Working wife , a good idea for me or hazardous one ?

[Guest]

Its been couple of years since my marriage. In this few years I have blessed by guru sahib with a cute lil son . 

With my not-so-much salary , and my mom a housewife , and an old weakened father on the brink of retirement , I am seriously beginning to wonder what to do ahead. 

My wife has completed her B.A (bachelor in arts), a degree traditionally believed to be of little value lol. It doesn't seem she's interested in pursuing higher education. She used to work in a shop before marriage as she hails from a rural , poor family. 

But she's passionate about one thing . Hairstyling and cosmetics . Infact, before she turned pregnant, she had a short training at local parlor , and from what I heard from her, even the owner lady of the parlor was very happy with her work, and often asking her to do more .

However my concern is Is hair-styling/salon a respectable job. I have my reservations against it, because it kind of intermingles or on boundaries  with other lesser respectable and shady areas like SPA (heard sex rackets happening there with 'special massage' lol ?) or bollywood celebrity make ups. yes the rotten t's into illicit sex and drugs.

I being a closeted guy , and my wife not knowing about my sexuality, am deeply concerned about her spoiling if she started going out. I don't know how justified my fears are, but considering I live in mumbai which is like london of UK (my approx analogy). 

Its like right now I feel I want my wife to earn and be my support or atleast be independent woman on her own. I asked her don't give me your salary, keep it to yourself ,just want her to be independent, but at the same time I fear her being spoiled or someone locally who thinks I am gay spoiling her intentionally. you never know. 

Please advice 

[kaur 61]

Sat Sri Akal veer ji..

It is nice that you want your partner to be in independent and financially stable.. I am pretty sure she can get a decent office job with her BA degree... if not Managerial, at least Admin, Secretarial..

Hairstyle and cosmetics.. I would say 90% of the women like this stuff.. but having passion for this kind of stuff is not that helpful for a better career..

I am not here to criticize any profession but I feel she will have higher changes of growth (financially and confidence wise) if she gets into Office related jobs..

You know there are lot of other good options such as being a good tailor, a good tutor(work from home)

You are not going to spoil her in any way if you want her to do something on her own...It depends what kind of sangat we have around us..what we watch, read and many other factors for us to become a better person or worst..

I understand your concern about salon job.. You know the place around you and how it could effect you and your family.. 

So please choose wisely...and I would not vote for Salon job.. 

Your mind knows the right answer  Listen to it..

 

 

 

[MisterrSingh 4,462]

Objectively, what's she like to look at? If you were hetero, what would you think of her if you saw her on the street?

[Guest]

8 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

Objectively, what's she like to look at? If you were hetero, what would you think of her if you saw her on the street?

Her intentions seem decent enough. To be able to pursue her interests and also contribute to the future well being and education of our little son , she does want a better education for him . 

When she was here for the first time, and we frequented a few posh places in the city, I remember her turning her head back as a muscular guy went . I mean Its these kind of fears I have. Otherwise I don't doubt her fidelity. 

If I were a hetero, its likely I would have still had my qualms, I will be brutally honest here the only reason I married a kudi from pind is because the urban girls are way too advanced and would have probably doubted my orientation or sense that something's off. This is something I even told my parents "I can't handle a shehari kudi because of how advanced they're " , yes even the sikh ones lol. But then again this is not a general rule. And contrary to this, a sikh married woman with 2 teen aged kids ELOPED with another guy, leaving the kids behind to husband and in-laws . How embarassing is that. The kind of shhtt happens here as well . 

I have seen at my own office, girls wearing really high clothes that would probably raised eyebrows just a decade back in india, but apparently its a new normal , perhaps even a status symbol that ur not a pendu gawar ! Sikhs are not immune to it 

[Guest]

23 minutes ago, kaur said:

I am not here to criticize any profession but I feel she will have higher changes of growth (financially and confidence wise) if she gets into Office related jobs..

 

Actually I also want the same. But the thing is her degree certificate is still stuck at the uni. but her marksheets are with her. And she's not faking it because i saw her name on the uni site, we did a search once of student list lol

I was thinking if she could do some office related course and get into it. I mean it does sound more "respectable" . 

But at the same time, I have heard from many that the salon/hair-styling/cosmetic line is also good , esp if you manage to open your own. 

