Marriage, The Perception Of Beards And Turbans, And The Future Of Our Religion (My Story)

[singhbj singh]

Very nice replies by all.

In my viewpoint:

Sikh person who cut his/her hair, they do it not because they can't find a marriage partner but their own mind think that their sabat soorat look is not good enough and ruining their image. They themself do not like their own look and they satisfy themself by putting fake face.

Again it is really not their fault but our whole community responsible for this and those poor souls who went against gurus hukam will end up in narak.

[singhbj singh]

Paji, I don't claim that what I have done is a "solution." Any relief I might feel from this is temporary. I know I will never truly be happy until I regain my old form. I just felt I had sunk to such depths that I needed a different perspective and a bit of a break. I did not know what else to do. My hope is that I can recover and return a stronger person, better able to follow the path of Sikhi.

I think you are absolutely correct about the way our community is divided.

Sadly, I don't think people from the different categories understand and relate to each other.

I always felt a disconnect when I interacted with amritdhari Sikhs, and I also felt a disconnect when I interacted with clean shaven Sikhs.

You should connect with Sikhs based in California, some links

http://www.meetup.com/Gurbani/

http://www.meetup.com/BayAreaSikhs/

http://www.meetup.com/SF-Sikhs-Punjabis/

[californiasardar1]

How is everyone doing?

 

I have been away from this forum.  After cutting my hair, I sunk into an even deeper depression than I had been in.  I went through some serious problems with my career and also experienced some family problems.  In the midst of all this, I just stopped caring about girls.

I have grown my hair and beard back now and once again am a singh.

 

So what does the Sikh community intend to do about this issue?  It is not going away anytime soon. 

 

I know there will be many on this forum who will try to downplay this issue and act like it is only a problem that is specific to me and my experiences.  But the truth is that far too many young sikh men with their dhari and kesh intact have no where to turn, no support structure, no guidance, and no idea what to do to feel better about themselves.

Is there anything we can do?  We can't continue to ignore this issue.

[MisterrSingh]

7 hours ago, californiasardar1 said:

So what does the Sikh community intend to do about this issue?  It is not going away anytime soon. 

Have you considered that perhaps you need to work on yourself, and that it's not your appearance that's the problem but what you "put out there" as a person? Bitterness, anger, and resentment aren't desirable qualities in any person, and usually someone who does wallow in such thoughts has a certain feeling about them that isn't agreeable. You'd be surprised at how easily most people can detect that kind of negative vibe emanating from a person. It's very off-putting. 

I'm sure you don't need to be provided with countless examples of Singhs with uncut hair who've bagged an attractive Punjabi female (because, reading between the lines, I believe that's what you think you deserve), so one would have to wonder why that isn't happening for you. 

[Akalifauj]

8 hours ago, californiasardar1 said:

How is everyone doing?

 

I have been away from this forum.  After cutting my hair, I sunk into an even deeper depression than I had been in.  I went through some serious problems with my career and also experienced some family problems.  In the midst of all this, I just stopped caring about girls.

I have grown my hair and beard back now and once again am a singh.

 

So what does the Sikh community intend to do about this issue?  It is not going away anytime soon. 

 

I know there will be many on this forum who will try to downplay this issue and act like it is only a problem that is specific to me and my experiences.  But the truth is that far too many young sikh men with their dhari and kesh intact have no where to turn, no support structure, no guidance, and no idea what to do to feel better about themselves.

Is there anything we can do?  We can't continue to ignore this issue.

You will not find any answers to your questions here.what you will find is "normal" advice.  Your mind is going to be filled with a lot of dirt from this forum.  You kept your hair again.  Now work on the internal issues by Gurbani.  No advice here will help you.  They will judge you and set you on the wrong way and the result will be more depression.  

A lot of the "normal" people dont deal with depression as often as others and in your case.  They are blinded by worldy attachments that will drag them into hell.  When they do deal with episodes of depression, they cover it up by taking a worldly ways out.  The worldly garbage keeps them "stable" and they live a so called balanced life of secular and religious ways.  They can't help you understand what you need to do is lift yourself out of a hole you are in.  Currently you feel good but it may  not last long till you are facing depression again and its very hard to focus on Gurbani.  You're in a vicious cycle of ups and downs at this time and life is hell.  There is only one way out of it.  Through Gurbani, read listen contemplate and stay in sangat who have a desire to be with Gurbani, actually live the teachings.  In this way you won't be bothered by bad thoughts.  Sleep with Gurbani playing as well.  This will clean your subconscious of filth.  Gurbani will strengthen your mind and worldly garbage will not flood your mind with trash.  You need true inner strength of faith, love, compassion, contentment, and self worth. These blessings from the Guru will make your mind tough. No one here can give you these things.  Listen to the teachings of sri guru granth sahib ji.   

[JUSTAJATT]

Hey west coast dude,  stop stressing yourself too much. You shouldn't give a toss to what others think.

Being a follower of Guru Nanak ji's teachings is about being a Sikh, and that Sikh is a learner. Life's about learning the LESSONS. There are the lessons from your previous births and there's also the lessons for the life you live now.

I'm gonna seriously tell you that you can better yourself by putting energy into simran and naam jaap. Seriously, that is what it is all about. You have to make that effort first before gurbani will begin to settle inside you.

