A Query From Us Singhnees

[proud_to_be_singhni 6]

For a while I have been thinking and trying to understand the real issues faced by young marriageable age singh/singhness today. Drawing from personal experience and its unpleasentness to reading from others blogs and talking with some others online.

What i see and hear is the singh brothers complaining we can not find a marriage partner because no girl prefers a bearded singh, she wants a prize husband.

Okay.....so I was feeling sorry for these bro's....until my own marriage search started more properly this year by my parents and so far the boys.....proper long dhari/kes singhs....looking so in love with the sikhi saroop....Are complaining for every little thing wrong with the girl/singhnee.....

A few examples of why I have been turned down in the past 4/5 months....

1. She's shorter than me (like duh......how tall do u want me to be...I am 5'4'')...An excuse...hmmm....

2. She is not as educated as me....(okaay....on to university and ??)

3. She wears specs (and.......)

4. She wears a distaar...'vahegurrooooooo??

5. She lives too far (are you moving or me?)

6. She looks younger than her age (not a good thing??.... :wub: @ ....okaaayy)

7. She has a hairy toe (okaay...and hows your toe today?)

8. She has a moustachee (what do you want me to do about it....a kurehit....??)

Seems like the singhs need to sort out why marriage takes place....and what the basic principles of sikh dharma is. What more can I say about this. Its a emotional and hard subject for any girl.

in a sikh marriage......first comes a persons Spirituality/Saroop/Living according to the Guru's Hukum.... and then maybe personality/looks and etc.

Why have gursikhs become so choosy.....I don't understand it.

Someone please shed some light on this subject.

From your very confused penji. :mellow:

[proud_to_be_singhni 6]

Just waiting whether any one does know...seems like no one does so far.

Be back later..its such a issue for me and many others that I'm feeling very lost and doubtful of any chance of marriage any time soon since discovering what is happening...which I never expected....

This amritdhari life to me was one of happiness and clarity.....

Hopefully after some replies it will become clear.

[sikh supreme 12]

sister,

Have your tried forming friendships with singh's first? the best relationships are one's where you can talk to someone about anything and everything and they still like you. If you, like they just have a list of perferences you want in a partner you might find the right attributes but will you get along in the long term?

[msjskb 0]

i have to agree with penji. i as a guy obviously am close to alot of Singhs. talking from personal experience i have found singhs to be very picky. not all, i must add.

but some of them are complete jokes. i always wonder why they dont look at the girls jeevan. some of the picky ones fortunately do turn girls down because of their jeevan. but sometimes we must forgive people for their past and look forward.

what i can't get my head around is:

How long do we think we are here for?

some of us act as if we aint ever gonna die. what happend to living sikhi? why is marriage such a big deal? do we have no faith in Guru Ji? they will make it work, and if it doesnt work out then that was in our Guru's hukam too and we have to accept it. we act like marriage is the be all and end all.

Why do we care what she/he looks like?

we judge a book by its cover. we dont even look inside. what a joke we have become. what about the persons sikhi?

Gursikhs have become choosy because they are not following Gurmat. Their manmat takes over. When i was younger i remember uncles and aunties telling my parents that i wont be able to get married because i have a dastaar and kes. i used to think I dont care if i get married or not, as long as my Guru is happy its all good. please remember that Guru Ji is looking after us. improve your jeevans and leave it to Guru Ji. i look around and see 'Gursikhs' becoming absolute jokes. we have no morals, no standards, and no principles.

I have seen both boys and girls change after marriage. and change for the worst. some cut their kes. some lose their principles. why? they put their partner before Guru Ji.

[gupt_paapi 0]

Nice post above :wub:

A wakeup call to all the picky wannabes lol

[ParwinderSingh 6]

yea that is true, the guys are worse. its a shame

i think that its stupid when you here singhs saying ' girls dont like sardars' .....first of all you shudnt be going around checking...................and secondly thats stupid cos theres someone out ther for everyone.

[Khalsa4ever 6]

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

To put it simply bhenji, if a guy is rejecting you for any of the reasons you wrote above, YOU ARE BETTER OF WITHOUT HIM!

Its obvious that they are the ones with a problem, and as a singhnee, you should be marrying someone similar to you: amritdhari gursikhs. If they have rejected you based on anything you wrote here, maybe they aren't as gursikh as you thought...

Waheguroo jee ka Khalsa!

Waheguroo jee kee Fateh!

[drawrof 0]

gurfateh,

our sister is spot on!

Do you know what I think is behind this....the core issues?

1) undaroo punjabi, baaro sikhi parents who subtley whisper punjabi-'cultural' norms into their sons ears

2) spoilt sons who think they have taken on the world by adopting/keeping sikh saroop, as well as feeling they may get an extra candy from god (ie. a pretty wife)for fighting the tide of society

3) on the other side, guys and humans in general expect perfection.

there are probably another million reasons, but the truth is that 'ideal' and 'real' are usually opposites.

[proud_to_be_singhni 6]

my take on the replies...waiting been good....

for sikh supreme paji>...forming friendships, cool but do you not think it is going towarfds the bf/gf side.... and to put it bluntly ....not many become friends like that close anyway..its more of what cna i get out of ths person?..(sad but true), do they know others? and if they are a 'loner' like me.....Dont stand a chance.

msj>..I agree with the reply. Once they got past the looks, how many of these so called singhs/some singhnees even who treat the other also the same way...learn what this persons jeevan is like. How we can grow to strenth in our sikhi jeevan and come closer to vaheguru with each others support.

khalsaforever> they were all amritdhari gursikhs.

