"but we were going to get married..."

[Guest guest]

hi

so many times i heard from sikh girls who said they had sex with their partner because they were intending to marry them, but the said partner then dumped them without any marriage.  i do not know if it was deliberate self-deception, but its just a warning to woman- if you are truely going to marry someone, then the sex can wait until after the actual marriage.  same with boys- don't lead someone along and have sex with them when you know you have no intention of marrying them- the sex can wait until after marriage.

[MisterrSingh]

On 12/29/2018 at 12:19 AM, Guest guest said:

hi

so many times i heard from sikh girls who said they had sex with their partner because they were intending to marry them, but the said partner then dumped them without any marriage.  i do not know if it was deliberate self-deception, but its just a warning to woman- if you are truely going to marry someone, then the sex can wait until after the actual marriage.  same with boys- don't lead someone along and have sex with them when you know you have no intention of marrying them- the sex can wait until after marriage.

Classic female ploy to deflect blame, claim victim status, and not accept responsibility for one's actions. The idea is to portray themselves as the victim of a great deception instigated by the duplicitous male where these females were "duped" into parting with their chastity. They're fully aware of what they were doing at the time. Don't entertain such fantasy, because once you present the slightest notion of sympathising with such nonsense, you are inadvertently enabling their behaviour. Shame is what's required. Bring back a little shame, lmao!

[jkvlondon]

1 hour ago, MisterrSingh said:

Classic female ploy to deflect blame, claim victim status, and not accept responsibility for one's actions. The idea is to portray themselves as the victim of a great deception instigated by the duplicitous male where these females were "duped" into parting with their chastity. They're fully aware of what they were doing at the time. Don't entertain such fantasy, because once you present the slightest notion of sympathising with such nonsense, you are inadvertently enabling their behaviour. Shame is what's required. Bring back a little shame, lmao!

frankly both parties are wrong  but it is true that there are increasing numbers of guys who pressurise girls before marriage even in India . My cousin whose parents are amritdhari was looking for a lifepartner  some joker got in contact with her and thought NO to meeting up was YES to invite himself to her place .  Thankfully there was no address or clues online for him to find her , although she was totally shook up. she's happily married and settled in Australia now but maintains that it's better doing things old school ways  . Dastarwali bibian have mentioned there are a small contingent of dodgy guys who play with girl's izzat and go from engagement to engagement . There are scummy guys and also girls , who play innocent after stringing the guy along , getting gifts etc then when time comes to end it bed the guy or get him in a compromised situation and then claim rape in India it is destroying good guys lives .

 

[Wicked Warrior]

I’ve heard of stories of both men and women having sex before marriage, under the pretext of dating or courtship. I’ve heard of apne even using shaadi.com to hook up with others with the intention of having sex. 

It’s one of the reasons why I would explicitly ask potential matches if they had previous boyfriends. I was able to maintain myself for marriage. I would expect my partner to do the same. 

[Guest akaal]

before anand karaj there should b no physical contact. so what ur engaged that does not mean you will get married. amritdharis should only partake in sex for procreation not kaam. 

[puzzled]

19 minutes ago, Wicked Warrior said:

It’s one of the reasons why I would explicitly ask potential matches if they had previous boyfriends. I was able to maintain myself for marriage. I would expect my partner to do the same. 

I thought that's the  normal thing to ask to potential matches?  

[Guest GuestSingh]

2 hours ago, MisterrSingh said:

Classic female ploy to deflect blame, claim victim status, and not accept responsibility for one's actions. The idea is to portray themselves as the victim of a great deception instigated by the duplicitous male where these females were "duped" into parting with their chastity. They're fully aware of what they were doing at the time. Don't entertain such fantasy, because once you present the slightest notion of sympathising with such nonsense, you are inadvertently enabling their behaviour. Shame is what's required. Bring back a little shame, lmao!

makes u wonder how many of these 'grooming victims' are actually the victim, especially when they lie about their age and look older than they appear - makeup is a dangerous thing...

[puzzled]

54 minutes ago, jkvlondon said:

frankly both parties are wrong  but it is true that there are increasing numbers of guys who pressurise girls before marriage even in India . My cousin whose parents are amritdhari was looking for a lifepartner  some joker got in contact with her and thought NO to meeting up was YES to invite himself to her place .  Thankfully there was no address or clues online for him to find her , although she was totally shook up. she's happily married and settled in Australia now but maintains that it's better doing things old school ways  . Dastarwali bibian have mentioned there are a small contingent of dodgy guys who play with girl's izzat and go from engagement to engagement . There are scummy guys and also girls , who play innocent after stringing the guy along , getting gifts etc then when time comes to end it bed the guy or get him in a compromised situation and then claim rape in India it is destroying good guys lives .

 

My freshy cousin got into a rishta with a girl in Canada but it turned out she had already been secretly married to some guy in America. He was devastated, he was a illegal immigrant in the UK and returned to I did thinking she is going to get married to him but turned out she was secretly married. He even got her designer shoes and hand bags lol

Girls play with men too.

And what about the recent  trend of British Punjabi men getting married to girls in India and when the girls come to the UK they run away! Even heard stories of girls running of as soon as they arrive at Heathrow airport. A lot of them have boy friends in the UK that left punjab years back, many of them also leave  a legion of boy friends back in the pind too. 

[puzzled]

3 minutes ago, GuestSingh said:

makes u wonder how many of these 'grooming victims' are actually the victim, especially when they lie about their age and look older than they appear - makeup is a dangerous thing...

Ravi singh said they first work out if it's a case of grooming or not, so they must gets girls ringing up and faking it 

[Guest GuestSingh]

49 minutes ago, Wicked Warrior said:

It’s one of the reasons why I would explicitly ask potential matches if they had previous boyfriends. I was able to maintain myself for marriage. I would expect my partner to do the same. 

but arent they more likely to lie and keep it a secret?

was actually thinking about this the other day.. aint it better to just play it cool? i.e. tell them u dont mind if theyve had past boyfriends, already kissed or had sex etc? earn a bit of their trust..ask what theyve done in the past and what they get up to now and theyre more likely to share any dirty pasts and also things they wouldnt even consider revealing in marriage...