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It is becoming ever more apparant that there is a growing trend in the uk that many sikh girls do not actually want to marry with people with turbans and beards (amritdhari and non-amritdhari). In general, I don't know what many of your experiences and would be good to hear from fellow brothers and sisters, but it does appear our religion is going backwards in this respect. Does anybody have any thoughts? What about the in betweeners (those who are not too religious and also not too not religious) but have turban and beard - it appears sikh girls just don't want to know. Is there something inherently defective in the way people are taught about the teachings of our religion in gurdwara's for us to even be having this discussion?

Thanks

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There are bare marriage problems/issues on here. Heres a solution: Forget marriage, instead spend your time doing simran/bani and seva Marriage causes problems and problems = depression Marry Wahe

Veer Ji, I never understood one thing about you. Are Guru's never encouraged us to be yogis or sadhus but yet you bring it up alot. you know it is easy to go into jungle and do tapsa but it is hard to

you know why girls don't reply? because boys just want to blame the whole problem on the girls. I think it was a mistake that i even replied. This is pointless. unless you guys are also willing to acc

There are bare marriage problems/issues on here.

Heres a solution:

Forget marriage, instead spend your time doing simran/bani and seva

Marriage causes problems and problems = depression

Marry Waheguruuuu

If you want to talk to someone talk to waheguru

If you want children adopt or IVF

PROBLEM SOLVED

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There are bare marriage problems/issues on here.

Heres a solution:

Forget marriage, instead spend your time doing simran/bani and seva

Marriage causes problems and problems = depression

Marry Waheguruuuu

If you want to talk to someone talk to waheguru

If you want children adopt or IVF

PROBLEM SOLVED

you are 100% right

We should be seeking union with waheguru first and foremost

People get so worried about marriage, i dont see what the fuss is, either waheguru blesses you with a wife/husband or he doesnt...stop worrying...its all wahegurus play

and secondly there are soo many abondoned and orphaned children in the world that i actually dont see the point of having children, lets atleast take care of the ones already in this world who have no one to care and look after them

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Thats funny this topic came up, I actually had a discussion with some punjabi girls at a party last week. I know a couple of these girls very well, and they are very decent good girls (saving for marriage, dont get drunk and crazy, etc). We started talking and this exact topic came up. The gist of what they told me was this... they don't have anything against amritdhari guys per say...but its just that they all have uncles/dads that are amritdhari that don't really treat their women that well and so some of them associate amridhari with bad treatment of women.

I told them I realize that is the case sometimes, but if you don't open yourselves up to amritdhari guys you are missing some of the best punjabi guys there are. Many of the nicest, most hard working, and all around good guys I know are amritdhari. Some of the friendliest guys in gurdwara to me are amritdhari, and you can tell that they are very good to their wives. By the end of the conversation I had one of them convinced and she told me she would now consider dating amritdhari guys.

Honestly, if your a good guy, confident, and nice to your women... I can promise you you will have no trouble finding a nice punjabi girl. I found a gorgeous one and I am ugly as sin, bearded, and white.

-W

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Ironically....about 6 years back I was trying to fix a distant cousin up who wanted to marry a boy who was compassionate, spritual, cultural, a non-drinker, a non-smoker and a vegetarian. The catch was she wanted a clean shaven boy. So, it was the virtues of an Amritdhari which was attractive to her without the outer roop of an Amritdhari. I could introduce to a dozen Gursikh lads who fit the first part of her wish list.... another dozen who fit the clean shaven part of her wish list, but I couldn't find a clean shaven "Amritdhari" for her!

Anyway, she's still not married. Still looking for her tall, dark and handsome clean shaven "Amritdhari"!

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Hi Wales85,

Your thoughts and comments are interesting!

It would be good to hear the views of your friends and the 'decent good girls' first hand as my original posting mentioned in-betweeners and non amritdhari people. It appears that the focus in the replies received so far refers to amritdhari boys and some people have gone off the original question. However, I am sure that there are very good decent non amritdhari boys but who have a turban and beard and get judged by that very fact. It would be good to have some feedback and comments from sisters too!

