eat properly and all.. My biggest concern is that now he is married but still he doesn't have any stable job.. I want to help anyone in need if Waheguru is making me do that sewa but I dont want them to rely on me for the rest of their lives... 

There are some relatives that are involved in it.. should I tell them that he took big amount of money from me and haven't returned it yet? Or that will be chugli too..The issue is not money... I know more I give...more Waheguru ji is giving me.. and it is not me who is doing this all...Waheguru is the one who is doing all this sewa/work.. Just want to know if I am the one making my brother so lazy or it is him.. 

 

Now sharing this here also makes me feel that I am getting into Nindeya but I really needed to clarify the differnce between Nindeya chugli and living right life according to our Gurbani..

Really appreciate all your feedback sangat ji ..

[Shaheed4life 400]

48 minutes ago, kaur said:

Now sharing this here also makes me feel that I am getting into Nindeya but I really needed to clarify the differnce between Nindeya chugli and living right life according to our Gurbani..

Really appreciate all your feedback sangat ji ..

Nindiya is when you accuse someone of doing something that he did not do.For example person A spreads a rumour to alot of people that person B is a thief.But in reality Person B is a honest person who does not steal.Then Person A is doing Nindiya which will affect his karam.Chugli is different.Chugli is more of gossiping about others.By sharing this here you are not doing Nindiya you are asking for advice so that is fine.

As for living the right life as long as we take Amrit, do sewa, stay away from 5 vices,do our banis and follow the 3 pillars of Sikhi like

Naam Japna(To meditate on the supreme Lord),

Vand Chakna(Help the needy, give a tenth of our income to charity)

Kirat Karni(Honest living,do not lie,do not earn money through deceit)

We should be fine.

Bhul Chuk Maf

[kaur 54]

1 hour ago, Shaheed4life said:

Nindiya is when you accuse someone of doing something that he did not do.For example person A spreads a rumour to alot of people that person B is a thief.But in reality Person B is a honest person who does not steal.Then Person A is doing Nindiya which will affect his karam.Chugli is different.Chugli is more of gossiping about others.By sharing this here you are not doing Nindiya you are asking for advice so that is fine.

As for living the right life as long as we take Amrit, do sewa, stay away from 5 vices,do our banis and follow the 3 pillars of Sikhi like

Naam Japna(To meditate on the supreme Lord),

Vand Chakna(Help the needy, give a tenth of our income to charity)

Kirat Karni(Honest living,do not lie,do not earn money through deceit)

We should be fine.

Bhul Chuk Maf

And this answers all my questions..  THANK YOU

 

[jkvlondon 5,296]

4 hours ago, kaur said:

JKVLondon .. Thanks for the reply... This is what I try to do, just leaving the group to save myself from Nindeya as much as I can.. however it is not always that easy.. 

Yes, I am older than my brother and I have made the arrangements so he can leave from his in laws finally... Anytime I try to explain, he ignores me..won't look at me.. and will start looking at his phone.. and obviously I get mad and can't control my temper then

I don't want to be rude but any time I try to tell him  that it is not very nice and right what he does..he laughs at me and tells me '' don't put others down to feel any better'' even though this is not my goal. All I want is him to be responsible for the sake of his wife and his future.. 

I have given him cash several times... big amounts.. even I let him use my credit card.. when I feel sorry for him because sometimes he won't eat properly and all.. My biggest concern is that now he is married but still he doesn't have any stable job.. I want to help anyone in need if Waheguru is making me do that sewa but I dont want them to rely on me for the rest of their lives... 

There are some relatives that are involved in it.. should I tell them that he took big amount of money from me and haven't returned it yet? Or that will be chugli too..The issue is not money... I know more I give...more Waheguru ji is giving me.. and it is not me who is doing this all...Waheguru is the one who is doing all this sewa/work.. Just want to know if I am the one making my brother so lazy or it is him.. 

 

Now sharing this here also makes me feel that I am getting into Nindeya but I really needed to clarify the differnce between Nindeya chugli and living right life according to our Gurbani..

Really appreciate all your feedback sangat ji ..

Being eldest sister also I can understand wanting to help but it seems he is taking you as a soft touch now . If he is old enough to get married , he's old enough to get a job , any job to fufill his duties as a husband . He is not your responsibility any more , he HAS to stand on his own two feet , for his marriage's sake and also his own self-esteem .  It's going to be rough watching the struggle but hang back , make sure he understands that you are expecting him to repay his inlaws (I'm guessing that he may have asked them for money too) , live within his means  and WORK for what he wants . This will help him ultimately.

Warn everyone to not fund his laziness and find out just how much he has been spending on other's heads . Are you Mother and Father able to talk to him ?

[indersingh1313 23]

wjkk wjkf ji

the world would be a better place if we all are nice to each other!

but unfortunately that's not the case! 

we live in Kalyug and can not expect everyone to be nice to us even if we are being nice to them.

its also hard to educate the world (our surroundings). do practice Guru's teaching yourself instead.

NOTE:- In my opinion, the solution is, just do your best and try to live life according to Gurbani. do not change your behaviour or good nature because of others. 

second answer:- if you practicing Guru's teaching in your life then rest just follows up. one by one all the problems disappears. 

maybe you understand Gurbani and want to live life accordingly but maybe others only listen to Gurbani and don't wish to practice in their life. and that's ok. its their wish!

Benefits: --- now if you living your life with Guru's teaching then you are the one who will benefit from it not others.

Be the example for them then only they will copy you. 

