Not Being A Virgin

[Guest Koncerned Kaur]

hi im a sikh women (24) and i am not a virgin but i want

to marry a turbanned singh with beard. i found such a guy

we became best friends first and he said he liked me when

we first met. i told him i didnt see him that way and he

decided we could be friends then only. we talk to each other

about anything and everything and he has NEVER judged me and

when he told he had never been with a women i was happy. but he

is a virgin and i am not and he knows it...............i have fallen

in love with him but i am scared he will never be want to be with me

because of it...............i wasnt religious before but NOW i am so

will a singh like him want to be with a woman like me........i am scared

no man will ever want me because i am not a virgin............nobody

knows this about me except him and thats why i love him because he doesnt

judge me and also becuase he is amazing.............but i am going crazy

because a good guy like will get snapped up another sikh girl who hasnt

had sex before marriage.............i dont know what to do.

[Guest *]

To begin, if you're trying to be religious now, then going crazy about whether he'll marry you or not isn't really appropriate or in-line with Gurmat. I hope you'll read up on older threads about "relationships" to gain a different perspective on it.

About your concerns...If someone will make a decision about whether you're worthy of marriage based solely on virginity, then do you really want to be with him? Most guys are not "virgins". Maybe they haven't been with a woman before, but if you were to really consider it, virginity is virginity. What significant difference will it make to your husband anyways? Does he plan to build a life with that and your past as a central focus, or does he plan to build a truly meaningful future with you?

You said you weren't religious before but now you are. I hope you realise that by getting amrit dee daat, one becomes blessed with a new birth and a whole new life. You'll be born again. Anything from your past before that point should be irrelevant, including virginity. I wouldn't pressume to know under what conditions you "lost" your virginity, but whether voluntarily or not, we all make mistakes, poor choices in life, or simply reap the karma of past deeds. I know most guys are pretty judgmental when it comes to this and you're in a difficult place, but really, he shouldn't judge you on your past, especially if you've clearly changed and are trying to lead a new life. In the end however, whatever is meant to be will be, so don't sweat it.

[Guest dont worry]

Bhenji, please don’t worry, the answer to your question doesn’t lie with the sangat here, but within yourself, there are many things from many peoples’ past lives which they regret or worry about, but that’s just it, these things are in the past! They happened, you moved on, so don’t focus on the past, or rather regret about the past, learn from your ‘mistakes’, move on, using your experiences to guide you in future decisions. It will become a “problem” as such, if you let it be, if you hold this as a negative thing and don’t forgive yourself you won’t be able to move on, don’t let this one thing deter you from being happy.

Bhenji my advice to you is embrace Sikhi, become a Gursikh, live by Guru ji’s teachings and any true Singh will be happy and proud to have you as his Singhni!

[Khalsa4ever]

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

Bhenji, that answer isn't here. Its with him. there is no short way around it... every person has their own individual beliefs and ideals. Ask him. Its the only way to know, and the only way you can both move forward.

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

[Guest Koncerned Kaur]

I will speak to him and let you know what happens, thank you for your replies...........im a good person ive never drank alcohol, ate meat or smoked or gone clubbin its just this one thing that has happened to me (losing my virginity) that I regret and now i feel terrible about it. however, he cheers me up when i speak to him about it so i will tell him how i feel about him today

[B4ND4]

I will speak to him and let you know what happens, thank you for your replies...........im a good person ive never drank alcohol, ate meat or smoked or gone clubbin its just this one thing that has happened to me (losing my virginity) that I regret and now i feel terrible about it. however, he cheers me up when i speak to him about it so i will tell him how i feel about him today

Don't think too much about it bibi. As the sangat has said walk on Guru ji's path and everything will be fine.

[Guest Guest]

hi im a sikh women (24) and i am not a virgin but i want

to marry a turbanned singh with beard. i found such a guy

we became best friends first and he said he liked me when

we first met. i told him i didnt see him that way and he

decided we could be friends then only. we talk to each other

about anything and everything and he has NEVER judged me and

when he told he had never been with a women i was happy. but he

is a virgin and i am not and he knows it...............i have fallen

in love with him but i am scared he will never be want to be with me

because of it...............i wasnt religious before but NOW i am so

will a singh like him want to be with a woman like me........i am scared

no man will ever want me because i am not a virgin............nobody

knows this about me except him and thats why i love him because he doesnt

judge me and also becuase he is amazing.............but i am going crazy

because a good guy like will get snapped up another sikh girl who hasnt

had sex before marriage.............i dont know what to do.

Congratulations for becoming religious firstly. However your situation is complicated, its easy to say he might forgive your sin's of the past. But deep down in the sub conscience level their will be resentment if he is a virgin and you aint. Therefore my advise would be to find a guy who has lost his too. Because lets be fair... equality works both ways. If you did not maintain your virginity (ie left your hymen intact) why should the guy stay pure for his wife? It is a fact that man has more sexual urges than a woman yet if a guy is able to control them and remain pure for marriage then he is too good for you, he would know that deep down too. You can try your luck and ask him but it will only hurt you in the long run as most if not all guys seek out pure virgin gals for marriage, even if they may be not themselves.

[Guest Koncerned Kaur]

Hi,

i told him how i feel and he said he likes me to but he also admitted he finds it hard to deal with the fact i have been with another guy (only once). i admire his honesty but we are both stuck as he said he wants to be with a woman who is in his postion i.e. never been with a man also but he also likes me. so we are both stuck as he is the ONLY man i want to spend the rest of my life with and i have told him this this made him happy but he is confused now.

[Guest Guest]

if he likes u then what r u worried about

[Khalsa4ever]

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

Give it time bhenji... and best of luck :devil:

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!