Marriage, The Perception Of Beards And Turbans, And The Future Of Our Religion (My Story)

[californiasardar1]

It is good of you to share your story and the solution of what you thought might be good for you. It maybe shocking for some of us to digest this but this is the reality of our kaum.

I see our community divided in three parts.

Panthic Sikhs(Amritdhari) lives in their own safety zone and they don't go out. Extremely small in numbers, wounded but still holding nishaan sahib higher.

Punjabi Sikhs (Kesh cut) lives in their own society. Majority of them drinks and do not follow sikhi. Minority of them do keep in touch with sikhi but got huge inferiority complex to go full with panthic sikhs.

Regular Sikhs (Kesh but not Amritdhari) are the most risky ones, as sooner or later they will transform to either panthic sikhs or punjabi sikhs. Majority of them (just this thread example) choose Punjabi Sikhs lifestyle.

I do not endorse nor believe in creating above categories... but my viewpoints of what our kaum in heading into..

Paji, I don't claim that what I have done is a "solution." Any relief I might feel from this is temporary. I know I will never truly be happy until I regain my old form. I just felt I had sunk to such depths that I needed a different perspective and a bit of a break. I did not know what else to do. My hope is that I can recover and return a stronger person, better able to follow the path of Sikhi.

I think you are absolutely correct about the way our community is divided.

Sadly, I don't think people from the different categories understand and relate to each other.

I always felt a disconnect when I interacted with amritdhari Sikhs, and I also felt a disconnect when I interacted with clean shaven Sikhs.

[harsharan000]

Hats off to SING4PEACE,

for expressing so well his viewpoints, to which I very much agree.

The thing is, as long as our attention is outside in the world, with all that it implies, rituals, ceremonies, moortee pujas, jap, tap, paaths, which are outer forms of worship, and as such, we have created our own limitations.

We profess, that our dharam is the highest, and that is verily true, and there is no doubt in it.

But to get the maximmum out of it, is only possible when we follow Gurmat implicitly, which as said many a times, it is not difficult at all ...we only need to do what our Guru Sahibans have told us in their Bani.

They say: Ekas bin, sabh Dhhandhh hae. Means, without the only One(Wahiguru) everything else is useless, is a sheer waste.

Now this only one Wahiguru, how and where is He to be found?

The Bani tells us, that this human body is the temple, where within, He is to be found.

In outer worships, we usually need lamps, incense, flowers, offerings of food and clothes, etc and etc, depending on each different dharam or mazab....

But to meet our beloved Wahiguru, we need nothing as such complements. We need only to decorate ourselves with the garments of humility, with the lamp of faith, and the offerings of love.

These are the utensils for our devotion.

But now we need a vehicle also, to go from our house, to His house( within our body,Sach Khand); and that vehicle is Nam Simran, according also to our Guru Sahibans.

So we can see, that by His utter Grace, He has kept everything at our disposition, for each one of us in equal quantity and measure, irrespective of our clour, community, class, nationality, land or dharam. Thus He is the true Daatar.

But alas, we have become blind to Gurmat, and started exercising our very own maanmat, so naturally we are driven away from our goal.

Let each one of us read carefully with attention each and every ang of the Bani, and sincerely ask ourselves, without turning our faces towards other sides, as we may not like to see what we are doing, is it Gurmat fully what we are following?

Even if by reading we may not understand many passages, we may halt and ask oureslves and wait, the answer will come out sooner or later.

And even for not understanding its depth, we should not overlook the Bani, because many a times, that, that what we do not understand, has the clues to reform our maanmat up to an extent. Everything will gradually become clearer to us. The rest all depends on His mauj.

But to start with, we have to take concious steps forward towards Him, then He will definetely bless us with the right envoirements, for our moral and spiritual growth.

He is far more eager to give the wealth of His inmense blessings, than we are ready or capable to hold that Grace, with our tiny hands full of sand and stones(ignorance)

May Wahiguru bless all.

Sat Sree Akal.

[POODNA]

I want to thank everyone who contributed to this thread and offered their advice and support. It has always been hard for me to find anyone to turn to, and I will always be grateful that I found some people here.

Anyway, I feel as if I should confess what has happened. I hope it might inspire some of you to not fall into the traps I have and end up in the same place. If it does not affect any of you directly, perhaps you have younger brothers or sisters, or sons or daughters, or nephews or nieces who you could reach out to before they sink as low as I have.

About two weeks ago, I cut my hair.

It was the worst day of my life and I hate looking at myself in the mirror.

There is nothing I want to say to try to justify my actions. I am weak and have fallen short of the standards I always wanted to hold myself to.