I did the same as you and much worse, but I can tell you man,  I look back to those dark days, and I'm glad. Yeh, I'm seriously glad that I faced that $hit and those issues. I couldn't care less if some one says I handled it the wrong way or the right way back then, but all that matters is...... that today........, I know I'm a better geaza. I know my conscious is more clear. I know I'm a better learner and have learned. this means I'm a better Sikh. ...and that's all that matters dude.  Guru judges you for what you are right now. Sikhi isn;t about being judged about past. it is all about the NOW.  Gurbani mentions many paapis that woke up suddenly and realised their wrong doings. They learened in an instant just by making small efforts to the Guru. Kauda raksh just saw the truth of Guru Nanak ji that made him waken to his own true self. That's all that mattered,, he learned, he got their in the end.  LIFE is meant to be an UPHILL battle.  and that's what I love about it.  If life was just a simple boat sail in a steady breeze, then it would be pretty boring and worthless for me.  I'd still be the drunk jatt dancing with bukray    There's a Sikh guy I know who used to keep telling me that it's all inside you man. I never really understood what he was on about most of the time.  He kept pushing and encouraging me to try and meditate..and to do naam jap. Eventually he taught me a few techniques and tricks on how to grab the mind and get cracking.   and boy ..oh boy,,  I'm beginning to see what he was telling me and I'm beginning to see that its all about the truth inside me and you.

 

O yeh, btw, I'm still gonna go around saying I'm a better jatt as well, even though I never done jack all kethee bane  Be proud of who and what you are. Don't class yourself or other's as better. Don't ever feel that you aint worthy either.  Just get on kicking it, get on living it, and get on bettering yourself.

 

[californiasardar1]

3 hours ago, MisterrSingh said:

Have you considered that perhaps you need to work on yourself, and that it's not your appearance that's the problem but what you "put out there" as a person? Bitterness, anger, and resentment aren't desirable qualities in any person, and usually someone who does wallow in such thoughts has a certain feeling about them that isn't agreeable. You'd be surprised at how easily most people can detect that kind of negative vibe emanating from a person. It's very off-putting. 

I'm sure you don't need to be provided with countless examples of Singhs with uncut hair who've bagged an attractive Punjabi female (because, reading between the lines, I believe that's what you think you deserve), so one would have to wonder why that isn't happening for you. 

Forget about me, you've clearly already made up your mind that my problem is entirely my creation.

What about all of the other young men (especially those younger than me)?  What is the Sikh community going to do for them?  What can we do to provide support and guidance, especially when they are going through the most vulnerable time in their lives, maturing into adults?

 

Oh, wait, nevermind.  I must be the only singh who has ever struggled with this.  And if there are one or two other singhs who have also struggled with this, it must be because of their rotten personalities.

[MisterrSingh]

23 minutes ago, californiasardar1 said:

Forget about me, you've clearly already made up your mind that my problem is entirely my creation.

What about all of the other young men (especially those younger than me)?  What is the Sikh community going to do for them?  What can we do to provide support and guidance, especially when they are going through the most vulnerable time in their lives, maturing into adults?

 

Oh, wait, nevermind.  I must be the only singh who has ever struggled with this.  And if there are one or two other singhs who have also struggled with this, it must be because of their rotten personalities.

Even you have to begin to wonder whether there might be something awry. You couldn't find a woman in your initial period as a Singh; you struggled to nab a lady when you had shorn hair, and now you're back at square one. What conclusion is to be drawn from that?

Maybe it's your confrontational attitude and generally negative manner that is the problem? I don't think you have a rotten personality. You seem like a somewhat intelligent individual. I do think you're hurting, though. I also find it interesting you've resurrected this thread on this particular day, Valentine's Day of all days, to be a telling indication of your state of mind. Perhaps you're feeling slightly lonely and unnoticed, and feel the need to vent at the community that you feel is responsible for the unfortunate situation you find yourself in?

[californiasardar1]

1 minute ago, MisterrSingh said:

Even you have to begin to wonder whether there might be something awry. You couldn't find a woman in your initial period as a Singh; you struggled to nab a lady when you had shorn hair, and now you're back at square one. What conclusion is to be drawn from that?

Maybe it's your confrontational attitude and generally negative manner that is the problem? I don't think you have a rotten personality. You seem like a somewhat intelligent individual. I do think you're hurting, though. I also find it interesting you've resurrected this thread on this particular day, Valentine's Day of all days, to be a telling indication of your state of mind. Perhaps you're feeling slightly lonely and unnoticed, and feel the need to vent at the community that you feel is responsible for the unfortunate situation you find yourself in?

 

 

I didn't even realize it was Valentine's Day until you brought it up.  I don't pay attention to holidays.

 

What you don't seem to understand is it is not all about just getting a girl.  One's dignity must also be kept intact.  Things changed when I had shorn hair, but I realized I could never be happy being with a girl who I got with while looking like that.  It destroyed who I was, and that was part of why things got worse.  So that is one conclusion that I have drawn. 

[MisterrSingh]

8 minutes ago, californiasardar1 said:

What you don't seem to understand is it is not all about just getting a girl.  One's dignity must also be kept intact.  Things changed when I had shorn hair, but I realized I could never be happy being with a girl who I got with while looking like that.  It destroyed who I was, and that was part of why things got worse.  So that is one conclusion that I have drawn. 

That's an admirable way of looking at things. That's integrity. 

You know this already but life is harsh; people are rarely any better. I'm guessing you wish you could tune out that nagging voice in your head and go with the flow like everyone else, and not over think things too much. So what's the plan? Forget about everyone else, what do you want to happen?