Thanks

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Hi Wales85,

Your thoughts and comments are interesting!

It would be good to hear the views of your friends and the 'decent good girls' first hand as my original posting mentioned in-betweeners and non amritdhari people. It appears that the focus in the replies received so far refers to amritdhari boys and some people have gone off the original question. However, I am sure that there are very good decent non amritdhari boys but who have a turban and beard and get judged by that very fact. It would be good to have some feedback and comments from sisters too!

Thanks

I am non amritdhari but wear a turban and I have a full flowing beard. Virtually all women I have come across dont give me a second look. I am not religious at all but I get judged as some sort of religious freak (am not saying amritdharis are freaks). People think I'm religious when in fact the girls rejecting me are probably more religious than I.

Then on top of what they think you may be like (personality wise), they've been brainwashed into thinking a turban and beard is an ugly look through media and what not.

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WJJK WJJF

It is becoming ever more apparant that there is a growing trend in the uk that many sikh girls do not actually want to marry with people with turbans and beards (amritdhari and non-amritdhari). In general, I don't know what many of your experiences and would be good to hear from fellow brothers and sisters, but it does appear our religion is going backwards in this respect. Does anybody have any thoughts? What about the in betweeners (those who are not too religious and also not too not religious) but have turban and beard - it appears sikh girls just don't want to know. Is there something inherently defective in the way people are taught about the teachings of our religion in gurdwara's for us to even be having this discussion?

Thanks

Vaheguru je ka Khalsa vaheguru je ke fateh je

Ok here goes..am I amrithari singhnee so thought I'd reply..

Personally iv always wanted to marry a amrithari even before amrith..having now been blessed with amrith I most certainly will (guru je kirpa naal)...having had this discussion with a few friends who aren't amrithari but are into sikhi (probably call them in betweeners) they wish to marry kesdhari singhs or if they take amrith themselves b4 marriage then amrithari singhs..

Anyway thats my 2 cents

Vjkk vjkf sangat jeo

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Thanks for all your responses.

Are there any in betweener girls (those that would want to get married to guys with turbans and beards but not amritdhari) out there who would like to have a say and perhaps comment on Kalsingh's comments??? Let's hear it first hand.

WJKK WJKF

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I would just say they want to marry someone that doesnt do paat, goes to the Gurduara biannually and one Nagar bhangra. wacko.gif If they marry an Anmritdhari then they have to actually be a SIkh(Paat,Simran) and they want no part in that wen its wayyyyy funner to be wreckless and foolish. Long story short they just derelict SIkhi and only culturally want to be in the community. unsure.gif

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Marriage is hard in the UK full stop. I'm a clean shaven guy and even then it's not easy. I have seen that 99% of Sikhs (yes even Amritdhari) believe in the caste system to an extent, this rules out a big portion of the people I am able to marry.

Girl's tend to be very fussy these days regarding what they want.

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This whole - amritdhari guys tend to treat their women poorly and so they don't want an amritdhari bloke because they have negative associations etc - that stuff is a balant lie. it might apply to one or two. the real reason is that want a clean shaven guy because that is what the find attractive and because they dont want ppl looking @ them funny when they go out because their with an amritdhari bloke.

they did this debate on bbc asian radio a few years back. good honest answers.

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This whole - amritdhari guys tend to treat their women poorly and so they don't want an amritdhari bloke because they have negative associations etc - that stuff is a balant lie. it might apply to one or two. the real reason is that want a clean shaven guy because that is what the find attractive and because they dont want ppl looking @ them funny when they go out because their with an amritdhari bloke.

they did this debate on bbc asian radio a few years back. good honest answers.

Yeah i remember that. The girl who said she has singh friends but wouldn't date them said some of her friends are embarrased just to be seen walking with a singh as a friend, not even as a boyfriend. Its all to because of the look man. Girls and guys who say this is not true should have listened to that talk show. It was the real deal. Real thoughts from real people.

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gurls like to imitate bollywood and since Sikhi is the exact opposite i can see why thees bollygurls are embarrssed to actually be a Sikh for even 20mins of their life. wacko.gif

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