I suppose all I can say is that I've been suffering from depression for several years. As my original post in this thread may have suggested, my problems are quite deep-rooted (and go far beyond anything related to Sikhi). I never felt as if I had much support to sort out my issues, and they have piled up higher and higher. I felt as though I should try to sort out my problems and rebuild myself before things get out of hand. I felt restricted and limited and didn't know what else to try. I know that is a pathetic excuse, and really there is no excuse. I had sunk so low, however, that I wasn't much of a Sikh anyway. I hope one day, when the time is right, I will start to look like myself again.

Thanks for sharing this Paji. Very sad but this sort of thing is happening everyday yet doesn't get talked about. Everyday Sikhs are cutting their hair solely because women are unattracted to hair. It it one of the biggest contributors to a diminishing religion yet people don't want to talk about it. Yes there are obviously examples of women who are attracted to the Sikh roop but the reality it that far more want a clean shaven guy. Generalisations are important as they paint a realistic picture of what is actually happening. Unfortunately our own are to blame as I have come across many purported 'Sikh' matrimonial that give the option of 'clean shaven' and caste. We really are digging our own grave.

[singhbj singh]

Hats off to SING4PEACE,

for expressing so well his viewpoints, to which I very much agree.

The thing is, as long as our attention is outside in the world, with all that it implies, rituals, ceremonies, moortee pujas, jap, tap, paaths, which are outer forms of worship, and as such, we have created our own limitations.

We profess, that our dharam is the highest, and that is verily true, and there is no doubt in it.

But to get the maximmum out of it, is only possible when we follow Gurmat implicitly, which as said many a times, it is not difficult at all ...we only need to do what our Guru Sahibans have told us in their Bani.

They say: Ekas bin, sabh gandh hae. Means, without the only One(Wahiguru) everything else is useless, is a sheer waste.

Now this only one Wahiguru, how and where is He to be found?

The Bani tells us, that this human body is the temple, where within, He is to be found.

In outer worships, we usually need lamps, incense, flowers, offerings of food and clothes, etc and etc, depending on each different dharam or mazab....

But to meet our beloved Wahiguru, we need nothing as such complements. We need only to decorate ourselves with the garments of humility, with the lamp of faith, and the offerings of love.

These are the utensils for our devotion.

But now we need a vehicle also, to go from our house, to His house( within our body,Sach Khand); and that vehicle is Nam Simran, according also to our Guru Sahibans.

So we can see, that by His utter Grace, He has kept everything at our disposition, for each one of us in equal quantity and measure, irrespective of our clour, community, class, nationality, land or dharam. Thus He is the true Daatar.

But alas, we have become blind to Gurmat, and started exercising our very own maanmat, so naturally we are driven away from our goal.

Let each one of us read carefully with attention each and every ang of the Bani, and sincerely ask ourselves, without turning our faces towards other sides, as we may not like to see what we are doing, is it Gurmat fully what we are following?

Even if by reading we may not understand many passages, we may halt and ask oureslves and wait, the answer will come out sooner or later.

And even for not understanding its depth, we should not overlook the Bani, because many a times, that, that what we do not understand, has the clues to reform our maanmat up to an extent. Everything will gradually become clearer to us. The rest all depends on His mauj.

But to start with, we have to take concious steps forward towards Him, then He will definetely bless us with the right envoirements, for our moral and spiritual growth.

He is more eager to give the weath of His inmense blessings, than we are ready or capable to hold that Grace, with our tiny hands full of sand and stones(ignorance)

May Wahiguru bless all.

Sat Sree Akal.

"Dhandh" not "Gandh"

ਏਕਸ ਬਿਨੁ ਸਭ ਧੰਧੁ ਹੈ ਸਭ ਮਿਥਿਆ ਮੋਹੁ ਮਾਇ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥

Eaekas Bin Sabh Dhhandhh Hai Sabh Mithhiaa Mohu Maae ||1|| Rehaao ||

एकस बिनु सभ धंधु है सभ मिथिआ मोहु माइ ॥१॥ रहाउ ॥

Without the One, all entanglements are worthless; emotional attachment to Maya is totally false. ||1||Pause||

Source - http://searchgurbani.com/scriptures/ggs_shabad/129/line/6

[singhbj singh]

Forget about Desis & their offsprings.

It's better to marry a Black, White, Brown female who accepts you the way you are.

Check out

http://www.newtosikhi.com/forum/topics/sikh-men-and-their-role-in-the-delivery-of-their-child

http://mychardikalalife.wordpress.com/category/the-love-story-and-intercultural-journey/

Read articles & browse through archives at

http://www.sikhnet.com/discussion/viewforum.php?f=4

It might give you a new perspective on Sikhi & Marriage.

