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Relationship Before Marriage


Pheena
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the purpose of this life is to merge with waheuguruji, therefore we should ensure that every action and thought that we make is to benefit us spiritually.

a relationship can be purely platonic between two individuals, and if this is what you are enquiring about, then there is no harm in such a relationship (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Platonic_love)

however, what is the point? guruji clearly says that this life is temporary and that no1 will go with us when we die, all relationships are temporary. instead of working on plutonic relationships, we should be working on our eternal relationship with god

the problem with many close relationships with members of the opposite gender are that kaam thoughts/actions may take control. and these thoughts are going to take you away from waheguruji.

(isnt one of the bugger kurehits that we cant have a relationship outside of marriage???? im pretty sure all rehatnamas say this)

anyways i hope this has cleared up some of your questions. i am not an expert on sikhi, but just wanted to give some of my thoughts on this.

and heres a relevent shabbad that i like

This Shabad is by Guru Tegh Bahaadur Ji in Raag Dayv Gandhaaree on Pannaa 536

dyvgMDwrI mhlw 9 ]

dhaevaga(n)dhhaaree mehalaa 9 ||

Raag Dayv-Gandhaaree, Ninth Mehla:

jgq mY JUTI dyKI pRIiq ]

jagath mai jhoot(h)ee dhaekhee preeth ||

In this world, I have seen love to be false.

Apny hI suK isau sB lwgy ikAw dwrw ikAw mIq ]1] rhwau ]

apanae hee sukh sio sabh laagae kiaa dhaaraa kiaa meeth ||1|| rehaao ||

Whether they are spouses or friends, all are concerned only with their own happiness. ||1||Pause||

myrau myrau sBY khq hY ihq isau bwiDE cIq ]

maero maero sabhai kehath hai hith sio baadhhiou cheeth ||

All say, “”Mine, mine”", and attach their consciousness to you with love.

AMiq kwil sMgI nh koaU ieh Acrj hY rIiq ]1]

a(n)th kaal sa(n)gee neh kooo eih acharaj hai reeth ||1||

But at the very last moment, none shall go along with you. How strange are the ways of the world! ||1||

mn mUrK AjhU nh smJq isK dY hwirE nIq ]

man moorakh ajehoo neh samajhath sikh dhai haariou neeth ||

The foolish mind has not yet reformed itself, although I have grown weary of continually instructing it.

nwnk Baujlu pwir prY jau gwvY pRB ky gIq ]2]3]6]38]47]

naanak bhoujal paar parai jo gaavai prabh kae geeth ||2||3||6||38||47||

O Nanak, one crosses over the terrifying world-ocean, singing the Songs of God. ||2||3||6||38||47||

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Only the people involved in any relationship will really know if it's based on lust or attachment. And Guru Saheb of course. I don't think there is any point trying to generalise every 'relationship' or fit them into a category. Perhaps it depends on your definition of relationship, everyone is bound to have different ideas.

But I do think there is a line between one's Sangat and someone who is closer than that. When attachment kicks in, it can draw your mind away from Maharaj - you keep thinking about the actual person. Then it becomes maya.

As for calling them veerji/bhenji, once again only the person in question and their Guru will really know if they mean it. They can just be words.

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paar nari ke seej bhool swapan mai pi na jao !!!!! not exactly but something similar to this are the bachans of dasmesh pita !!!!! asslich taan door di gall guru sahib ne taan sapney ch we jaan toon manna kitta and its not the question of before and after its question parrai jaa apni !!!! till anadkaraj is done no matter how much ur attached or in love its parri as according to reeti of world !!!!

Again almost every response here has been trying to advocate that Lust should be avoided with the opposite sex. Which is still missing the point of this thread, why are Relationship before marriage anti-sikhi? Is it because it induces lust? Well marriage can very well do the same? So why is Marriage justified?

Why do we limit this Lust to only before marriage. What will you when your husband/wife becomes Apni is Lust then justified? Is marriage a license to be lustful?

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i have heard many mahapursh saying even having sex with wife with a motive other then reproducing also comes under lust !!!! and deep in my heart i think its correct to !!!!!

but the thing is whats the chance of person indulging himself in lustfull activities very often with his wife but he dont look at other women !!!!

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i think tarrandeep kaur answered the question for the most part...

it isn't only lust... its attachment... 2 of the 5 vices rite there... the point is.. both of these things can take you away from God... (not to say that they won't hit after marriage) buh they're a lot harder to deal wit before marriage.. u kno the sayin... 'u want what u can't have'.. and when u can't have it.. u want it that much more...

and also... it comes down to the concept that u never kno if ur gonna end up marryin that person.. say u build up a 'relationship' with a person for a while.. become very attached to them... buh then things don't end up workin out... it'll be hard to get it off ur mind.. it'll be hard to get over it... it'll be hard to move on... and say u go on to marry sum1 else and yet ur thinkin bout the other person still... tha's nah fair to ur partner...

there's many things that can happen... and obviously lust plays a huge part as well..

bottom line.. u dun wanna put urself in a situation where attachment and lust will have more of a chance of takin u over... because those things draw you away from sikhi... and obviously thats maya...

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paar nari ke seej bhool swapan mai pi na jao !!!!! not exactly but something similar to this are the bachans of dasmesh pita !!!!! asslich taan door di gall guru sahib ne taan sapney ch we jaan toon manna kitta and its not the question of before and after its question parrai jaa apni !!!! till anadkaraj is done no matter how much ur attached or in love its parri as according to reeti of world !!!!

Again almost every response here has been trying to advocate that Lust should be avoided with the opposite sex. Which is still missing the point of this thread, why are Relationship before marriage anti-sikhi? Is it because it induces lust? Well marriage can very well do the same? So why is Marriage justified?

Why do we limit this Lust to only before marriage. What will you when your husband/wife becomes Apni is Lust then justified? Is marriage a license to be lustful?

lust, in my opinion, is excessive sexual desire... even when ur married lust is wrong.. if its taking over ur mind and thats all u can think of then obviously its wrong, n u gotta check urself!

jus like attachment... u shud'n have it after ur married either..

marriage is not a license to be lustful..

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i have heard many mahapursh saying even having sex with wife with a motive other then reproducing also comes under lust !!!! and deep in my heart i think its correct to !!!!!

but the thing is whats the chance of person indulging himself in lustfull activities very often with his wife but he dont look at other women !!!!

I'm not sure what you are trying to say in the last sentence so please correct me if i'm mistaken.

You know there was a method applied which might still be used today towards drug addicts. The city counsel decided to open a Clinic where those who are addicted to drugs can get their fix instead of them being on the streets, sharing needles and spreading diseases. If i'm understanding you correctly then if lust is the objective that needs greater awareness then I can perhaps understand limiting this desire with a single (married) partner. But I think such paths tend to need great supervision from a Master.

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