Wife graduates from passive-aggressive to full blown aggressive behavior and creates chaos in family

[Ranjeet01]

20 minutes ago, Not2Cool2Argue said:

hes not. He just really into religion right now. After he graduated from high school. He started learning santhiya from local taksalis. Then he went to india and is learning sooraj parkash and dasam granth santhiya from a highly respected dera who learnt from sant gurbachan singh ji . In the west, to go live with the nihangs or join taksal are always the daydreams of young boys and parents have to disuade them. Marriage seems really boring in the early 20s...his parents want him to go to college to be engineer etc...seems really boring 

Also i did not want to change the subject about ur marriage problems and how ur treating ur wife. U do need to be nicer to her. If my father yelled at me and told me "why dont u know wat to buy for groceries, are u just there to eat?" i would be super hurt. Its basically telling me I am lazy and that they begrudge if I eat without helping out. There was a recent podcast about marriage and she said, "Its really hard to move from a house where u are loved to a house where no one cares about u."  Please be nice to her. Also the best way to foil her saajish, is not to participate or care. Then her passive aggressiveness wont matter. If she yells NO, to u asking her to go to gurudwara, say fine suit urself. And go have fun. 

 

why isnt it acceptable? in the olden days there wasnt really an option for gay men either unless it was celibacy i guess. I would think its a perfect solution. To live a householders life without lust. 

Maybe i am naive, but i like to think love/lust isnt important to marriage? 

Because sex does play a part in marriage.

If you don't have lust for your wife, how can you expect to not have sex and how do children come about?

[jkvlondon]

Just now, MisterrSingh said:

Again, you've created a straw man erected on emotion in order to make a point and then proceeded to demolish it to win a so-called argument that wasn't even on the cards. 

Answer me one question: how many of our previous generations married for "love" as it's come to be defined in the 20th century and beyond? 

The remainder of your nonsense is your typically emotionally charged schtick, which I've informed you a few days ago isn't going to wash with me. 

DON'T put words in my mouth. I've warned you about this earlier. It's an underhand way of silencing dissent.

What did our forefathers do they looked at our personalities and matched them to someone who would complete us in our lacks e.g. Hot head with calm sabha , even down to looks , they even looked at the families to make sure their kid would fit in and find love of all kinds familial and marital. just because they didn't name/say it explicit'y doesn't mean they didn't consider it i.e.they were doing the thinking and selection on her behalf . Sikh ideal of love is heavy on the spiritual so in those households they would lean more onto that criterion , because where thereis a meeting of minds, respect, friendship and love follow. BTW this was explainedto me by bazurg .

[MisterrSingh]

6 minutes ago, Not2Cool2Argue said:

i must be dense, i still dont get how a gay person getting married is a bad thing. 

I get 2 gay men getting married as a bad thing, but not between a gay man and a women.

I thought the best advice we could give a gay person, was to get married and have wife and kids and not to stray. 

I mean that is what all religions advocate for. From catholics to mormans. 

Forget ur gayness, its a delusion, and get married. Right? I mean it was only recently that ppl accepted being gay isnt a choice...

 

There's a certain school of thought that suggests gay men of previous generations (I'm referring to hundreds of years in the past leading up to the tail end of the last century) considered marriage and their contribution to the bearing of children an unassailable duty that was necessary for a functioning and healthy society. Gay husbands provided for their families in all the ways a heterosexual man did. It was only when the social sciences that were pioneered in the middle of the last century deemed it was necessary to emancipate the "oppressed" homosexual do we find ourselves in a situation where gay men are as confused, angry, and depressed with their lot in life more than any other period in history despite the apparent leaps and bounds in attitudes. Much of this strife has originated from transforming marriage from a transactional and pragmatic partnership to one where psychological politicking, delusion and personal feelings trump reason. 

[Redoptics]

Look I am not trying to he funny, just follow what Guru Granth Sahib Ji says, if you are following Sikhi, if  not go somewhere else, people muddy the waters to try and put their way of thought forward. I am nothing to my Guru Granth Sahib Ji, I humbly put my head to them, I suggest you do the same. Unless in your ego you think you know more than Guru Ji does.

[dallysingh101]

58 minutes ago, Not2Cool2Argue said:

Maybe i am naive, but i like to think love/lust isnt important to marriage? 

I don't think this is true. Many females elope with other men when they feel they aren't getting what they desire in this respect. 

I'm sure we've all seen mismatches with couples where one has a high sex drive and the other doesn't. This usually leads to trouble. At the very least, an angry wife.

