Worried about my son

[Guest Worried mum]

My son is 16 and will start college in September. His exams were cancelled due to lockdown and he will receive predicted grades. He was working hard the grades will be very high the school confirmed it.

So until September was supposed to be his time to relax and enjoy himself. I’m worried he’s getting into a bad routine. He’s playing on xbox until 4am then going to bed. Sometimes he’s staying in bed until 3pm then tv or xbox. He said he still does japji sahib and simran but I’m not sure when.

I’ve tried speaking to him but it’s not getting anywhere. He’s got ruder at home now and we have arguments nearly every day. This morning he swore at me when I told him to get up but he apologised when he got up.

I’m really worried and think if this happens until September how will he manage to follow college routines

Has anyone got advice? Do I need to be more strict or am I just over worrying? Is anyone’s kids doing this too?

[Loombdi]

No you're not over worrying. Time should be spent preparing for College. There's a big jump between the amount of independent study required. A lot of responsibility is with the student.

If he's not listening to you, what about asking either Dad, an elder sibling/cousin/friend whose been through that transition or another relative. Especially someone his age as they can highlight the problems he'll face when in college. Problems that will force him to grow.

Try to get him establish a regular sleeping routine for him. If he doesn't do any exercise, try to get him out of the house moving about as that will help with sleep. Go for a jog with friends as an example. With regards to the gaming, emphasis to him balance. Its ok to play games when he's done x,y,z not the other way round. Games now can be very addictive so it he may find it hard to immediately quit. Slowly reduce the gaming time. From 4hrs to 2 for example. Or split the sessions.

[Guest Acceptinghiswill]

Its a really difficult cycle for your son to get out of. Often the case that parents notice the problem quite late. But to resolve it will take time and small adjustments.

The sleep pattern is an issue, he will feel tired and unsettled if hes awake all night. it might help to agree with him some bedtimes. He may still sleep in, but going to bed by say 9 or 10pm and no tv/xbox after that time.

Then have a set timetable for the day. This might be difficult but involve him to agree a limit on how much he plays. He needs to buy into the idea and the reason why your making changes. Maybe get him to do chores and other things to keep his mind occupied. Invole him to help do shopping.

I think as said above, the dad needs to get involved and support otherwise these things can make life difficult. Older siblings and cousins may be able to help.

Playing games and watching excessive tv, ie daily will cause an unhealthy addiction. It leaves a person unfilfilled and craving more. Yes like you noticed ,he will get annoyed or angry. 

Healthy diet and excercise is important. I think many kids will hav suffered in this loxk down and picked up terrible habits. Hopefully u can manage this. Seek help from family. 

[dharamyudh]

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[puzzled]

When I was that age I did the same thing  not going to bed till 2am 3am and I would wake up like 1 pm    a lot of boys become like that. He will get back on track once school starts. 

It's a complicated age  your like still a boy but becoming a young man. Things are changing. So some start becoming argumentative and rebellious. 

Perhaps let him meet up with his mates more? Go out a bit? 

[Guest Kaur]

Bhen ji, you need to be strict and teach your son it’s not ok to sleep that late.

He must be bored without school. Give him something to keep busy with. Household jobs like diy or gardening, or make him read books ready for college. And what about exercise, send him out to walk and get some fresh air.

A child you raised swearing at you is taking the mick. My son swore at me when he was 13. I’m not ashamed to say I beat his chittar. Enough to teach him you don’t say those foul words to anyone. He’s 21 now and never swore again. 

[AkalkiFauj]

Put some Kirtan on for him at night and take away the x-box. Kirtan is nice to get some sleep. For that, I recommend the GurbaniMC’s For Sleep playlist in the Browse part of the app

[Not2Cool2Argue]

On 6/23/2020 at 7:49 AM, Guest Worried mum said:

My son is 16 and will start college in September. His exams were cancelled due to lockdown and he will receive predicted grades. He was working hard the grades will be very high the school confirmed it.

So until September was supposed to be his time to relax and enjoy himself. I’m worried he’s getting into a bad routine. He’s playing on xbox until 4am then going to bed. Sometimes he’s staying in bed until 3pm then tv or xbox. He said he still does japji sahib and simran but I’m not sure when.

I’ve tried speaking to him but it’s not getting anywhere. He’s got ruder at home now and we have arguments nearly every day. This morning he swore at me when I told him to get up but he apologised when he got up.

I’m really worried and think if this happens until September how will he manage to follow college routines

Has anyone got advice? Do I need to be more strict or am I just over worrying? Is anyone’s kids doing this too?

Set a routine. 

Tell him he has to build a schedule that includes amrit vela or u will.

The minimum things u need to include are:

Have sleep time at 11pm. And And pull the plug to the internet or the xbox. If ur kid still doesnt listen and turns these things on again. Flip the fuse, and turn off electricity to the whole house. 

So less talking and yelling and more actions and consequences. Like go to bed, its 11. Then if he doenst listen, dont say anything just pull the plug etc. 

Also give ur kid some goals. Like do santhiya of japji sahib. Or so sukhmani sahib daily or to read a panjabi book.

Also give him some chores. 

And get him to learn some skills like tabla guitar martial arts, or fixing things. Or coding.

But more importantly give him 2 or 3 hrs of freertime so he can play on his xbox.

Then have family prayer time. Like 6 am and 7pm. Everyone has to get together and do paath and simran. That way you can see it. 

Dont be too harsh. Let him kinda relax and do fun hobbies but with structure and routine in the day. 

 

 

 

[BhagatBalmik]

On 6/23/2020 at 7:49 AM, Guest Worried mum said:

My son is 16 and will start college in September. His exams were cancelled due to lockdown and he will receive predicted grades. He was working hard the grades will be very high the school confirmed it.

So until September was supposed to be his time to relax and enjoy himself. I’m worried he’s getting into a bad routine. He’s playing on xbox until 4am then going to bed. Sometimes he’s staying in bed until 3pm then tv or xbox. He said he still does japji sahib and simran but I’m not sure when.

I’ve tried speaking to him but it’s not getting anywhere. He’s got ruder at home now and we have arguments nearly every day. This morning he swore at me when I told him to get up but he apologised when he got up.

I’m really worried and think if this happens until September how will he manage to follow college routines

Has anyone got advice? Do I need to be more strict or am I just over worrying? Is anyone’s kids doing this too?

 

 

[MisterrSingh]

End this now or it'll become a routine that will be difficult to break. Do it without female hysterics. I don't mean for that to sound as harsh as you think, but you're dealing with a young male child. There are certain dynamics that should be adhered to if you want to get through to him in a meaningful way.