I can write many examples here but I just keep it short.

hope  it helps!

wjkk wjkf ji

 

 

[kaur 54]

17 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

Being eldest sister also I can understand wanting to help but it seems he is taking you as a soft touch now . If he is old enough to get married , he's old enough to get a job , any job to fufill his duties as a husband . He is not your responsibility any more , he HAS to stand on his own two feet , for his marriage's sake and also his own self-esteem .  It's going to be rough watching the struggle but hang back , make sure he understands that you are expecting him to repay his inlaws (I'm guessing that he may have asked them for money too) , live within his means  and WORK for what he wants . This will help him ultimately.

Warn everyone to not fund his laziness and find out just how much he has been spending on other's heads . Are you Mother and Father able to talk to him ?

Yes.. I just wanted to help..give him time to understand life and his responsibilities...I believe some of us take longer to do things but when we do it, we do it with heart, but it seems this is not in his case..

Yes, he is taking money from others as well.. He is old enough.. I totally agree with you JKVLondon.. He is not lisetning to me at all and taking me for granted..

My parents have tried enough, but he doesn't care much..They are tired as well.. He pretty much ignored everyone who will remind him about his duties..

So far, I was helping him financially, morally just because I didn't want him to feel sad or take any wrong directions but my way is wrong as it  is not helping him to be  a better person..

It will hurt me not to help him when I can but t is a time to step back... I agree with your advice and will stick to it.. Thanks a lot..

[kaur 54]

16 hours ago, indersingh1313 said:

wjkk wjkf ji

the world would be a better place if we all are nice to each other!

but unfortunately that's not the case! 

we live in Kalyug and can not expect everyone to be nice to us even if we are being nice to them.

its also hard to educate the world (our surroundings). do practice Guru's teaching yourself instead.

NOTE:- In my opinion, the solution is, just do your best and try to live life according to Gurbani. do not change your behaviour or good nature because of others. 

second answer:- if you practicing Guru's teaching in your life then rest just follows up. one by one all the problems disappears. 

maybe you understand Gurbani and want to live life accordingly but maybe others only listen to Gurbani and don't wish to practice in their life. and that's ok. its their wish!

Benefits: --- now if you living your life with Guru's teaching then you are the one who will benefit from it not others.

Be the example for them then only they will copy you. 

I can write many examples here but I just keep it short.

hope  it helps!

wjkk wjkf ji

 

 

Waheguru ji ka Khalsa.. Waheguru ji kee Fateh.

Hanji Inder Singh ji, the world would be better place but not everyone will see it the same way we see it..

Your words make sense to me, I just need to focus on Guru's teaching for a better lifestyle..

I have tried to express my feelings but it didn't work well..

Sometimes I used to have doubts about myself when others( they are more spiritual than me and they do proper simran twice a day) were kind of insulting me in front of everyone else because I have different views than them.. That is why I always used to wonder if it is me who is wrong..

I am just a beginner and will miss simran  sometimes as well.. So not that good..

Still I can say I try my best to be a good human.. but this thing was always bothering me..how can someone would be so rude after doing so much of naam simran.. I believe that Waheguru nu yaad kardey kardey asin Waheguru jehey sweet ho jaandey han.. 

Then how can someone become so bitter?

But like you said.. I should focus on what I do.. not what others are doing..

Thanks a lot for your great reply.

Waheguru 

 

[Sat1 63]

On 9/14/2020 at 9:43 AM, kaur said:

Waheguru ji ka khalsa..waheguru jee kee fateh..

Sangat ji I have some concerns regarding our social lives.. Some kathas and sants talk about being alone is good and then I think about this Ghrist Jeevan.

Sometimes we have to sit with a group of people who are talking in general and then end up gossiping and criticizing others.

I know it is wrong and when I tell them as a joke that we should gossip less, I get the answers back like oh this is the reality..this is how people are.. we are just telling the truth..

So I have few questions in my mind.. 

First of all.. When someone call himself/herself spiritual.. can they still be rude? Can they still insult you in front of others to prove you wrong? Can they still criticize( commenting on others' upbringing) ?

What I understood..that once your heart is pure..you actions are simply sweet.. but then these days..everyone goes..oh be careful from those who are sweet talkers.. those who are little rude..they have good hearts..

My second question and really important for me to know is if I sit with someone(elders.....from family) who talks bad about anyone or gossip.. will it effect my karams too? What to do when you have no choice? Sometimes, they complain and expect you to get involved .. anytime I don't answer, I get to hear oh I am not being respectful..I am being ignorant...especially in the family..it is really hard...

Please advice how to handle this situation..

Waheguru JI

Nindya is a great crime in Gods court. A lot of Auntiya, uncles and youngsters think it’s okay which is baffling... a lot of them do their daily five bania and simran but find that it’s okay to behave really uncivilly and engage in nindya rendering their bhagati useless, as when we engage in the five thieves in that way, we fall 

[Singh1989 181]

Very, very hard as am in the same boat. 

I suppose if / when they tell u to get involved u could simply speak out tukhts where it states Nindia is wrong? (NOT Sant ka nindhk stated in Sukhmani Sahib) but other times Maharaaj mentions Nindia / juglia. If they get it, good. If not... U perfomed your duty, did yer bit. 

[Shaheed4life 400]

16 hours ago, Singh1989 said:

Very, very hard as am in the same boat. 

I suppose if / when they tell u to get involved u could simply speak out tukhts where it states Nindia is wrong? (NOT Sant ka nindhk stated in Sukhmani Sahib) but other times Maharaaj mentions Nindia / juglia. If they get it, good. If not... U perfomed your duty, did yer bit. 

True.If we tell them we do our part.If they dont listen then that's on them.