[MisterrSingh 4,462]

3 minutes ago, AjeetSingh2019 said:

Her intentions seem decent enough. To be able to pursue her interests and also contribute to the future well being and education of our little son , she does want a better education for him . 

When she was here for the first time, and we frequented a few posh places in the city, I remember her turning her head back as a muscular guy went . I mean Its these kind of fears I have. Otherwise I don't doubt her fidelity. 

If I were a hetero, its likely I would have still had my qualms, I will be brutally honest here the only reason I married a kudi from pind is because the urban girls are way too advanced and would have probably doubted my orientation or sense that something's off. This is something I even told my parents "I can't handle a shehari kudi because of how advanced they're " , yes even the sikh ones lol. But then again this is not a general rule. And contrary to this, a sikh married woman with 2 teen aged kids ELOPED with another guy, leaving the kids behind to husband and in-laws . How embarassing is that. The kind of shhtt happens here as well . 

I have seen at my own office, girls wearing really high clothes that would probably raised eyebrows just a decade back in india, but apparently its a new normal , perhaps even a status symbol that ur not a pendu gawar ! Sikhs are not immune to it 

Bro, that's fine and dandy, but you didn't answer the question. Is she attractive, average, or below?

[Guest]

10 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

Bro, that's fine and dandy, but you didn't answer the question. Is she attractive, average, or below?

average

[kaur 61]

9 minutes ago, AjeetSingh2019 said:

Actually I also want the same. But the thing is her degree certificate is still stuck at the uni. but her marksheets are with her. And she's not faking it because i saw her name on the uni site, we did a search once of student list lol

I was thinking if she could do some office related course and get into it. I mean it does sound more "respectable" . 

But at the same time, I have heard from many that the salon/hair-styling/cosmetic line is also good , esp if you manage to open your own. 

Hmm.. yaa.. Office related job sounds respectful but lots of things happen in Offices too...  

Trust is the main key here... 

[MisterrSingh 4,462]

18 minutes ago, AjeetSingh2019 said:

average

Well, just hope she's loyal. Hopefully she's forgotten those times when you made life difficult for her.

[Guest]

7 minutes ago, MisterrSingh said:

Well, just hope she's loyal. Hopefully she's forgotten those times when you made life difficult for her.

Lol. She gave the family a tough time too. Latest drama was 2 weeks back. 

Anyways I am still divided on what she should do. And whether she will succeed. 

[Guest jigsaw_puzzled-singh]

Not being funny but how do you live with yourself knowing that you are deceiving another human being in this way and....in your head....how long do you think you are going to be able to keep up this charade before she realises her husband is gay ?

and, third question.....Do you have a sister and how would you feel if it happened to her?

[Ranjeet01 2,000]

1 hour ago, AjeetSingh2019 said:

Lol. She gave the family a tough time too. Latest drama was 2 weeks back. 

Anyways I am still divided on what she should do. And whether she will succeed. 

Some people have the need for drama.

They need the emotional highs and lows.

Remember, as a breadwinner, your money is the family's money and her money is her money.

[Guest]

7 minutes ago, Ranjeet01 said:

Some people have the need for drama.

They need the emotional highs and lows.

Remember, as a breadwinner, your money is the family's money and her money is her money.

who do you think is the one doing the drama ,me or her ?

My money is family's money, and her money is the family's money too. When both in the couple are earning, the benefit is one spouse's income can run the family, and the other's can be used for savings or investments 

[Ranjeet01 2,000]

26 minutes ago, AjeetSingh2019 said:

who do you think is the one doing the drama ,me or her ?

My money is family's money, and her money is the family's money too. When both in the couple are earning, the benefit is one spouse's income can run the family, and the other's can be used for savings or investments 

She may think differently when she starts earning.

For all we know, she maybe think of sending money back to support her parents.

Drama-wise, I have no idea. But if there is drama by going what you are saying it seems to be from your wife but that is only from your point of view. 

 

 

[jkvlondon 5,548]

if you are worried about where she will work , why not offer her services as a freelance bridal make-up person , she will be hired for a specific task , short time period , can fit around family life since early hours , then she will be known in good families get name for own work  and will be working in safer family situations which you both can vet before accepting .