Fellow Parents advice/guidance No children please

[jkvlondon]

On 9/10/2020 at 4:07 PM, Guest Jigsaw_Puzzled_Singh said:

^ That sounds nice but is in fact just something that would look good on paper, i.e. 'the books and films' that you mentioned. In reality, 'love' is just a 4 letter word that is over-used. If you take me and the missus for example - and all couples are the same - I don't 'love' her. I'm simply attached to her because I've grown fond of having her around. Just like my arm. I don't 'love' my arm but I like having it with me in situations and would be lost without it. I like my arm. 

Now...that's ^ 85% of it. There's also another 15% and that is something called 'majboori'. A good moral upright person needs to have discipline. He or she needs to live a disciplined life. The majboori of sticking with your spouse and raising children together is vital to that good discipline. 

And there you have it: Good discipline and growing slightly fond of someone is what a real good marriage is actually about. You're bandying the word 'love' around without having a proper understanding of it.

a partnership based on common ideas (belief in Akal Purakh, Honesty etc) , tolerance of the other foibles and all i.e. acceptance as I mentioned , yes discipline of making it work for you , your partner and your kids security, health and sanity. Worldly love is often used as a excuse for the worst sins I don't see it as an ideal  in any form .

[Sat1]

On 9/9/2020 at 1:37 PM, Guest So UNTRUE said:

As if you would know about love! You are the most shocking poster on this thread for mention love! 

What? What is wrong with you. You are so filled with enmity. Get better soon

[Sat1]

On 9/9/2020 at 10:08 AM, jkvlondon said:

none of our oldies married because of love and yet they managed to develop it , raise families etc  to much emphasis is placed on 'love' when people do not understand what that actually is , they think it is something they've read or seen in books and films , it is not lust or the kind of mental idiocy that smacks of codependency. Love is the unconditional acceptance of the other person, nothing more or less, and that is closer to the ideal that Guru Sahiban placed in front of us rather than the romantic fantasies bandied about

Agreed that it’s not textbook or the like, and is unconditional.

[indersingh1313]

in my opinion :- Get over it. stay on the top of it. don't let it run you! with the help of Gurbani we can get more conscious and can stay on top of it. 

note; - you will not achieve anything justifying this thing here.

I think its just your mind playing this character at this stage! mind plays many characters time to time. when we young it plays different role when we get old it starts playing different ones.

1, you have created this whole story about your young daughter just to cover up.

 2. maybe you are a guy and watched some ..... stuff on the internet and want to explore it yourself and you want to justify it via getting our opinion on it. 

 

[Premi5]

21 hours ago, jkvlondon said:

a partnership based on common ideas (belief in Akal Purakh, Honesty etc) , tolerance of the other foibles and all i.e. acceptance as I mentioned , yes discipline of making it work for you , your partner and your kids security, health and sanity. Worldly love is often used as a excuse for the worst sins I don't see it as an ideal  in any form .

Did you have an arranged marriage ?

I know of a lot of unmarried people in arranged marriages

[jkvlondon]

11 minutes ago, Premi5 said:

Did you have an arranged marriage ?

I know of a lot of unmarried people in arranged marriagesbased

No I had what some would consider from the outside as a love marriage but it was a friendship that turned through mutual values and respect into a partnership in marriage , with blessings of Guru ji

[Premi5]

2 minutes ago, jkvlondon said:

No I had what some would consider from the outside as a love marriage but it was a friendship that turned through mutual values and respect into a partnership in marriage , with blessings of Guru ji

I think that's how a lot of people get married

I've seen too many issues in arranged marriages, but these days it would not be the like virtually forced marriages of previous generations

[jkvlondon]

16 minutes ago, Premi5 said:

I think that's how a lot of people get married

I've seen too many issues in arranged marriages, but these days it would not be the like virtually forced marriages of previous generations

problem is the parents not trying to understand their kids ' lives and aspirations temperements and even weaknesses, so end up trying to make a square peg fit a round hole as they phrase goes , Often  they will hide their sons' failings and addictions to trick a good girl into marriage in the hopes like a film that she will longsuffer her way to fixing their errant offspring . It is a crime against the daughter in law and her folks justified by greed for material things or a ticket to another world - this is not what sikhi is promoting . This the kind of ish you hear other Desi faiths doing on a regular basis ; why are we picking up their filthy habits ???

The good sikh marriages I have seen , there is a lightness about them , there is very little clinginess or drama, there is intelligence, a respect which shines through when they talk of the other partner,  a strong work ethic and sewa bhavna, kids come in their time and are considered an additional blessing not an acessory or curse. Because there is respect there is a deep trust, there is  a sense of sanctuary and peace , which is  an excellent place for kids to start their journey into life and sikhi.

 

[Singh1989]

I must agree with Sat1 and OP's post. 

Above sex is how much you look after a spouse, listen n care for them. Sex comes later... Like waaaaaay later. 

Yes it is ok to explore sex on every level... But NOT stupid maha-kaljug things like 3 sum/ 4 sum or swingers. THAT is unfaithful n pure kureths. 

[GurjantGnostic]

I agree with the Gurus and support eliminating Kaam and engaging in Anand Karaj or nothing.