[MisterrSingh]

1 hour ago, Redoptics said:

Look I am not trying to he funny, just follow what Guru Granth Sahib Ji says, if you are following Sikhi, if  not go somewhere else, people muddy the waters to try and put their way of thought forward. I am nothing to my Guru Granth Sahib Ji, I humbly put my head to them, I suggest you do the same. Unless in your ego you think you know more than Guru Ji does.

Like all those revered and holy personalities of the 20th century who started Sikh sects, gathered millions of followers, yet are still considered to be part of mainstream Sikhi? Would you say they knew more than Guru Ji to fracture the panth? Where was their humility when it came to realising the bigger picture that the more something is splintered and diluted the weaker it becomes?

You see, this is the kind of selective amnesia and hypocrisy that anyone who listens to their conscience struggles to ignore. 

[Redoptics]

2 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

Like all those revered and holy personalities of the 20th century who started Sikh sects, gathered millions of followers, yet are still considered to be part of mainstream Sikhi? Would you say they knew more than Guru Ji to fracture the panth? Where was their humility when it came to realising the bigger picture that the more something is splintered and diluted the weaker it becomes?

You see, this is the kind of selective amnesia and hypocrisy that anyone who listens to their conscience struggles to ignore. 

To be honest , don't know them , don't follow them, don't spend energy on them, don't think about them. The human mind is a distraction and it will distract itself in maya as much as possible. 

I've been there doing all the studying etc etc, while you wasting time and energy keeping your mind distracted,  your Guru Ji is waiting there to be given then same amount of time.

 

[MisterrSingh]

2 minutes ago, Redoptics said:

To be honest , don't know them , don't follow them, don't spend energy on them, don't think about them. The human mind is a distraction and it will distract itself in maya as much as possible. 

I've been there doing all the studying etc etc, while you wasting time and energy keeping your mind distracted,  your Guru Ji is waiting there to be given then same amount of time.

Sounds like studying to me. 

[Redoptics]

2 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

Sounds like studying to me. 

Each to their own I guess.

[Guest jigsaw_puzzled_singh]

On 6/19/2019 at 8:16 AM, Not2Cool2Argue said:

I am sorry. But i dont think he ruined the girls life. She is getting a kid. She is getting taken care of. 

What more does the woman need? Romance is such a western concept.

Also its not only Ajeets fault. The girl also agreed to the marriage. 

Also, we should be celebrating that our culture in india is able to "fix" gays or at least let them be part of society. The catholic church with their conversion therapy and the mormons who brainwash the gay men to marry and have families, could only wish they had the success indians do. The gay men themselves are choosing to marry and having kids. Ofc its due to societal pressure but in this case a good cause. 

I mean what other alternative do you want for gay men? To join the priesthood and then have scandals erupt years later as the catholics did? Because there r so many gay men in the catholic church, they have their own political group called the lavendar mafia. They vote for liberal reforms destroying the traditions of the church , and have tried to hide the sexual scandal and let the offenders go free. 

Or do u want there to be a gay scene like in USA where gay men have the highest rates of HIV and promiscuity? 

Ofc we can have gay marriage so they can be monogamous and not have HIV etc. But what about our religious ceremonies? Its just not possible..

So marriage without love on both sides is perfect. In the olden days, arranged marriages were such that u were thankful if ur chosen spouse was healthy. One of my great aunts in India, is still bitter because she was married of to an infertile man. Because he had mumps as a kid which attacks the testes. Another of my great uncles family only found out after their first kid that his wife has epilepsy. They were angry that the wifes family hid it. But what was the wifes family to do? Noone would have married the girl otherwise..

My 2nd cousin married a girl from canada with bone issues. They break with any weight. So she is wheel chair bound and now their daughter also cant walk. But he was glad to marry her so he could come to the west. 

Marriage has always been a transanction in the east. And each side tries to hide the defects and get the highest price. 

There is a mentally retarded man at our gurudwara. And he is getting married to a girl from india. The girl from india is quite ok with it. She will be able to help her whole family to the west and she says she will get to lead a pious life with no kids and do seva of the guy. 

So i dont get ur guys attitude. Wat else could he have done? I guess he could have told her during the engagement talk or advertised for a lesbian...

Well then not2cool2argue, seeing how you find it so acceptable, EDITED Oh to be a fly on the wall

Seriously though....no sane and decent man would say what you said. EDITED

Quote

So i dont get ur guys attitude. Wat else could he have done? I guess he could have told her during the engagement talk or advertised for a lesbian...

Are you for real not2cool2argue ?  Has the idea of him as a homosexual just living honestly with the way he is and not lying to a girl and thus ruining her life not occurred to you ?  You're every bit as disgusting as he is because I'm not sure who is more immoral....the man that ruins a poor girl's life or the man on the internet who, despite being armed with all the facts, still thinks deceiving naive young girls is the right thing to do ?