Jump to content

Punishment methods for kids


Guest Singh
 Share

Recommended Posts

On 5/18/2018 at 3:48 AM, Guest Singh said:

Any guidance in Sikhi about parenting and punishing kids for bad behaviour? How did your parents punish you as child for being bad? Or how do you punish your kids? With strict Punjabi parents, my brother and I always got proper punishments. Normally 5 mins of spanking with a karachi (wooden spoon). Looking back it did hurt but I’m glad my parents did it because it stopped me behaving bad. And I used to behave really bad!

My kids are 8 and 11. I know other options available like grounding or banning TV, but sometimes it’s not enough?

bro without going into child abuse.

Just treat them as human beings, who are children just trying to learn, then all comes clear, I would go away from traditional parent behaviour

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 19 July 2018 at 1:03 PM, imhosingh said:

If you don't want bad behaviour from your kids, don't feed it with your own bad behaviour. If a kid is having a screaming mental fit, don't shout at them as that just feeds their anger. I'd suggest just walk away nonchalantly like you aren't going to react to such behaviour. The child will run out of steam before you. Do that a few times and they will realise that screaming etc won't get them what they want and that you won't conceed. Do it consistently and you'll be surprised by the results. Yes, It does work, as I do it with my kids. Angry shouty kids most of the time reflect angry shouty parents. I know its hip to see kids as 'equals' to the adults, but if you want a peaceful life you have to let them know who is boss, set boundaries, and that you can't be manipulated by their behaviours.  Oh and don't think this will make them not 'love' you because you aren't caving in, they will still do so (actually even more)

Look at it like energy, if you react to angry energy with 'anger' you feed the anger. The best way to deal with it is to deflect it (not absorb it).

We all have stories of the chappal whacks, but if it was so effective why did we get whacked so often? After a while it didn't hurt.

Best post so far.

 

Violence makes for messed up kids. Look at the state of many 25-40 yr old Brit punjabis today. Not to mention that violence is straight up CHILD ABUSE.

As an adult I got beaten up brutally by a male sibling. 

 

The the reaction from all family and cousins bar one, was that it's 'normal' for a male sibling to beat a female sibling. 

As an adult.....

 

Punjabi culture has become pretty whack. Take violence out of the equation all together and chances are these occurrences are less likely to occur and/or be tolerated. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, Guest Best said:

Best post so far.

 

Violence makes for messed up kids. Look at the state of many 25-40 yr old Brit punjabis today. Not to mention that violence is straight up CHILD ABUSE.

As an adult I got beaten up brutally by a male sibling. 

 

The the reaction from all family and cousins bar one, was that it's 'normal' for a male sibling to beat a female sibling. 

As an adult.....

 

Punjabi culture has become pretty whack. Take violence out of the equation all together and chances are these occurrences are less likely to occur and/or be tolerated. 

 

What other methods do you suggest instead?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My Dad said one thing which really stuck in my mind 'Kids are trainee adults' ,  when you think this way you will not teach them wrong things, lie to avoid difficult situations, be violent etc you will be focussed on getting the kid to reason it out for him/herself .

with twins I didn't have the luxury of indulging their tantrums ( BTW EVERY kid does this; anyone tells you they never did it, or their kids never did they are straight up lying )they would do the lie down protest   I would calmly walk away and get on with my stuff , a few times and it was over , never to be seen again. Never tolerate violence on siblings , both get sent to naughty corners to think about how bad it is to hurt your sibling. stopped the beatdowns , this was when they were small as they tried again when older We removed their privileges i.e. gaming, once, twice then the aggravation decided the issue for them .

Madam Isher is a challenge now as she has no direct competition for time, resources or toys so am mindful of bratty behaviour when she plays up , she loses her soft toys one by one starting with her favourites . So far she is good with the carrot and stick method of compliance but am moving her away from that model as it will make her mercenary and thus a ish friend/possible target for grooming.

we talk things through generally, with them letting me know what their conclusions are, this gives me insight to their motivations, triggers,and what they learnt possibly the hard way as i tell once, advise a second time then leave it for them to deal with consequences .

when they go through it , they generally realise that my folks were right and I should have listened ...it has meant that the trust stays strong with us, even though they get space to mess up, they know they have back up so they have confidence to grow .

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 year later...
Guest Battle with kaam

It really depends on parents approach. My parents only used physical punishment once when I was 14

The drama of my parents getting so mad with the embarrassment and pain of getting a beating was a huge rollercoaster of realising I was doing something really  bad 

Next day dad showed me paath where it says about kaam and how it leads you to hell. He spent ages explaining how kaam is a big test. And he kept motivating me with sakhis of sacrifice next few months

I know lots of boys who start watching that stuff and are addicted to practicing kaam secretly in their bedrooms. Instead with love from parents, paath, seva and simran I moved past this stuff and took amrit age 18

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ultimately, you do what you need. If the kid listens with a stern word, then that's all you need to do. If the kid needs all his toys and privileges taken away, then do it. And if the kid still behaves like a little piece of trash, then don't be afraid to go to town on his a**! But only as much as is required, never excessive. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Slap on the wrist should suffice and grounded for 2 weekends or 4 weekends etc. At end of punishment make them recite. Sit with them for 5 mins and explain "You're better than wha u done! It about time u grow up!" This part be both sweet n stern. Let them know they can improve in life. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share


  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt
  • advertisement_alt


  • Topics

  • Posts

    • yeh it's true, we shouldn't be lazy and need to learn jhatka shikaar. It doesn't help some of grew up in surrounding areas like Slough and Southall where everyone thought it was super bad for amrit dharis to eat meat, and they were following Sant babas and jathas, and instead the Singhs should have been normalising jhatka just like the recent world war soldiers did. We are trying to rectifiy this and khalsa should learn jhatka.  But I am just writing about bhog for those that are still learning rehit. As I explained, there are all these negative influences in the panth that talk against rehit, but this shouldn't deter us from taking khanda pahul, no matter what level of rehit we are!
    • How is it going to help? The link is of a Sikh hunter. Fine, but what good does that do the lazy Sikh who ate khulla maas in a restaurant? By the way, for the OP, yes, it's against rehit to eat khulla maas.
    • Yeah, Sikhs should do bhog of food they eat. But the point of bhog is to only do bhog of food which is fit to be presented to Maharaj. It's not maryada to do bhog of khulla maas and pretend it's OK to eat. It's not. Come on, bro, you should know better than to bring this Sakhi into it. Is this Sikh in the restaurant accompanied by Guru Gobind Singh ji? Is he fighting a dharam yudh? Or is he merely filling his belly with the nearest restaurant?  Please don't make a mockery of our puratan Singhs' sacrifices by comparing them to lazy Sikhs who eat khulla maas.
    • Seriously?? The Dhadi is trying to be cute. For those who didn't get it, he said: "Some say Maharaj killed bakras (goats). Some say he cut the heads of the Panj Piyaras. The truth is that they weren't goats. It was she-goats (ਬਕਰੀਆਂ). He jhatka'd she-goats. Not he-goats." Wow. This is possibly the stupidest thing I've ever heard in relation to Sikhi.
    • Instead of a 9 inch or larger kirpan, take a smaller kirpan and put it (without gatra) inside your smaller turban and tie the turban tightly. This keeps a kirpan on your person without interfering with the massage or alarming the masseuse. I'm not talking about a trinket but rather an actual small kirpan that fits in a sheath (you'll have to search to find one). As for ahem, "problems", you could get a male masseuse. I don't know where you are, but in most places there are professional masseuses who actually know what they are doing and can really relieve your muscle pains.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use