Marriage, The Perception Of Beards And Turbans, And The Future Of Our Religion (My Story)

[Guru_Da_Chella]

not important enough to sticky? :blink2:

[californiasardar1]

Now that this thread is back up here, maybe someone can answer the following question:

Where can a young man go to meet nice Sikh women?

Keep in mind the following:

1. I'm convinced that looking online is a waste of time. No one can get to know you personally and your confidence and other personal traits do not come through. Online, women are only going to want to talk to guys who meet their preconceived image of "handsome," and for most women, that image is not one of a sardar. Even if some of these women online are capable of appreciating a sardar, I'm convinced it could only happen through personal meetings, not online where pictures and prejudices mean everything.

2. My family is completely useless in terms of introducing me to anyone.

So what options does that leave?

1. Go to the Gurdwara. This sounds good in theory, but let's face it. Punjabi culture is pretty conservative and young men and women do not typically converse openly and comfortably in a religious setting like the Gurdwara.

2. Go to some Punjabi cultural event. I suspect that the crowd of women who go to these events are probably not very interested in sardars.

I'd really appreciate any suggestions. You have all made great suggestions about how one needs to act in order to attract the right woman. But how do you even meet one in the first place?

[pedrorizzo]

You need to expand your social network amongst young Sikhs and amongst Sikh families. Put simply, the more people you know, the better your chances are, and the more chance you have of being introduced to 'the friend of a friend' etc.

You can meet like minded Sikhs at various Camps, through doing sewa in a gurdwara setting, but also a non gurdwara setting, involving the Sikh community, eg charities. You can attend community activties, such as sports clubs, music groups, art classes.. or whatever. If there are none in your area, consider moving closer to an area where these provisions exist.

Also if these provisions do not exist, you could step up and set some kind of community network up. Not only would you do something to benefit the community, you would also increase your chances of finding a jeevan sathi at the same time. Bearing in mind that the Sikh community has a multitude of community needs outside of the Gurdwara, the possibilty of things that you could set up is endless.

[californiasardar1]

You need to expand your social network amongst young Sikhs and amongst Sikh families. Put simply, the more people you know, the better your chances are, and the more chance you have of being introduced to 'the friend of a friend' etc.

You can meet like minded Sikhs at various Camps, through doing sewa in a gurdwara setting, but also a non gurdwara setting, involving the Sikh community, eg charities. You can attend community activties, such as sports clubs, music groups, art classes.. or whatever. If there are none in your area, consider moving closer to an area where these provisions exist.

Also if these provisions do not exist, you could step up and set some kind of community network up. Not only would you do something to benefit the community, you would also increase your chances of finding a jeevan sathi at the same time. Bearing in mind that the Sikh community has a multitude of community needs outside of the Gurdwara, the possibilty of things that you could set up is endless.

Thanks. I think you make a lot of great suggestions and I'm going to try some of these things.

[Guru_Da_Chella]

Now that this thread is back up here, maybe someone can answer the following question:

Where can a young man go to meet nice Sikh women?

Keep in mind the following:

1. I'm convinced that looking online is a waste of time. No one can get to know you personally and your confidence and other personal traits do not come through. Online, women are only going to want to talk to guys who meet their preconceived image of "handsome," and for most women, that image is not one of a sardar. Even if some of these women online are capable of appreciating a sardar, I'm convinced it could only happen through personal meetings, not online where pictures and prejudices mean everything.

2. My family is completely useless in terms of introducing me to anyone.

So what options does that leave?

1. Go to the Gurdwara. This sounds good in theory, but let's face it. Punjabi culture is pretty conservative and young men and women do not typically converse openly and comfortably in a religious setting like the Gurdwara.

2. Go to some Punjabi cultural event. I suspect that the crowd of women who go to these events are probably not very interested in sardars.

I'd really appreciate any suggestions. You have all made great suggestions about how one needs to act in order to attract the right woman. But how do you even meet one in the first place?

I have been finding nice girls on shaadi.com recently in India.

Uk gurdwara matrimonials speed-meetings are ok, but again most the kuris are anti-turban. However I am developing a sharp tongue that shall annihilate any anti-turban slurs from sikh kuris, and then get them to respect it.

Need to ask through family. I usually fail because once the families say no to turban and beard, my mum doesn't call them back. But if I could chat to a kuri directly, then I would at least change her mind. Then at least she would be open to sardars.

Go to sikh meeting events, are there any sikh societies, sikh networking, sikh business networking, even pay a visit to your local university sikh society if you can?

[JSinghnz]

You will get what you want with the Grace of Waheguru. Just stick to your bani and bana. Ask Waheguru for giving you a life

partner and see that happen in a very short period of time.

[californiasardar1]

So here I am all these months later still looking.

I've found that if you try long enough and look hard enough you'll be able to find a few girls willing to talk to you.

But finding someone willing to talk to you is just the very first step. Who is to say that someone willing to talk will have enough in common with you for both of you to stay interested and move the talks forward? It's difficult for ANYONE (regardless of race, ethnicity, religion, etc.) to find someone who is right for them. But when you have to try so hard just to find someone willing to talk to you, it adds a sense of desperation because you know how limited your options are. That's not how someone should approach exploring a possible relationship. But it's hard to ignore the facts.

I do feel that if I keep trying I will eventually be able to find someone. But I'm not sure if it will be because I found someone I really wanted to be with, or if I just kept lowering my expectations and settled.

Anyway, even if I do find someone, the whole process has left me very bitter and disgusted. It's hard for me not to frown these days anytime I see Punjabi/Sikh people. At times, I wish I could just rid myself of my affiliation with the community. This is not the type of feeling I'd want to have moving forward if I do happen to find the right girl. But it's inevitable that the cycle would just repeat itself: I couldn't bare to let my sons cut their hair, but then I'd have to stand by and watch as their "own" community doesn't accept them and they have to go around struggling to find girls to talk to. As bad as things are now, they will be exponentially worse in the future.

Perhaps this whole issue has just weighed me down too much and I should just take a break for a while and stop trying so hard to be a part of the Sikh community. Perhaps I can gain some clarity and come to terms with the way things will probably have to happen for me.

[singher23]

I think you are trying too hard looking. Take a break. Live your life, go out with friends, have fun, and im sure over time you will find someone.

Just curious, have you tried online sites like eharmony and match.com?

[LifeIsBeautiful]

Hi California Sardar veerji,

I have always had luck with women, a couple of things that will help you that I would suggest.

-Women dont' give a <banned word filter activated> about your issues, alot of them dont want a 'nice' guy, they say they do, if they could they would sleep with you on the first date.

-Stop being a woman, why doesn't a girl love you, that type of stuff comes out indirectly to women.

-If you have to get married in Punjab, you'll have a ton of chicks after you, some of them might marry you cause your their ticket out of poverty, but so be it.

-Just because you have a paag, doesn't mean your not manly enough. Girls want a MAN, not a boy.

I'm no one to talk but, just have faith in God, hopefully you'll realiuze this is all a journey.

I would suggest typing 'pua' in google, reading articles along that line. It will definitely help you, its helped me be understand women more, and hopefuly help you in the ladies category.

[Sukhmanii]

Two very unattractive traits:

1. Desperation

2. Lack of self acceptance/ self confidence