Just been discussing with my mum too after the latest turn down...her input...>

In her time things weren't so ask this ask that and everything used to work perfectly...take a look at all of our rents........

......and how can a person ever find a 'perfect' person, that ideal does not really exist...you may think it does with someone till you get marrid and then you see the faults. Wheras the person who think is quite plain/boring..after marriage ends up also being your bestest friend for a happier life togther.

aaaandd...she goes the girls side were usually the ones to ask such and such quesitons coz they are giving away the girl....and these days the girls accept easily (most anyway) and the guys seem to have 110.1 issues.

Nice thoughts mum...thanx.. :TH:

[cybershot1 0]

Keep faith, as cliche as it may sound Waheguru will sort everything out.

[Jaspaul Singh 17]

interesting post bhenji .. ive been thinking about this ..

heres my take ..

everyone is soo picky .. no doubt .. but when someone comes to us wit a problem (a bhenji or a bro) .. lets take a bibi in this example .. who says she has too much facial hair ..and all the sangat are on her case to stay strong etx etx.. but yet no singh comes forth to help the bhenji like look bhenji .. heres a suitable guy for u .. cuz reli there arent any .. maybe 1 out of a 1000 .. sadly that is reality ..

second even if the singh agrees.. its the parents who are all like im not gona accept her .. cuz of her looks.. she doesnt match wit u .. shes not educated etx etx.. soo many reasons all coming from parents .. and as a guy .. respect for parents is always mentioned and they try to do it as much as they can ..

so how do you find a person whos right foryou .. sangat... ur friends.. and if your close .. ur parents.. but from a lot of my friends experience (not me ..yet) .. i have seen soo many problems for them to find that person and actually forcing them to loook in India .. where we all know is much easier to get a partner .. since either they all reli wana come to the west .. which is mostly themain reason .. but if u reli find mr./mrs perfect .. they do it to be wit a better person ..

and bhenji .. girls accept easier cuz of parents pressure and force !

i know many bhenjis that are in this scenerio .. and then i know some that are really picky themselves .. but lets face it .. parents are more quicker wit their daughters cuz they feel they are just 'more money to spend on' while at home .. sadly ..most think like that !

on the other hand .. i know personally that my parents would never force me .. but they will be picky .. but i will only choose one for her inside value .. not her outside.. but then again i still got a year or two before i start looking

bhul chuk maph ..

[ms514 429]

Sat Sri Akal:

Bless you Bhenji for having kept the courage and staying with Sikhi and not compromising. Yoru father and mother (Guru Gobind Singh Ji and Mata Sahib Kaur) are proud!!!!

You are writing about people like me, who are still stuck in the worldly. Even though we know that the soul of Sikhi is supremely important, our worldly desires are still more powerful than Gurmat. Still subject to the worldly perceptions of beauty (you know, those 50 lb. anorexic hairless women that we are bombarded with every day in the world), we do not find the Guru's Roop, the true beauty, as the highest standard of beauty. It is our disease of the mind, transmitted by the world so many times that while we respect the strictness of Rehat a Sikh woman has, we are fooled by our flesh eyes and shun the very Guru Roop we praise.

Please do Ardaas for moorakhs like us, so that our real eyes may be opened one day and we can see in you the Guru's light. And NEVER compromise for people like me...we are idiots who do not deserve... There is a Gursikh out there for you...one who will fully respect and admire your maintainence of the Rehat. Wait for him and do not compromise for those moorahs with minds like me-->

[proud_to_be_singhni 6]

Jaspaul pajee> why is 'picky' even an issue...if we take a look at msj's post its all abput how much do we love our sikhi. Whats the real point of talking big about sikh issues, our shaheeds, lets take this one point forward..

When I see singhs shouting and giving jaikaraas in events and camps..my mind really tunes off...why?.....

because they don't want to really know any body that is not cool..

that is not at least partly or all pretty

that is not marriage material

Forgetting the fact that giving the other person half the chance they may learn so much about them....Guru ji says dont judge......

and we judge the most....All this pajee and to anyone else reading is so sad for sikhi....and because im a recent amritdhari quite plainly distressing, which I never show or maybe doing my banis Guru ji keeps me living with my head up.

Vaheguroo bhalla karan mein hor ke kavan...what can be done.

Most likely they're be a large group of singhnees like me in the future..not married...whilst the singhs will stare and say hunn? look they arent even gristhee...who cares what they'll say??sure .....

before you ask>...would you care? and would it not even mildy depress and hurt you.

[Jaspaul Singh 17]

ya i fully agree wit u bhenji .. ur in uk rite ? its as bad here in canada.. not only appearances .. but then the whole caste issues come into play EVEN if one does find a suitable match .. its reli soo sad ..

how can it be fixed ?

it has to start wit each and every individual person and fix it in ur own house ..

like i know when it comes down to me and my sisters .. i will full support the choice of my sisters and make sure they are happy and not forced into anything ..

and what i meant about picky (sorry for not being clear) .. is its the sad plain truth about sikhs ! I know i am picky .. in a sense that i want a bibi that will help me progress my sikhi and not bring it down (likewise for the bibi)! in that sense i am picky .. but even moorakhs like me fall intraps of maya and the 5 evils.... its society around u s.. guru sahib made it so simple but yet we wana live how everyone around us wants us to live ..

challo .. guru sahib maher karn ..

[Jaspaul Singh 17]

oops