Gursikhs and Love-Marriage

[r.singh]

You said love is eternal... what exactly do you mean? Which love are we talking about? I've seen so many people fall in 'love' and then fall out of 'love'. Sometimes in a matter of days or weeks, sometimes over a timespan of years. That doesn't seem very eternal. Is that the type of love we're talking about?

I think the post by Japnaam Singh summed it up perfectly. We need to be lovers of Akaal. Of course, this doesn't mean that we neglect all others and don't care for anybody else. Living in this world, we'll have relationships with friends, children, spouses, parents, etc and we'll care a great deal about these people. You might even call it love. But this 'love' should be rooted in gurmat. Talking endlessly on the phone with some girl (or guy) isn't gurmat. You might think, 'hey, we're not doing anything, just talking..' But then you lie there thinking about the other person, you're mind is constantly distracted, every little thing they say has to be analysed, you have to try and impress them... I've seen people close to me go through this. They aren't 'doing anything'. Except getting caught up with someone and distancing themselves from their guru. We'll make all the excuses in the world, because we're in 'love' and how can love be wrong? We'll justify our manmatt with all sorts of nice arguements. And others will pat us on the back and give full agreement, because we're all caught up in the same web.

In my opinion, relationships between guys and girls is the biggest stumbling block for sikh youth. So many singhs and singhnia that I've known have fa

llen because of this. It's a snake's pit and we have to tread really, really carefully. A singh last year was talking to me about getting engaged (he was getting engaged) and he told me that it was probably time for me as well. I just sort of laughed at him, but he kept going. He said that at this age, when marriage is on your mind, you have to be really, really careful. An older singh had sat him down and described his jeevan as being like a 'kujaa' (a clay pot). He said it's easy to break, any little mis-step can cause it to break. But once broken, it's very difficult to put it back together. So best to avoid breaking it in the first place. For a gursikh, any spouse like relationship, whether it be emotional or physical, just casual (chatting, etc) or serious, is completely inappropriate without the sanction of anand kaaraj. Our minds are weak, so we make excuses to justify our actions. We get blinded by 'love'. This doesn't mean that we can just quell our feelings and emotions. If we have certain feelings for someone, then we need to make doubly sure that we act according to gurmat and not screw up. Talk to some older singhs and get advice.

If we give up trying to be too smart and just rely on Guru Saahib.. and try to focus our lives on him.. he'll take care of us. That includes finding spouses and everything else. Guru Saahib puts us in certain situations. It's up to us to try and act according to gurmat in these situations. You reap what you sow.

Off on a tangent... It's said that guru Gobind Singh Jee wouldn't allow himself any physical contact with any bibi, other than his mehal. By physical contact, I mean things as minor as a pat on the shoulder for giving asees. Today's 'singhs' see nothing wrong with holding hands, embracing etc. Guru Saahib was above things like kaam, he acted so as to teach us how to behave. Most people will disagree with me and will think I'm living on some other planet.... but

this is just what I've noticed in my experience.

[bismaadh kaur]

waheguru jee ka khalsa! waheguru jee kee fateh!!

i can't say that i know anything about love. i haven't fully given my head to the Guru and am keeping myself back from the limitless pyaar that Guru Sahib Jee has to offer.

But, i will say one thing. Before we actually experience something or actually know something to be true we can not criticize it. Qurbaan veer jee has gone throught the experience, i can not in any way tell him that he was wrong. To say that because he found his own soul-mate he was wrong...that is so wrong in itself. That was God's Hukam...for him to find his own soul mate...

God has this whole world planned...everything from A-Z in our life is His will...His doing...

When we make mistakes what happens?? most of us kick ourselves in the butt and move closer to God. That in itself is a blessing to be able to love God and see the dirt of the world.

The problem today is that we depend so much on what ppl have said. This Praataan Gursikh did this...so i'm gonna do it too. Put your faith in the Guru...do what your Guru has told you to do...not what anyone has said or done in their lifetime. We are so ready to follow ppl...but when it comes to giving ourselves to the Perfect Guru, we back off or slow down.

the first thing in sikhi is dharam...FAITH...have faith that Guru Sahib Jee will join you with ur life partner...however it may be...but live in Guru's Bhana...and if u do meet this person..talk all u want...i am sure...as we are all sikhs here, we will keep it at a sikhi basis..and if u do see urself straying off into kaam back off and rethink...that is what life is about is it not? we are human...

we are sikhs...just telling ourselves once will not stop the problem..our minds have to be told over and over again and then finally it will get tired and give up. Watch your step...but honestly, before anyone of us should speak (me included) about who is doing waht wrong...we need to perfect ourselves. No one's experience of life will be the same...whatever Guru Sahib has planned WILL happen. I know that much...

Guru Rakha...

SATGUR AGAY SEES PAYTE DAYOO! let him take you wherever he may please

bhul chuck maaf karnaa

sandeep kaur

[warrior*princess]

Whats so different from that and chatting in person???

I totally agree with Naam Warrior, very good posts!!

[Guest balwinderkaur]

i agree with sandeep kaur bhainjee....she's right

[warrior*princess]

SATGUR AGAY SEES PAYTE DAYOO! let him take you wherever he may please

[Guest mehtab]

Waheguroo Jee Ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo Jee Kee Fateh!!

If one does not love his/her spouse and keep him/her happy, thats not what will make WAHEGURU happy. Gurujee has mentioned about heer ranjha and sassi pannu even in Gurbani coz He knew their love was spotlessly pure and true. But He also says that they didn't get anything out of it, and my guess is thats coz maybe GOD was not involved in their life. Yes love ur spouse, but involve Gurujee. What spouse! involve Gurujee in everything period, and then lets see if u will ever go wrong

[Gill]

Waheguru ji ka khalsa,

Waheguru ji ki fateh!

Wow, another interesting post. OK heres my points if it is of any means.

Ok some say dat love marriage is ok. And as long as one can control his or her limits before marraige it is ok. Ok, but yet again the issue again comes up wit controlling kaam and all those dirty thoughts in ur mind.

It is a given fact dat majority of us will get these thoughts. Say if you see a picture of guru sahib, guru gobind singh u say wow... wat a powerful figure... rite next to it someone puts up a picture of a kudi in a bikini (btw dis is for da guys ), 100% ur mind, ur intention, EVERYTHIN shifts over to that image.

Its an evil we have to control. I just dont see how a mind will be set if u have a love marriage.

Second, how can a love marriage me possible without dating :T:

Someone explain that one to me.

Anyway, i had more points, but i just lost them. IF i remember ill share,

bhul chuk maph

excellent post,

when gurbani refers to marriage, doesn'

;t it always say how the parents will pick.

Rochak Malang, don't two people come together because WAHEGURU had writen it that way.

and so many of these "love marriages", end up destroying families, and in divorce

[mann_kaum_layee_qurbaan]

nice post sandeep kaur......yeah i definitely agree that one's life should involve waaheguru...

[mann_kaum_layee_qurbaan]

r singh veer ji , by saying love is eternal i meant to say finding the one partner that you will share your whole life with, i understand that some people fall in and out of love, but I was talking about a moment when you know the person is the one, i mean many Sikhs take amrit and take it again becuase they make mistakes, but there are people out there who choose a path and stick to it. When i said love is eternal i was referring to the point that God is love and God is eternal, waaheguru loves us all and Waaheguru is eternal..

[militantsikh]

I think this topic is only brought forward, because some of these people are trying to justify they're sins.