[TurbanGuys]

Forget about Desis & their offsprings.

It's better to marry a Black, White, Brown female who accepts you the way you are.

Check out

http://www.newtosikhi.com/forum/topics/sikh-men-and-their-role-in-the-delivery-of-their-child

http://mychardikalalife.wordpress.com/category/the-love-story-and-intercultural-journey/

Read articles & browse through archives at

http://www.sikhnet.com/discussion/viewforum.php?f=4

It might give you a new perspective on Sikhi & Marriage.

FIrst time I Must agree with you ..... I really don't know Why do sikh guys go only for sikh girls when there are thousands of other non sikh girls Die for the Sikh guys and want to embrace the sikhism... but This is the only Sikh guy Who Thinks about the social status and family background..... I believe when it comes to Sikhi., We should forget the Races and social values....A SIKH GUY SHOULD only MARRY A GIRL WHO EMBRACES SIKHI AND SIKH APPEARANCE OF SIKH GUY whether she is from sikh family or non sikh family It does not matter at all...

" udaa b Sache pyaar nu hai sachaa pyaar milda, Change Karma de naal munda sardar milda "

If Modern sikh girls don't have such nice Karmas Then I think We guys should not blame Ourselves ,Even we should be happy to see There is a Race among all the girls for getting a Sikh Husband on this earth.

And all these Girls believe in spending meaningful and reasonable life with some Genuine and Real Guy....

[Jonny101]

FIrst time I Must agree with you ..... I really don't know Why do sikh guys go only for sikh girls when there are thousands of other non sikh girls Die for the Sikh guys and want to embrace the sikhism... but This is the only Sikh guy Who Thinks about the social status and family background..... I believe when it comes to Sikhi., We should forget the Races and social values....A SIKH GUY SHOULD only MARRY A GIRL WHO EMBRACES SIKHI AND SIKH APPEARANCE OF SIKH GUY whether she is from sikh family or non sikh family It does not matter at all...

" udaa b Sache pyaar nu hai sachaa pyaar milda, Change Karma de naal munda sardar milda "

If Modern sikh girls don't have such nice Karmas Then I think We guys should not blame Ourselves ,Even we should be happy to see There is a Race among all the girls for getting a Sikh Husband on this earth.

And all these Girls believe in spending meaningful and reasonable life with some Genuine and Real Guy....

Best thing that we can do is to give our sisters and daughters good Sikh values instead of non-Sikh values which result in them not wanting to marry a saabat soorat Sikh guy. Connecting girls with Gurbani from an early age and giving them Gurmat Sanskars is the only way to resolve this problem otherwise it will just get worse.

[TurbanGuys]

Best thing that we can do is to give our sisters and daughters good Sikh values instead of non-Sikh values which result in them not wanting to marry a saabat soorat Sikh guy. Connecting girls with Gurbani from an early age and giving them Gurmat Sanskars is the only way to resolve this problem otherwise it will just get worse.

veerji.. I can take that Guarantee , you can take that guarantee ...But what about the Third one person? and Saabat soorat guy .., Veerji Eh guy har kise de karma wich nai likhya... Karma waali nu hi saabat surat munda milna va....

I get hurt not because of anything else but because of when sikh guy behaves under the influence of any Bimbo Girls born into sikh family....

[harsharan000]

"Dhandh" not "Gandh"

ਏਕਸ ਬਿਨੁ ਸਭ ਧੰਧੁ ਹੈ ਸਭ ਮਿਥਿਆ ਮੋਹੁ ਮਾਇ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥

Eaekas Bin Sabh Dhhandhh Hai Sabh Mithhiaa Mohu Maae ||1|| Rehaao ||

एकस बिनु सभ धंधु है सभ मिथिआ मोहु माइ ॥१॥ रहाउ ॥

Without the One, all entanglements are worthless; emotional attachment to Maya is totally false. ||1||Pause||

Source - http://searchgurbani.com/scriptures/ggs_shabad/129/line/6

Thanks Paa Jee for correcting.

Their was a mistake in my listenening this word in the kirtan sung by a keertanee.

You are right.

[S1ngh]

Very nice replies by all.

In my viewpoint:

Sikh person who cut his/her hair, they do it not because they can't find a marriage partner but their own mind think that their sabat soorat look is not good enough and ruining their image. They themself do not like their own look and they satisfy themself by putting fake face.

Again it is really not their fault but our whole community responsible for this and those poor souls who went against gurus hukam will end up in narak.